


Ready to Fly

by GleekMom



Series: Ready to Fly [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Ready to Fly Series, Season 4 Companion fic, Season 5 Companion fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 15:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 158,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4792397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleekMom/pseuds/GleekMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 7 of the Ready to Fly Series: It's Blaine's senior year and with his boyfriend Kurt and his best friend Santana following their own dreams, he's now left to face the world on his own. No one knows what the future holds, but Blaine knows one thing; he's ready to fly! *** Season 4 and 5 Companion story ***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Rachel

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back. I will once again post my chapter notes as I did while writing after each episode. Typegirl19 was still my beta for this part of the series, so thank you to her for all the work she did.
> 
> Just a note, as I reread...Unique is misgendered here in this chapter. I'm not changing it, as I believe it reflects the episode and that stage of Unique's introduction to Glee.
> 
> ****
> 
> Glee is back! And with Glee of course comes my Ready to Fly series and the 7th installment, which gives the series title, "Ready to Fly", so named after the brilliant song by my amazingly talented friend, Scott Evan Davis!
> 
> I am so thrilled to be back in this world and back to writing straight from RIB's rulebook. AU's are fun, but this is such a challenge, it's amazing to write. I hope you love reading it as much as I love writing it.
> 
> For those new to this world, I beg you to go back and read the rest, but if you don't: Ready to Fly will follow canon unless otherwise stated. Also, unless otherwise stated, everything that happens in the show happens in this world. I tend to write around the show, but sometimes important scenes are included. Major additions are Blaine's back story and his friendship with Santana. 
> 
> So without further ado…here's what you missed on Glee!

"You didn't have to carry my bags, Boyfriend, I'm probably stronger than you." Santana smirked as she watched Blaine haul two large suitcases that she had packed for Kentucky. Summer was nearly over. Blaine and Brittany headed back to McKinley after Labor Day, but her own classes started August 17 and cheerleading practice began even sooner. Her dorm was ready for her and she needed to move in. And move on.

"I am  _sure_  you are stronger, Santana," he said grunting down the stairs at the weight. If he didn't know that Brittany was waiting outside with Kurt and Santana's parents, he'd think she was stowed away in one of the bags. "But I am still a gentleman, born and raised." He reached the bottom of the stairs and set the bags down at her feet harder than he had intended. He exhaled and caught his breath. And his eyes met hers.

They softened as they looked at her; the girl who only a year ago had been hard as nails and hiding from the world. It had taken only one moment, when he had caught her watching the girl she loved across a crowded room. One moment when he gave her his number and told her that she wasn't alone. That one moment had grown into one of the best friendships of his life.

His eyes shined with unshed tears. "What am I going to do without you?" he asked with a sad laugh.

"The same thing you do with me Blaine," she told him firmly. "Keep fighting."

He fell into her arms and she held him tightly. They had spent a lot of time together over the summer. Beautiful double dates to romantic restaurants, and exciting nights out to the jazz club filled the evenings when none of the four of them were working. But there were the days and nights too where Brittany and Kurt did their own thing, and Santana went with him to his father's house, making the visits with his dad easier for Blaine. Much to Blaine's surprise, the Colonel and Santana actually got along well. She was as strong as he was and didn't put up with his insults or demands. Where Blaine would have backed down, she stood up and it helped both men continue moving forward. It wasn't perfect. It never would be. But it was better, thanks to her.

He pulled away and she smiled at him. He smiled back. "I will keep fighting. I promise."

"Don't let them push you around Blaine," she told him. "You're an adult now. If and when you see him is your choice, not his." Blaine nodded. It would be hard, but she'd showed him he had the strength to do it. "Now as for Kurt," she continued in a warning tone. "Don't hold on to him too tight. A Kurt Hummel stuck in Lima, Ohio will be absolutely no good to anyone around him. We've kept him busy and distracted, but everyone is going to be gone now except him."

Sending Finn off to basic training had been harder for Kurt than anyone had thought. In the back of Kurt's mind there had always been the assumption that if either of them would be left behind in Ohio it would be Finn. Then Mercedes and Puck left for LA. Quinn was soon to set off for Yale. Blaine wasn't sure that any of them had truly come to terms with the fact that the one person they were sure would get out was the one stuck at the Lima Bean and signing up for Allen County Community College. The only one who seemed to accept it was Kurt, and that's what seemed the most wrong to Blaine. But it had been so nice to have him all summer without worry about the goodbyes and the tomorrows like everyone else. It had seemed so right, and yet…

"He can't stick around here for you," Santana continued, reading his mind as always. "You can't let him. Kurt's ready to go."

"I know," Blaine sighed.

She lifted his chin and her eyes were confident. " _You_  are ready too." Blaine closed his eyes against the warmth of her fingers. God, he was going to miss her.

"Santana!" Her mother screamed from the front hallway and Blaine exhaled, grabbing the handle to one of the suitcases while Santana grabbed the other, and they started out the door.

He took her hand as they walked outside. "If I can't even say goodbye to you, how am I supposed to say goodbye to Kurt," he wondered aloud.

"Oh believe me Boyfriend," Santana said as she met Brittany's wink. Both girls' faces lit up and blushed, full of secrets from the night before. "Sometimes goodbyes can bring some of the most amazing moments of your life."

* * *

He'd texted Santana the night before after the ridiculous audition for the new Rachel. Blaine missed her desperately. He missed everything about her, but most of all he missed her fire and her honesty in the choir room. They needed that more than anything right now. The tiny group was lost without their strongest members, and now had a precarious position on the top of the school food chain that they all knew could topple any minute. And Blaine just didn't know his place. He had never wanted to lead New Directions before, but now with Kurt gone, he suddenly felt a need to continue his boyfriend's legacy. He certainly didn't want Unique waltzing in and taking over. It was bad enough he'd just planted himself in Kurt's seat in the choir room without so much as a by your leave. Tina and Brittany, as much as he loved them and they were amazing at what they did, just weren't strong enough singers to maintain their title of National Champions.

" _Keep an eye on Brittany,_ " Santana had ordered him. " _If she gets too lost she may never find her way back. Just like someone else we both know."_

Blaine promised he would and ignored her swipe at Kurt. After school the next day he invited Brittany to the Lima Bean for coffee. Seeing Kurt was just an added bonus.

"So how's Santana?" Blaine asked as casually as possible while they waited for Kurt to bring over their drinks.

"She's good, she's just really busy with cheerleading practice and it's hard making out over Skype, you can't really scissor a webcam," Brittany responded.

Blaine shook his head, not wanting to think at all about his best friend's sex life. He breathed a sigh of relief when Kurt came over with his coffee. Even if it was…

"Here's an extra hot soy latte for him," Kurt said feigning cheerfulness as he put the sophisticated drink down in front of Blaine. Blaine stared at it. He really missed his medium drip but Kurt had been on a mission all summer. If he wasn't going to New York, he was going to bring New York to Lima. And that meant Kurt pretending he was working in one of the top Barrista's in NY instead of the Lima Bean, and for Blaine it meant drinking a soy latte instead of his regular coffee order. And whether he wanted it or not, he would do everything he had to in order to support Kurt.

"I can't wait till Friday," Kurt grinned, sitting down quickly with them even though he was in the middle of his shift.

Blaine looked at him askance. "Why?" he asked confused.

"Glee Club auditions," Kurt reminded him.

Blaine traced his finger on the coffee cup, his chest tightening with echoes of Santana's words and something else that continued to nag at him but he couldn't quite figure out. "That'll be nice."

"Is it depressing that I'm more excited about it than either of you?" Kurt asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah," Brittany admitted.

"No, not at all," Blaine lied.

"Just a little bit," Brittany told him honestly.

"No, no, it's…" Blaine trailed off shrugging, offering his boyfriend a smile of reassurance that didn't reach his eyes.

"Excuse me, Garcon!"

Blaine frowned, looking over at the new cheerleader who had called Kurt over, and Kurt excused himself to return to his job.

"So explain to me again why Kurt isn't going to big boy college too," Brittany said turning to Blaine.

"He is going to college," Blaine answered defensively. "He just missed the acceptance deadlines of his second choices because the NYADA decision came so late, and his community college hasn't started yet."

They both turned to watch Kurt as the cheerleaders and jocks teased him like they had his whole life. At least Glee club was getting a reprieve after winning Nationals. But Kurt had worked 3 years toward the trophy and wouldn't even get to reap the rewards. Instead he had to withstand the same insults, just in a new place with new Neanderthals. It broke Blaine's heart. And it was breaking Kurt's. Kurt spent the days taking coffee orders imagining that each night after he hung up his apron, he'd bound out to the streets of New York, and race to make his half hour call for an off-Broadway show he was starring in. In reality, the best he would do here was climb back into the seats of the McKinley High School auditorium, choose the "New Rachel," and pretend he was following his dream.

"He's starting to remind me of Mr. Schuester," Brittany said with a frown. "I may miss Santana like crazy, but I'm glad she's moving on. We're the ones that are supposed to be miserable Blaine. Not them."

"I know Britt," he said swirling his coffee and checking his watch. "Come on, Kurt has another two hours before he's off work. Let's go do something fun."

They walked to the door, Blaine carrying his soy latte in his hand. He probably wouldn't even drink it. He caught Kurt's eyes and gestured that he'd Kurt call him later. He couldn't stay there and watch anymore. He needed to figure out a way to fix this.

* * *

Blaine spied her across the hall in between classes and jogged to catch up to her. "Hey Tina," he called, slowing as he reached her, and together they headed to their next class. "How are you doing?" he asked gently. "You know, with the whole Mike thing."

"It's definitely weird being here without him. But I'm fine, Blaine, really," she assured him with a smile. Then she looked over with sudden concern. "Why, is Mike okay?"

"I thought you guys talked every day?" Blaine asked. They dodged a group of cheerleaders giggling down the hallway and paused beside the lockers to talk.

"You think he's going to tell me how he really feels?" Tina asked with a raised eyebrow. "If he's going to tell anyone, it'd be you."

Blaine knew Tina was right. He and Mike had messaged every few days since he'd gone to Chicago, and though Mike missed Tina, he seemed to be doing really well there.

"I think he's okay," Blaine told her. He watched her concern fade as she studied him. "You think I should do the same with Kurt," he asked sadly. "Let him go. Don't you?"

Tina shook her head. "Blaine, I broke up with Mike for me, not for him. I didn't want to be 30 years old and married and full of regrets of all the loves I never had. If it's meant to be then we'll still end up together, but I'm not ready to settle down. I need to know what else might be out there for me." Tina smiled softly. "But I don't think that's the same for you."

Blaine thought about Kurt as he had a million times this summer. No matter how he pictured it, if it were his choice, his future was always with Kurt. He'd had no interest in Sebastian or any other boys that might have showed interest in him because he didn't need to know what else was out there for him. He already had exactly who he wanted.

And what he wanted was the fierce, determined, selfish but amazingly caring boyfriend that was slowly slipping away into the distance, not of space, but of despair and resignation. The transformation over the summer had been slow, but watching Kurt face the same bullies all over again at the Lima Bean and choose to walk back into a school that had never protected or embraced him only because he felt he had no other place to go, it was suddenly so clear to Blaine that Kurt was losing everything that was so perfectly imperfect about him. The Lima Bean and community college were not even close to where Kurt belonged, and no amount of soy lattes or other such feeble grasps at a greater life in Lima, Ohio would change that. Kurt was so much better than that. He deserved so much better and Santana had been right all along. Blaine didn't need to  _let_  him go, he needed to  _make_  him go. He couldn't wait a second longer, it was time.

He looked at Tina, his eyes suddenly alight with excitement and plans for a courtyard extravaganza and he quickly squeezed Tina's hand and kissed her on the cheek. "I need to talk to Kurt," he said before he bounded off in the other direction, calling loudly behind him, "Thank you!"

* * *

"Are you sure you guys don't want me to come with you?" Burt asked as he started to gather the breakfast dishes.

"Quite sure, Sir," Blaine blurted without thinking, a sparkle in his eye that made Burt laugh. Only then did Blaine realize he'd said that out loud and snagged the last piece of bacon to cover the reddening of his cheeks. Thank goodness Carole was still adjusting to not having to cook for Finn's enormous appetite and Blaine was still getting used to not having to grab everything he wanted at the top of the meal.

Kurt side-eyed Blaine curiously then joined his Dad at the sink, drying towel in hand. "I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, Dad, I better get used to doing things on my own. Besides, I've been around cars my whole life, I'm pretty sure I can manage selling one."

"Well don't let them go under the amount we talked about on the phone," Burt counseled. "You need every dollar you can get, everything in New York costs three times what it does here."

"I know Dad," Kurt said rolling his eyes. "That breakfast at Tiffany's Rachel and I had cost about 20 bucks."

Blaine would never stop marveling at his boyfriend's relationship with his Dad. It was never going to be like this again, but Blaine refused to let it get him down today. Today was going to be about building memories and moving on. He'd worry about the emptiness tomorrow.

"So we're just going to drop my car off at the dealership and then go get Kurt's car detailed," Blaine explained to Burt. "Then I have a bit of a surprise for him this evening if that's okay?"

Kurt looked near giddy and Burt looked at them amused. "You guys do whatever you want today, I know how important it is to you. Tomorrow is my turn," Burt said, pointing a finger at Blaine.

"At 5 o'clock in the morning," Kurt grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"You wanted an early flight to get to Rachel, you get an early flight. I'll make sure the pot of coffee is ready for you," Burt told him.

"I think I'll need two pots," Kurt said under his breath.

Blaine chuckled and took Kurt's hand. "Let's go," he said eagerly. "This day isn't going to get any longer and we have things to do and people to see."

"What exactly do you have planned, Mister," Kurt asked with a sly grin as he bumped shoulders playfully with his boyfriend and headed out the door.

"Magic," Blaine promised.

* * *

"I am pretty certain that we will not find the necessary equipment to detail the car on lover's lane, Blaine." Kurt eyed his boyfriend as he shifted the soon to be sold car into park on an especially secluded section of the town make out spot.

Blaine said nothing, merely throwing him a roguish wink as he got out of the driver's seat and slipped into the back. Kurt turned around to glare at him, but couldn't help but break into a smile as Blaine suggestively patted the seat next to him.

Kurt shook his head, got out and climbed into the backseat, his smile broadening. Blaine knew he was remembering back to all the times they'd made love back on that seat. After Blaine's disaster of a first attempt at Scandals, he had been afraid to try again. But desperate for one another and no parent-free place to go, they'd stopped here for a detour the second night of West Side Story before Brittany's party, nervous but excited. They had both been surprised to find that the clandestine nature of it sent a thrill down Kurt's spine.

"I thought if we were going to say goodbye to this car, we ought to do it properly," Blaine smirked. "Don't ya think?"

Kurt chuckled at him and rolled his eyes, but melted into Blaine's fingers before he could answer. He quickly cupped Kurt's cheek and kissed him with the passion to last them through the weeks or months they'd be apart. The moan from Kurt's throat drove Blaine wild and he easily pulled Kurt down on top of him, refusing to allow air anywhere between them. They had quickly realized so many months ago that the small space of the car only added to the exhilaration, and the press of Kurt's body against him now, so wanting and willing, reminded Blaine of that first night. They had long since mastered the difficulties of comfort and as Blaine reached for Kurt's belt and clothes were quickly discarded, they moved with one another like dancers, fitting together in perfect harmony to each of their rhythms.

As Blaine slipped inside Kurt, the rest of the world fell away. Nothing existed but the stunningly beautiful man in front of him whose eyes shined down with more love than Blaine had once thought existed in the universe. Feeling the warmth of Kurt's skin as he traced the lines of his chest, he believed in that moment that there could never be too much distance between them because their love had no bounds. Falling together as their pleasure overtook them, they snuggled against one another, listening to their heartbeats racing and then slow. Blaine could not imagine ever feeling safer than he did in these moments. He nuzzled Kurt's neck and lightly nipped at his glistening salty skin.

"You are beautiful," Blaine whispered.

"You only love me for my good looks," Kurt teased.

"Don't forget your impeccable taste," Blaine added, the double entendre evident as he surged forward and kissed Kurt, his tongue diving inside to taste every delicious morsel.

"You're not so bad yourself," Kurt gasped, eyes sparkling, as they took a breath.

Blaine just stared at him, a million feelings washing over him. "God, I love you so much, Kurt."

"I love you too," Kurt told him with one more kiss to the lips. "But now we  _really_  need to get this car detailed, so it might be best if we put our clothes back on."

"Since when are you the practical one?" Blaine pouted as Kurt climbed off of him and gathered their clothes from where they had fallen.

"Since I'm about to become a New Yorker," Kurt said pulling his shirt on over his head. He stopped short, as a look of panic fell over his face. "Oh my god Blaine, I'm about to be a New Yorker! A real New Yorker!"

Blaine smiled and kissed him, brushing a comforting hand against Kurt's cheek. "The best New Yorker in the whole damn city. The Big Apple won't even know what hit it!"

* * *

Kurt was quiet as Blaine drove them into the city after selling the car. They'd done a good job of negotiating, mixing Blaine's charm with Kurt's extensive knowledge of cars, and managed to snag $1,000 more than agreed to over the phone. But as soon as they'd gotten into Blaine's car, Kurt clasped Blaine's hand and his mind drifted into silence.

Blaine glanced over, worried. He knew that today could be one of the hardest days of their lives, but that's not what he wanted. He wanted it instead to be one of the best. "Penny for your thoughts," Blaine coaxed.

"My thoughts are worth way more than a penny, Blaine Anderson," Kurt chided, but his voice didn't have the bite that it should. Instead it was heartbreaking.

Blaine squeezed his hand. "Come on," he said softly. "You can tell me anything."

Kurt looked over at Blaine, then shifted his gaze back out the window. "I'm just worried about you, that's all."

Of course he was worried about Blaine. Ever since their fight about Chandler and their heart to heart in Ms. Pillsbury's office, Kurt had really taken to heart all of Blaine's feelings about him leaving. But Blaine smiled softly. "I'm going to be fine, Kurt, really. I know I was terrified of this last year, but spending so much time with my Dad over the summer, I know I can do this. Besides, I'm not alone. I have Tina and Britt. And that Marley girl you like so much seems pretty cool. Who knows, maybe she'll be my new Santana."

Kurt scoffed. "There is no new Santana, she's one of a kind. Besides, Marley seems far too nice to take the place of Satan."

"Well, my point is," Blaine said as they pulled into their destination. "We're ready for this." Blaine quickly exited the vehicle and ran around to the other side to open the door for Kurt like a gentleman. Blaine cocked his head toward the front door of the Night Town Jazz club, where they were now frequent visitors and occasional performers, though only ever in duet with Santana. But Blaine had plans tonight, a solo he'd sung only once before, but it had meant everything to him then, and it meant everything to him today. "Come on," he said, grabbing Kurt's hand. "I'll show you."

* * *

They waltzed into the smoke filled club, and the adorable waitress Katie brought them to their usual booth. Kurt watched as Blaine whispered to her and she smiled and nodded. Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do you have up your sleeve?" he asked.

But Blaine just winked and ignored him, keeping his silence as they ordered their drinks. The piano player who had been serenading the crowd when they walked in finished his set and his audience clapped appreciatively. The club manager caught Blaine's eye from across the room and Blaine quickly kissed Kurt on the cheek before slipping out of their booth.

"Blaine, what are you…' Kurt started, but Blaine put his fingers to his lips and whispered with a grin, "shhh…."

Kurt sat back and watched while Blaine took the microphone, eyes only on Kurt. It wasn't like this was the first time Blaine had ever sang for him outside of school. He'd done it before here with Santana and out at Karaoke bars, and that one time last year at the theme park only minutes before he'd driven off with Burt to confront his father and change his life forever.

Oh. Of course.

"Hi, Ladies and Gentleman. My name is Blaine Anderson," he introduced himself. "My best friend Santana used to be a regular here, and occasionally she'd give me the honor of singing with her. Well, tonight the Night Town has given me the honor of letting me sing alone."

He took a deep breath, and though he looked out onto the crowd, his heart belonged to only one person and Kurt could feel it. Distance didn't matter. "You see, the love of my life, my boyfriend Kurt, is leaving tomorrow on the greatest adventure of his life. He's going to New York City, and though I will miss him tremendously, I am so excited to watch him leave behind a world that never embraced him, and go to where he will be loved and accepted. And though he's the one leaving, the sweetest thing is he's worried about me." Blaine's eyes fell on the boy he loved and he blinked back his tears. "You see, a little more than a year ago, I did the same thing. And now  _he_  is my world of love and acceptance. But Kurt, distance can't change that. Distance  _won't_  change that. Because everything that you gave me is in my heart forever now and there is absolutely nothing and no one in the world that can take it away." His voice cracked, and he had to wipe away some tears, but he squared his shoulders. "I was scared before. But I'm not anymore. Because we're ready to fly, love."

_Firefly summers and butterfly springs_   
_A little boy sings and looks to the sky_   
_As a mother whispers through her tears_   
_"It's time, come kiss me goodbye."_

Last time he had sung only for himself. This time he sang also for Kurt. Kurt, who had sung since they day he could speak. Kurt, who had been wishing on a star for something greater since the summers and springs of his childhood. Kurt, who had lost his mother too young and too soon.

_Floating and falling, riding the breeze_   
_Gliding with ease, I'm flown through the sky._   
_And I'm told that when I'm strong enough_   
_I'll be ready to fly._

_Scared, confused, and angry as hell_   
_That I'm left on my own_   
_No I refuse to fly into the crystal clear_   
_Lose the things I've held so dear_   
_If I stay here, my heart will turn to stone._

Last year Blaine had been scared and angry that Kurt seemed so excited, so willing, to leave him behind.

This summer he'd come to understand what Kurt had always known. That Kurt staying would be the worst thing for both of them. Kurt staying meant losing everything because the Kurt he loved would most certainly fade away into only a ghost of himself.

_I see my reflection, I know that it's me._   
_But all that I see is a beautiful lie._   
_Will the boy fade into memory_   
_Once I'm ready to fly?_

He knew they both feared that everything they had together would fade once Kurt flew out into the world. But Blaine was ready to trust. He believed in himself and Kurt and he believed in love. But most of all he believed that whatever was meant to be would be and that more than anything, Kurt was meant to be in the city where his dreams could come true. He wasn't fooling himself. Kurt's journey would change them both. But he had faith it would change them for the better.

_Stop!_   
_Take hold,_   
_Put trust in the wind,_   
_Have faith when it calls._   
_Wings unfold and fly into the crystal clear,_   
_Letting go of ancient fear_   
_Because way up here_   
_Nothing ever falls_

They would never know unless they tried. He knew Kurt was scared for him but words spoken by Burt not too long ago had been right. Having Kurt here was always a way out for Blaine. A way to avoid the work he needed to do with his family to either forgive or let go. A way to avoid growing up and being his own man, whatever that may turn out to be. Blaine knew it wouldn't be easy, he would miss Kurt like crazy. He couldn't know what would happen, but he trusted himself now that whatever happened, he would be okay.

_With no expectations_   
_Let the journey begin_   
_How can I win if I don't ever try?_   
_Will I prove that I am strong enough_   
_When I'm ready?_   
_Am I ready?_   
_I am ready!_

_And a voice in the breeze starts to whisper,_   
_As I think of the bridges I've crossed._   
_Finding the strength, I'm spreading my wings,_   
_Put trust in the wind and see what it brings  
_

A year ago he sang, terrified of the unknown, confronting his father, leaving his home.  There were still moments that frightened him when things became too hard; the empty house because his mother was spending the night with his father, the dinners when the triggers for both him and his dad returned and the past became the present too quickly and without warning. The times when for even a brief moment the hate returned. Santana had stood with him to grow strong, but Kurt had been his angel to save him, to hold him when it hurt too much, to find him when he was lost. He knew with no one to run to that he'd have to face those realities on his own, but that's what Burt had meant. And Blaine was ready now. This was his future and he was ready to fly.

_And I'm ready,_   
_I'm ready to fly!_

Love swam behind his misty eyes as they fell on Kurt and Kurt alone. A year ago, neither one of them were ready to face the world without one another. Now he knew they both could. He blew him a kiss, as he watched Kurt wipe away the tears and mouth "I love you", and he sang the final words.

_We're ready to fly._

* * *

If anyone asked him, Burt Hummel did  _not_  cry all the way home from dropping his only son at the airport. But one person knew better.

Burt wasn't surprised to see Blaine's car in his driveway or the boy leaning on the car, waiting, phone in hand as his fingers danced across the screen. Burt pulled up and Blaine slipped the phone, and his hands, into his pockets.

He hadn't been waiting long. He had gone through every moment of the day since he woke at 5am, knowing that Kurt was waking up too. At 6 Kurt texted to let him know that he and Burt were leaving for the airport. 7:30, Kurt was probably just passing through security and stopping at a coffee shop to get his third cup of the morning. He wondered if he'd found a place to get his special New York style drinks, or if he'd had to settle for the basics. He hoped for the flight attendants' sake that he'd been able to grab a latte, otherwise there might be news later that day of a crazy irate teenager escorted off the plane at JFK airport. At 8am, Blaine left his mother's apartment in Lima and drove here.

Burt wiped his eyes one last time to hide his tears, but the red rims were clear to Blaine when Burt approached him. They no doubt mirrored his own. "Hey," Blaine greeted him timidly.

"Hey yourself," Burt answered, his own hands shoved into his pockets. They were both embarrased, trying to hide emotions to the one person that would understand more than anyone.

"My house was empty," Blaine shrugged in explanation for his appearance on the Hummel doorstep.

Burt looked at his own home in feigned nonchalance and back at Blaine. "Mine too."

"So…ummm…" Blaine stared at his feet kicking a rock in the pavement, then back up at Burt. "Would you like to watch a movie?"

Burt looked away. He had planned to go to work, but he did not in any way feel like going in. His staff could cover him for the day. They'd probably expected it anyway. "Yeah, sure."

Burt led the way inside and hung up his coat. Blaine went immediately to the kitchen. "You know how to make that popcorn?" Burt called out. Kurt had never liked to let either one of them near it for fear of them burning it.

"Oh, I've learned a thing or two watching Kurt," Blaine answered with a smirk. He flung the bag into the microwave and let it go for 2 minutes and 42 seconds on the dot. Just like Kurt.

He poured it into the bowl, and brought it to the couch, the two men settling in for Burt's choice, Rudy. Sitting side by side, sharing the popcorn, they could almost pretend that Kurt was there with them, but both knew the truth. Kurt was gone, and aside from visits on holidays, he wasn't coming back. They'd both wanted this, and yet it broke their hearts at the same time. The emptiness they felt, of living without him, and of him living without them, made their chests ache.

Burt patted Blaine on the knee, a fatherly gesture that a year ago might have made him flinch, but was now as natural as a kiss from Kurt. It didn't matter that it was 9 in the morning on a Sunday and they were eating popcorn for breakfast. What mattered was that as they sat, the love of their lives was getting on a plane for the city of dreams and neither one of them was alone. "You're going to be okay," Burt assured the boy who was as much like a son to him as Finn.

Blaine nodded without responding. Then he turned to Burt. "Kurt's going to be okay too," he said, though whether it was a question or a statement, he wasn't sure.

Burt though was sure and smiled, his shining eyes trained on the screen in front of him. "Yeah. Yeah he will be."


	2. Brittany 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Brittany 2.0. I was less than enthralled by this episode, so I hope what I managed to write does this series justice. I seem to be going just as Blaintana-centric in this story as I did in Way Out, even without Santana on the show! I guess it's just who this Blaine is. A quick note, my Brittany isn't exactly canon. Well, she's more like Season 2 canon. And I just can't get on board with dumbing her down as much as RIB. Hope that isn't a problem.
> 
> I don't own Glee. Or Brittany Spears. But here's what you missed on Brittany 2.0.

**Blaine: Skype. Now.**

He sat in the darkness of his bedroom, the glow of his computer the only light as he waited for her name to come up on his screen. It only took a minute before Santana's face popped up.

"It's one o'clock in the morning on a school night, Boyfriend," she grumbled with exhaustion as she brushed out her hair. "What the hell are you doing up? Don't you need your beauty sleep?"

"Look who's talking," Blaine teased. Santana looked a mess after nearly 6 hours of cheerleading practice and probably a full day of classes. "I just got off with Kurt," Blaine explanation.

"Wanky," Santana smirked and Blaine blushed.

"That's not what I meant, I..." he started, but just buried his head in his hands as the red in his cheeks grew deeper, Santana of course not that far from the truth. "Never mind."

Santana laughed. "You know I'm just joking with you. How is Ladylips?"

"Kurt is getting settled pretty well. Bunking with Rachel in the dorms while they apartment shop," he shared.

"Now that is a scary thought, living with Rachel Berry. But I digress. How are you holding up?" she asked compassionately.

He wanted to talk about how much he missed her and Kurt, and how hard it was being in the choir room without them. But that wasn't the point of his call. He was the leader of New Directions now and it was his job to take care of its members, not to talk about himself. "I'm holding up better than your girlfriend, 'Tana. You need to do something. I caught her doing a voiceover in the middle of the school hallway."

"That's just Britt," Santana said brushing away his concerns, but Blaine wasn't letting her off that easily.

"That's not just Britt, Santana. She got kicked off the Cheerios today too," he said.

"I know," Santana said sadly. "I talked to her earlier."

"For how long, Tana, five minutes?" Santana was quiet. "That's what I thought," he said, more accusatory than he'd intended.

Santana looked away from him, but she could not hide the guilt radiating from every inch of her body. "It's just not that easy Blaine. I have class all day and cheerleading practice all night…"

"I get it 'Tana," Blaine interrupted. The grief in his voice reflected in his eyes, even in the diminished quality of the video camera. This could just as easily be him and Kurt in only a few short weeks. Or even days. "I understand. We all have different lives now. But if you want Brittany to still be a part of yours, you need to make an effort." He paused a minute as Santana nodded. "And I'll do what I can here to make sure she's okay, whatever you decide. I promised I'd take care of her for you."

"You're the best boyfriend in the world, you know that Blaine?" Santana asked with a sad smile.

He grinned bashfully and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, let's just hope that Kurt keeps thinking so too," he told her.

* * *

Blaine high fived Artie after their mash-up of Boys/Boyfriend, their performance an apparent success, and he gathered his things and swooped in with a grin, sitting next to Brittany. She remained slumped in her chair despite her praise to Mr. Schuester.

"That was really good Blaine," Brittany said and Blaine couldn't tell if it was boredom, sarcasm, or just oreo in her voice. "Want an oreo?" she asked offering him a cookie.

Blaine scrunched his face and politely refused. "No thanks. Britt, are you sure you're okay? I hope you didn't mind the song, we were just trying to inspire you."

"No, it was great," she said flatly as she gathered her things and walked out of the choir room. Blaine raced to keep up with her. "I loved being serenaded by my ex and my lesbian lover's best gay friend. Totally inspiring."

Blaine frowned and took her hand, pulling her to the lockers and out of the fray of the school hallways. "I'm sorry. We were just trying…"

Brittany cut him off though, sincerity in her eyes. "Look Blaine, I appreciate what you and Artie tried to do. But you're Santana's Boyfriend, not mine. Contrary to popular opinion, and that ridiculous song you chose, I don't need a boyfriend. I need Santana back."

"I understand Brittany," Blaine told her.

"No, Blaine, you don't," she countered angrily. "Santana's been gone a month. Kurt's been gone, what, a week? And it's not like he's busy all the time. I'm sure you two talk and text and Skype twenty times a day. I get about ten minutes with Santana if that. All she does is school and cheerleading from morning to midnight. And what do I get to do? While you're leading the New Directions, I'm kicked off the Cheerios."

"I'm sorry Britt," he said again, not really sure of what else to say.

"Yeah well, sorry doesn't change anything. And Santana can't either. The only one who can change it is me," she responded as she stormed off down the hall.

Blaine rested his head against the lockers then glanced down the hall toward the locker that used to be Kurt's. If only he were here now. Kurt would know what to do.

He walked the rest of the way to his science class, put his stuff away and pulled out his phone, sending a quick text before his teacher saw him and confiscated it for the rest of the day.

**Blaine to Kurt: It's Brittany 2.0 here at McKinley and I need your advice. Call me when you have a few minutes.**

* * *

He woke in a cold sweat, more alarmed at having had the dream at all than the dream itself. Blaine had thought he was past this. It had been months since he'd last been triggered. But though he'd been so focused on Brittany when she'd attacked Jacob Ben Israel with an umbrella in the school hallway that it hadn't struck him in the moment, his mind obviously held onto it for him.

Inside the nightmare, he had writhed on the floor, covering his head and curling his body against Brittany's attack with her umbrella. But then the umbrella turned to leather and Brittany morphed into the Colonel, and once again he was 14 years old and cowering beneath his dining room table after coming out to his parents for the first time.

Now as he sat at 3am, he counted the hours until he'd see Kurt at school tomorrow, only to fully awaken with the realization that Kurt wouldn't be there. And for the first time the gravity of that hit him as his biggest fear churned in his chest. Who would be there for him the next time he fell?

* * *

"I checked in with the base in Georgia," the Colonel told Blaine as they cooked dinner together in the kitchen. Tonight they were making an Asian stir fry, one of his mother's specialties. Blaine chopped peppers and garlic while his Dad started the onion and chicken in the wok. "Sounds like Finn is doing pretty well in basic training."

"That's good," Blaine murmured, his jealousy of the relationship Finn had developed with his Dad evident. "I'll be sure to tell Kurt."

"How is Kurt getting along in New York?" the Colonel asked, and Blaine stopped for a moment, surprised at the question.

"He's doing pretty well I think," Blaine answered more cheerfully, finishing up the vegetables. He turned and leaned against the counter, facing his Dad. "He's planning to audition again for NYADA's second semester and he's applying for a job at Vogue.com."

The Colonel looked at Blaine, unable to completely hide the discomfort in his face, but trying. "Good," he nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. And how are you doing?"

He considered lying. He was holding up pretty well considering the most important person in his life was hundreds of miles away and starting a brand new life without him. After all, he wasn't a complete mess like Brittany. He had felt like a complete failure at today's "Brittervention." But every time Kurt told him something about New York; Rachel, the apartment, the bagels, the pizza, Blaine just wanted to be there with him, experiencing it all too. "I miss him," Blaine admitted sadly. "I try not to, but I do."

"Well, that will change as time goes on," the Colonel said, coolly.

"Really?" Blaine asked accusingly as his eyes narrowed. "Has it changed with Mom?"

The Colonel's eyes locked with Blaine's for only a moment before he turned back to the wok with the pretense of stirring. "No," he said quietly. "No it hasn't."

They worked in silence for a few minutes, adding the peppers to the wok. Blaine prepared the rice that simmered in the corner, adding seasoning to match the stir-fry. He went out to the dining room to set the table. His thoughts flew, as they often did without his permission, to cooking with Kurt in their own kitchen, setting the table with candles and flowers he had picked up on the corner before coming home. He shook his head. He wasn't going to do this to himself. Kurt wasn't gone, he was only in a different place, and he didn't have to seem so far away. In fact, he thought, glancing at the doorway that led to his father, Kurt didn't have to  _be_  so far away.

Colonel Anderson brought in dinner and they sat down to eat, making small talk about work at the recruiting station and the upcoming fall assembly at McKinley. Blaine's mind though kept drifting to Brittany and then to Santana and then to Kurt. His heart beat a little faster, but he raised his eyes to his dad and plucked up some courage. "Can I ask you a favor Dad?"

The Colonel raised an eyebrow. "Sure, son, what is it?"

"I want to go to New York," Blaine said with hope and doubt all rolled up into one.

Blaine watched with baited breath as his father gently placed his fork down next to his plate as if in slow motion and slowly wiped his mouth with the napkin. Blaine recognized the motions as the Colonel waited out his initial reaction and thought through his response to his son instead. It was something they'd both been practicing for months in therapy.

"You can't just run to New York every time you miss him," the Colonel finally said, far more sympathetically than Blaine had expected, and it kept him calm as well when anger could have been his first response.

"I'm not running, Dad. And I'm not saying I need to go now. But I don't want to wait until he comes back for Thanksgiving. Please, I'll just need some money, I'll figure out the rest."

The Colonel went back to his dinner as he considered the request. Blaine waited, his foot tapping the only sign of his nerves. "You come to the office in Westerville, do some filing for me, and I'll pay you for your time. You can do with the money whatever you want."

Blaine let out a breath and grinned. "Thank you," he said and began eating again. He could barely wait to tell Kurt.

* * *

The moment the tall, handsome, young man showed up at their doorstep, Kurt knew it was Rachel's friend Brody, but it didn't stop his face from lighting up at the sight of him. Kurt and Rachel had always had the same taste in men, Jesse St. Sucks notwithstanding, and his love for Blaine did not prevent the skip in his heartbeat at Mr. Tango Dancer. Still, the flowers this man brought were clearly for his roommate and he was undeniably excited for her. This is what Finn had wanted. A chance for others to see how amazing she was. A chance for Rachel to see what else was out there.

"Well hello there kind sir," Kurt nearly swooned in the doorway.

"Hey, I'm Brody," the man said confirming his suspicions.

"I'm Kurt," he responded giddily.

"Hi," Brody greeted, but Kurt could tell he was actually desperate for Kurt to leave. Well, he'd be happy to oblige.

"I was just gonna go get some cake," he said and turned to Rachel, his eyebrows arched suggestively. "I'm going to leave you two alone," he mouthed, encouragingly.

He skipped out the door and his fingers were dialing before he even got down the stairs of their apartment out onto the streets of New York. As he walked out into the sights and smells and excitement that were so strikingly different from everything about Ohio, he nearly bursted with anticipation and the need to share. He barely let Blaine even get out a greeting.

"Oh my god, Blaine, you can never even imagine the most gorgeous man who just showed up at our doorstep. With flowers, nonetheless," Kurt raved as he strode down the Brooklyn streets.

_Notice me_   
_Take my hand_   
_Why are we_   
_Strangers when_   
_Our love is strong_   
_Why carry on without me?_

Blaine frowned, his heart twisting with jealousy on the other end of the phone. Sometimes he felt like he was treading water. Sometimes he felt like he was soaring. But like Brittany, there were moments when he felt like he just might drown. Hearing of Kurt's life in New York, excitement in his voice; he both loved and hated it. It seemed almost surreal that their lives were going on without each other. There love was strong, but it had only just begun and they were already becoming strangers.

"I know we share everything Kurt, but if you're going to tell me about every gorgeous boy who tries to steal you away…" Blaine trailed off.

"Well, this one just happened to be coming for one, Rachel Barbra Berry," Kurt assured him. "If ever a gorgeous man comes to my doorstep carrying flowers for me, unless his name is Blaine Anderson, he can just turn around and go home."

Blaine smiled, a blush creeping to his cheeks as his heart settled. "And you are just standing watching them?" he teased.

"No," Kurt said with a pout. He arrived at the storefront and leaned casually against the brick wall outside the door. "I am on a mission for cheesecake."

"Ah," Blaine said knowingly. "Then I will let you go, I don't want you starting to snap at your waitresses in only your first week."

Kurt laughed at his teasing, but the sadness in Blaine's voice was obvious and Kurt wasn't going to let him go. "What's the matter Blaine? Everything at home okay? How's Britt?"

"Brittany is losing it without Santana, Kurt," he told him. "And maybe I am too," he added quietly.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked concerned.

_Everytime I try to fly_   
_I fall without my wings_   
_I feel so small_   
_I guess I need you baby_   
_And everytime I see you in my dreams_   
_I see your face, it's haunting me_   
_I guess I need you baby_

Blaine told Kurt about their disaster of a fall assembly, singing _Gimme More_ with Brittany leading and lip-synching. Mr. Shue had been so angry and he felt so guilty as the leader letting them do that when he'd known it was wrong. And he told him about Brittany's outburst in the hallway of McKinley, and about his dream.

"I was so scared when I woke up and all I could think about was seeing you the next day, and then I remembered," Blaine told him, tears threatening to fall again.

_I make believe_   
_That you are here_   
_It's the only way_   
_I see clear_   
_What have I done_   
_You seem to move on easy_

"You need someone else there for you," Kurt said. "You have to let someone else in. Sam or Tina. Remember Christmas, Blaine, last year? Sam will understand."

Blaine nodded and wiped a tear. "I'll try," he promised.

"And if that doesn't work, you know who to call. Right?" he prompted.

"Ms. Pillsbury in school and your Dad at home," Blaine responded as if by rote. "I know."

"And me, Blaine," Kurt stressed. "You text me 911 and no matter what I'll call or text you back."

"I love you," Blaine whispered.

"And I  _miss_  you Blaine," Kurt insisted. "As exciting as New York City is, I promise you I do."

Blaine sniffled. He had planned on telling Kurt that he might come to visit, but for some reason, he decided not to. "I better let you get your cheesecake," he chuckled slightly.

"You're more important than cheesecake," Kurt reassured him. "I love you."

"I love you too. Skype me later?" Blaine said.

"Always," Kurt promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! Are you re-watching and reading? Just reading for the first time? Second time? What's new and different or fun and exciting. What are you noticing for the first time? Let me know?
> 
> Here's what I had to say at the end of this episode: Counting the minutes until the Makeover, and the fact is I'm really super excited about the Break Up. I know. Call me crazy.


	3. Makeover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two notes about Makeover: All that happens in the show happens EXCEPT of course that Blaine didn't transfer to McKinley for Kurt. But it doesn't mean he doesn't still hold some resentment towards Kurt for the transfer… And two: I try to make some sense of time here. If you don't agree with my timing, I'm sorry. Glee sometimes makes no sense. But my amazing beta assures me that my reasoning is, well, reasonable.

Brittany's downward spiral was enough for Blaine to worry about following a similar path. When he had to check himself in the hallways of McKinley just to be sure the voiceover he heard was in fact only in his head, he knew it was time to take action. He wasn't just "the boyfriend" anymore, Kurt's or Santana's. He had to figure out who Blaine Anderson truly was.

He thought he'd pieced it all together at Dalton, the boy without the hate, but the fear had held him back. Then Kurt saved him and the fear slowly faded, never disappearing entirely, but dimming enough. Since leaving Dalton he'd embraced a lot of the child he had been before his coming out had ironically forced his true self into the closet, but there was one part he'd kept hidden, knowing full well that Kurt would die of embarrassment. Kurt was all about the Chic, not so much about the Geek. But now as Blaine was starting all over again, he remembered the boy he had been before it all began.

Sure, his inner Geek came out at times when he quoted Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or made the occasional off handed comment about making his Charisma check. But his 3rd edition D&D Players Handbook remained tucked at the bottom of his sock drawer like pornography and his plastic covered comic book collection lay hidden in his desk drawers where Kurt was unlikely to go snooping. Now he was free to recapture the innocence and wonder of those days without risking Kurt's eye roll of affectionate mortification.

But no amount of attempts to recapture the boy he was before Kurt, to keep his mind too busy to think of the gorgeous, determined, perfectly imperfect man hundreds of miles away in New York City, could make him forget. The superhero sidekick club just made him feel like a duo missing the dynamite, and in the D&D club he just kept hearing Kurt in his head saying,  _what the hell are you doing_? Even in sewing club, he missed the loving smirks he often got from Kurt as he put the button on wrong, or sewed a hem unevenly. Despite it all, everything he did at home or at McKinley reminded him of Kurt.

Even singing alone in the auditorium. He kept waiting for Kurt to walk in, kept looking up to the alcove where they'd picnicked and fought and made love, and he waited for Kurt to step into view, his beautiful smile shining down on him.

Finding his place without Cooper and Nick and Kurt and Santana was proving as difficult as he thought it would be and harder than he had hoped. He knew it was necessary. He couldn't just be a puzzle piece for the rest of his life, he needed to be whole on his own. But knowing didn't make it any easier.

* * *

**Kurt to Blaine: I got the internship!**

The text came in the middle of calculus, and though he would have loved to answer it right then and there, his teacher for some reason was staring at him with a death glare. So Blaine bolted the minute the bell rang and slipped into the auditorium for a quiet space.

He called immediately and barely let Kurt even answer the phone. "Congratulations, Kurt!" Blaine nearly shouted.

Kurt glanced around the office. He had already gotten a tiny little cubicle and was reading tons of old magazines and binders put together so he could get a real sense of what the website was going for. A few eyes fell on him, and he worried immediately that taking private phone calls was a no-no. He ducked down a bit and whispered. "Thanks Blaine. They've already got me started and I don't want to make a bad impression, so I can't really talk now, but I'll call you later, okay?"

Blaine nodded, his excitement and pride giving way to disappointment, but he understood. "Yeah, sure, of course. Call me later," Blaine said. "I love you."

"You too," Kurt quickly blurted out before hanging up. Blaine slowly put the phone down and stared at the stage. It didn't really matter what he did in High School.  Blaine was only playing at ruling the world. Kurt was actually on his way.

* * *

"So how's senior year so far, Squirt?"

Blaine paused the show he was watching and curled up in the corner of the living room sectional with a blanket. His mom was out for the night, no doubt at his Dad's house, though she claimed she was working late. Again. Kurt was also working late or gallivanting around New York with Rachel, Blaine wasn't sure. They'd briefly Skyped earlier before dinner, but Kurt said he wouldn't be around tonight. It was too bad, having the house to himself. So he was uncharacteristically delighted when Cooper called for the first time in weeks.

"It's alright," Blaine shrugged. "Mr. Schue has absolutely no idea what he wants to do for competition this year. He seems kind of burned out, he didn't even help us at all with the fall assembly last week, which of course we blew by trying to lip sync," he said wryly.

"Wish I could come down and help you guys," Cooper told him, "but I've got auditions like mad, and this new web series that a few of my friends want to start working on."

"That's okay," Blaine assured him, both relieved and sad. "Hey, I'm running for Senior Class President," he said more optimistically, but then the earlier comments from Britt and Artie came back to him. "Of course, it's all just a popularity contest at McKinley. That's why Kurt lost last year. No one at that school really cares about the issues."

"Are you telling me that my baby brother can't win a popularity contest?" Cooper asked shocked. "That's not the Blaine Anderson I know. At Dalton you'd be voted Senior Class President and Headmaster!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not at Dalton anymore," Blaine frowned.

Cooper was silent for a minute then asked softly. "You ever think of going back?"

_Yes_. "No," he lied. "I'm sure Dad wouldn't pay for it anyway. He may have changed some, but I'm still a disappointment to him. Besides, at least at McKinley Kurt is still kind of there."

"Maybe that's the problem Blaine," Cooper said matter-of-factly. "Look, Squirt, I hear it in your voice. You're trying to put on that smile but there's nothing behind it. I know you want everything to stay the same but things change. Don't keep yourself stuck. I love you too much for that."

Blaine curled up, wishing more than anything that his brother was there right then to annoy him in person. Everyone was on the other end of a computer or a phone. He missed having people around him. "I love you too. I better go to bed. Night Coop."

"Night Blaine."

* * *

**Colonel Anderson to Blaine: Westerville tomorrow morning. Meet you in the office at 10.**

Blaine sighed as he got the text from his Dad and collapsed on his bed. The day's makeover of Sam had totally exhausted him. He'd hoped to spend his Saturday working on debate preparation, researching the issues at McKinley, maybe touching base with Kurt about his run for President and most importantly, working with Sam. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the day with his father filing paperwork, but he needed the money and he'd agreed to do the work. As he dressed the next morning, the only thing that cheered him up was knowing that after eight hours of lectures and paper cuts he'd get to let it all go with Nick. It had been weeks since he'd seen his old friend, and he was looking forward to it.

But first he had to survive his father ordering him around dressed in uniform, which always put the Colonel at his best. And by best, Blaine thought to himself as he drove up to the office and pushed open the glass door, he meant his most rigid and demanding. At least it was public. The Colonel could say what he wanted, but he couldn't hurt him. He shook his head as the thought went through his mind. He wondered if there would ever be a time when it wouldn't.

"You're late," the Colonel barked from behind the counter, not even turning to look at him.

Blaine looked up to the clock above his father on the wall. 10:01. He rolled his eyes while he could get away with it. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't mumble," the Colonel admonished as he picked up a large stack of paperwork and slapped them onto the counter.

"Yes sir," Blaine said, and he felt a sudden need to snap to attention. And to turn and run. Every inch of his skin bristled and he immediately went into fight or flight mode.  _Kurt. Burt. Santana. Cooper. Nick_. His mind raced to find escape and he was ever more grateful for whatever had made him smart enough to schedule dinner with Nick.

"This is just the first stack of paperwork that needs to be filed into those five filing cabinets," his father ordered. "There are three other stacks just like this. You finish today and I'll give you a bonus."

Blaine blinked. This was new. He and Cooper had been doing paperwork for his Dad since he was young and there'd never been anything to reward hard work except maybe a night free of his father's scathing attacks.

The brief moment of humanity was quickly gone and the Colonel sat at the computer to begin creating a fourth stack of paperwork that Blaine would have to come and take care of another day. Blaine took a deep breath, grabbed the pile from the counter and brought it to the large table his father sometimes used to sit down with recruits and explain the ins and outs of joining the armed forces. He spread out, beginning the long and arduous task of alphabetizing and ordering by date hundreds of reports.

His mind drifted to the day before as the hours droned on, paper cuts on 5 out of 10 fingers. He'd tried to do what Kurt had told him and bond with Sam, but dressing him up didn't feel anything like it did when he and Kurt spent hours going through their closets. And he missed Kurt and Santana's quick thinking, sass, and intelligence. Sam was fun, like Finn and Puck, but no matter how hard he'd tried yesterday, he didn't fill that emptiness that was growing more and more each day. No one and nothing had.

He went back to the counter to get the second, then the third and final pack. He glanced at the clock. Two hours left. His father had chatted with a few potential recruits throughout the day and was now in the back room when the phone rang. Blaine glanced at it warily before picking it up.

"Westerville Army recruiting office," he answered as professionally as possible.

"Colonel Anderson, please," the man on the other end of the phone barked.

"Uh, may I ask who's calling?" Blaine asked tentatively.

"Colonel Fletcher, Fort Benning," the voice answered.

"One minute please," Blaine said as his father came back out to the front. Blaine covered the receiver and whispered, "Dad. Colonel Fletcher on the phone, from Fort Benning."

Colonel Anderson held out the phone and Blaine handed it over, returning to his own work. But he kept an ear out to the conversation. His father kept throwing looks his way as he spoke in hushed tones. Blaine tried to hear, but he couldn't. He knew that Finn was at Fort Benning, and though hundreds if not thousands of other new recruits were too, he naturally wondered if the call had something to do with his boyfriend's brother. When his Dad hung up, Blaine took a chance.

"What was that all about?" Blaine asked as nonchalantly as possible.

The Colonel paused, considering him, and for a second their eyes locked. Blaine saw in his father's eyes the disappointment so frequently directed at himself or Cooper, but in a flash they were back to cold and his father turned.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself about son." The Colonel looked at the clock. "Two hours left and you've one whole stack to complete. You better start getting a move on."

Blaine sighed and turned back to his papers. As he once again started alphabetizing and sorting, he thought to himself that it was going to be the longest two hours of his life.

* * *

"I thought you invited me for dinner and conversation, but you just keep staring forlornly at your fork as you silently twirl your spaghetti," Nick teased gently as they finished up their meal at the Westerville version of Breadstix. "If you wanted someone to just stare at your gorgeous face, Blaine, you should have invited Trent or Sebastian."

Blaine's eyes drifted up at his smiling friend, but his chin remained rested on his hand as he did indeed twirl his spaghetti absentmindedly. "Sorry," he apologized. "Guess I'm not great company tonight."

"Eight hours with your Dad would do that to anyone," Nick said knowingly. "But I don't think I need the power of reading your mind to know that isn't what's really bothering you. Frankly your thoughts are written all over your face."

"I just miss him so much," Blaine frowned. "It's pathetic, actually."

"It's not pathetic, it's natural," Nick tried to reassure him.

"But it's not," he insisted, the amber in his eyes flaring, and Nick waited for the anger to boil over. "I am so jealous of Kurt, Nick, it's eating me alive. I should be in New York with him right now. If my Dad had cared at all about me after the Sadie Hawkins dance instead of making it a million times worse, maybe I never would have transferred to Dalton and had to repeat a year. Then maybe I'd be in New York with him instead of left behind waiting to grow up while he grows beyond me."

Nick set down his fork and crossed his arms. "Listen to yourself Blaine. If you hadn't come to Dalton, you never would have even met Kurt. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know where either one of you would be right now if you hadn't found each other. And saved each other."

"No, Nick. We're soul mates. We would have found each other somewhere if we didn't meet now. Maybe at a better time, or a better place." Blaine shook his head. "It's just not fair!" His body tensed and he wanted to scream and shout but he was mindful he was in a public restaurant, albeit in a private corner. "It's not fair that I lost a year of my life because people couldn't accept me for who I was. Because my father couldn't keep his rage to himself." He bit back the tears. "And then I was forced to transfer to McKinley because Kurt couldn't just let things be, he couldn't let things stay as they were."

"Blaine, stop it right now," Nick admonished, and Blaine lowered his head. He knew it was wrong, blaming Kurt after all this time. He'd long since forgiven him. Long since acknowledged that Kurt had done the right thing that day, even if it had been in the wrong way. He'd long since loved Kurt for what he did. Everything just hurt so much right now.

"I joined all these stupid clubs at school Nick," Blaine confessed quietly. "I tried to be the kid I was before I'd met him, the "other" Blaine that didn't know Kurt, didn't miss him. But it didn't work. I'm not that kid anymore. So I signed up to run for Senior Class President. And I'm going to try to be the Blaine he fell in love with. The dapper, smart, sophisticated Blaine Warbler, and maybe it will all be okay again. Maybe then he won't forget me."

Nick watched his friend, so lost and confused. It broke his heart. He reached across the table and took his hand. "Just be the real Blaine okay? You've spent your whole life trying to be the Blaine that other people wanted you to be. It's time to start being yourself. If you two are truly soul mates Blaine, then this year apart won't matter. No one said it was going to be easy. But I believe that you two met exactly when and where you were meant to. And whatever happens from here on out is also meant to be. Kurt Hummel will always be THE most important person in your life and you in his. First loves are like that, whether it's just for a time or for forever."

Blaine blinked back the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. "I don't know what forever would be without him."

* * *

A small knock came on his bedroom door and his mother opened it gently to find Blaine going through his bowtie collection, the laptop open on his bed with a blank Skype screen.

"Don't stay up too late sweetheart," Mrs. Anderson told him with a soft smile. "It's a school night and you have a big day tomorrow."

"I'm just waiting for Kurt, Mom, he said he'd be on in five minutes." Blaine pulled five bowties out and laid them out on the bed. He grabbed his laptop and slumped to the floor.

"I thought Treme was over ten minutes ago?" she asked confused. "You guys didn't watch together?"

"He had this big thing he was doing for work," Blaine said, a mixture of pride and regret evident to a mother in his voice. But he tried to brush it away with a shrug. "No big deal."

"Okay sweetheart. But keep the conversation short, alright? You need sleep to be at your best for the debate tomorrow." She came over and kissed him on his cheek. He smiled up at her.

"I will, Mom," he promised. "Night."

She closed the door and he settled onto the floor with his laptop just as Kurt popped up on his screen.

"Oh my god, Blaine you will never guess what Rachel and I did last night!" Kurt exclaimed.

Blaine listened as Kurt recounted what sounded like the most amazing evening in New York City, making over Rachel with a fashion icon then going out to dinner. When Kurt sent him the raw footage that he hoped would end up on vogue.com, Blaine was amazed.

"And that is just the rough cut," Kurt told him.

"No, it genius," he told him confidently. "And Rachel looks so gorgeous, the whole thing looks so…professional and like a real fashion video. So what's the next step?" he asked with genuine interest.

"Well, ideally, the dream would be that Isabelle would see it, and love it," he added, "and then put it online. But I mean, she's already committed to so many other concepts…"

Kurt might dismiss his talent and his chances, but Blaine would never let him. "Kurt, of course she's going to choose yours, she's going to pick yours."

"And then," Kurt continued, "after we made over Rachel, Isabelle took us to this place called Gray's Papaya, and we had guava juice…"

But Blaine had stopped listening, his self-pity and jealousy rearing its ugly head. "You're hanging out with fashion icon, Isabella Wright, and I'm running for student body president with a former stripper," he said with disbelief.

"Oh my gosh I forgot about that," Kurt remembered and for a second Blaine felt a tug at the fact that Kurt had forgotten the very thing that had been life or death for him only the previous year. But the excitement in Kurt's voice revitalized him. "How's it going?"

"It's going okay, but I did want to ask you what bowtie I should wear for tomorrow's debate." Blaine had figured out the rest of his outfit, but deciding which bowtie he should wear was always a task that Kurt happily took charge of. He brought them into view of the screen and started holding them up. "I narrowed it down to five, but mainly I have these two…"

But Kurt interrupted with little interest. "Oh, whatever you choose you're going to look great in," Kurt brushed him off.

"Hi Blaine, we miss you!" Rachel yelled in the background.

"Rachel says hi," Kurt told him, then continued chattering about his internship, all thought of Blaine's run for President forgotten.

He stayed on with Kurt until his mother came in again to tell him it was time to shut down, but Blaine's heart had already shattered into a million little pieces without Kurt even noticing. He could blame the poor quality of the Skype session or the distance, but if he was honest with himself, Kurt just didn't take the time to even notice him. Blaine wondered if it had always been that way. Had he been fooling himself all along and just never noticed? Or was New York changing Kurt? Was the city just going to tear them apart?

* * *

"If I was there I would totally kick your ass for beating my girl, Blaine," Santana growled, but then broke out into a grin. "But since I'm not there, I'll just say congratulations, Mr. President."

Blaine couldn't help the smile of relief that broke out on his face. "Thanks Santana, that means…well, it means the world to me."

He was sitting at his desk at home, homework sprawled out in front of him, when Santana had unexpectedly called him. She'd gotten the news from Brittany and had Skyped him as soon as she found another break in her day.

"What did Kurt say? Is he being all "everything I can do you can do better" jealous or is he happy for you?"

Blaine's eyes lowered and his smile faltered. "I don't know," he admitted. "He hasn't returned my calls yet."

Santana sighed, her heart breaking for Blaine, for Brittany, for all of them going through the pain of growing up and growing apart.

"It's hard," she said quietly, almost in confession. "You know exactly where his place is in your life, at McKinley, at home. But everything he does is new. There aren't the memories of you being there. He has to figure out where your place is in all that."

"You speak from experience?" Blaine asked as his heart fell to the floor.

"It isn't any easier on our end of things," Santana told him. "It's just different."

Blaine looked away. "Different as in bigger," he said bitterly. His jealousy from earlier rearing its ugly head again. "His own apartment, an internship at the biggest online magazine with one of the biggest fashion moguls in the biggest city in the world." The tears he'd fought all week suddenly fell and more than anything he wished he could jump through the screen into Santana's arms. "And I'm just little old me, small town boy dressing in Kitty Robin costumes, rolling twenty sided dice in a wizard costume pathetically battling for a senior class presidential spot that none of the student body even really cares about. It's no surprise I can't compete with any of Kurt's brand new world."

Santana watched him, wishing she could both hug and smack him at the same time. It would be the most significant fight of their lives to stay together. She didn't think any of them had realized it before. But one thing she knew about Blaine was that he was a fighter. "God, Blaine, stop your sniveling and  _do_  something. He wanted you to come visit every weekend, so go! Go and show him where your place is in his world. Kiss him in Battery Park, walk him to his internship, visit every coffee shop, sing your heart out to him, and for the love of all that is holy, fuck him in his bed so that's all he can remember every time he goes to sleep at night. The distance that matters is in your hearts, not in miles and he's keeping his distance to protect himself, just like you did last year. Don't let him. You want him Anderson, you fight for him. Don't let the best thing that's ever happened to you slip away."

Blaine wanted so much to believe in her, to do everything that she said. But there was something in his heart that had broken as call after call went to voicemail. He'd asked the question before and it haunted him again now. How many times did he have to forgive? How many times would he have to fight for love? When would someone finally fight for him?

Would anyone ever think he was worth it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Everyone take some deep breaths before Thursday. I know the Break Up will be a rollercoaster but I am SO looking forward to the tremendous performances of Darren and Chris and I trust RIB.


	4. The Break Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...
> 
> So I'm going to say I'm sorry first. It's a chapter I never wanted to write and I imagine it will be a long time before our boys are back together.
> 
> A warning – Blaine gets to a very dark place in this chapter, but out of the darkness comes some light. I know it's not canon, but it is very true to *this* Blaine.
> 
> I've tried to stay away from tumblr. I didn't want to be influenced by other ideas. But I saw this post and I wanted to share.
> 
> "The thing about a lighthouse is that it looks like a place of refuge, a light in the darkness. It is, in fact, something to guide you on your way. But that's deceptive. It guides you by warning you to stay the fuck away from it. Because if you sail toward that lighthouse, you're going to bash your ship against the rocks and drown."  
> ~ Kurtcountertenor on tumblr

Santana congratulated Blaine one last time on his Presidential win before she hung up, and gazed around her dorm room. Her roommate was out and the pictures of Brittany smiled back at her. Santana missed her. It wasn't just the sex, which had been fun since long before they were officially a couple. It was her smell, her touch, her laugh. It was the air of innocence and openness that surrounded her, something she had yet to find in anyone she'd met so far in Louisville.

Her heart began to ache, the words she'd just said to Blaine ringing in her head.  _"It isn't any easier on our end of things,"_ Santana had told him. _"It's just different."_ And different meant forgetting Brittany sometimes. She sighed as she grabbed her books and headed out to the library. She had a couple of hours before cheerleading practice began and as much as she hated the class, her sociology work called to her.

Inside it was dim and she switched on the light at a table by the windows as she spread out her books. It was hard to concentrate, the words she highlighted stared back at her with no meaning. Behind her she felt someone's gaze on her and she turned to see a pretty red headed girl in a black hat watching her from a bright red armchair. The girl's stare lingered and Santana's heart beat a little quicker. She was used to guys checking her out everywhere and could easily ignore it, but there had been far fewer girls and this one most definitely caught her eye. The girl's lips turned up in hint of a smile, and despite herself, Santana smiled back.

Guilt immediately washed over her, though she'd done nothing wrong, and she turned back to her studying. But the feelings, both good and bad, stayed with her through cheerleading practice and as she changed her clothes for bed that evening. She tossed her uniform in the laundry, realizing with a smile how full it was. After tomorrow, she had a few days off.

She couldn't wait to go home again.

* * *

Blaine missed Kurt so desperately it hurt. He was so lost and alone and was falling fast into the darkness with no one to catch him, and that terrified him. He didn't know what he might do.

Every time his phone rang and Kurt's name flashed on the screen his heart pounded with delight and anticipation. But the calls were growing further and further apart, more and more harried, and less and less about him and about them. In the excitement of his new life, Kurt couldn't be bothered with him. He worked upwards of 15 hours a day and there were no moments to breathe at Vogue. But Blaine couldn't breathe either.

The kids at school moved around him as always and he talked and laughed, joining in with that old smile, but it never reached his eyes, his heart no longer there. Brittany, Sam, Artie and Tina all seemed like fragments of an old world he'd left behind but could not escape. He hadn't felt so trapped since before transferring to Dalton.

He missed Kurt's touch, his lips, his skin on his. He missed the way Kurt could talk him down from the edge, the edge that he was now so close to falling off.

But Kurt wasn't there to pull him off, not in person or on the phone. It was like Kurt didn't see him anymore and Blaine knew he was losing him. He knew the anger and resentment building inside him were defenses to prevent the pieces of his breaking heart from shattering like glass. When he sang in the auditorium he saw Kurt watching him, but it was the Kurt of his past. So much had changed since then. They weren't those kids anymore.

Everyone who meant anything to Blaine was on the other end of a phone or a computer and with the exception of Santana, he always had to reach out for them. He shouldn't have to ask for Kurt to love him. He was so tired of having to ask for someone to love him. He just wanted someone to want him.

That was the thing about Eli. It was easy. He closed his eyes and he could almost imagine it was Kurt. And after trying so hard and chasing for so long, being wanted, being listened to, and being close to someone again felt nice.

Until it didn't.

* * *

Run. That's what he always did. He thought it would feel better to run toward someone, but not when he knew what he'd left behind him in his wake.

The moment he saw Kurt and felt soft lips on his, Blaine tried to forget what he'd done. It would be so easy to never tell him, the chances of Kurt finding out were slim. He thought they'd have some time alone alone, to talk, to touch, to reconnect, but Finn was there at the apartment, home from the army.  Kurt explained and suddenly the Colonel's phone call of a few days ago made sense. He had apparently walked in to the three of them going out to a Karaoke bar and for an instant as they finished dressing and walked out into the crisp New York air, everything seemed right with the world. The gnawing in his heart remained, but his hand clasped Kurt's, terrified to let go, wondering if each touch would be the last, struggling to believe that it could even be possible.

They walked through Battery Park to get to the club. Blaine had expected their reunion to be a flood of words and kisses but they walked in relative silence, their voices hushed when they did speak. Everything Blaine said felt like a lie. Kurt's adorable laughter was like an arrow in his heart, reminding him of everything he'd betrayed. If he told Kurt what he'd done, he'd steal that laughter from him and Blaine wondered if Kurt would ever get it back. How much else would he have stolen from Kurt. The gravity of what he'd done was fully hitting him. In a split second, he'd changed them both forever and Kurt didn't even know it yet.

They sat at Callbacks and Blaine was introduced to Rachel's friend Brody. He watched as they sang together, so much more grown up than when he and Rachel had done the same so long ago on a drunken night in her basement. Listening to the words of their song, his life with Kurt flashed before his eyes.

_The day I first met you_  
_You told me you'd never fall in love_  
_But now that I get you_  
_I know fear is what it really was_

He'd been so scared to love Kurt. So scared to lose the boy that was turning into his best friend. So scared he'd make a mistake, turn into his father, or be the disappointment his father thought he would be. Blaine had held himself and others to such a high standard for years. He believed in courage and honesty and loyalty and he now he had failed himself and Kurt in every way.

_I know you're scared it's wrong_  
_Like you might make a mistake_

He remembered how betrayed Kurt had felt that night when Blaine had kissed Rachel. He and Kurt weren't even dating yet, but it still hurt him. This time what he'd done could destroy him.

_I called your cell phone, my love  
But you did not reply_

All he'd needed was an answer, but over and over again his calls to Kurt were rejected, so quickly forgotten in the thrill of New York City. He looked over at Kurt, still completely oblivious to the anguish and loneliness in Blaine's heart. Kurt smiled watching Rachel, glancing over briefly to Blaine, so happy to have his boyfriend in town, to start making memories together in the city. Blaine tried to smile back through his unshed tears, but the room was suddenly suffocating.

_There's no turning back now  
Baby, try to understand_

Memories would be all they would ever have.  As they clapped for Rachel, the words sang over and over again in his head. Turn back. Turn back. There was only one way to do that.

"I want to sing something," he said suddenly.

He sat at the piano, his fingers brushing the keys. Black and White. It was so simple and perfect until you hit one wrong sharp or flat and then the entire melody was ruined.

Uncharacteristically nervous, he addressed the crowd as he spoke only for Kurt. "Um, hi everyone. I, um, wanna sing a song that's very special to me. This is the song I sang for the first time I ever met the love of my life. Um, so Kurt, this is for you."

_Before you met me I was alright_   
_But things were kinda heavy_   
_You brought me to life,_   
_Now every February_   
_You'll be my Valentine, Valentine_

All he wanted was to go back to the start. To be carefree and young, like he and Brittany had said. To go back to the time when everyday was Valentine's Day. His heart pounded and he found it hard to sing when he could barely even breathe, but he kept his eyes trained on Kurt. Kurt. The love of his life. The boy with whom he'd planned forever. The boy that saved him. The boy that had brought him to life and taught him what love truly was.

_Let's go all the way tonight_   
_No regrets, just love_   
_We can dance until we die_   
_You and I, we'll be young forever_

Forever. It was slipping away. Kurt wasn't fighting for it. Blaine had tossed it aside. He would do absolutely anything to go back to the first time he'd performed this song for Kurt and just live it all over again. His voice broke as he sang, the tears began to fall from his eyes. He'd do anything to go forward and forget the past. Run away and not ever look back.

_You make me_   
_Feel like I'm living a_   
_Teenage dream_   
_The way you turn me on_   
_I can't sleep_   
_Let's run away and_   
_Don't ever look back_   
_Don't ever look back_

Kurt's smile faded as he watched Blaine fall apart. He'd heard him sing the song a million times since the first time, through good times and bad, but this was different. Something was terribly wrong. Blaine had stopped looking at him.

_My heart stops_   
_When you look at me_   
_Just one touch_   
_Now baby I believe_   
_This is real_   
_So take a chance and_   
_And don't ever look back_   
_Don't ever look back._

He tried. He tried so hard to look at Kurt, focus on Kurt. But his voice cracked as the words betrayed him. His thoughts betrayed him, the memory of a hand not Kurt's squeezing his knee, working his way up skin-tight jeans to his thigh. A small smile on lips so different from Kurt's, a kiss revealing skin so much rougher. The brush of a thumb where no one but Kurt had ever touched him, a pulse beneath the touch that woke him from a nightmare and made him feel as sick as he did right now.

_I'ma get your heart racing_  
_In my skin-tight jeans_  
 _Be your teenage dream tonight_  
 _Let you put your hands on me_  
 _In my skin-tight jeans_  
 _Be your teenage dream tonight_

He tried desperately to banish it from his mind and focus on Kurt, their first time, their every time. Kurt turning him on, making him feel like he mattered more than anyone else in the world. He tried to hold on to everything they had, but he was terrified that it was fading before his eyes. The song became a desperate plea for forgiveness, though Kurt didn't even know what he'd done.

_You make me_   
_Feel like a teenage dream_   
_The way you turn me on_   
_I can't sleep_   
_Let's run away and don't ever look back_   
_Don't ever look back_

Kurt watched, transfixed, nervousness rising from deep within his soul. He couldn't shake the sense that somewhere the universe had shifted and everything had changed, he just didn't know why or how. Blaine's tears broke his heart and yet the distance that had grown between them didn't melt away like it should have. The song felt like a confession, but to what, Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to know.

_My heart stops_   
_When you look at me_   
_Just one touch_   
_Now baby I believe_   
_This is real_   
_So take a chance and_   
_And don't ever look back, No!_

Blaine's guilt overwhelmed him and his anger at himself started to grow. He saw Kurt's reaction, it was cold and knowing. Blaine lost it. He'd lost him.

_I'ma get your heart racing_   
_In my skin-tight jeans_   
_Be your teenage dream tonight_   
_Let you put your hands on me_   
_In my skin-tight jeans_   
_Be your teenage dream tonight_

Blaine looked at Kurt through his tears, knowing. If he told him the truth, there would be no going back.

* * *

Kurt slipped out of bed roughly, sleep eluding him. He wasn't quiet. He wanted Blaine to wake up and follow. The fact that Blaine could even sleep angered him.

Blaine's words played over and over again in his head, each time hurting more than the last.  _"I was with someone."_ The pain in his chest was excruciating and he wondered if his father' heart attack had hurt more or less. He tried to remember if the agony of losing his mother had been the same, but this somehow seemed even greater. She had had no choice but to leave him. Blaine had chosen to go.

Kurt had wanted to scream, to yell, to hit him over and over again, to make him hurt the way that he was hurting, but he couldn't do that, not to Blaine. So instead he ran. He couldn't listen, he couldn't speak. Part of him wanted to know what Blaine had done, but hearing it would bring him to his breaking point and even lost in anguish he could risk striking out. No matter what, his instinct would always be to protect Blaine from that. He loved him too damn much.

Blaine's hypocrisy was not lost on him. His pleas for Kurt last year not to cheat when he'd only texted another boy meant nothing compared to Blaine hooking up with some guy.  _"If you're unhappy, Kurt, talk to me, but don't cheat on me."_ But then Kurt suddenly realized; Blaine had tried to talk to him, over and over and he'd been too busy to listen. It didn't excuse Blaine's behavior by a long shot. But as he thought back, he cursed every phone call he'd ignored.

He sat in the darkness all night, his phone the only light and distraction from the ever increasing speeches and questions that grew inside his head. As the sun came up the heaviness deep in his stomach threatened to come up with it as he realized that Blaine was not coming out. The emptiness that replaced it was just as awful. A rustling from the other room made his heart leap, but it dropped again when he saw it was only Finn.

"You can't just run away," Kurt said smoothly, flipping the light on. He had planned those words for Blaine, expecting him to be the one to try and run. But they worked just the same.

"Dude, you totally spooked me, I thought I was the only one awake," Finn said.

"Been waiting for someone to come out," Kurt said despondently. "I was hoping it'd be Blaine."

"You guys okay?" Finn asked. Kurt though couldn't be further from okay. The words had been on the tip of his tongue all night. He sighed as he finally breathed them aloud.

"I kinda feel like I'm gonna die."

* * *

There was only one thing Blaine was certain of as he flew back to Ohio. He hated himself more than Kurt ever could.

He stepped off the plane, his carry-on slung to his back as he tried to block out the incessant noise and mass of people surrounding him. If he thought he couldn't breathe before, it had been nothing compared to how he felt right now.

He knew Kurt had gotten out of bed in the middle of the night. Neither of them had slept at all. He waited for the crying, the screaming, the punishment, but it never came. Then he waited for Kurt to come back and hold him close and tell him that it would take time to forgive him but that everything would be alright, that he was never going to let Blaine go. That they were forever. But Kurt had just gotten up and walked out and no matter how much Blaine had wanted to he could not force his body to follow. Maybe it would be better for them both to just let go. Kurt deserved so much better.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because when he'd woken, the apartment had been empty. Finn's bags were gone and there was no sign of Rachel or Kurt. There was no note, just a coffee mug left on the counter by the sink. Blaine had traced the rim, where Kurt's lips had touched, and broke down sobbing.

The pain in his chest didn't disappear on the flight, it only grew into self-hatred as they flew further and further away from Kurt. Blaine had left him behind, broken and lost and alone, exactly the way Kurt had left him only 10,000 times worse. He rode home in silence, every song too much of a memory. Everything was too much of a memory. He passed the exits for the jazz club and the field of lilacs they'd made love in on one beautiful day that felt so very long ago. He passed the stores they'd shopped in, the restaurants they'd dined at. He passed the parks they'd gone for walks in and he knew he couldn't do this.

Pulling into the driveway of his mother's apartment complex, he left his bag in the car and walked up the stairs, pain turned suddenly to determination. He opened the door and ignored his mother in the kitchen as he stormed into his bedroom. She asked, "How was the trip?" but it barely reached his ears.

He went to his closet and pulled out a suitcase, dropping it heavily onto his bed, and opened the lid. He didn't see his mother watch him as he blindly went through his drawers and his closet, throwing clothes haphazardly inside the cases.

"Blaine, what are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm going to live with Dad," he answered flatly, never looking at her. He kept his mind focused on the task at hand. Pack. Don't look at the bed. Don't look at the memories. Don't look at Mom. Just run.

But his mother wouldn't let him. She grabbed his shoulders and forced him to stop and look at her. He tried to avoid her gaze but she grabbed his chin and forced his face up. It was streaked with tears and his eyes were rimmed red, emanating a crushing despair and anger that she hadn't seen since they'd left Westerville. Blaine tried so hard not to cry. 

"What happened, Baby?" she asked gently, he heart breaking for him as she took him protectively in her arms. "Did Kurt hurt you? Did he do something?"

That stopped the tears and he jerked away from her, angrily. He didn't deserve any pity. "No. I did," he said, and he went back to the bed, closed the suitcase and grabbed it to go.

"Blaine, talk to me, tell me what's going on," Mrs. Anderson yelled as he reached the door to his room. "You can't just go to your fathers'!"

"I can't stay here!" Blaine screamed. "Do you see that chair? That's where Kurt held my hand while I recovered from surgery. That bed? That's where we made love for the first time. That desk is where we'd sit and do homework or watch silly YouTube videos." Each memory he recalled made his heart break more and more. "We used to fill this room with music and dance and laughter and I can't sleep here every night, knowing that I've lost that and I've lost him and I've maybe destroyed it forever. I can't be here!"

His mother stared at him in shock. "So you're just going to run to the man that you've been telling me for a year isn't safe for you? You're going to run back to him and I'm supposed to sit alone in this apartment?" she asked incredulous. He'd fought her every step of the way as she tried to hold on to the Colonel and now Blaine was just going to go back himself? "And what if he hurts you Blaine?"

Blaine laughed, a cold, empty, guttural laugh that terrified his mother, and his eyes flamed. "I hope he does. I deserve it."

* * *

"Your prodigal son returns." Blaine seethed with self-loathing as he dropped the bags on the hardwood floor at his father's feet.

"Blaine, I don't know what you think you're doing." Colonel Anderson stood with his hands on his hips, his face harsh, but confused. "You run off to New York without so much as a request for permission…"

"I'm 18 years old, Dad, I don't need permission," Blaine snapped.

"You are still in high school, young man," he reprimanded, "and no matter whose roof you choose to live under, we still pay your way and we deserve the respect of at least being told you're leaving before you land in another state."

Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Respect," he scoffed. "None of us deserve respect."

The Colonel pulled every new tool from his belt to keep himself calm. "I don't know what happened in New York to make you think that walking out on your mother is the right thing to do, but whatever you think you did…" But he didn't get to finish as Blaine's eyes snapped to his.

"I cheated on him Dad! Is that what you want to hear? You were right all those years ago," he snarled as his heart raced and the pain in the pit of his stomach grew stuck in his throat. "All a good looking gay boy like me does is fuck around, looking for a cheap thrill. It's all I'm fucking good for, just like you always said. Well, did I for once live up to your expectations, Dad?"

"Blaine, I know you're upset, but that language is not acceptable in this home. Take it down a notch and we can talk about this," the Colonel warned.

Blaine stared at him with an icy glare and a thin sneer. His adrenaline pumped through his veins, every speck of self-hatred flying back on the man who had made him who he was today. "Fuck your language and your rules!" he seethed. "You hated that I was gay and wouldn't grow up to be just like you? Well, congratulations, Dad, I fucking did anyway! Only I don't even have to be in the same goddamn room to hurt the person I love. No, from hundreds of miles away I can batter and bruise Kurt better than you ever could in the same room as Mom!"

The Colonel reached a hand out to Blaine, and Blaine struck out without thought. Despite his years of boxing though, his father's military training gave him the upper hand in defense and he caught Blaine's arm. "For god's sake, Blaine, stop," the Colonel yelled.

But Blaine didn't hear and he didn't hesitate, his mind lost in an abyss of rage, hatred, hurt and loss, flashbacks sparking in his brain as his father's grip hit his skin. He struggled toward the Colonel, waiting, wanting the blow that never came and it was taking too long. He reached down and ripped off his belt, slapping it in his hand against his father's chest. "Here!" he urged. "Use it!"

Amber eyes that the Colonel had always thought too soft stared up at him then, hard as gemstone. Blaine's hand gripped the belt so strongly his fingers were turning white. John Anderson stared at the son he had raised. How had they ended up here?

The Colonel pried the belt from Blaine's grip and tossed it like poison to the floor. "You are  _not_  just like me, son," he said, soft but firm, trying desperately to reach his son. "You're a better man, Blaine, than I will ever be."

Blaine heard the words as if listening from under water, but they reverberated in his ear until the truth and the meaning of them had penetrated all the defenses he had raised and crumbled them to the ground. He didn't realize that he himself had fallen, his father guiding him safely to the floor, as gut-wrenching sobs exploded from the very depths of his soul. He only barely knew that he lay safe in his father's arms as the pain of the last few hours, days, weeks, even months, were torn from his body unwillingly but not unwanted. He let everything go until nothing else remained and his father's rocking lulled him into a deep sleep.

* * *

The call had shocked her in so many ways that Santana didn't hesitate to kiss Brittany goodbye that afternoon and drive the two hours to Westerville. The Colonel let her in with the ghost of a smile, exhaustion marking his features. "He's still sleeping. I carried him to his room hours ago."

Santana looked at him, worn, disheveled, so unlike the formidable man she'd seen throughout the summer. She didn't want to ask, but she had to. "Did you hit him?"

"No," he answered quickly, then looked away ashamed. "I know now I never will again."

Santana offered a muted smile but nothing more as she headed up the stairs.

She quietly opened the door to Blaine's room, so devoid of any reflection of himself. There were no pictures on the walls, no photos of the people he loved. She knew that was why he had gone back there. Memories were never Blaine's friend. She watched him for a moment in his bed. He looked so small and pitiful, lying curled up beneath the blankets. But from all the Colonel had told her on the phone, the last thing Blaine needed was pity.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," she yelled unceremoniously as she pulled the covers off of him. He moaned and tried to grab them back but she was too quick and playfully smacked his thigh as he grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his head. "Wake up, Boyfriend!"

He froze and she heard a soft growl from under the pillow. "Don't call me that."

Broken. That was the only description for how he sounded and it both saddened her and made her angry. "Blaine," she called, her voice unforgiving.

He pushed the pillow away to watch her with one eye. Her arms were folded, her hip jutted and she looked pissed. He sighed as he threw the pillow aside and sat up against the headboard, his knees pulled to his chest. He rested his arms on top of his knees and stared up at the ceiling. Looking at her was too hard.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Santana snapped.

He didn't know how she knew, he only knew that she did and he was grateful he didn't have to be the one to tell her.

"I don't know," he said quietly, his voice gruff from crying, his eyes trained on the ceiling. He didn't know why he did it, but he knew why he told. "I needed to know. I needed to see if he would fight for me. I needed to see if I would just spend my whole life forgiving everyone else or if anybody would ever think I was worth forgiving too." He bit his lip to keep the tears from falling again. He didn't even know how there were any left, but he supposed that there would always be tears for Kurt. He looked at her as they fell. "I miss him already, San."

Santana sighed and sat next to him on the bed, holding her arms out. He fell forward and buried himself in her warmth and her scent and her love.

"I didn't mean to 'Tana, I swear I didn't," he confessed as he cried. "Kurt never answered his calls and when we did talk it was never about me or about us, it was always just New York and…He was there and I was so lonely…"

"Shhh…" she urged as she rubbed his back.

"I never ever meant for this to happen," he sobbed. "I never dreamed I would ever…"

"Blaine stop," Santana ordered and she forced him to sit up and look at her. Her face softened at the complete despair in his eyes. She cupped his cheeks and wiped away his tears. "Sweetie, you can't undo what you did. Did you tell Kurt what you told me?"

Blaine shook his head. "I tried, but he won't talk to me. I'm sure it's killing him." He looked up at her, eyes pleading. "I just wanted him to fight for me and now I don't even care how I get him back, all that matters is that I do. Tell me how to fix this?"

Her mind flashed to the girl in the library, the quickening of her heart, the shy smile. So easy to cross the line, but looking at Blaine now, she knew that she could never do that to Brittany. She couldn't even risk it, because even if there was going forward from it, there was no going back. She'd cheated before, because it had never mattered. But imagining her beloved Brittany going through this was more than she could bear.

"Seeing him in so much pain and knowing that not only couldn't I fix it but that I had caused it?" Blaine pulled his knees into himself and the color drained from his face. "It was the worst feeling in the world, Tana. His face when I told him, it haunts me. And all I could think of was that I had turned into the very person that I hated. If he had yelled at me, or hit me…" he trailed off, not being able to put his thoughts into words. "But punishing me with silence will kill me Santana. How do I go on after knowing I betrayed the love of my life? How do I live with myself? "

"You just do, Blaine," she told him. "You screwed up here. He's not innocent, not by a long shot, but you closed the door. You have to wait for him to open it again."

Blaine looked at her hopefully. "Do you think he will?"

She sighed. Kurt could be stubborn and selfish and get lost in his own world. But the change in him she'd seen since being with Blaine made him both stronger and weaker than before. She wanted to give Blaine hope, but she honestly had no idea what Kurt would do. She shrugged. "If he loves you half as much as I do, he'd be a fool to let you go."

She kissed his cheek and laid down with him for a while. She felt his pulse return to normal, saw the color come back into his cheeks. Her own heart though, ached for him, and for herself.

She had to make sure that she and Brittany never went through this. She knew now exactly what she needed to do.  She needed to end things before either one of them got hurt.

* * *

Blaine woke up late. He'd slept through his alarm, and the first thing he realized when he woke was that his father hadn't roused him, even though it was a school day. That thought alone confused him, but then the memories returned and the crushing despair hit him again. This was the start of life truly without Kurt. It hurt a thousand times worse than what he'd imagined the year before.

By the time he drove to Lima, school had already begun. No one noticed him. No one seemed to care. The pictures in his locker haunted him, but he couldn't take them down. Not yet. Not until he knew for sure that it was over.

He powered through the halls, memories chasing him from every side. He couldn't even look at the auditorium. His loneliness before didn't compare as the other kids walked soundlessly next to him. He saw their lips move but he heard nothing. It was as if he was walking in his sleep.

Rushing into the once sanctuary of the choir room for the first time was hard, but seeing Finn sitting there alone startled him from his haze. Finn knew. Did he hate him? Would he even talk to him? Blaine didn't know whether to run away from him or toward him, so he stopped in the middle of the room.

"Hey," Finn said, more welcoming than Blaine would have expected.

"Um, by the time I got up you were already gone," Blaine explained. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye."

"Why'd you do that to him?" Finn asked with an ache for his brother.

Blaine had asked himself the very same question a million times.  "I don't know, I just…" There were so many reasons, yet in the end he'd come to realize that none of them made sense. At least they wouldn't to Finn. "There's no excuse, he won't talk to me. I don't even know if we're broken up." But maybe Finn knew. Finn must have talked to Kurt. Maybe Finn could tell him what Kurt was thinking?

He was about to ask, when he was interrupted by Sam and Finn jumped over to give him a big hug. Blaine just turned, ignored once again, and went to sit. Everyone filed in, but no one approached him. No one noticed when they handed out ideas for the musical that he was uncharacteristically silent. No one noticed that his heart was shattered. As soon as Santana went back to Louisville, he'd have no one. He couldn't even go back to Burt anymore.

The only sign of hope was that Finn still spoke to him and he rushed after school to the florist. He found the perfect card and wrote the first words that came to mind.

_Kurt, I'm so sorry_  
_Please forgive_  
_me_  
_xo xo xo_  
_Blaine_

He ordered a dozen red roses and a dozen yellow to be sent to Kurt at Vogue. At his apartment Kurt or Rachel might just reject them, but at the office they'd be certain to be delivered. Blaine imagined it wouldn't be enough. He imagined that he'd have to try again and again to get Kurt to open that door. But he'd do whatever it took to get back the love of his life and his best friend.


	5. The Role You Were Born to Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long and horrible 34 day hiatus, but now Glee is finally back and so am I!
> 
> Obviously, this episode didn't give me tons to work with, so it's on the shorter side, but as my amazing beta said, it gave me some room to play. A major complaint people have of Glee is that no one is noticing Blaine's pain. One of my twitter besties asked the question "Why must Blaine be all alone?" My answer was that he won't let anybody in. I hope this chapter captures that, even when in this world, people try.

He waited. He called. He texted. He sent present after present, but still Kurt wouldn't talk to him. Blaine didn't really blame him. This was his fault. He'd closed the door as Santana had said, and he'd just have to wait until Kurt was ready to open it again.

Or learn to live with it closed forever.

He wasn't sure he knew how to do that. Kurt was his soul mate. They'd planned a life together…like When  _Harry Met Sally_  and _The Notebook_. This was never the way things should have gone with them. But now here they were.

He sat on the floor of his room, flipping through the pages of the Grease score and some of his other audition music. He hadn't sung much since they'd broken up. He didn't really feel like singing at all. But one song said everything he felt.

* * *

Blaine walked through school in a daze. He heard little of what his teachers said. He never raised his hand, not even in Glee club. He was so lost in his own head, he felt the constant desire to just curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. He went to his locker to grab his history text for his next class, but instead his hand landed on Kurt's scrapbook. He tried to resist taking it out, he'd been ignoring it since they broke up, but his fingers had a mind of their own and pulled it out. He closed his locker, forgetting his history book and walked absentmindedly to the choir room, forgetting his history class.

Even the bell ringing didn't wake him from the dream he was in as he folded his legs under himself and slowly flipped page by page through the book. Memories flooded him, memories he'd been trying to escape. He flipped to his favorite page of Kurt in his tuxedo and bowtie, and tears threated to fall. He turned the page and traced his fingers down the photo. He looked at Kurt's lips on the next page. Lips he might never kiss again. He squeezed his eyes shut and closed the book.

"Santana says to man up and put the scrapbook away." Blaine's lost eyes raised to meet Brittany's as she bounced into the choir room and sat beside him.

"What?"

His phone vibrated next to him and he reached for it as quickly as a snake going in for the kill. Someday, Kurt would answer him.

But it wouldn't be today.

**Santana: Man up and put the scrapbook away!**

Brittany raised a brow at him and smirked. "See," she said and swiped the book from his hands.

"Nobody understands," Blaine whined as his head fell in his hands. "The new kids don't even know Kurt, how could they possibly understand the depth of my despair. And Sam, he's sweet, I know he tries, but he's never had a soul mate. He thinks it's as easy as getting over Quinn or Mercedes."

"I understand," Brittany said quietly. "I remember how much it hurt when Artie and I broke up and I know how much I miss Santana now. I can imagine how it would feel if either one of them weren't in my life anymore. But Kurt will come back, I promise."

"I don't think so, Britt," he cried. "I think I really screwed this up and I think it's forever."

She pried his hands from his head and took them in her own, forcing him to look at her. "He's your soulmate, Blaine. In the end, nothing can keep you apart." She smiled softly and patted him on the knee. "And lucky for you, the end of the world is almost here, so you shouldn't have to wait long."

Blaine couldn't help but chuckle. He shook his head and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks Britt," he said.

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. "Now I'm going back to class. I suggest you do too."

Blaine took a breath. "I think I'm just going to sit here for a while."

She stood up and gathered her things. "Don't you bail on me Blaine Warbler. I'm picking you up at your locker at the end of the day for your audition. Sam's orders."

"You two have been spending a lot of time together," he said in veiled question.

Brittany shrugged. "Like you said, he's sweet." She headed out the door but stopped and turned at the threshold. "No one should be alone, Blaine," she said before disappearing.

Blaine picked up the scrapbook and opened to where he left off, staring mournfully at Kurt's pictures. Brittany was right. No one should be alone. But Blaine felt in his heart that he deserved it.

* * *

"Hey, Dude," Finn called, jogging up to Blaine, moments before he was supposed to meet Brittany. He'd just pulled his sheet music out and was staring at it, second guessing his audition. He glanced up and blinked at Finn's voice. "Saw you signed up to audition." Blaine's stomach tightened. It wasn't easy having Finn around all the time. They still hadn't gotten another chance to talk since that day in the choir room and Blaine's guilt flooded him in Finn's presence. He wanted things to be okay between them, but he knew that loyalties would prevent it and he didn't blame him. Kurt was his brother and of course he should be on Kurt's side. He wondered though if Finn would even want him in his show.

"Oh," Blaine tilted his head shyly. "Well, Sam signed me up. I'm still not sure."

"We need you Blaine," Finn said, a little uncomfortable but earnest. "I hope you'll come."

"Oh he will," Brittany said, bounding up behind them as she linked her arm around Blaine's. Blaine smiled weakly at them both as she led him away.

"I don't know if I can do this, Britt," he complained. He felt sick to his stomach. There was everything wrong about him just going on as if things were normal. Sam hadn't understood him, but he didn't understand how everyone was just going on as if the world hadn't shifted on its axis.

"You can and you will. Santana will kill you if you don't go out there. Besides," she said, with an eye to his sheet music. "I think you have something you need to say. And the Blaine Warbler I know always says it better in song."

He said nothing, his heart pounding in his throat. Brittany waited with him until his name was called and she shoved him out onto the stage when he refused to move. Finally, he awoke a bit to the world around him and walked out on stage to the microphone.

"Hello. My name is Blaine Anderson . And I'll be singing  _Hopelessly Devoted to You._ "

The music started and from the wings, Brittany aimed her phone and pressed record.

_Guess mine is not the first heart broken,_   
_my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,_   
_there's just no gettin' over you_

Blaine's heart settled, a bit, though he had to fight back the tears. Sam may think that everybody had been there, but no one understood what it truly meant for him. He might think that Blaine would just get over it, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. And he didn't want to.

_I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around_   
_and wait for you_   
_But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else_   
_for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you_

Finn watched Blaine. He understood. Blaine and Kurt hadn't ended like he and Rachel had. Besides, he knew what it was like to be cheated on and to cheat. He supposed that Blaine thought he'd be on Kurt's side, and he certainly was. But he didn't hold a grudge. He just wanted his brother to be happy. That was all that mattered. And all he knew right now was that Kurt was not happy.

_But now there's nowhere to hide,_   
_since you pushed my love aside I'm out of my head,_   
_hopelessly devoted to you_   
_Hopelessly devoted to you,_   
_hopelessly devoted to you_

Brittany frowned at how pathetic Blaine was. She needed to call Santana. This needed intervention. Santana would tell her to leave it be, let them work it out, but she wasn't Santana's girlfriend anymore and she didn't answer to her. She didn't know what she intended to do yet, but one way or another, she'd figure this out. Blaine couldn't go on like this, and she was certain that Kurt couldn't either.

_My head is saying "fool, forget him",_   
_my heart is saying "don't let go"_   
_Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do_   
_I'm hopelessly devoted to you_

Blaine would do whatever it took to get him back. He couldn't listen to his head if he tried. Kurt meant everything to him. Kurt had saved him, had brought him back from the brink too many times to count. Kurt had loved him and held him when no one else would. Blaine would fight for his friendship and for his love for the rest of his life.

_But now there's nowhere to hide,_   
_since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,_   
_hopelessly devoted to you_   
_Hopelessly devoted to you,_   
_hopelessly devoted to you_

Brittany quickly saved the video and emailed it to herself at home. There was no way she was going to lose this. She looked up to see Blaine's face screwed up in tears as he raced off the stage.

"Blaine wait," she said grabbing his hand. Tears streamed down his face, unable to control his sobs. "Come on," she sighed. "I'll take you out."

Blaine shook his head violently. "I'm sorry, Britt, I can't."

She watched as he ran off and out of the building. Yes, she'd definitely have to do something.

* * *

"His audition was amazing Kurt, but he's a mess," Finn said into the phone as he drove back to the Tire Shop.

"Finn, you promised you wouldn't…" Kurt begged. He tried to stay focused on the insane amounts of work that sat on the computer in front of him, but he knew immediately that thanks to Finn, the rest of his day would now be a wash.

"He sang  _Hopelessly Devoted to You_ , Kurt. He sang it to you," Finn insisted.

"I can't do this with you, Finn" Kurt barked. "I'm glad you're there, but you promised you wouldn't talk to me about him. I need to focus at work, I can't have my mind on him all the time. He messed up. And I need time. It's hard enough that  _he_  doesn't stop trying to contact me, but I can't take you too. How would you like it if I was giving you constant updates about Rachel?"

Finn sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. So how's Vogue?" he asked changing the subject.

"Vogue is fine," he answered tersely. " How's Dad?"

"Your Dad's fine," Finn said. "They've been out campaigning a lot with the election so tight in Ohio, so I pretty much have the house to myself most of the time."

Kurt heard someone calling for him across the cubicles and Finn motioned that he'd be right there. "I have to go Finn. Take care of yourself," Kurt told him.

"You too, Kurt," Finn said, meaning every word. He didn't think Kurt was doing any better than Blaine.

* * *

Sebastian was futzing around on Facebook avoiding his homework when suddenly his jaw dropped. He wasn't sure why it had taken him so long to put two and two together. It wasn't like it had been the first time he'd trolled the McKinley kids pages in weeks, he monitored Blaine's goings on regularly. But the sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He picked up his phone and spread the news like wildfire through the Dalton dormitories.

Nick was in the middle of writing a ten page paper on the role of friendship in Ralph Waldo Emerson's works when his phone beeped. He reached over, leaving it on the table, and slid the lock. Reading the text, he was glad he hadn't picked up the phone since he probably would have dropped it from shock.

**Jeff: CODE RED - Blaine and Kurt broke up.**

He heard the footsteps of young men racing down the hallway and Jeff and Trent burst into the room without knocking, slamming the door behind them.

"Nick, we have to do something," Jeff squeaked out of breath.

"It can't actually be true," Trent said, shaking his head.

But Nick was already dialing. He thought about how long it had been since he'd spoken to Blaine. A couple of weeks at least. Guilt washed over him. He knew how much Blaine missed Kurt, but he had no idea what could have possibly happened to cause them to break up. He'd been so caught up in the start of a new school year and preparing for Sectionals, that the time just slipped away from him. As the phone rang and rang, Nick nearly thought Blaine wouldn't answer, but finally he picked up.

"Hey Nick." Blaine sounded more despondent than Nick had ever heard him. It was true. He looked to his friends and frowned.

"Hey buddy, Jeff and Trent and I were thinking of heading out tonight, catching a movie or going to Karaoke. We'd love for you to join," he said with forced enthusiasm. He bit his lip in anticipation of Blaine's response.

"Oh," Blaine said lowly, his voice a whine that was unfamiliar to the Warbler. "Thanks Nick, but I'm not really much in the mood to go out tonight. I'm afraid I would be really poor company."

Nick quickly changed his tone. "Blaine," he said seriously. "We're here for you. Always. Don't shut us out."

"I know guys, I appreciate that," Blaine answered miserably. "I'm just not up for it. Thanks though. I gotta go." He hung up before Nick could even respond.

Nick turned to Trent and Jeff, his head spinning with worry and ideas. But before he could speak, all three of their phones went off. They looked down to see a text from one of the new leaders of the Warblers.

**Hunter: Warbler Practice Room. 5 minutes. MANDATORY.**

Nick's eyes fell on his paper, left half unfinished on his computer screen. One line jumped out at him. "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." It was one of his favorite quotes, one of the reasons he loved Emerson so much. The value of friendship was something incredibly important to Nick. And he'd screwed up royally.

"Where did your information come from Jeff?" Nick asked quickly.

"Sebastian," Jeff whispered.

The news of Blaine's break up would only mean one thing to some of the more competitive members of the Warblers. Time to get him back. The boys looked at each other and swallowed nervously. There was no way that anything good could come of this.

* * *

Blaine unlocked the door to the house and went in with a relieved sigh, closing it behind him. It was only six o'clock, but he was ready to go upstairs to bed, curl up with Margaret Thatcher dog and drown himself underneath the warmth of his blankets, even if sleep would remain elusive. He didn't feel like forcing himself to eat another meal, he was ready to just disappear.

Instead he bumped into two full suitcases on the floor and looked up to see his father standing against the couch, his arms crossed. He stared at the luggage, unable to figure out why on earth they were there. "What's this?" Blaine asked, his eyes narrowing.

"They're your bags," the Colonel answered matter-of-factly.

"I see that they're my bags," Blaine snapped crossly, "what are they doing here?"

"You need to go back home," he answered. "To your mother."

Blaine looked at him incredulous. "You're kicking me out?"

"Blaine, I love that you are trusting me enough to try to make this work, but it's not working, not for you," his father said. "You're leaving the house at five in the morning to get to school on time, you drive two hours home. You have no time for school, homework, your friends. You don't want to do the school musical. You're spending too much time alone in the car. You think I don't see how red your eyes are by the time you get back? You're not eating, you never leave your room when you're here. You can't go on like this."

"What else am I supposed to do," Blaine cried.

"Go to your classes and get your homework done, for one," the Colonel said sternly. Blaine's eyes shot up. "Skipping class is not an option. I've never been okay with you doing less than your best, Blaine."

Blaine stared for a moment, as his heart raced with fear of what was coming next, but his father made no moves. His hands never flexed or fluttered. His eyes dropped to the bags at his feet and then he understood. "So this is my punishment. Making me leave." Everyone punished him by leaving him.

The Colonel's arms dropped and he walked over to Blaine, placing his hands slowly and gently on his son's arms. Blaine tensed and looked up. "No punishment this time," the Colonel told him. "But you can't keep doing this. You can stay here on weekends, but on school nights you need to be in Lima."

The tears loosed as he thought about going back to that bed and all those memories. "I can't, Dad," Blaine begged.

"You will, Blaine," he answered without hesitation. "It's where you belong."

His father's insistence fueled his anger and he pulled away from him, storming across the room. "Don't you see? I don't belong anywhere!" he yelled through his tears. "I don't belong with you or with Mom! I don't belong at McKinley or at Dalton! I don't even belong with Kurt anymore and he's the one place I've always belonged! No matter what." Blaine collapsed on the sofa.

The Colonel sighed and walked over and kneeled down in front of his son handing him a handkerchief. "There's one place you will always belong, Blaine," the Colonel said, "and that is on a stage. It took me forever to figure that out and accept it but you have always known. And if there's one thing I know about Kurt, it's that no matter what, he would never ever want you to give that up. He would want you to take care of yourself, so you can be as amazing as you are up there."

A ghost of a smile played across Blaine's face and he wiped his eyes and blew his nose. Somehow his father had known the one right thing to say.

"And there's one other thing I know, Blaine," the Colonel shared.

"What's that?" Blaine sniffled.

"I know that Kurt would never miss a chance to see you perform."

* * *


	6. Glease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are all doing okay. Glease was an amazing episode, I loved it so much! But Klaine was so much heartbreak. Christmas seriously cannot come fast enough, since this year we get PUCKERMAN CHANUKAH! But I digress…
> 
> This chapter has very little Kurt in it. I find it ironic that while us Blaine-stans are so focused on everything Kurt did wrong, this Blaine is too lost in his pain to remember those faults right now. I hope he will soon. I hope the show will address it.
> 
> To my Brittana fans, I'm sure you wanted more in this chapter. I'm sorry. They said so much on screen, they didn't leave too much for me to explore. But there is a little gift for you at the end.
> 
> I don't own Glee. If I did, that hallway scene would have been a 3 hour shouting match instead of 30 seconds of heartbreak.

Blaine returned to his mother's house and to some new kind of normal. He moved his way through the day, much like he had during his early days at Dalton, with a small smile whenever necessary, but lost in the pain of his inner world. The emptiness he felt deep in his soul was crushing, but he had a lifetime of practice looking okay.

Of course, no one was fooled. Artie and Finn were glad they didn't cast him as Danny Zuko, and not only because Ryder was doing an amazing job. Blaine had lost the spark that made him shine on stage. There were times when they could draw it out of him, and for a moment Blaine could forget that his world had fallen down around him, but staring into the seats he'd always lose it again. His father was sure that Kurt would come and the thought both terrified and exhilarated him to the point that he tried to convince himself it wasn't true.

He wasn't sure what he would do at all if Kurt came back. He had so many things he wanted to say, things he'd typed and erased a million times, never feeling right in a text. More than anything in the world, he needed Kurt to know exactly what had happened that day with Eli. But he knew Kurt. It would take a lot for him to be willing to hear. He tried not to get his hopes up. And yet as he rehearsed in the choir room at the top of the steps, the only thing that got him through was imagining that Kurt was there.

* * *

"Sweetheart, you've barely touched your eggs," Mrs. Anderson scolded, but her face was scrunched in worry. Blaine wasn't himself. He most certainly wasn't the Blaine she knew when he was dating Kurt, but he seemed even worse than before they'd left Westerville. The last time she'd seen him anything like this was following the Sadie Hawkins dance. She hadn't done anything to help him then. She didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

"I'm not hungry Mom," he said, pushing the plate away and finishing his coffee. He got up from the table and grabbed his satchel for school. "I'll see you later," he mumbled as he turned to the door.

"You have an appointment with your therapist this afternoon," his mother told him before he opened the door.

Blaine shut his eyes in frustration. "I told you I'm not going."

"Why not?" She came up behind him and turned him around to see his face. She hated seeing him like this. She'd always wanted to stop his pain, even when she hadn't known how. Once she'd had the power and failed to use it. Now she had the will, but not the power. This was the hardest thing that any parent could go through, watching their child's heart break over lost love. She wanted to make it better, but Blaine had thrown up a wall of brick and wouldn't let her in.

"I'm not talking to anyone until I can talk to Kurt. He deserves to be the first one to know. The first to understand." Blaine fought back the tears that were constantly threatening to fall. He was learning to live with the guilt and the pain until Kurt was ready to forgive him. He deserved it.

She sighed and kissed him on the forehead. "In some ways you are just like your father," she said lovingly.

He bit his lip at the comparison, but took it the way she meant it. "I've gotta go," he said, his voice caught in his throat.

"Have a good day at school Blaine," she wished him.

He choked back a sarcastic laugh as he reached for the door. He didn't remember what a good day felt like. "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

"Come on, Tina, is this really necessary?" Blaine whined. Shouts and claps and bellows from the Cheerios and Coach Sylvester in the auditorium nearly drowned him out as they stood backstage, but Tina heard him.

"Yes Blaine, it is," she barked resolutely, slapping a bag into his hands. He instinctively caught it and hugged to himself. "I bought these for you and I need to make sure they fit right, now put them on."

Blaine rolled his eyes and slunk into a corner of the costume closet to pull off his jeans and slide on the snow white slacks. He tucked in his white button down and pulled on the sweater from the bag over it. He avoided himself in the mirror, not wanting to see the lines developing on his face, the dark circles forming under his eyes from lack of sleep. He didn't want to see himself in his costume and have his heart beat quicker at the thought of days when Kurt would have loved seeing him in it.

He stepped out to Tina standing guard by the door, and her stern face softened at the sight of him. "Breathtaking Blaine," she smiled as she quickly checked each measurement to make sure it didn't need any adjustments. "You're going to break every heart in the house," she mused.

Blaine swallowed against the lump in his throat. There was only one heart that mattered, and he'd already broken that one.

"Hey Tina," Finn called as he walked over. "I know you're hoping to do the fitting for some of the other guys today, but I'm holding rehearsal this afternoon at Hummel Tire and Lube, so if you could be quick with them, it would be great."

Tina scowled so only Blaine could see, but then turned to Finn with a phony smile. "Of course, Finn. Wouldn't want to interfere with the really important things. Who needs costumes anyway?"

Finn looked at her funny, not recognizing the dripping sarcasm in Tina's words. "Thanks, Tina, you're the best," he smiled and turned to Blaine. "Looks great, Teen Angel," he beamed.

"Thanks Finn," Blaine answered contritely.

It troubled Finn how sad Blaine seemed all the time, and he honestly didn't want his brother's ex to feel uncomfortable around him all the time, especially now that he was taking over Glee club. "Hey dude, I know you're not in Greased Lightning, but you're welcome to join us down at the shop if you want," he offered, then added reassuringly, "Burt's in DC, he's not going to be there."

Blaine's chest tightened and his eyes shifted with emotion. He hadn't even allowed himself to feel the pain of losing Burt yet. He was sure though that the man wouldn't want him even stepping foot in his place of business after what he'd done to Kurt. "Thanks for the invite, Finn, but…I think I'll pass this time."

Finn nodded in understanding. "Alright, well, I'll see you guys later."

Finn waved as he took off and Tina sighed, her mind already overwhelmed with having to fit four guys in thirty minutes. At least her Teen Angel was perfect. "Alright Blaine, you're all set. Hang the clothes up on the hangers with your name on them in the closet and I guess you're done for the day. At least  _you_  get to go home," she grumbled.

Blaine returned to the closet to change and do as he was told. Home. He didn't even know what the word meant anymore.

* * *

Santana finished up with Finn and Artie, running through the blocking and choreography as quickly as possible. Sam had told her that he and Blaine had a student council meeting and she didn't want to miss him. Thankfully, she found him at his locker as she passed by on the way to her car.

"Hey doll face," Santana called from down the hall.

Blaine turned from his locker and raised an eyebrow. "Doll face, Santana? Really?"

"Well you won't let me call you Boyfriend anymore, so…" she smiled, sidling up beside him. She took in the pictures of him and Kurt that still hung in his locker, but decided to stay silent. She hadn't taken down the photos of Brittany in her dorm room either, no matter how much it hurt, so who was she to say anything.

He noticed her gaze, and turned sulkily back to his books. "I'm not even close to a doll, Santana," Blaine said flatly.

"I don't know. You bear a striking resemblance to a Ken Doll, only shorter and with dark hair. Though right now you look more like a broken, beaten puppy but…" Blaine winced and Santana stopped and cringed. "Sorry, poor choice of words."

"Actually that's pretty much exactly how I feel," he confessed.

Santana frowned sympathetically and reached out for his hand, pulling him into an embrace. He fell lifelessly into her arms, soaking up the warmth like the sun on a summer day. It was just nice to be close to someone again. "He still won't talk to you?" she asked delicately.

"No," Blaine admitted. "It's been weeks Santana." Actually he knew exactly how many days it had been since he'd heard Kurt's voice on anything but a voicemail, but he kept it to himself. "Everyone keeps trying to tell me it will start to hurt less, but if anything it just hurts more."

She rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "Look at me, Blaine. When he first fell in love with you, he was a scared boy just needing someone to love him. Now he's a strong, confident man."

"And I'm the scared boy," Blaine muttered.

"No, Blaine, you're a strong, confident man too, you've just forgotten," she told him. Her frustration with him was growing. She knew it hurt, but he was better than this depression he was plunging into and someone needed to snap him out of it. "Ever since Kurt went to New York, he hasn't really talked to you even before you did what you did and he won't talk to you now. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just needs some time alone. To figure out who he is and what he wants, and he's just been too afraid or too selfish to ask."

"Of course," Blaine snapped, pulling away with a mix of anger and sadness. He sighed, rubbing his face in his hands. He knew his fuse was short these days and he didn't want to take it out on the one true friend he had. "I tried to tell him last year this would happen. Not the cheating, of course," he said ashamed, "but pulling away. A new life, new friends. But he refused to believe me."

"Of course he did, Blaine. Kurt Hummel can be the most annoyingly stubborn person when he doesn't want to believe something is true," Santana said. "If he can't literally stick his fingers in his ears and ignore whatever it is, he'll do it figuratively."

Blaine let out a choked laugh, but his face quickly fell again. Santana closed his locker for him and took his hand, leading him out to the parking lot. "My dad thinks he'll come to see the show," Blaine said softly. He looked up at her with hope and apprehension in his eyes. "Do you think he will?"

She smiled softly at him. She didn't want to get his hopes up. She'd heard nothing from anyone about him coming. But she knew Kurt too. "I don't think he'd miss it for anything."

* * *

He wouldn't let himself believe it was true. He convinced himself it was false hope. So when he nearly bumped into Kurt backstage, Blaine almost thought it was a dream.

What had he been going over to do? He couldn't remember. Seeing Kurt again had robbed him of all sense, not to mention the bones in his body that kept him upright. He could barely even remember his first name, much less what song he was supposed to sing tonight or why the hell he'd been walking across the stage.

As if hit by a truck, he staggered in a daze back to Santana's dressing table and dropped into the seat next to her. "He's here," Blaine whispered.

Santana's face lit up at first and then fell as she took in Blaine's broken expression. "Didn't go so well I take it," she frowned.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he moaned. Blaine dropped his head in his arms. She rubbed his back, keeping him focused on sensations that would help the panic pass. "It was like staring at a ghost, San. A shadow. I know every inch of him. Every freckle, every scar. I know every look in his eye, but the one that glanced back at me today, I didn't recognize it." He looked up to her, eyes pleading. "What am I going to do?

"I'll tell you what you're going to do, Gorgeous," she said strongly as she raised his chin. "You are going to go out on that stage and make him fall in love with you all over again. You're going to stand tall and proud and sing your heart out and remind him of every sexy thing he is missing."

"I don't want him to think I'm okay, that I've moved on." Worry shook his voice. "I need him to know he still means everything to me. That no one else matters and no one else ever did."

She placed her hand on Blaine's. "There's time for that after, Blaine. Now you need to take a deep breath and get ready to perform."

"I can't even remember the words," he said pitifully.

She took his face in his hands and reminded him.

_Your story's sad to tell,_   
_A teenage ne'er do well,_   
_Most mixed up non-delinquent on the block!_

She smiled, her eyes loving and a little mischievous, as she sang the words to him. His soul was and always would be the most beautiful mix of perfection and brokenness, and now, with no one he'd let in but her, she worried he might not come out of this stronger.

_Your future's so unclear now,_   
_What's left of your career now?_   
_Can't even get a trade in on your smile!_

She traced his lips and forced them up into a smile until his utter sadness broke and his lips turned up on their own, with a slight laugh. She smiled wide and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "You can do this Blaine. Go out there and break every heart in the house. And send all your energy to the one you are meant to heal."

* * *

Blaine tried to catch his eye during curtain call, but Kurt avoided him completely. He impatiently endured Artie's after show congratulations and notes, wanting nothing more than to race out so he didn't miss him. Tina would kill him, but he didn't even change from his costume. As soon as he was free he ran out to search the hallways. He finally heard Rachel and Finn's voices and followed them, catching Kurt just as he turned to leave.

"Kurt, I need to talk to you," Blaine called.

Kurt turned reluctantly and forced himself to meet Blaine's eyes. "I'm not interested," he said before walking away. Kurt had thought he could do this, he thought he needed this. But it was just too damn hard. He wasn't ready.

Blaine wouldn't let him go that easily. It had been weeks and there was no way he was giving up what could be his only chance to say everything he'd been thinking. "I never told you about what happened. The guy that I hooked up with. I need you to know every…"

But if he wanted to hear anything from Blaine, those details were the absolute last thing in the world he would have chosen. "What are you going to tell me?" he asked exasperated. "That it wasn't serious? That you only made out? That you didn't care about him?"

"I didn't care…" Blaine said in disbelief, not knowing what else to say. This wasn't at all how he'd imagined the conversation going.

"Do you really think any of that matters to me?" Kurt asked him. "Relationships are about trust. And I don't trust you anymore."

The words hit Blaine like a slap across the face. He didn't understand. He was expected to forgive over and over and over again. But for him? One mistake and it was all over? One strike and Kurt had counted him out. Just like he'd done his father and Sebastian. But others…how many others had Kurt given second chances? Finn, Rachel, even David Karofsky. What the hell made him so different?

"I was stupid to come back," Kurt continued. "Rachel was right. This isn't home anymore."

Blaine watched him go. He wanted to run after him, to make him listen, to make him hear. Make him yell and scream and cry and  _face this_ and tell him what on earth he had to do to  _fix this_. But he knew right now it would do no good. This time, Blaine wasn't the one running away.

He really had nowhere to run from.

Kurt was right.

This wasn't home anymore.

No place was.

* * *

Blaine checked his watch as they all gathered up their belongings in the choir room after the show. 11pm. He had to be right back at school in fourteen hours for tomorrow's matinee and part of him felt he'd rather just sleep there. He didn't want to go back to the apartment. He didn't want to go to Westerville. Everything felt wrong and there was no place he belonged.

Until Santana grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door, nearly making him trip down the stairs. "Come on, Boyfriend, and don't tell me not to call you that because no matter what, you will always be  _my_  boyfriend, so you can just deal with it."

It made him smile, despite himself, and his eyes actually brightened when he saw that Santana's other hand was clasped with Brittany's. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Where you need to go," Santana answered cryptically.

They piled into Santana's car, leaving the other two vehicles behind, and talked about the show as they drove out of town. It didn't take long before he realized that Santana was taking them to the jazz club, and though it held memories of Kurt, it was first and foremost his and Santana's place.

"Text your Mom that you're staying over my place tonight," Santana told him and he did as she ordered. He received a quick reply from his mom giving her approval with a happy face attached.

They pulled up and were escorted to their regular seats in front of the stage. They bantered with the wait staff, who had missed the teenage singers, and asked if any of them wanted a turn at the mic so they could inform the stage manager. Santana turned with an expectant glance to Blaine.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah I do."

They ordered their drinks and some dessert to share and waited for the stage manager to beckon Blaine up to the stage. Blaine felt some of his tension melt away as he soaked in the familiar environment, the perfect mix of darkness and soothing lighting, the dull roar of happy chatter and clinking glasses and silverware. The warm flow of music from the piano and saxophone washed over him, bringing him to the exact place he needed to be to perform. The hole in his heart remained, burned brighter by Kurt's exiting words, and though singing about it wouldn't heal him, it would at least slow the burn.

Before he knew it, the audience was clapping and he heard himself being announced by the pianist. He walked on stage and whispered to her. She welcomed the break and they traded places. Blaine pulled the microphone close.

"Hi everyone," he said. "My name is Blaine Anderson. Some of you know me and you know that the love of my life has recently moved to New York." He looked over at Santana and Brittany, where they sat smiling at him encouragingly, near to one another, but not touching. "Things haven't been easy for us. For a lot of us," he said looking to his friends. Santana and Brittany looked guardedly at one another. They were doing well considering. They would always love each other and support each other. But it was different and it was awkward. They were still finding their place in all this. "It hurts a lot when love is lost. Nothing feels like home anymore." And he feared that nothing ever would.

Blaine closed his eyes as his fingers glided along the piano keys and all he could see was Kurt walking away. He took a deep breath and sang.

_Is this home?_   
_Is this what I must learn to believe in?_   
_Try to find something good in this tragic place,_   
_Just in case I should stay here forever_   
_Held in this empty place._

_Oh, but that won't be easy_   
_I know the reason why_   
_My heart's far, far away_   
  
_Home's a lie_

Lima, Westerville, McKinley or Dalton. It didn't matter where he went or who tried to make him see that life could still go on without Kurt. None of those places were home, they were places he'd been. Places he'd lived full of people who had abused him, neglected him, hurt and ignored his pain. He hadn't even known what home truly was until Kurt found him on the staircase at Dalton and saved him on the staircase of his father's house. Now the only home he knew was wherever Kurt was. His heart was shattered in two and Kurt still held a piece. He hadn't given it back. He hadn't said goodbye. He hadn't even breathed his name. He knew that Kurt still loved him, he could see it in eyes that shined with tears and betrayal. It killed him that Kurt couldn't trust him when he knew he would never ever hurt Kurt like that again. But he'd just have to work harder and do whatever it took to get him back.

_What I'd give to return_   
_To the life that I knew lately_   
_But I know that I can't_   
_Solve my problems going back_

Santana bit back tears as Blaine sang, the lyrics hitting her as she remembered Brittany's words to her earlier. The only time in her life that things had been simple was when she was out and open with Brittany on her arm. Them against the world. She missed it. She missed her. Even though they still talked and texted, and she could sit here right next to her and smile, she still missed everything about the two of them being together. She glanced over to Brittany who was recording Blaine on her phone. "What are you doing?" she mouthed suspiciously, but Britt just pressed a finger to her lips and ordered silence. Blaine saw the phone recording, and stared right at it.

_Is this home?_   
_Am I here for a day or forever?_   
_Shut away_   
_From the world until who knows when_

_Oh, but then, as my life has been altered once_   
_It can change again_   
_Build higher walls around me_   
_Change every lock and key_   
_Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me_   
_My heart's far, far away_   
_Home and free!_

He would come out of this. No matter how long it took, he had faith that he and Kurt would rebuild their trust, their love, and their life together. Kurt could do whatever he had to. Blaine would suffer in silence if it was what Kurt needed to believe in him again. He would let his guilt teach him the lessons Kurt thought he needed to learn and he would change and do better next time. He would give Kurt his freedom to let him fly and learn to forgive, and he'd pray that someday Kurt would realize that there was no other home than with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's words, "This isn't home anymore" hit me like a knife through the heart on behalf of this Blaine. "Home" from Beauty and the Beast is the first thing that popped into my head. He had to sing it for you. If you don't know the song, google it and imagine Darren singing it.
> 
> Reviews are love! I cannot express how excited I am for Warbles and Sebastian and Nick and the Blazer and Dark Side this week! I seriously better get the hell out of Thanksgiving and to television at 9pm or I could explode.


	7. Dynamic Duets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful readers!
> 
> So this was I think, the hardest chapter for me to write because everything in the episode WAS Ready to Fly. There were so many amazing on-screen moments that were perfectly written for RTF Blaine and I didn't want to bore you by rewriting them. I have had to reorder some of them toward the end so I apologize for that. Glee and I always have issues with timing. Please know that the scene with Finn was absolute perfection, the line about Pyro was my favorite, and every single Blaine moment in Dynamic Duo was an RTF moment too. Including this perfect quote.
> 
> "Putting on a mask is like getting up on stage, it gives you the freedom to be the person you secretly aspire to be." ~ Coach Beiste
> 
> That is how it was and probably always will be for Blaine. One does not shed 17 years of putting on a mask in one year, especially when your anchor is gone and you are floating rather than flying.

He woke in Santana's bed as the sun came up. She was already dressed and in the midst of packing. "I wish you didn't have to go back to Louisville," Blaine frowned, rolling over to watch her. "I wish you could stay here with me. Or in NY watching out for Kurt."

"You mean spying on Kurt," she smirked as she glanced over to him. His hair was a disheveled mess, his eyes were red from crying again last night in her arms. She wished she could stay too. Not just for him. "Morning sleepyhead," she teased.

His sat up, his hands immediately reaching for his hair and tried to flatten it down. Knowing he would fail he swung out of bed and gathered his things for a shower. He wanted to take her out to breakfast before she left. "Sounds like Tina and Mike may be getting back together," he mused casually, a bit of jealousy hidden in his voice.

"Yeah," Santana answered, throwing some winter clothing in her bag. "Good for them, I think."

"Did you and Britt talk anymore?" he asked carefully. "Do you think you guys will…"

"We did the right thing Blaine," she said, cutting him off. Just looking at Blaine she knew that. For all her talk, if she'd cheated on Brittany she would have felt exactly the same as Blaine, and she knew she didn't have the best history of faithfulness. It was something she never wanted to risk and college just held too many temptations. Besides, it was better for them both to see what else was out there before they made a mess of things. Now they were still best friends. Santana had heard whispers backstage of romance budding between Brittany and Sam, and though it hurt her heart, she was also glad Brittany wasn't alone.

"Yeah. Sometimes I wish Kurt and I had just…" He couldn't say the words. He'd been thinking it for a while though. If he and Kurt had made the break before Kurt left, they could have done this right. It would have hurt, but he wouldn't have destroyed everything.

The look of devastation that washed over his face in a matter of seconds broke her heart but also infuriated her. It had been weeks and he was slowly killing himself. Enough was enough. "You can't keep doing this to yourself Blaine, you have to move on. It's not forgetting. It doesn't even have to be forgiving. It's just living," she chastised. "You figured out how to do it before, when things were horrible with your parents, Do it again now. Here."

He knew how he did it before. The Dalton mask. He hid behind it, within it. He pushed away everything dark in his life and he showed the world only his good side. It hurt when he took it off, but when the mask was on he could almost pretend that he was happy, that things were okay. He almost forgot in those moments that he was broken and alone.

Santana took his face in her hands though his eyes remained cast down. "Use it, until you don't need it anymore." Santana tried to pour her strength into him. "What do they say, fake it 'til you make it? I promise, once you let yourself let go, it will be easier to let yourself forgive."

"And then what?" Blaine asked sadly, looking up at her.

"Then we will all finally see your beautiful smile again." Santana wrapped him safely in her arms, just hoping it was true.

* * *

She heard the banging of the gavel from inside the room. "The Secret Society of Superheroes Club is now in session…" Her phone in her hand, Brittany rolled her eyes and sighed as she waited with Artie and Becky for their entrance outside the classroom doors.

**Brittany: Please talk to Blaine, he is making us dress up like superheroes.**

**Kurt: I'm not his keeper, Britt.**

**Brittany: Don't make me take out the big guns.**

**Kurt: I don't even want to know what the big guns are.**

"Candidates come forth!" Blaine yelled and Brittany quickly tucked her phone between Artie's thigh and his chair. Artie quirked an eyebrow at her and she shrugged as they made their way into the room.

"Glad to be here Blaine," Artie announced.

Blaine's face immediately dropped. "First of all, there are no civilian identities in here, k? I'm Nightbird," he said, slapping on the character he'd created. "The Nocturnal Avenger."

Brittany tuned him out, catching Tina's eye with a quick wink. Tina whipped her phone out and typed.

"Next!"

"I'm Queen Bee and I can sting like a bitch," Becky buzzed.

"Welcome, Queen Bee. Next!"

"I'm the Human Brain," Brittany said mysteriously.

Blaine hesitated before answering. "Welcome Human Brain." His phone rang and he picked it up importantly. "What's this? A text just came through on my night phone."

**Asian Persuasion: Have you talked to Kurt?**

He closed his eyes. Why didn't anyone understand? This was the one place that he could forget. In costume, in a club that Kurt was never a part of, this is where he could literally put the mask on and feel like the old Blaine again. "I've already told you, Asian Persuasion, this account is only supposed to be for emergencies. And you cannot use your powers of manipulation to coax me into getting back with my ex, so stop trying," he said angrily, slamming down the phone.

Tina frowned in apology to Britt who just shrugged back. This was going to be a gradual process. It wouldn't happen overnight, it might even take until the end of the world itself. But she knew that Kurt and Blaine were soulmates and would be together in the end.

"Emergency in the choir room!"

Forgetting the club, they all raced down the hallway, Blaine's cape flowing brilliantly in the breeze, to the trophy case inside the choir room.

"Someone took your Nationals trophy and left that laptop in its place," Dottie explained.

"Who leaves a laptop?" Artie asked.

Blaine knew who it was immediately. "Someone rich. Someone who wants to send us a message." Sebastian Smythe. He had no doubt. "I got this," he said pressing play.

They all watched the Warbler on the screen, Blaine's eyes narrowing all the time. He thought his friends had learned their lesson last year. Hell, he thought that even Sebastian had learned his lesson, but here they were again, doing nothing but making trouble for his show choir.

When the video ended, every face in the room turned to Blaine. "I'm going to kill him," Blaine growled.

"Not so fast, Blaine," Artie said, trying to be a voice of reason. "We need to talk to Finn first. We don't want things getting out of hand like last year."

"Last year?" Marley asked.

Artie and Sugar told the newbies all about the slushie incidents and Blaine's history with the Warblers, while Sam and Blaine searched the laptop for more clues. Brittany was whispering with Tina when her phone buzzed with an incoming text.

**Kurt: What's his costume?**

Brittany smiled and showed Tina the text. The girls quietly high-fived. Tina sent Brittany the picture she'd taken of Blaine earlier then Britt sent it to Kurt. They giggled with one another on their way out to the parking lot, stopping at Tina's car when Brittany's phone buzzed again. They looked at it together and broke out laughing.

**Kurt: Damn.**

* * *

Nick and Jeff raced to Trent's room and banged on the door. "Come on Dude, hurry up, we're going to be late!" Jeff yelled.

The door opened, but no one came out. Nick pushed the door open to see Trent just sitting down on his bed. "Come on Trent, Hunter expects the four of us to be down there in a few minutes to confront Blaine. Beatz has already gone," he insisted.

"I'm not coming," Trent told them.

Nick stopped. "What do you mean you're not coming?" Nick asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Come on Trent," Jeff coaxed him. "We know you had issues with the whole slushie thing, but this isn't the same thing at all. Blaine needs us."

"I talked to Kurt last night," Trent announced. Nick and Jeff froze, exchanging looks of surprise. "I'm sorry, but I can't be a part of this."

"Did you tell him the plan?" Jeff asked nervously. If Kurt knew then that would mean New Directions knew and Hunter would kill them.

"No, I wouldn't do that," Trent assured them. "But Blaine doesn't belong here anymore. He belongs at McKinley."

"Trent, if you don't come, Hunter will never let you perform at Sectionals," Nick pleaded.

"Well, maybe there are things that are more important than being a Warbler," Trent said firmly. But one look at his best friends' faces made him concede just a little. "Fine, I'll be there for Blaine with the rest of the guys. But I'm not giving him the blazer."

The boys sighed, but they had to respect Trent's position. "It's okay man," Jeff told him and Nick nodded in agreement.

"We'll see you in a few," Nick said.

"Good luck," Trent called as they left, then collapsed on his bed. He hoped he was making the right decision.

* * *

Hunter pet his cat calmly, knowing full well his plan would go perfectly. After all, this wasn't his first mission. He was military trained and had led his last show choir to victory, not with his voice, but with his shrewdness. He'd studied New Directions top to bottom. He took in every word that the other boys had ever said about the rivals they sometimes also called friends. He knew that Trent had crushed on Blaine when they were younger, but could just as easily have pursued Kurt once he'd arrived if things had been different. He knew that Nick and Jeff both harbored feelings for Quinn, who had gone to Yale. He also knew that Sebastian was and remained madly in love with Blaine. Hunter knew the New Directions had lost their lead vocalists when they'd graduated and that Blaine was primed to take over that top spot for Sectionals. And he definitely knew that while he and Sebastian would be formidable foes to the Nationals Champions, with Blaine Anderson on their side, the Warblers would be unstoppable and his scholarship would be secure.

And now thanks to the boy pacing in front of him, he knew that Blaine was lost and alone after breaking up with Kurt, and that was exactly where Hunter wanted the vocalist to be. Vulnerability. Hunter knew exactly how to prey on that.

"Relax Smythe, you're making me dizzy," Hunter ordered. "He'll be here, and you can jump his bones as soon as his transfer papers are signed."

Sebastian wasn't so sure.  "How do you know he's going to transfer? After everything that happened last year, his loyalty is with his friends. With Kurt's team. I know him Hunter. In Blaine's eyes that will be Kurt's trophy you've stolen. Everything he's ever done has always been for Hummel." He hated that it was true, but he knew for a fact that it was.

Hunter didn't miss the pain in Sebastian's face as he said that, but he could and would use that too. "Well that's about to change," Hunter smirked devilishly. "Come on Smythe, that's what you want, isn't it? For Blaine to forget Kurt? To walk down the spiral staircase and have his face light up when he sees you at the bottom?"

"How do you…" Sebastian started, but Hunter just laughed.

"I know everything there is to know about Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel. I know how they met and I know how they broke up. And I know that if you and the boys do what you're supposed to do, you'll deliver him to me hook, line and sinker." Hunter leaned back in his chair and looked at his pocket watch. He clicked it shut with a snap that seemed to reverberate through the room. "It's time Smythe."

Sebastian steeled himself and straightened his blazer. He gave one last brush through his hair and walked out. His heart raced as he stared up the stairs waiting for Blaine to arrive. But then again, it always did when he was going to see the boy he loved.

* * *

_Will you love me?_   
_Even with my Dark Side_   
_Don't run away, don't run away_

"What did I tell you?" Sebastian gloated to Hunter, his eyes raking over Blaine. "Flawless."

Blaine ripped off the blazer and Nick saw it in his eyes, that word stinging him. Blaine felt anything but flawless. He felt like he was running away again. Nick knew that despite finding exactly what he needed at Dalton, he had always regretted running away from the pain instead of facing it head on. He also knew that it was who Blaine was, it protected him, as sure as armor. Dalton had helped Blaine escape yes, but it had also given him the power to face his demons when the time was right. Watching Blaine walk out the door, Nick was torn.

"Go after him," Hunter ordered Nick. "Don't let him leave without the blazer."

"Maybe we should just let him go," Nick's brow furrowed in uncertainty. He wanted Blaine back just as much as Hunter and Sebastian, but after seeing Blaine's face, Trent's words played over in his head.

"We're not letting him go," Hunter asserted. "Word is you were his best friend when he was here. Go after him and finish the deal."

Nick glanced at Jeff, who looked at him with encouragement. He met Trent's disapproving eye for only a second before taking off onto the Dalton campus.

Nick  _was_  Blaine's best friend and he knew exactly where to find him. When he was nowhere to be seen in the gardens, Nick entered the school chapel, closing the large wooden door quietly behind him. Inside, the chapel was both warm and imposing, made of dark woods and stain glass with a cathedral ceiling. Blaine sat alone, about halfway down in the pews, blazer on. He sat with his hands clasped, his head resting on them. Nick walked softly up the aisle and sat a few rows behind Blaine so as not to interrupt him. Silence filled the hall.

Finally, Nick heard Blaine's voice, soft and sad. If he hadn't been listening for it, he would have missed it, but the words were clearly meant for him. "You know, Kurt and I talked about get married in this chapel? Well, really I talked about it. Kurt didn't want to."

"You are and always will be a Dalton boy," Nick affirmed.

"He never belonged here," Blaine said despondently.

"You always did," Nick said.

Blaine turned and looked at Nick, the boy he used to call his best friend but had hurt him and abandoned him just like the rest. The boy who had thrown slushies at his best friend and his boyfriend. The boy who had helped steal the New Direction's trophy. But he'd sought forgiveness. He was here now when no one else was. Nothing was black and white anymore, Blaine lived in a world of gray. "What does Hunter want from me," Blaine asked.

"It doesn't matter," Nick said dismissively. "It shouldn't be about winning Sectionals or even the Warblers. Trent was right, there's more to life than that."

"Then what's it about," Blaine challenged.

"It's about coming home," Nick said softly.

Blaine scoffed. "Home. Everyone keeps saying that word, but it doesn't mean a place. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in New York. Finding another guy that he can trust."

"Home is the place where no matter what you do and where you go, they'll always accept you back. We want you here, Blaine," Nick said. "But even moreso, you belong here. You come back and we'll love you no matter what. Can you say the same for the kids at McKinley?"

* * *

"Dynamic duets."

The moment Blaine heard the words, the hole in the pit of his stomach ached anew. Duets. He dreaded it. Sure he had sung with Artie earlier in the year but that was before. Since he had broken up with Kurt he hadn't sung with anyone and he didn't want to. He and Kurt were  _the_  dynamic duo and he didn't want anyone else to take that place. If he had to sing, he'd do it alone.

Though with the Warblers, he'd never be alone again. He'd share the stage with brothers who would back him up, would support him and understand him. They had their own demons. They'd accept him with all his faults. And he deserved to be with them, not in Kurt's school with Kurt's friends. They deserved better.

"Look at the Avengers," Finn was saying. "Individually they all have amazing powers, but as a team they cannot be stopped. Right now we're a bunch of individuals with great powers and talents, but, we're not a team."

Blaine closed his eyes, wanting to huddle so far inside of his cape that he'd just disappear for good.

"Some of you even have mortal enemies in this very room, allowing the dark side to turn us against each other when we should be focused on the Warblers," Finn said.

"Nightbird is handling the missing trophy," Blaine announced. He knew what he had to do. He'd make the deal. New Directions would retrieve the trophy and all he had to do was go back where he belonged. It would be his parting gift to them. His thank you for everything they had given him.

* * *

Blaine walked out of the choir room, glancing back at the New Directions. He wasn't running away, he tried to convince himself. He was merely going back to where he belonged. Where he'd always belonged. Of course, he wasn't the only one he had to convince of that.

He pulled into the parking lot in Westerville and walked across the street to the Recruiting Center, taking a deep breath. His superhero costume and his Dalton blazer lay in the back seat of his car, but it didn't change who he was. He was Nightbird. He was Blaine Warbler. He could do this.

The bell rang on the door and the Colonel looked up from the counter where he was filling out reports from the Base. "Blaine," he said, pleasantly surprised at the visit. "You come here for work? I have a ton of filing I could give you."

Blaine smiled slightly but shook his head. "No, I um…I need to talk to you about something."

His father raised a disconcerted eyebrow. "You still cutting classes Blaine? Your free pass for that is over, young man."

"No," Blaine quickly responded. "No sir, I've been doing what I need to. But…" his pulse jumped as his nerves hit him. "It is about school." He looked at his father expectantly, but the Colonel waited for Blaine to continue. "Would you…would you let me go back to Dalton? If I wanted to?"

The Colonel put his pen down and sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. He'd taken Blaine out of Dalton unfairly, he knew that now. But even so, he thought it had been the right decision for all of them at the time. Had Blaine remained at Dalton after everything, they all would have continued to run from their problems. None of them would have been forced to change anything, and they were so much better off for it no matter how hard the journey had been and continued to be. But the journey did continue and maybe it was time to reevaluate. Was living in Lima and going to McKinley better than having Blaine return to Westerville and go back to Dalton?

"Dad?" Blaine said anxiously and the Colonel realized he'd been quiet for a while.

"If you were going back for the right reasons, Blaine, then yes. I'd let you go back," he replied.

"What are the right reasons?" Blaine asked, and he looked so small in that moment to the Colonel.

"You tell me son," he answered.

But Blaine didn't know. He didn't know if he was running from or running to. He didn't know if he was crawling back or flying on his own. He knew that the Warblers accepted him, for who he was and despite everything he'd done, dark side and all. They'd embraced Sebastian despite his faults. The new leader wanted him back, not for his body like Sebastian, but for his talent. He wouldn't have to keep hiding what he'd done there, they wouldn't care. And though there were memories of Kurt at Dalton, they weren't  _all_  of Kurt. Not like at McKinley, where his ex's ghost haunted him on a daily basis. Where his friends loved Kurt more than they loved him and would probably hate him if they ever learned the truth. He could breathe at Dalton. He could  _sing_  at Dalton. McKinley was suffocating.

And he didn't think that any of those reasons were the ones his father wanted to hear. The only thing he could say though was the truth. "I think it's where I belong," he shrugged.

The Colonel got up and walked over to Blaine, placing his hands on his son's shoulders. Blaine looked up at him with that ever present mix of fear and love that the Colonel thought for years was perfect but now broke his heart. He'd unfairly ripped Blaine away from the only place that had ever kept him safe. How could he possibly keep him from it now. "Ok. I'll talk to the headmaster in the morning."

Blaine sighed, his head falling in relief. So why did his heart hurt even more now?

* * *

" _Blaine's decided to finish the rest of his senior year at Dalton Academy."_

Dazed by Finn's announcement, Sam and Brittany sat frozen to their seats while the rest of their friends buzzed with the gossip as they gathered their belongings and went home. Soon they were left alone, too shocked to follow.

"I had no idea he was thinking of leaving," Sam muttered to himself. He knew Blaine had been hurting, but he thought it would pass with time.

"I thought he loved us," Brittany said innocently. "How could he leave us?"

"He does love us, Britt," Sam said sadly. "I think he just doesn't believe we love him."

"There's something you need to see," Brittany said and she pulled her phone out of her bag. Scrolling through her photos until she found the video of Blaine singing the other night at the jazz club, she settled down next to Sam. She played it for him and watched his face fall.

"Santana says he's felt like he doesn't belong here anymore since Kurt broke up with him," Brittany told him.

Sam thought about it. Between being Senior Class President, teen angel, head of the superhero club and leader of New Directions, Blaine always seemed to Sam like he'd made McKinley a part of him. He couldn't fathom why Blaine would want to return to a school whose façade of grace and decorum hid a truth of liars, thieves and cheaters.

And then suddenly, he understood. That was exactly how Blaine saw himself. It's where he felt he deserved to be. "This isn't about Kurt, not really," Sam said with certainty. "We need to show him what the rest of us already know. He's a superhero on his own," Sam said. "No mask. No costume. No blazer."

"No Kurt," Brittany added.

Sam nodded. "Just Blaine."

* * *

Blaine stood in Principal Figgins office as the man held out the manila envelope. "You are certain about this Mr. Anderson?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said with a heavy heart. He took his transcripts from the principal and placed them at the bottom of his empty box. "Thanks for everything."

"Be well, Mr. Anderson," he said, then held up a finger. "But not too well. I'm still rooting for the New Directions to win Sectionals."

Blaine smiled softly. "I know you are, sir."

He left the office and walked down the busy hallways, for the last time, to his locker. He opened it and came face to face with the pictures of him and Kurt. He wouldn't put them up at Dalton. Kurt didn't belong there, and it would just be too difficult a reminder of all he had lost. Dalton would be a fresh start, where the real Blaine belonged. He sighed and carefully took them down. He began emptying his locker, each book feeling heavier and heavier, weighed down with the guilt of leaving and the pain of staying. He couldn't win. But he knew he didn't deserve to. He'd earned this. His father had taught him to accept his punishment well.

A voice, sounding shallow in the echo of his metal locker, tore at his heart. He should have told Sam. After all he was his vice president and he would become president now. But Blaine was better at running away than facing people. The only time he hadn't run was with Kurt.

"Dude, this is part of some master plan, right? You're going back to the Warblers to gather intel for us so we can kick their ass at Sectionals?"

Blaine rolled his eyes and kept on with the task at hand. "Sam, don't," he begged, a desperate bite to his words. "I feel awful just as it is."

"Stop," Sam said with a hand on Blaine's back. Blaine took a breath and turned at the gentle touch. "You've been beating yourself up for like, weeks, since you and Kurt broke up." Blaine leaned with his back against the locker, trying to contain his anger, at himself, at Sam. He didn't want anyone trying to talk him out of this, if he had he would have told Santana. But he didn't want to be talked out of this, the Warblers were what he deserved, pure and simple. Just like Magneto's Brotherhood, just like he'd told Finn. But Sam had his number. "You told Finn it's because you feel more at home there, but if you ask me it's just another way to punish yourself. And for what, what did you do exactly?"

Blaine closed his eyes, the smell of that room overwhelming his senses more than anything else. Blaine had tried to forget what he'd looked like, what his lips had tasted like, what he'd felt like. But the smell of the room he couldn't forget. He'd tried to keep it all inside, a secret for him and Kurt alone, but he couldn't do it anymore and before he could stop himself, the words just came pouring out. "It was a guy that friended me on Facebook," Blaine confessed. Blaine knew he wasn't worth forgiving. He was never worth forgiving. So he'd tell and then Sam and the others would understand the kind of person he was and they'd let him go. Just like Kurt. "I went over to his place, because it felt like Kurt was moving on with his life and I wasn't a part of it. And I got to thinking that maybe Kurt and I weren't meant for each other, that we weren't supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. But the horrible thing is right after I did it…" His stomach turned as it always did when he thought about it, knowing what he had lost. What he had thrown away in one terrible moment of weakness. "I knew that we were."

"Dude, you got to tell Kurt that," Sam whispered.

"What, you think I haven't told him that, you think I haven't tried?" Blaine yelled angrily, his frustration mounting. What did Sam know anyway? He'd called, he texted, he sent flowers and gifts, he'd even tried in the hallway of this very school and Kurt had shut him out every single time. Kurt didn't want to hear it. Blaine slammed the locker shut and tried to walk away

"Calm down, it's okay," Sam said.

"No, it's not okay, Sam!" Blaine snapped, turning to him and lowering his voice. Because he was his father's child, hurting the ones he loved to their very core. Because he was his mother's son, forgiving over and over again because it was the only way he knew how to truly be loved. "Because I cheated on the one person I love more than anything in this world. I hurt him. So of course he's not going to trust me, he's never gonna forgive me."

"Even if he doesn't you gotta forgive yourself," Sam told him. "You gotta stop…what's the world when you make someone into a villain, uh…"

Blaine leaned back into the locker. "Villianize?" he offered.

"Yeah, you gotta stop villianizing yourself," Sam told him. "Yeah, you hurt Kurt, that wasn't cool. So you're trying to make it right," Sam told him. "But exiling yourself to Dalton won't fix anything."

_Exiling myself protects you_ , Blaine thought. Sam's words echoed in his head, but so did the memories of his past. Voices that told him he was sick and immoral and a disappointment. Hands that told him he was willful and unlovable. He'd once heard Burt tell Kurt that just because he'd done something bad it didn't make him a bad kid. His parents had never believed that. His father had abused him for everything he'd done wrong, and his mother let him. He'd grown up his entire life thinking that he must be a bad kid, otherwise why would he deserve to be treated the way he was? He'd told Finn it was his destiny and his birthright to go to Dalton and he had meant it. He was raised in pain and abuse and it's what he would do to others, whether he wanted to or not. But he didn't want it to be that way. With Kurt's love and trust he had changed the voices in his head, he had started to believe that he was good. But if the one person he loved and trusted couldn't forgive him now, what was he supposed to believe?

"I just wanna stop feeling like I'm a bad person," Blaine whispered through the tears he held back.

"You're not," Sam insisted. "You're one of the good guys. And I got a whole glee club that agrees with me." Blaine looked at him. He didn't believe it. "Give me a day. One day before you pack it all up. One day to be the hero we all know you are." Blaine lowered his eyes. "And then you can decide where you really belong."

Blaine held back the screaming in his head and looked up to Sam. "Okay," he whispered.

* * *

Blaine entered the auditorium, hesitant, his heart hurting. Even more than the choir room, this is where he and Kurt belonged. Center stage, hand to heart. In their special alcove, picnicking, making love. In the audience, hand in hand, smiling up at their friends. Blaine never felt he belonged here without Kurt. But Sam was about to change all that.

"I don't know if I can do this," Blaine said brokenly in the darkness of backstage.

"I said that to myself every night in Kentucky," Sam admitted. "Those evenings when I was about to step out on stage to sell myself?" Blaine blushed remembering their fight, but Sam had said it purposefully. "You are  _not_  for sale, Blaine Anderson. Not on a stage like that. Not for a trophy. And not for the Warblers." Blaine lowered his head. "Nobody is perfect Blaine. We've all made mistakes here too. We've loved, and we've cheated, and we've lost. But we've also learned from our mistakes and we support one another to be better. Can you say the same for Dalton?"

Sam grabbed his guitar and walked out center stage, sitting on the stool. Blaine watched him in shock, his mind reeling as his friend began to sing.

_I, I wish I could swim_   
_Like the dolphins_   
_Like dolphins can swim_

_Though nothing, nothing will keep us together_   
_We can beat them, forever and ever_   
_Oh, we can be heroes just for one day  
_

Once upon a time, Blaine had been a hero to Kurt, but since then Kurt had been his. Could he learn to be one again, even for a moment, without Kurt by his side? Without the mask or the cape or the blazer? Just him, facing his own world while Kurt faced another. Could they both learn to be their own heroes and someday come back together, once again a dynamic duo?

_I, I will be King_   
_And you, you will be Queen_   
_Though nothing will drive them away_   
_We can be heroes_   
_Forever and ever_

Sam came over to join him and Blaine smiled at the sudden realization. He had at least one friend here who knew the truth and would stand by his side. Someone who didn't hate him for what he'd done. Sam nodded at him and smiled, glad to see the old Blaine finally returning. So engrossed in the song, neither saw Brittany in the audience recording them.

_Yeah we can be heroes_   
_Just for one day_   
_We can be heroes_   
_We can be heroes_   
_Just for one day_

Sam wasn't Kurt, but he was a friend and with him and his other friends by his side, pushing him to do the right thing, to be the good guy, Blaine suddenly understood that  _this_  was right. Going to Dalton was giving up on himself and on Kurt and he wouldn't do that. That wasn't the way to earn back Kurt's trust.  This was.  Staying.  Blaine would do everything he could to deserve his love again. And he would learn to love himself and stop hiding in the meantime. He smiled at Sam as they sang, the first real smile in a very long time. He'd stop floating and start flying. That's what heroes did after all.

Sam playfully pushed Blaine's head and Blaine smiled, pushing back. They gathered their things and Sam walked back over to Blaine. "Well, what's your decision?"

Blaine grinned devilishly. He may be a member of New Directions, but they were right about one thing. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler. "One last mission first." He threw Sam a mask. "You in?"

* * *

Sam and Brittany made the calls and Saturday morning the New Directions loaded a school bus full of donated clothing and painting supplies to the shelter they'd gone to last Christmas. Watching the faces on the children as their parents and the staff sorted the clothes, Blaine felt good about himself for the first time in a long time.

"That's only the start, Blaine," Sam said nudging his shoulder.

Blaine grinned at him and cocked his head. "Let's go."

Outside they met the others who had the painting supplies all laid out. Blaine rolled the paint onto his roller and started tackling the graffiti that marred the building. Playing superhero was one thing, but being one was entirely different. He felt his heart healing, the hole slowly being filled with the love that only came from forgiving and loving oneself. But looking around at the amazing group of friends around him, he finally felt again like he belonged. They all had their faults, none of them were picture perfect. But they all tried to be better. That was what New Directions was all about.

His grin was bright as the paint started flying and Brittany caught his eye across the crowded way. She came over, a mischievous look in her eye and pretended to paint next to him, when she attacked him with a handful of white, spreading it along his face. He laughed and she kissed him on the cheek.

"Welcome back Blaine Wa…." She stopped herself, her eyes softening. Blaine's heart melted with love for her. "Blaine Anderson," she finished. "Or maybe I should just call you Boyfriend?" she flirted coyly.

Blaine turned to the wall and innocently brushed a stroke of white on the wall. "How about we stick with just Blaine," he said, then suddenly attacked her with the brush. She screamed and ran and he ran after her, as they all dissolved into painting each other more than the wall.

Standing back at the end of the day looking at all they had accomplished, he knew that Kurt would be proud of him if he knew. Then suddenly he realized with a shock that that was the first time he'd thought of Kurt all day, and the thought didn't hurt him like it had before. He smiled and walked over to help the others pack up. Brittany slipped an arm around his waist and Sam patted him on the back. This is what belonging felt like, and unlike at Dalton, it felt good.

* * *

They gathered in the auditorium, red shirts on, just like Finn had told them. "Thanks for finding those old ones in the costume closet," Finn told Tina, a huge smile on his face. For the first time, he felt confident, like he knew what he was doing and Tina grinned up at him.

"Just like the old days," she said.

"Okay, listen up everyone!" Finn waited as everyone settled down and turned their attention to him. "Three years ago, a few of us threw on some red shirts, sang a little song called "Don't Stop Believing" and we never did stop until we won that Nationals trophy Blaine and Sam recovered! Those shirts were the start of New Directions and today marks a new start." His eyes fell to Blaine for a moment. He appreciated that it couldn't be easy for him to stand here. On that very stage where he and Blaine and Kurt and Rachel had so many memories. Finn knew all too well what Blaine had meant in the choir room. But growing up, he was learning, meant not letting ghosts haunt them and hold them back. It was time to move forward together. "See, it's not about where you are. It's about who you're with. It's about family, and New Directions was then and always will be family. Even if you leave for a time, whether you graduate," he said indicating himself, "move for a time," he said looking at Sam, "or just need to take a break to figure things out," his said his eyes meeting Blaine's, "we're always here when you're ready to come back."

"Thanks Finn," Blaine said. "I owe all of you an apology for ever doubting that McKinley's my home. You guys are my home. We've got a real fight ahead of us with the Warblers at Sectionals, but I'm not worried at all. Because we've got the team, we've got the talent and we have," he looked at Finn and smiled his thanks, "most importantly, the leader."

Everyone clapped for Finn as he beamed, but then he quickly brought the room to order. "Alright guys, this is our closing number for sectionals. We finish strong with this and Blaine is right. There is no way those Warblers will beat us!"

Blaine took center stage, closed his eyes and centered himself. He felt the energy of his friends around him, old and new, and he poured his heart out on the stage. After all, as Kurt once had told him, that was why New Directions wins.

_Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck_   
_Some nights, I call it a draw_   
_Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle_   
_Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off_   
_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_   
_Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for_   
_What do I stand for? What do I stand for?_

Blaine knew he'd continue to have good days and bad days. Days where his demons seemed just too much and days where he'd be able to feel the love and acceptance that was out there for him. Some days he'd remember the beauty in the world and some days, the guilt would overwhelm him. That was life he supposed, learning to live with one's own dark side. Trying to figure out what love was all about.

* * *

Sam jogged over to him. "You gonna come to Breadstix with us?"

Blaine shook his head, a soft smile on his lips. "Next time," he promised. "Right now I have something I need to do."

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end_   
_Cause I could use some friends for a change_   
_And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again_   
_Some nights I always win_

He stopped at the florist on the way and bought a single white rose, before continuing the drive just outside of town. He'd been there only once before, nearly a year ago, but as he got out of the car, he remembered the exact path. His hand was empty this time, and he shoved it in his pocket. This was about moving forward, not going back.

_That's alright._   
_I found a martyr in my bed tonight_   
_She stops my bones from wondering just who am I_   
_Who am I  
_

After a short walk, he reached the headstone.  _Elizabeth Hummel. Devoted Mother and Wife_. He cleaned the bit of dirt off with his hand and knelt down, twirling the flower's stem unconsciously between his fingers.

_So this is it? I sold my soul for this?_   
_Washed my hands of that for this?_   
_I miss my mom and dad for this?  
_

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet, almost reverent. "Kurt won't talk to me and Mr. Hummel would kill me, I'm sure. But I needed to tell someone who loved him like I do. I'm so sorry." He paused, wiping the tears from his eyes, letting the guilt and the shame go for the first time as if she lifted it from his heart. "I haven't had the best role models to learn how to live and how to love. I didn't have parents like you and Mr. Hummel. But I'm going to learn to be the man that Kurt deserves."

_Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from..._   
_Some terrible nights_   
_The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me_   
_I called you up, but we'd both agree_   
_It's for the best you didn't listen_   
_It's for the best we get our distance..._

He laid the white rose carefully at the base of her headstone. "The rose is not surrender. I won't ever stop loving him or stop hoping that someday he will forgive me. It's a promise, to move on, to keep living for him and to keep working toward being worthy of him again. I'll give him the space he needs, to do whatever he needs. To grow, to," the word choked him but he forced it out, "to love, to trust. Whatever he needs, for however long. I'll leave it in Kurt's hands. Because I know that what we had together was meant for eternity. So eternity is how long I will wait."


	8. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One shout out to a beautiful moment I chose not to include: Blaine's reaction to the Warblers performance was perfection. It was so much deeper than "I'm afraid we're not going to win." If you compare it to last year, when despite it all he cheered for them, it was pure and utter disdain for everything he's come to understand the Warblers to be. Last year he was still a part of them. Now he knows they are everything he hates about himself.
> 
> So, I try really hard not to change things from canon unless absolutely necessary, but I'm ignoring Finn's comment that Blaine and Marley are singing the second sectionals song. I love Some Nights and I do not buy for one second that Blaine could rehearse with Santana and Marley and not have anything to say about how sick she looks and this would end up being a huge part of this chapter and I didn't want that.
> 
> And that's enough rambling from me. Here's what you missed on Glee.

He had good and bad days.

On the good days Blaine smiled as Brittany linked arms with him down the hallway or he jammed at the piano with the kids in the choir room.

He laughed with Tina as she struggled to learn every word of Gangnam Style, helping her as much as he could with the bit of Korean his mother had taught him.

He worked with Finn to perfect the choreography for their second number and he and Sam proudly reported to the student council the number of items they'd collected for the homeless shelter.

He passed his calculus exam and he increased his weights on his bench press and he whispered goodnight to Kurt's voicemail before bed without tears and memories keeping him up half the night.

But the bad days came crashing down on him, reminding him of all he'd lost.

**Kurt: Please stop calling me to say you're sorry.**

It took every ounce of courage and willpower to drag himself out of bed, if only to avoid the rage of Santana if he missed their first day back in the choir room. He knew she'd arrived back in town yesterday and was going out to Breadstix along with all of the rest of the gang. Well, most of the rest of the gang.

As he tried to hide in the back corner of the choir room, seeing Santana, Quinn, Puck, Mike and Mercedes all back where they belonged, the glaring absence of Kurt and Rachel made his heart tighten in his chest. He couldn't help but blame himself that Kurt wasn't there, with his family, where he belonged. Burt must be disappointed, and he hated knowing that it was his fault they were apart for the holiday. Blaine tried to summon his enthusiasm with the others and get excited that his friends were home, but the voices in his head insisted that had he transferred to Dalton, Kurt would be back for Thanksgiving.

"Hey man, you okay?" Joe leaned over and whispered to Blaine.

His arms folded in on himself, he only turned slightly and gave a curt nod. He wasn't at all okay, especially not after Kurt's text. Not even seeing Santana helped because there was trouble there too.

He'd never told Santana how he'd tried to transfer to Dalton, but the way she kept glaring at him out of the corner of her eye told him that she knew. Finn had probably told them all last night and they probably all were angry with him. He avoided her gaze just as he'd avoided talking to her this past week. The verbal lashing he was sure to receive was something he dreaded, but right now his head was pounding with the words "stop calling" and he couldn't stand the thought that Kurt was writing him off for good.

He just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and hope that tomorrow would be better.

* * *

"Not so fast, Boyfriend!" Santana yelled after him as he tried to slink out of the room unseen. He kept walking to his locker in a fog of staunch determination to ignore her. He stayed focused as he undid the lock and opened the door until the pictures he'd put back up of Kurt stared back at him like a slap in the face. His breath hitched and his heart dropped to the floor. He rested his forehead on the cold metal of his locker door so as not to fall himself.

Santana stopped inches from him and sighed. "Brittany told me you were doing better," she said with quiet sorrow.

"He finally texted me this morning San," Blaine choked, fighting the tears he'd held back all day. "And it was to tell me to stop calling him." The tears flowed anyway saying the words and he quickly wiped them away with the heel of his hand. "And I know he's right and I promised myself and..." he caught himself quickly, "I promised I would give him the space that he needs, but…"

Santana's curiosity was peaked but she let Blaine's near slip pass for now. "No buts. Just do it," she said. "Give me your phone." Santana held out her hand.

"Why?" he challenged her, but she reached around him and into his pocket and took it out. He turned on his heel. "What the hell Santana?"

She scrolled through it, quickly finding what she was looking for and holding it out to him. "This is why you keep calling him," she snapped. Kurt's beautiful, angelic, devastatingly sexy, loving, can't possibly look away from it face was smiling down at Blaine. He stared at it longingly then tore his eyes away.

"It won't help to delete his number," Blaine said quietly. "I know it by heart anyway."

"I'm not stupid, Blaine." She rolled her eyes as she pressed buttons that made his stomach queasy. She quickly handed it back. "There. Call all you want now, but his porcelain face and oceans of love eyes will  _not_  be staring back at you." He took his phone back and slipped it in his pocket. He knew she was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. "But for god's sake Blaine," she pleaded. "Don't call him. Just let him come to you. Stop running, stop chasing and just stand still." He nodded but caught her narrowing glance just in time. "Speaking of running,"

He slammed the locker door shut and walked away. "I'm not talking about Dalton with you."

She set a stride to catch up with him. "Why Blaine? Because you know I'd tell you what an idiot idea it was? Putting yourself in the lion's den of temptation? Running from your problems again? Hiding yourself away where the people who love you won't be there to pick you up if you fall?"

"I have friends there too, Santana," Blaine snapped as he threw open the front doors of the school. He knew he was getting defensive for no reason. He'd come to the same conclusions that she was barking at him now, but he didn't need the lecture.

"Friends who nearly blind you and treat your boyfriend like crap. Fabulous Blaine," she said her voice dripping with snark.

Blaine turned angrily and threw his arms out in the middle of the parking lot. "What do you want from me Santana? You want me to run all my decisions by you first? I thought I'd gone too far to the dark side to stay. I thought I didn't deserve to be here anymore. I thought that once everyone found out what I'd really done that they would turn from me anyway, just like Kurt, so why not run before they could hurt me too?"

Santana stood frozen in the middle of the street, listening to the pain behind his words. Her own heart hurt too, but she wasn't sure why. "So why did you stay?" she asked softly.

Blaine looked back at the school then to the pavement beneath his feet, thrusting his hands in his pocket. "Sam," he said, glancing up at Santana. "He made me realize that all my fears about becoming my father would come true if I went there. The Warblers aren't who they were. Sebastian and now Hunter, they do what they want and don't care who gets hurt. I don't ever want to be that person. If I went back there, I'd never deserve Kurt. Staying..." He sighed knowing that all his efforts could very well be in vain but he would do it all anyway. "Staying I just might. And the kids here, they know me and accept me for who I am. Which is the furthest thing from flawless as possible," he added wryly.

Santana closed the distance between them and rubbed his arms affectionately. "Oh I don't know, Boyfriend. It's your flaws I love the most about you."

Blaine squeaked a laugh and nuzzled into her. "Why can't you just stay here forever?"

* * *

He would have much preferred to have been at McKinley with the guys dancing for the lead in Gangnam Style than sitting in his father's living room in Westerville staring at his Mom and Dad. He didn't want the lead, he didn't even really want to dance and he and Finn had decided it was best to give one of the new kids a chance to shine if possible, but sitting on the couch as if he'd done something wrong and was awaiting his sentence made him reconsider the intelligence of that decision.

"Look, if I did something wrong can we just get this over with please?" Blaine asked harshly, his nerves and patience frayed.

Amy Anderson looked at him with surprise but the Colonel just sighed. He was used to this Blaine. "Unless you have something you need to tell us son, we're not here because you're in trouble." Blaine just shook his head. They had no reason to be upset at him right now, it was just always his first assumption when his father looked at him that way with hard, solemn eyes that glowed like ice. "Okay then," the Colonel said, relaxing. "Your mother has something to tell you."

Blaine looked at his mom. She was nervous, fidgeting with the hem of her dress and pursing her lips as if she was looking for the right words but every one that came to her lips were wrong. It told him that there was no right way to say what she was going to say and he decided instead to say it for her. "You're moving back in with Dad," Blaine said flatly. It wasn't a question. It was obvious.

But she shook her head. "No," she said quietly, exchanging a quick cautious glance with her husband. "Well, maybe, but not now. I wouldn't move from Lima until you graduate Blaine. Maybe if you'd gone back to Dalton, but you didn't and I wouldn't do that to you."

"Then what is it?" He wished they would just get on with this. He had no idea what he wanted to be doing right then, but it was most certainly not this.

"We're spending Christmas together," the Colonel told him. "All of us. Here in Westerville." Amy took her husband's hand with a tentative smile and stared up at Blaine, nervously awaiting his reaction.

Blaine's eyes flitted to the clasped hands and his muscles pulled taut, but he just shrugged. "Fine. Whatever," he said flippantly, then stood up. "Can I go now?"

"Sit down so we can talk about this, Blaine," his father ordered.

"There's nothing to talk about," Blaine said harshly, ignoring his father's command. "It's not like it matters what I want. It's not like there's anything else for me to be doing for Christmas anyway."

"This is about Kurt," Amy said gently.

"No Mom," Blaine snapped, even though it was at least in part. Last year, wrapped in Kurt's arms, had been his best Christmas ever, but he tried to tuck those memories away to the back of his mind where he'd been storing the thoughts of a Christmas without Kurt for weeks. "This is about the fact that Dad has made Christmas miserable for us for years and yet you just keep going on forgiving and forgetting, just like that."

She stood up and took his hands tightly in hers and his heart fluttered. He looked down at her stern gaze, biting his lip like a little boy not sure if she was about to hug him or swat him. "It has not been  _just like that_  Blaine. It's been over a year of work by both of us to learn to trust again. For me to learn how I deserve to be treated, what I will and will not accept and for him to learn how to communicate without striking where and how it hurts the most." She reached a hand to his cheek and stroked it as a mother would. "I know it's felt like very little time to you, but to me and your father it's felt like eternity."

Eternity. It had only been at least that long since he'd heard even a breath of hope from Kurt and as much as each passing day got easier each lonely night grew harder. "What makes me so bad?" Blaine asked desperately, his face scrunching in pain. "Why can we forgive him when he hurts us over and over again year after year but I do one thing wrong and…"

"Shhh…" his mother said, wrapping Blaine in her arms. It broke her heart that he was in so much pain and there was nothing she could do about. "You're  _not_ bad. These things take time. He'll come around Blaine, I know he will."

"How do you know?" Blaine asked tearfully, his head resting on her shoulder, trying to hope, trying to believe.

"Because you love him with all your heart, and he loves you. And that kind of love doesn't just go away," she told him as she stared up at her husband. "True love isn't perfect or easy. It hurts and it's terrifying and when all is said and done, it's the most beautiful thing in the world."

* * *

Blaine was curled up cozy and warm beneath his mother's fleece blankets alone in the darkness of the living room. The only glow was from a small lamp above him that lit the worn and tattered pages of  _The Hobbit_. He'd been reading it over in preparation for the movie and welcomed the opportunity to lose himself in the magical world. An hour in, and he was just about falling asleep when the buzz of his cell phone snapped him alert. He finished the paragraph he'd been staring at for the past ten minutes, then swiped his phone.

**Santana: We're coming over.**

**Sam: Bringing pizza.**

**Brittany: Bringing Candy Land.**

A roll of his eyes and a thrilled smile that betrayed his bad mood was all he could manage before the rapping on the door announced their presence. Of course they'd given him no notice to back out if he'd wanted to, which he didn't. He raced over and flung the door open only to be nearly run over by pizza boxes piled high in Sam's arms.

"Uhh…how many people are coming over?" Blaine asked, watching him drop them down on the kitchen table just inside the door.

"It's just us Boyfriend, but Sam and Brittany can each eat a pie by themselves," Santana said, with a wink to her best friend. She offered Blaine a comforting pat on the shoulder before she took over Blaine's kitchen and grabbed the plates and napkins.

"So not that I'm objecting," Blaine said as he grabbed a slice of pizza, "but to what do I owe the honor of your company?" Santana slipped a plate under his pizza with a stern glance and he kissed her on the cheek affectionately.

"Come on, man, we need to have a reason to come visit you?" Sam said as he explored the apartment on his own and started rifling through the movie collection in the living room. "Iron Man, awesome!" he exclaimed, pulling it out. Blaine laughed.

"We just missed you after school today Blaine," Brittany said with a kiss on the cheek then sought out Sam in the other room to help her set up the Candy Land board on the coffee table.

"Besides, I had to make sure you haven't called Porcelain yet today," Santana smirked. Blaine wrinkled his nose at her but then gasped as he truly took her in for the first time and noticed a bruise that had formed on her face.

"San, what happened to your cheek?" he asked reaching for it. He brushed a thumb gently over the hurt skin.

"It's nothing Blaine, don't worry," she said wincing, but shrugging him off.

But worried was going to quickly become an understatement if she didn't explain. "Don't give me 'it's nothing' Santana, I know a slap when I see one," he said seriously. "I'm an expert on the subject."

She reached a hand up and grabbed his wrist to gently pull it away, slipping her fingers in his. "It was just Quinn," she said softly. "Brittany saw it happen, so don't freak out on me. Ok?" Blaine nodded, though his concern only diminished slightly. "Come on." Santana smiled and pulled him into the living room.

They gathered around the coffee table playing two games of Candy Land, debating the character histories and making up stories about them. Sam lamented the loss of Plumpy the green goblin and Santana debated whether Brittany was Lolly the Fairy (who used to be a Princess) or Princess Frostine (who used to be Queen). In the end they all could agree that Hunter Warbler was Lord Licorice and that he needed to be defeated.

They settled in comfortably on the couch to watch Iron Man. Halfway through, Santana excused herself from the darkness of the living room to go pop another bag of popcorn, since half of the current bowl had ended up on the couch where it landed from Blaine and Sam's food fight. Blaine heard the rustling in the kitchen and the microwave go off, but he found himself growing cold as his cuddle buddy did not return. He peered into the kitchen to see her sitting wistfully at the kitchen table, her chin resting on her hand gazing back at them. He quietly went to go join her.

"My mom's not going to be home until morning. Can you sleep over tonight?" Blaine requested hopefully as he slid in next to her. "Make sure I don't call you know who?"

Her face brightened and her lips slipped into a smile as she nudged him with her shoulder. "Sure," she answered, secretly relieved for the invitation. She'd been dreading going home alone all night. "Brittany's taking Sam home, so…" she faltered, her eyes once again dimming with sadness.

"Does it hurt?" Blaine asked following her gaze. Sam and Brittany were snuggled close, giggling with one another as if sharing a secret. He was sure it was only matter of time before Kurt started dating and though the thought killed him, he was trying to prepare himself for it.

Santana's eyes flitted to Blaine, then to the table, embarrassed. "Yes," she admitted. "But I'm glad she's not alone."

And in that moment, Blaine realized that no one was more alone than Santana. He often felt alone but usually it was his own doing. He and Brittany had friends here, Kurt had Rachel, but Santana was alone in Kentucky with no one. "I'm sorry I didn't call last week Santana," he said gently as he took her hand.

"I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me Blaine," Santana said. Her eyes shined with vulnerability.

Blaine understood everything unsaid. It was hard for Santana to admit that she was lonely and needed him as much as he needed her. "Why don't you just go to New York with Rachel and Kurt, San? It's where you belong."

"Maybe," she muttered, her eyes quickly jumping back to Brittany. "But you know as well as I do Blaine, we only belong where are hearts lead us."

* * *

Nick spotted Hunter across the quad in between classes and jogged to catch up with him. "Hey," he called to the Warbler leader. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

"I'm on my way to the gym," Hunter said flatly without breaking his stride. "Talk fast."

Nick gathered his courage. He and Jeff had argued about who was best to confront Hunter, but neither could decide so they agreed that whoever got to him first would do it. Of course, they both had hoped the other would be the lucky one. Neither wanted to be his next victim. "A bunch of the guys were talking and, well, don't you think you might want to change your mind and let Trent perform at sectionals?" he asked, not allowing his nerves to betray his confidence.

"No," Hunter said, rolling his eyes with boredom. "I don't."

Nick suddenly grabbed his arm and made him stop. Disgusted, Hunter looked down at Nick's grip as if he needed a tetanus shot and Nick let go, but didn't let him walk off. "We need his vocals, Hunter, but even more we need his energy."

"No, Nicholas," Hunter hissed. "We needed Blaine Anderson's vocals and energy, and I need a team who is going to stand behind one another and do whatever it takes to win, not feel sorry for our competition. I heard how Trent led the reconciliation with New Directions last year after Sebastian's hideous attempts at leading the Warblers to victory. And Trent showed his loyalty to them again when he failed to help present the blazer to Blaine. If he loves them so much, he can transfer to McKinley. But there's not a spot for him here. Not now."

Nick's eyes narrowed as the words about his friend made him love and respect Trent even more. He wished he'd had the strength to follow in his footsteps. He knew he let Blaine down over and over again, but a Warbler was who he was, even though the respect they'd earned through years of history was slowly being torn away by ruthless leaders. He understood that he and Jeff and Beatz couldn't fix it from the outside though. Their only hope was to fight from within. "You're making a mistake," Nick warned him.

Hunter though took it as a challenge and his eyes gleamed. "We'll see."

* * *

Blaine paced in the corner of the choir room, his head pounding with nerves and heartbreak. He'd already snapped at both Sam and Tina, and Finn gently suggested to the others that they give him his space. Everyone of course was happy to oblige, except for Santana.

"Do you want to tell me exactly what has crawled up your ass, Boyfriend, because you're about wear a hole into the floor and rip off the heads of your teammates." He stopped and looked at her, his face inches from bursting into tears or rage, or both. She rolled her eyes. It was always about Kurt. She should have known.

"He's been by my side for every competition since sophomore year, Santana," he said low, so no one else overheard. "Every performance he's either been there, or called or texted, even Grease. But he's not here Santana."

"You don't need him here," Santana said with a gentle but firm hand to his shoulder. "You can do this."

"I know I can," he said fighting back his emotions in front of the whole group. "I just don't want to."

She pressed a sympathetic hand to his cheek then walked away. He turned back, trying his best to put Kurt out of his mind, center himself, and warm up.

* * *

His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart leaped into his throat as he considered not answering so close to performing. But he'd left the phone in his pocket instead of the dressing room where it belonged for one reason and one reason only and ignoring it could be the biggest mistake of his life.

He pulled it out and the name that flashed across the screen took his breath away. But immediately his mind started searching for alternatives as he whisked away to a corner for some privacy. Kurt could have dialed by accident, or it could be Rachel using his phone, or maybe he was hurt and someone was dialing his emergency numbers for him.

"Hello?" he answered with a mix of hope and shock. He heard the rush of noise, the honking of horns and the wail of sirens before he heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Kurt asked. Blaine didn't miss the hesitation and the nerves in his voice but it didn't stop him from thinking for a minute that he must be dreaming. "It's kinda loud out here."

"Um yeah, yeah I can hear you," he assured Kurt quickly, afraid that he might hang up. His heart beat frantically, adrenaline and hope and fear rushing through his veins even more than it had the night so long ago when he'd kissed Kurt for the first time.

"Have you guys performed yet?" Kurt asked.

"No, not yet." He glanced back at his teammates as he rested on the rung of a ladder. He should have known, he should have trusted that Kurt wouldn't let a performance go by without calling. But even if that was all Kurt had called for he wasn't going to let the moment escape. "Kurt, I just want you to know that no matter…"

Kurt cut him off.  "Just let me talk for a second."

Time stopped for Blaine. His relationship with Kurt, his  _life_ with Kurt was made of moments that moved them and changed them forever, and he knew without a doubt that this was one of those moments. For good or for bad, their story would go on, but he listened and he let go and he placed the ending in Kurt's hands.

"Look, you've…you've said you're sorry a million times," Kurt said. "And I believe you. And I'm trying to forgive you, but I'm just not there yet."

Blaine's heart cracked, doubt filling it to bursting, but he didn't let it break.  He simply held his breath letting Kurt continue. "But it's Thanksgiving and it's Sectionals and I miss you like crazy."

At those words, he did fall apart. His knees nearly buckled beneath him and the tears that had threatened all day fell with relief. Kurt missed him. He hadn't forgotten him, he didn't go through his day without Blaine on his mind. Kurt missed him, maybe even as much as Blaine missed Kurt. That alone would have been enough, he did not dare dream for more. But then Kurt spoke the most beautiful words he had ever heard in his life. "Because you're still my best friend."

Blaine's heart swelled. Even though so much time had passed, he still had a hundred moments everyday when he went to look for Kurt, to talk to him, to share with him and to reach for him when he fell. Losing his boyfriend hurt in the special moments, but losing his best friend was what nearly killed him every day. "You're mine too," Blaine cried.

"At Christmas, we need to have a mature heart to heart," Kurt said. "And maybe if it's cold enough we can go ice skating on the Augalize river and get a hot chocolate? Anywhere but the Lima Bean because when I was working there I saw a mouse."

Blaine choked out a laugh with overwhelming delight because Kurt's wit was one of his most favorite things in the entire world and it surged through him like Valentine's Day in November.  Kurt wanted to see him for Christmas and for just a moment everything was absolutely right. "So, we're really gonna see each other at Christmas?" he asked, voice cracking, wanting to make sure what he heard was real.

"Yeah," Kurt answered. Blaine stood quiet, overwhelmed as his mother's words rushed back to him. Love hurt, and it was terrifying, and it was in fact the most beautiful thing in the world. "Well don't let any of those hideous Warblers win, alright?" Kurt rushed out to break the silence. "Break a leg. Happy Thanksgiving."

He breathed in the gift Kurt had given him, worth so much more than anything he could have ever dreamed. "Happy Thanksgiving," he exhaled and closed his eyes, wishing, wanting more but accepting this for now because had stopped believing even this was possible. He needed Kurt to know how much it meant to him. How much he meant to him. "Kurt, I love you so much," he whispered through his tears.

He heard Kurt's hesitation, but it didn't matter. "I love you too," Kurt said. Blaine hung up, emotions flooding him, relief, hope, love. A chance. The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.

"Blaine, come on, it's places," Sam called jogging over. Blaine quickly wiped away his tears and tucked his phone into a hidden nook. "Kurt?" Sam asked apprehensively.

Blaine nodded and turned to Sam with a small smile, but his eyes sparkled with life. "He still loves me," he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best. Phone Call. Ever. And Darren's best performance ever as well. People can have their ice skating, I would have given anything to be on set to see Darren film that scene.


	9. Swan Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your nice notes on the last chapter. It was one of my favorites, so I'm glad you liked it too.
> 
> This chapter is really filler, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I have a lot of thoughts about Kurt and his performance of Being Alive, but I also wanted to explore what the song means to Blaine, and I think this chapter does that a little.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or Company, though my mother was in that show years ago and I have fond memories of it. Or at least of her performing it.

Everything happened so quickly with Marley at the competition that Blaine nearly forgot that he'd left his phone tucked away in a corner backstage. He whispered to Santana that he was going to grab it and left his shocked and saddened team in the choir room.

Walking into the now near pitch black wings of the auditorium, he couldn't help the memories that always flooded him. He didn't dare venture out onto the dark stage to glance up at the spot tower. Memories were never Blaine's friend. He reached behind the ladder into the hidden nook in the wall that as far as he knew only Glee club was aware existed. He couldn't help the relief that his phone was still there. The last thing he needed was Sebastian or Hunter finding it and searching through a year's worth of emails and texts he'd saved. He turned it on just to make sure, and a text from Kurt stared back at him.

**Kurt: Call me when you win.**

_Someone to hold you too close_   
_Someone to hurt you too deep_   
_Someone to sit in your chair_   
_And ruin your sleep_   
_And make you aware of being alive_

Blaine's heart leapt into his throat and he couldn't help the grin that exploded on his face. Kurt wanted him to call, no,  _asked_  him to call!

He took a deep breath and dialed the number, nervous despite the request. Kurt had refused his calls for so long now, what if he changed his mind this time and didn't answer? The phone rang and rang and Blaine bit his lip with worry, nearly giving up, but finally Kurt answered.

"Sorry, my hands were full of dish soap," Kurt answered a bit frantic, and once again the sound of his voice took Blaine's breath away.

"That's okay," Blaine whispered bashfully, willing his voice to be stronger. "Hi."

"Hi," Kurt said, this time a little more cautious and hesitant. Kurt was sure that this would get easier over time, but it had only been an hour since that first call and it was still hard to hear Blaine's voice.

"We um," Blaine cleared his throat. "We didn't win. I hope it's still okay that I called," Blaine said with a mix of disappointment and nerves.

"What do you mean you didn't win?!" Kurt screeched. He was suddenly glad that he'd gone into his bedroom to take the call. He was surprised Rachel didn't come barging in immediately.

Blaine slowly explained how Marley had passed out on stage. "Santana thinks that Kitty was feeding her laxatives to help her lose weight, not that she needs it," Blaine added.

"Who's Kitty?" Kurt asked confused.

"Oh, well, she was Patty Simcox in Grease?"  Kurt nodded, remembering, though Blaine couldn't see him. Blaine continued. "Jake and Ryder didn't seem to know anything about Kitty messing with Marley, even though they both spend a ton of time with her and she's dating one, though honestly I'm not sure right now which one."

Kurt shook his head at all these names he barely knew. "You have a whole new life there Blaine," he whispered in wonderment, barely realizing he'd said it aloud.

Blaine was taken aback by the comment and squared his shoulders, a touch of anger brewing just beneath the surface. "Yeah, well, I kinda had to," he answered roughly, even though all he wanted to say was that his whole life was with Kurt.

"No Blaine, it's good," Kurt said, wondering where this sudden undercurrent of jealousy was coming from. He buried it down again as quickly as it had surfaced. "It's good," he repeated.

Blaine bowed his head, rubbing his neck, and looked into the darkness. "Well I should go," Blaine said. "I'll talk to you soon?" he asked hesitantly. "See you at Christmas?"

"See you at Christmas Blaine," Kurt answered and hung up. Blaine pressed his phone unconsciously to his lips.

_Someone to need you too much_   
_Someone to know you too well_   
_Someone to pull you up short_   
_And put you through hell_   
_And give you support for being alive  
_

"Kurt huh?" Santana said.

Her voice surprised him but Blaine turned and smiled shyly as he took a seat on one of the lower rungs of the ladder. "Yeah," he said a bit sheepishly. "In all the craziness, I didn't get a chance to tell you that he called me. Before we performed."

Santana smiled. "And what did Mr. Hummel have to say for himself?"

"That he still hasn't forgiven me. That he missed me like crazy. That I'm still his best friend. That he loves me." Blaine's smile grew with each word.

"And you said…?" Santana asked, her eyebrows arching.

"That he's my best friend and I love him," Blaine answered, his cheeks flushing.

"That's great Blaine," she said softly. "Though I don't know how I feel about him dumping you as a boyfriend then usurping my role of best friend," she said wryly.

"Well then it's a good thing I'm still  _your_  boyfriend," he said with a wink.

Santana couldn't decide where her sadness came from, but she couldn't deny it. "So what does that make me?"

Blaine smiled fondly and stood, linking his arm in hers. "Santana, you will always be my girl."

Santana smiled and rested her head briefly on Blaine's shoulder as they walked back to the choir room. Everyone was dejectedly gathering their belongings and heading out to their cars. Blaine suddenly realized he had no real place to go. He'd expected celebratory Thanksgiving turkey pasta at Breadstix, but instead he was going home to an empty apartment. "Hey." He threw a questioning eye to Santana. "My parents are in Westerville and I have no interest in driving two hours to interrupt whatever it is they might be doing. What are your plans tonight?"

She glanced briefly over to Brittany who was being consoled in the corner by Sam. Santana shrugged. "Heading home to an empty house since my parents are at Abuela's and I'm still not welcome. They only went because they thought I'd be out. My flight's not until three tomorrow, so no need for them to get home early."

"Good," he said with a grin and he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. "You're coming home with me."

* * *

_Being alive, make me alive, make me confused_   
_Mock me with praise, let me be used_   
_Vary my days_   
_But alone is alone, not alive._

Santana sat with her back again Blaine's pillow at the headboard of his bed. Blaine was sprawled on his stomach, his head resting on his folded arms, every once in a while reaching back to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl wedged between them to share. They'd considered watching a movie, but neither could ultimately decide on anything, so instead they sat in silence, each one occasionally wallowing in misery or scolding the other to stop being miserable.

"I just really want to compete," Blaine was saying, his voice wistful. "I mean, I know that I've got Student Council and the Superhero club, but neither of those challenge me. I'm not worried about college. Well okay, I am, but not because of that. I just need to stay focused on winning something."

"Other than Kurt," Santana added sarcastically.

He rolled over to give her an exasperated look. "Yes. Other than Kurt."

"You could always try cheerleading," Santana said with a twinkle in her eye, and Blaine wasn't sure if she was joking or not. Then he wasn't sure if he wanted her to be joking or not.

"You really see me as a cheerleader San?" he asked sarcastically, but a part of him wanted her honest opinion.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You're strong as hell, you got amazing moves, a confident air, and a gorgeous face. Pretty much sums up the cheerleader qualifications."

Blaine sighed and rested his hand back on his hands, staring ahead of him. "There's got to be something else I can do."

"Look Boyfriend, you're too short for basketball and I don't think that you got the legs like Kurt to be a kicker for the football team," Santana said. Blaine frowned. He definitely didn't have Kurt's flexibility, something he sorely missed. "There's always the chess team," she teased.

"Reminds me too much of my father," Blaine said into his hands, then sat up to face Santana. "You're seriously telling me that the only choice I have to be on a National Championship team at McKinley is the Cheerios?"

Santana shrugged again. "I wouldn't knock the chance for you and Kurt to have matching Cheerios outfits," she said. "It's pretty sexy, believe me. Especially taking them off."

Blaine blushed and collapsed on the bed in surrender. Santana played dirty, the one hand that she knew he wouldn't fold. He didn't know if the images in his mind would ever be more than a dream, but he'd do what he had to for the possibility that it might someday be reality. Still, he moaned with anticipated regret. "Okay Santana, you win. Just call me Blaine Cheerio."

* * *

_Somebody hold me too close_   
_Somebody force me to care  
_

Blaine glanced at his watch and headed to Sue's office where she'd summoned him at precisely 3pm. He was surprised to see Tina outside her door as well. "Fancy meeting you here," Blaine said with a questioning smile.

"Yeah well," she blushed with embarrassment. "I kinda asked Coach Sue if I could be on the Cheerios now that Glee is done."

"Really Tina?" Blaine asked, his voice filled with amusement and maybe a touch of relief. "Why?"

Tina shrugged. "I don't know. I always kind of wanted to be a cheerleader. Mike said I'd be good at it. So I thought I'd give it a try."

Sue opened the door and shouted out to them as she climbed on her Stairmaster. "Come in Cheerio wannabees and take a seat."

It was Blaine's turn to blush and shrug as Tina shot a shocked glance at him. "Santana thought it would a good idea."

* * *

_Somebody make me come through_   
_I'll always be there as frightened as you of being alive_

Cheerios practice was exhausting and though it reminded him of the early days with the Warblers, it also reminded him how lax he had become when it had come to hours of practice. He welcomed the brief break when he and Tina and Brittany were reluctantly dismissed, with a slew of words Blaine didn't care to repeat, to meet Finn in the auditorium.

It had only been two days, but the truth was, he missed his friends. He missed singing. He missed performing. And he felt bad for Finn. Finn had been like a brother to him for a while, that kind of brother that you never truly understood and never totally got along with but when you really needed him to be there he was there. And as the rest of the Glee club turned on him and walked away, Blaine kept hoping that  _someone_  else would stay. But he watched Brittany leave. He watched Sam go. He watched them all walk away from the very thing they all had promised him only two weeks ago: Family. As he stood alone with Marley on the stage, maybe if Finn had asked him to stay he would have. But Finn said nothing, and Blaine walked off. Maybe holding onto Glee was once again just holding onto Kurt. Maybe it was better to just let it go too and embrace his whole new life.

* * *

_Someone you have to let in_   
_Someone whose feelings you spare_   
_Someone who, like it or not_   
_Will want you to share a little, a lot, of being alive  
_

"Where are you off to?" Amy Anderson asked Blaine as he grumpily packed envelopes, notebooks and his laptop into his bag.

"Dad asked me to come over to fill out my college applications so they're not late. And by ask, I mean, ordered," he grumbled. Things were changing, but he still knew better than to ignore his father's demands when paying for college was involved. Whether it was true or not, Blaine still felt like one misstep and just like Dalton, it could all be taken away.

She kissed him on the cheek as he put on his coat and pulled his messenger bag over his head. "Don't fight with him Blaine," she begged as he headed out the door. "Let him in a little bit. He means well and he just wants to be a part of this."

"He wants to control this," Blaine shot back before heading out to his car where he couldn't hear his mother's response.

The drive to Westerville was long, but since Kurt's phone call he'd started listening to music again so it passed quickly. He pulled into the driveway of his father's house and walked to the door. He tried the knob and was pleased it was left open for him. He still hadn't taken a key back, but he hated ringing the doorbell to his own home. Pride sometimes didn't make for comfortable choices.

"Hey Dad, I'm here," he called tiredly. He didn't want to do his applications with his father. He wanted to do them alone, in his room, where he could concentrate on being himself rather than the man his father wanted him to be. But each one needed an application fee and for that he needed his father.

"I'm in the office Blaine," Colonel Anderson called and Blaine walked through the living room to his father's office. It had two desks, his father's and a second one that Blaine set himself up at. He pulled out his laptop. As it booted up, Blaine looked around at the memorabilia and medals that the Colonel had up around the room. There were also pictures of him and Cooper. Older ones, when they were little. It never escaped Blaine's attention that there were few pictures of him during the years that things were terrible between him and his Dad, but he was surprised that his father had added his school picture from this year to the wall. He smiled happily, despite himself.

"How many applications do you have to do?" the Colonel asked, glancing up from his own work.

"Oh, um, I figured I would work on Columbia and NYU today. Maybe Berkeley too. And NYADA," Blaine added under his breath.

"You think that's a good idea?" his father asked, an eyebrow raised.

Blaine shrugged and turned away. "Doesn't hurt to apply," he mumbled. "As long as Kurt's okay with it."

Blaine had been so proud of Kurt for getting into NYADA that he couldn't help but share it with everyone. The Colonel had known then exactly what Blaine would do and it was one of the reasons why he'd asked him to do his applications there. The Colonel sighed and came over to Blaine, sitting on the desk. Blaine bristled at the invasion of his space and the lecture he was sure was to come, and he kept his eyes trained on the computer. "Blaine, you can't plan your life around Kurt. Maybe you two will get back together and maybe you won't but college is the biggest decision of your life and you have to make choices that are right for  _you_  not that are right for him or for the two of you. I know you've thought in terms of "we" for a long time now son, but you have to go back to planning for yourself." He stared at Blaine who was trying desperately to ignore him. He didn't want Blaine throwing his future away for his high school sweetheart. He only wanted the best for his son. "And I don't think that NYADA is the best choice for you," he finished.

"I don't want to plan for being alone Dad," Blaine snapped, his eyes flying up to look at his father. "And besides, NYADA is an amazing school and Cooper thinks I should apply. He thinks that with that kind of training I really can make it on Broadway if I want. Or in movies."

"I thought you wanted to do music," the Colonel questioned.

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm applying to Columbia and other schools. Please Dad, don't tell me I can't apply to NYADA. If Kurt says it's okay…" he cut himself off, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Those were precisely the words his father didn't want to hear. "I just want to leave the possibility open. That's all. It's a long time until September. A lot of things can change."

The Colonel studied him. He didn't think it was a good idea for so many reasons. But he wasn't going to push anymore. This was Blaine's choice. His life in which to make mistakes. "Very well," he nodded and returned without another word to his desk.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief and for the next three hours set to work on completing online applications, writing essays and filling out paper forms. His father wrote him checks or plugged in credit card information and Blaine pressed send and sealed envelopes.

His father held out a check for him made out to NYADA.

Their eyes met. Blaine saw the worry and the disapproval in his father's eyes. The Colonel saw the hope in Blaine's. Blaine silently took the check and the Colonel said nothing as he turned and walked out of the room, letting Blaine do what he would do.

Blaine placed the check inside and folded the envelope over almost reverently, but he didn't seal it. If he went to Columbia or NYU, he would always be there for Kurt, best friends forever. But NYADA was different. He turned the envelope over and pushed it to the corner of the desk. He was scared that Kurt would say no, because he knew that it was the promise of a future that he and Kurt had once upon a time dreamed of. If Kurt said yes, he'd be admitting that he hadn't entirely closed the door on that future. He'd be giving Blaine a chance to come back into his life, to let him prove himself, to maybe spend the rest of their lives together. Blaine was willing to place that future entirely in Kurt's hands, as scared as he was. Because it was the only future he could imagine right now that truly made him feel like he was living.

_Somebody let me come through_   
_I'll always be there_   
_As frightened as you to help us survive_

_Being alive._


	10. Glee, Actually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this episode (even though it didn't bring me the million warm fuzzies I wanted but knew I wouldn't get) and I love where my characters took me with it. A million thanks though to typegirl19 and StarGleekBelle for their help and support this chapter. I couldn't do it without them.

Blaine stood in the living room of the house in Westerville hanging ornaments on the tree. His mother was baking cookies in the kitchen as his father worked silently in his office. The fireplace crackled beside him, the stockings hung from the mantle, and all should have felt absolutely right with the world.

Except it didn't.

It had been more than a year since Blaine had started going to counseling and as he and his father began to find a place of relative peace and the pain of losing Kurt was starting to ever so slowly ease, the flashbacks had nearly ceased. Until today. Today he found himself in moments of panic, his heart racing, his head spinning and his stomach fighting to settle, and all it took was a certain ornament hung on the tree or the crash of his mother accidentally dropping the cookie sheet on the floor.

"Sorry!" his mother yelled from the kitchen seconds after the heavy metal clanked on the tiled floor. "Sorry!" she repeated.

"Everything okay in there?" his father yelled from the study.

But Blaine didn't hear the words. He heard a crash and yelling and that was all it took for Blaine to once again be 8 years old on that dreadful night when Christmas was forever ruined.

Until Kurt.

Last year Christmas had been perfect as he and Kurt and his mother hung the ornaments on their small tree in the Lima apartment. They'd exchanged presents and promises, including the promise that it would be their first of many Christmas' together. That promise was all that was holding Blaine together right then.

"First batch of cookies," his mother sung as she exited the kitchen with a plate of snowflake sugar cookies. Blaine forced a smile, the smell of her baking helping him relax.

"You're doing a great job on that tree, Blaine," the Colonel praised as he swept out of the office and quickly snatched a cookie from the plate, settling into the couch.

"Thanks," Blaine said with surprise.

He turned back to the tree, continuing to hang the ornaments. Blaine smiled fondly at the ones he had quietly stolen last year from Kurt's trash pile and snuck back to his keep pile. Out of the corner of his eye he watched his parents tenderly interact with one another. They looked surreal to Blaine and it felt like a dream he'd be awoken from as soon as the screaming and the hitting started again.

The truth was, he wasn't ready for this. He was still on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the battle to begin. He still walked on eggshells around his father. He was still angry at his mother for forgiving so easily. He still didn't trust either of them. And he wasn't ready to pretend that it was all better.

The phone rang and for the first time that day his face lit up when he saw it was Kurt. He glanced over to his parents before heading upstairs to his room for some privacy, hitting the answer button halfway up the stairs. "Hey!" he beamed into the phone.

"Hi," Kurt said, more hesitantly than Blaine would have liked. "How are things?"

"Things are…weird," Blaine remarked as he slipped into his room and closed the door quietly behind him. "I'm in Westerville decorating a Christmas tree while my mother makes cookies and cuddles with my father on the couch. I honestly don't know how long I can take this."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said earnestly then paused. It was a pause filled with avoidance and regret and Blaine waited him out while his heart dropped. He sunk onto his bed along with it. "Look, Blaine, I, um…"

Blaine closed his eyes and sighed with resignation. "Just say it Kurt," Blaine told him, his voice low. "You're not coming to Ohio for Christmas."

"I'm not coming to Ohio for Christmas," Kurt admitted. "It's just with my NYADA tuition and they're all going to go to Zanesville to Carol's sister's house, which doesn't sound like any fun…"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Blaine interrupted, his voice thin and forced. Blaine felt the tears come to his eyes as disappointment and guilt washed over him and god how he was sick of crying over Kurt and his parents and everything. "My Dad's calling Kurt, I gotta go," he lied. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Blaine," he heard Kurt whisper before he hung up the phone.

Blaine heard giggles from the first floor beneath him and he threw himself face first into his pillow. There was absolutely nothing merry about this Christmas.

* * *

Blaine's nerves raced as he drove straight from Glee rehearsal on the last day before Christmas break to meet Burt at Breadstix. The call was a huge surprise. Maybe Kurt had changed his mind about coming to Ohio. Or maybe Burt was going to finally confront him for betraying Kurt and preventing his son from wanting to come home to his family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Or maybe Burt felt sorry for him and was inviting him to Zanesville. Or maybe…

He decided getting out of the car and walking into the restaurant was a better idea than sitting alone in the parking lot staring at the door mulling over the possibilities of why the man he respected more than any other in the world had called him out of the blue and asked to meet for dinner. He walked inside and scanned the crowd, seeing Burt sitting toward the middle of the restaurant in a booth for two. Blaine headed over and stood tentatively next to the table. "Hello Sir," he said formally.

Burt kept on his best poker face, the one that Blaine found more intimidating than any other, and invited Blaine to sit.

"Thank you Sir." Blaine took off his coat and laid it neatly beside himself. He forced himself to meet Burt's eyes briefly, but his guilt and shame weighed heavily on him in the presence of Kurt's father. He hastily averted his eyes, concentrating intently on the menu.

Burt allowed Blaine his time and his silence, knowing how hard it must have been for the boy to even come to meet him. Kurt had told him everything he knew about what had gone on and while it wasn't much, it was enough. Burt had his own thoughts but he had kept them to himself this long, believing that Kurt had to make his own choices about his relationship with Blaine. He still believed that. But he also believed that everything happened for a reason. Even the bad things.

"So Kurt tells me you're going to be hanging out in Westerville for Christmas," Burt said, breaking the silence once they'd placed their orders. "How do you feel about that?"

Blaine avoided Burt's gaze, concentrating hard on stirring his coffee. "Spending Christmas watching my parents navigate their tentative reconciliation while I brood over the fact that Kurt's not home for ice skating and hot chocolate like he promised? Sounds like the worst Christmas ever," Blaine grumbled.

Burt chuckled at the pout that was so similar to Kurt's, but he looked at Blaine and saw not the bright eyed always smiling boy that he'd come to know. He saw the hurt, broken kid of two summers ago. It pained him to see that Blaine back in front of him again. "Look kid, I've been meaning to call you, but some things have gotten in the way."

"You don't need to explain Sir," Blaine said into his coffee. "I understand."

"No, you don't." Burt's voice was so firm it made Blaine look up. "Look, I don't know how I feel about telling you this before I tell Kurt, but I feel like I owe it to you. I know how much you must have needed a Dad with all this going on with Kurt, and I wasn't there for you like I should have been."

"It's okay, really. I mean, I get that you're on Kurt's side. I mean, you should be. I mean, I am too, mostly, there's no excuse, so…" Blaine rambled on, stopping only when Burt placed his hand on top of his own. It was so much rougher than his son's, but just like that summer, they were as caring and soothing as Kurt's.

"Blaine, stop," Burt said gently and he waited until Blaine's eyes settled on his. "I have prostate cancer. That's why I didn't call you sooner."

Blaine froze, trapping his breath for a moment before it was swept from his lungs. The room suddenly swayed and spun until Burt tightened his grip on Blaine's hand, bringing his thoughts back from the depths of despair. He lowered his eyes slowly and forced back the tears that threatened to fall. A life flashed before his eyes. A life without Kurt or Burt in it. A life without love. A life without a father who he could be safe with. Or if by some miracle Kurt came back to him, a wedding with no one to give his beloved away. He imagined children without a grandfather they could ever truly trust. That was all it took for the tears to fall for real before Blaine could catch his breath and wipe them quickly away, fighting them back with all his might.

"It's okay son," Burt said gently.

Blaine wished they weren't in a public place because his heart hurt so much that all he wanted to do was break down sobbing. "What do…" he took a deep breath and tried again to get the words out without falling apart. "What do the doctors say?" he whispered.

"They say I'm going to be fine," Burt assured him. "They caught it early, the tests indicate it hasn't spread, so they'll do some surgery and hopefully all will be fine. 100% cured."

Blaine nodded and looked away. "I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to feel the way I do," Blaine said, not being able to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. "I mean, you're not my father, and after what I did to Kurt…"

"You messed up kid," Burt acknowledged, but his voice was tempered. "And I'll never say that what you did was okay because it wasn't. You remember that talk you asked me to have with Kurt two years ago? You remember what I told him?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said softly. "You told him that he matters."

"Well what you did…I'm sure it kind of made him feel like he didn't matter that much, at least to you," Burt said honestly, not pulling any punches. He needed to know what Blaine was thinking.

Blaine dropped his head in his hands, his heart once again shattering, his words trembling. "Kurt is the only thing that matters to me."

Burt took his words in for a minute before answering. "Did you tell him that?" he asked.

"I tried. He wouldn't listen."

"Ah yes," Burt nodded knowingly. "I am quite familiar with the fingers in the ears, the humming…" Blaine chuckled into his hands at Burt's words despite himself. "And I know I'm not Kurt, but if you want to talk to someone, a Hummel who will listen, I am happy to do that."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Burt," Blaine whispered. "At times you've been the closest thing I've had to a father, but I wasn't sure, and then…"

Burt gripped his hand again. "You're like a son to me Blaine, and one mistake ain't gonna change that. I've told you time and again, you are a part of this family and that's true whether you and Kurt are together or not. I don't turn my back on family." Blaine took in his words and wrapped them up like a hug he would hold onto forever. "So listen to me when I tell you," Burt said turning stern. "Kurt's not the only one who matters. So this listening I'm going to do when we get back from New York will also have a little talking about you not throwing yourself around either, understood?"

Blaine nodded. "I'd really like that Sir," Blaine said with a ghost of a smile, then did a double take. "Wait, what do you mean  _when_   _we get back from New York_?"

Burt shrugged nonchalantly, though the twinkle in his eye betrayed him. "Well, I thought you might want to come with me to the city for Christmas. There's no way I'm going to let Kurt get away with not spending time with his old man two holidays in a row. Plus, I hate flying alone and my son owes you a hot chocolate and some ice skating. I hear Bryant Park is way better than the Augalize."

"You're serious?" Blaine asked, his heart leaping excitedly in his chest.

"I'm not really much of a jokester Blaine," Burt arched his brow and smirked. "We'll be in Zanesville for the weekend then I'll come get you in Westerville early Monday and we'll head over to the airport. As long as it's okay with your parents."

Suddenly Blaine frowned. "You think Kurt will…" he trailed off, but Burt knew what he was asking.

"I think Kurt will need you there," he said seriously. "Even if he doesn't know it."

* * *

"You are not going to New York and that is final," the Colonel fumed. It was the weekend before Christmas and Blaine had been scared to bring it up, but he was running out of time. His bags were upstairs in his room, packed and ready to go, though he'd allowed his father to just assume they were for the Christmas vacation. Finally though he knew he had to tell him. Not ask him, Blaine reminded himself.

"I'm not asking your permission Dad." Blaine held firm while his heart beat wildly in his chest with fear. "Burt invited me to New York with him and I'm going. You'll have Cooper here, he arrives tomorrow, right?"

"Cooper's not coming sweetheart," his mother said softly, trying to diffuse the argument. "He got a last minute gig to tape a local commercial in Jersey over the Christmas holiday. He thinks it's really going to explode like his last one, so he doesn't want to give up the chance."

Blaine's shoulders fell as he frowned. "Well, I'm sorry. I really am. But I'm not giving up the chance to be with Kurt on Christmas."

"It's always about Kurt, isn't it," the Colonel muttered under his breath, but Amy shot him a look and he took a breath and started again more calmly. "Blaine," he said as he took Amy's hand. "This is the first Christmas in a really long time where things are okay. No one is scared. Your mom and I wanted to enjoy it together as a family."

"I was scared of you for 18 years, it doesn't go away that quickly," Blaine grumbled.

"You can't keep running away to Kurt," the Colonel insisted. "You have to face it eventually."

"I'm not running away from anything Dad, I'm running  _to_  him," Blaine snapped. "And I'm sorry if it hurts you, but there is no one I would rather spend Christmas with than Kurt." He stormed up the stairs to his room and slammed the door, knowing he was acting like a child instead of the grown man he was trying to be, but in the heat of the moment he was unable to control himself. He waited for the shouts and the heavy footsteps of his father but he heard neither. Instead the sound of soft whispers traveled up the staircase followed by the delicate stride of his mother. She rapped quietly on the door.

"Come in," he murmured as he sat up against his headboard and picked up his phone to pretend he was scrolling through text messages or Facebook or anything other than listening to her reprimands for his insolence.

She sat on the bed and rubbed his leg tenderly. He looked up at her. "Your father just had high hopes for Christmas this year and he's disappointed."

"I know the feeling," Blaine muttered, setting the phone beside him. "I just…I can't give up on Christmas together, ya know? Not when his Dad is the one that invited me. Not knowing that Kurt is going to need me." He looked at her, hoping she would understand.

And she did. She knew how much Kurt meant to him. She'd never tell Blaine, but she'd seen the same look in his father's eyes many times over the years.  _One more chance_ , they begged. Well she'd given his father a hundred more chances. How could she deny Blaine just this one? "I'll give you my blessing if you promise me one thing," she told him.

"What is it?" he asked, a bit suspiciously.

She picked up Blaine's phone and held it out for him. "See Cooper while you're there? I don't want either one of you to spend Christmas without family, and if things don't go well with Kurt, you're going to need him," she said.

Blaine broke out into a grin and took the phone, hugging her. "I promise," he chimed.

"Have a Merry Christmas Blaine," she smiled, tracing a hand softly on his cheek before leaving him to call Cooper.

Blaine dialed the number but it went to voicemail and he left a message. "Ho ho ho, Coop, guess who you're picking up at the airport Christmas Eve morning?"

* * *

"Chauffer for Blaine Anderson," Cooper called with not so veiled sarcasm when Blaine and Burt head out of the restricted area. Neither had checked any bags. Since flying to and from Washington D.C. on a regular basis, Burt was a master at packing his carry on and he'd repacked Blaine's bags at the house before they left.

"Looks like your ride's here Kid," Burt said cheerfully, slapping Blaine on the back. "8pm at Bryant Park. Have your skates on. Don't be late," he winked.

"I won't, Sir," he assured him. "Thanks," he smiled.

Burt greeted Cooper and they shook hands, then he headed off in a taxi for Kurt's apartment. It would cost him about seventy bucks but it was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with public transportation.

Cooper looked Blaine up and down. "I assume you want to go back to the hotel and get changed before heading out to the city. Maybe take a shower?"

"Sounds like a plan," Blaine said and Cooper led them through Newark airport to the hotel shuttles. They sat on the bench, waiting for theirs to arrive. "So what's this commercial?"

"Oh!" Cooper exclaimed excitedly. "It's for a local insurance company! The jingle is really catchy and my agents say it could become even bigger than Free Credit Rating!"

"And they're filming over Christmas?" Blaine asked dubiously.

"Well, they're filming the day after Christmas, and they needed me here yesterday for some fittings and the studio recording and stuff. I think they got a discount on the space because it's off-season," Cooper explained as if he knew what he was talking about. The little bus pulled up. "Here's our shuttle."

They rode back to the hotel, which was only a few minutes away, in relative silence. Blaine let Cooper lead the way to his room and he sat down on the double bed that didn't look lived in. Now that Blaine was there, excitement disappeared and nerves took over. Cooper didn't miss the change. "So what's the plan Squirt?"

Blaine fidgeted and kept his eyes trained on his fingers. "Um, well, Burt wants me to meet Kurt at CitiPond in Bryant Park. Kurt promised me ice skating and hot chocolate before he changed his mind about going back to Lima for Christmas, so Burt thought we could do it here instead." He looked up at Cooper suddenly with panic in his eyes. "Please tell me this wasn't a stupid idea."

"This wasn't a stupid idea," Cooper echoed.

"What if he isn't happy to see me?" 

"What if he is?" Cooper retorted, an eyebrow quirked in amusement.

"I'm serious Coop," Blaine shot back. "What if he just turns around and walks away like he did at Grease, or worse, tells me that he didn't come to Lima because he realized he can't forgive me and doesn't want me in his life anymore?" The sweat on his brow was gleaming and his hands shook just enough for his brother to see.

Cooper knelt down in front of his brother and took his hands. "Then at least you'll know where you stand," he said matter-of-factly. Blaine nodded in sad acknowledgement. Cooper looked at his little brother, so hopeful yet broken. It was the face he had seen and ignored when they were little. When Dad would blow up at them and Blaine seemed resigned to the fact that one or both of them was going to be in big trouble but just hoped it wasn't him. On those days, Cooper just wanted to take the pain for both of them, even if Blaine had been at fault. It surprised him that Kurt feel the same way? "I have to admit, Blaine, I don't understand how Kurt could just abandon you after everything you've been through with Dad. He has to realize that you wouldn't have done something like that if it weren't for all the shit that he put you through."

"Cooper stop," Blaine ordered and Coop shut his mouth and watched his brother. "I don't want a free pass. I don't want Kurt's pity. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life with me because my father was an asshole who abused me and taught me crap about how to be a real man. I don't want Kurt settling, putting up with less than he deserves because he feels sorry for me."

"That's not what I meant," Cooper said carefully.

"Kurt is a romantic," Blaine said trying to explain to Cooper. "He's the type of guy who grows up to tell his kids this fantastic love story of how he married his high school sweetheart. That they'd loved each other so much that they'd never been with anyone else, because no one else could ever hold a candle to what they had. He deserves that fairy tale."

"Blaine," Coop said softly, hating to see his brother beating himself up, but Blaine wouldn't let him continue.

"I took that from him," Blaine shouted over him, "and everything that happened to me before doesn't change that. No matter what happens now, even if he somehow forgives me and we spend the rest of our lives together, that's something that I can't ever give back to him. What does he tell his kids now?"

Cooper sighed and sat next to Blaine on the bed, placing a hand on his knee. "If you end up together, Squirt, you tell your kids that true love isn't perfect. It's not the absence of dark times, it's finding your way through the darkness. It's falling in love over and over again. It's being willing to trust even when it's hardest. It's doing whatever it takes to earn trust back when you mess up. It's forgiving yourself. Loving yourself as much as you love someone else. Kurt doesn't deserve a fairy tale Blaine. Real life is so much better."

Blaine stared at his fingers, clasped tightly in his lap. It was a beautiful sentiment, but he wasn't sure he believed it. "Where'd you learn that from?" he asked doubtfully.

"I learned it from you Blaine," Cooper said tenderly. Taken by surprise, Blaine's eyes snapped to Cooper, who smiled down at him. "You took a chance to trust me again. You let me go back. You let me in. And I learned to forgive myself for abandoning you."

"Like Mom…and Dad?" Blaine said quietly.

"Yeah," Cooper breathed. "Seems to be what the Andersons do. Now I don't know if the Hummel men are the same, but if Kurt's anything like his father…"

Blaine nodded. "He is, in some ways."

Cooper smiled. "Then there's always hope Blaine," he said. "Now, why don't you and I put this deep talk behind us and go paint the town before your date tonight."

Blaine blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's not a date, Coop," he murmured bashfully.

Cooper shrugged and gave him a teasing shrug. "I don't know, sounds like an arranged date to me!"

"Yeah, well, no one asked you." Blaine ducked his red face as he disappeared into the bathroom. He wouldn't admit it to Cooper, but he hoped very much that it would end up being a date.

* * *

Cooper and Blaine took the train into the city and took advantage of as much of their day together as they could. After spending the rest of their morning and lunch at the Holiday Train show at the NY Botanical Gardens, they headed downtown to window shop, marveling at the beautiful Christmas displays at Bloomingdale's and getting lost amongst the amazing toys at FAO Schwartz. They indulged in roasted chestnuts that they found on every street corner, each bag keeping them a little bit warmer inside. At 3 o'clock, they headed to Midtown to the stunning St. Thomas Episcopal Church. Throughout the day, Blaine had been filling Cooper in on all the things he'd neglected to share over the last few months. They talked about how weird their parents had been, Blaine's feelings about being alone at McKinley and finally how he'd almost returned to Dalton.

"It's just not the same as it was when I was there," Blaine was telling Cooper sadly as the world-renowned choir filed into the Church. His eyes glanced over the large assembly of men and boys in their white and red choir robes until they landed on two good friends who Blaine sorely missed for more than one reason. Wes and David were looking for him as well and finally caught his eye and smiled before they were brought to attention by the choir director.

It was a beautiful service, the children of the congregation invited up to sit near the steps of the chancel, near the crèche, midway through the service. Blaine sang along quietly when he knew the words, but mostly he sat mesmerized by the beauty of the music and the pride at seeing his friends in such a prestigious choir.

Wes and David came quickly to find him after and their warm embraces were exactly what Blaine needed to calm the nerves that were starting to creep back up mere hours before he was due to meet Kurt. "Hey Blaine!" they both exclaimed excitedly.

"It's amazing that you could make it out to the service," Wes said.

"You guys sounded fantastic," Blaine beamed proudly.

"It's so good to see you again, man," David said. "What have you been up to?"

Blaine shrugged. He didn't want to talk about Kurt. He could tell them how Sebastian and Hunter had turned the Warblers from a respectable and esteemed show choir to a petty and scheming one, but he was sure they'd already heard and he didn't want to bring anyone down. Not today. "Nothing much really. Just student council and Glee, though we lost sectionals to the Warblers, so…"

"So New Directions will be hitting the nursing home circuit then?" David grinned mischievously.

"You can take them on a tour in Columbus," Wes chimed in.

Blaine laughed heartily. "Yes, I absolutely could."

"So how long are you in New York?" David asked.

"Um, Kurt's dad and I are heading back home to Ohio on Wednesday, so just a quick trip. But hopefully a nice one," he added nervously.

They all smiled softly. Wes and David knew the story, as best as they could, from Nick. They also knew better than to ask too much about Kurt.

"So we're going to head out to some dinner before the service tonight," Wes said. "You and Cooper want to come or are you heading out?"

Blaine turned to ask Coop, then realized that he'd disappeared throughout the conversation and was now nowhere to be found. He scanned the crowd and spied him flirting with a pretty young blonde a few pews away. Blaine rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, sending a quick text.

**To Cooper: Dinner…with her or with us?**

The boys watched amusedly as Cooper pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly checked the text. He smiled, hit a few buttons and, whispering something to the girl, handed his phone over to her. She smiled coyly and inputted what could only be her cell number then handed the phone back. He offered his best grin and a quick wink before nearly bouncing back to where Blaine, David and Wes were standing. "So where are we going boys?" he asked beaming.

They all laughed, and Blaine threw an arm around his brother's back as he let David and Wes lead them out onto the street. Dinner was delicious, full of small talk and hilarious stories about Wes and David's college experiences. It was nice to be away from Ohio, away from the pettiness of high school competition and out in the real world. For the first time, he could almost understand how easily it must have been for Kurt to pull away. New York was like a whole different universe.

Time flew by and before he knew it, it was nearing 7 o'clock and Blaine wanted to make sure he got to Bryant Park with plenty of time to spare. He said goodbye to his friends, promised to write to keep them up to date on everything, and then he and Cooper headed out to the rink. Finally he let his nerves overtake him and he brushed his hands together not because of the cold, but because the blood in his veins was turning to ice. Cooper looked over and grabbed him tightly as they walked.

"It's going to be fine Squirt," he guaranteed him. "Whatever happens, it's going to be fine."

They reached the pond and Blaine rented his skates and flew onto the ice, warming up, getting warm, and working off some of his nerves. At 7:45 he skated over to Cooper who sat at one of the tables away from the front door. They didn't want to ruin the surprise.

"What if he doesn't come," Blaine asked for the third time, as he stood breathlessly against the rail.

"He's going to come Blaine, and you're going to miss him if you keep spinning around the pond or fretting over here next to me." Blaine took a deep breath and Cooper took a glance at the entrance, his eyes lighting up. "In fact, he's here now," Coop said and Blaine immediately snapped his attention to the entrance where a beautiful sight filled his eyes. He felt a pat on his back and heard the words, "Go get him tiger," before he closed his eyes, said a quick prayer, and skated over to the love of his life.

* * *

Seeing your child hurt is one of the hardest things a parent can go through, and seeing Kurt torn between forgiveness and fear nearly broke Burt's heart as he watched Kurt and Blaine skate together on the ice. If only he'd known then what he knew now, he would have given Blaine more of the attention he so desperately needed after Kurt left. He would have made sure Blaine knew that he mattered, not just to Kurt, but to him.

Walking to Bryant Park, following Kurt at a safe distance where he couldn't be seen, Burt never realized how beautiful New York could be. But Kurt was right; it was a city full of magic.

He hoped the magic could help his kids take that first step again. They were just not the same without one another. He nodded as he watched them together on the ice. They were beautiful.

If Burt had known then what he knew now, he would have done a better job of showing Kurt how much work went into a relationship. He would have taught him that love is earned, not given freely. That it takes attention and care. That taking it for granted was the surest way of losing it.

Burt sat at a table by the frozen pond and watched children and families and couples all skate hand in hand. Some fell only to give up. Some reached a hand and supported one another. And some skated by, seemingly without a care in the world.

He'd always taught Kurt to reach a hand, but never had he told him what to do when it burned him.

He watched his son catch his eyes, and Kurt smiled softly, whispering to Blaine that he'd be back in a bit. He skated over, nearly falling once but hanging on, as he came slamming to the edge. He wobbled his way next to his father, where he sighed heavily and took a seat.

"I hope I didn't mess up your Christmas," Burt said earnestly. "I thought you might need him…after my news."

Kurt's eyes stayed trained on Blaine, who skated as well as the professionals out on the ice.  His face beamed with hope and excitement, like a child on Christmas morning. Kurt shook his head slightly at his Dad. "No, you didn't mess it up. You did maybe complicate things a bit though," he smirked.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Burt confessed with a heavy heart. "I don't think I gave you all the tools you needed to handle this."

"I still love him, Dad. But I don't know if we're meant to be. I'm afraid to trust him. What if I take him back and he does it again?" Kurt asked, his fear caught in his voice.

"What if he doesn't?" Burt retorted. He turned and placed a comforting hand on Kurt's knee, wishing as always that this was as easy to fix as the scrapes from falling of his bicycle had been so many years ago. Kurt looked at him, his blue eyes so much older than those days, but still searching for his Dad to have all the answers. "There are an infinite number of what ifs in a relationship, but we can't tell the future, Kurt. I couldn't have known that my time with your mother would have been cut short. But if I had known then what I know now, I still would not have changed a single second with her."

"So what do I do?" Kurt asked.

He rested his head on Burt's shoulder, and held his hand. It struck Burt in that moment how he'd do anything to stop his child's pain but nothing to prevent his own, because without it, he wouldn't be who he was today. And he realized, he had to let him go. He'd done as much as he could. This was part of Kurt growing up, and Burt couldn't push him any further.

"This is your life son, your future," Burt told him. "So the only question to ask yourself is, can you imagine it without him?"

* * *

They skated for a couple of hours after their impromptu duet. Cooper and Burt had gone off together somewhere and both boys were a little apprehensive about what those two could be up to. As they each took their moments resting on the sidelines, they watched the other closely. So many thoughts raced through their heads. The uncertainty of their present and their future most prominent in their minds.

Despite promises of a mature heart to heart, the words they both needed to say went unspoken that night. They went to warm up at Celsius, sharing a pumpkin cheesecake, as they allowed themselves to focus on the skaters below rather than each other. Meeting one another's eyes, especially for Kurt, was too powerful, too full of emotion they still weren't ready to explore. When Kurt did look at Blaine, as he had on the ice, his stomach tightened and his heart beat quickly at the reminder of his infidelity. But the thought of walking away from him forever felt even worse.

"I'm sorry about your Dad, Kurt," Blaine said gently. The subject was hard, but it was safer than talking about them. And it was why Burt had brought him here after all.

Kurt lowered his eyes to the table. He'd been trying not to think about it, but that was the other thing weighing heavily on him and he what he needed more than anything was to talk to his best friend. "I'm just so scared," Kurt admitted, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I keep imagining him not being here for my first starring role, or my NYADA graduation, or my wedding." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and though both of their faces reddened at the image, they looked away and didn't acknowledge the awkwardness.

Blaine pulled his hands into his lap to prevent himself from reaching out for Kurt, but with the power in his voice, he forced Kurt's attention. "Listen to me Kurt," he said firmly. "Your father is the strongest man I know, next to you, and there is no way he isn't going to fight like hell to be there for all of those things and more. So don't even let your mind go there. This may slow him down a bit, but it is  _not_  going to stop him. Nothing stops the Hummel men," Blaine said. "Getting into NYADA is proof of that," he added with a proud smile.

Kurt blushed and averted his eyes. "Yeah, it is, isn't it."

"Don't ever give up on your dreams, Kurt. Whatever they are, whoever they're with. Don't give up and your father will be there to see you make them come true."

"Thanks Blaine," Kurt replied, though the words seem to fall incredibly short of all he wanted to say. Luckily Blaine seemed to understand.

"You're welcome," he answered smoothly. "Come on, let's go get that hot chocolate you promised me. This is most definitely not the Lima Bean."

They went to the counter and ordered two Chocolate Storms to go. They held the warm cups firmly between their fingers, in part to keep warm, but also to keep from holding hands, something that felt so natural and yet so precarious to them both. As they walked out of the Park, the church bells chimed. Blaine's face lit up. "Listen, hey, it's midnight!" Kurt watched him and nodded. "It's Christmas."

"Officially," Kurt said quietly, awkwardly.

Blaine looked at him. He knew Kurt was hesitant. This wasn't the grand reunification that he'd hoped for, but it also wasn't the complete rejection that he'd dreaded. It was friendship. And he could be okay with that. "No matter what, no matter where, even if we're not together, we're always gonna be there for each other."

"Yeah," Kurt smiled and wrapped an arm around Blaine in a gentle hug. Blaine squeezed his eyes closed and sighed against Kurt's shoulder, breathing in the scent that he'd missed so much. He opened his eyes to see Burt smiling back at them, but by the time Kurt let go, Burt was gone.

Blaine ducked his head, not wanting to make Kurt any more uncomfortable than he already was. "I should be going. It's a long trip back to Newark." He shuffled his feet, absentmindedly tracing a heart on the ground with his toe. "It was great seeing you, Kurt," he said in farewell.

"Wait, you're not coming over for Christmas tomorrow?" Kurt found himself asking, wondering as soon as it was out of his mouth if he regretted it or not.

"Oh, well, I didn't want to assume," Blaine stammered. "Or intrude. I mean, I know it's important for you and your dad to spend that time together."

Kurt was pretty sure his Dad would kill him if he didn't invite Blaine, but he didn't want to say that and imply he didn't want Blaine there. He also didn't want to say how much he would miss Blaine if he didn't come and give him false hope for a Christmas miracle. "My dad says the game starts at noon," Kurt said off-handedly, a crooked smile on his face. "He'll need someone to watch with. And I'll need someone who can appreciate Vogue."

Blaine smiled, consciously softening his eyes to temper his excitement. "Great," he said with veiled delight. "I'll see you at noon tomorrow."

* * *

Memories. He didn't know why they had such a powerful hold over him, he just knew that no matter how hard he tried to banish the ghosts of his past, they continued to haunt him. Stepping up to Kurt's apartment door, he took a deep breath and reminded himself that this time was different. Except it didn't feel that different.

Kurt opened the door and welcomed him not with a kiss and a hug but a tight-lipped smile that clearly gave away the battle Kurt was fighting inside. Blaine returned it and walked inside, thankful for the warm presence of Burt.

"Hey Kid," Burt greeted from the couch. "The games just starting and Kurt is busy cooking. Keep an old man company?"

Blaine's smile brightened as he hung up his coat. "That's why I'm here," he laughed, side-eyeing Kurt, who nodded and turned quietly back to the kitchen. Blaine took a deep breath. The tension was palpable, but it wasn't that Kurt didn't want him there. It was more that Kurt didn't  _want_  to want him there. And that Blaine understood. The last time Blaine was there had been one of the worst nights of both of their lives.

Glancing to the bedroom where they'd spent hours in silence, not saying all the things that needed to be said, Blaine took a seat next to Burt and tried to shake off the past. Burt's cheerful and knowing grin helped. "He's glad you're here," Burt whispered. "Don't let him make you think otherwise."

Blaine blushed and smiled at his fingers.

They watched the Celtics game together in relative silence, munching popcorn, letting their opposite cheers and yells carry to Kurt's ears in the kitchen. Clearly his father was rooting for the Celtics and Blaine the Nets, though Kurt knew Blaine didn't really care either way. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd done it just for the sake of a bet. It made Kurt smile to think of the friendship that Blaine and his father had developed. He felt guilty that he wouldn't be home to care for his father during his surgery and after, but knowing that Blaine would be there, would be the son that he couldn't be right now, meant a lot to Kurt. It meant more than maybe it should. As he put the last of the dishes in the oven, and cleaned up the kitchen, he fought back the urge to let this change the way he felt about what Blaine had done. Still, he was grateful.

Kurt walked into the living room and sat with them, staring at the men in ugly shirts and shorts run around the court passing the ball. When there was so much going on in the world, he didn't understand how anyone could care so much about whether grown men were able to throw a ball into a tiny hoop, but he guessed everyone needed their distraction. He glanced at his father and then at the Vogue magazine on the table and gave in to temptation.

Blaine took out his wallet and slapped a bill into Burt's hand and Kurt just rolled his eyes. They were two peas in a pod, two childish peas in a pod.

Burt happily took Blaine's money. He was pretty sure he'd be giving it right back when the Celtics lost tonight but he'd be the last to admit it now. "So," he said. "Graduating…plans for the future?"

Blaine's heart skipped a beat at the question. This wasn't the where or the how he had wanted to talk to Kurt about it. But somehow he thought that Burt knew that and also knew best. So he went with it. "Uh, well, I haven't talked about this with Kurt, and I wouldn't want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, but I was thinking about applying to NYADA. Would that be okay?" He held his breath as he looked behind Burt to Kurt. If Kurt said it wasn't would he throw his application out? Would he give up on the chances he and Kurt had dreamed about since they'd seen their first Broadway show last January? Would he give up on this part of his future because Kurt didn't want to be a part of it? Would Kurt ask him to?

Blaine saw the hesitation, the doubt and the fear in Kurt's eyes. He didn't ignore them, he watched Kurt carefully. But when Kurt answered, "I think that'd be great," Blaine couldn't help the small smile that escaped. Because Kurt didn't ask him to give anything up, and really, Blaine never should have thought he would. "Me, too," he said popping a popcorn piece in his mouth.

The rest of the night was everything for Blaine that Christmas at his own house would not have been. All games over and bets paid up, Blaine helped Kurt set the table for Christmas dinner. It smelled delicious, the place looked fantastic, Kurt looked absolutely gorgeous and there was no way that Blaine could banish the thoughts in his mind even if he wanted to, which only a part of him did. He would do everything he had to in order to keep Kurt in his life. To keep this wonderful Christmas tradition a part of his life. In whatever way the fates allowed, he never wanted to spend Christmas without him. As friends, as lovers, or as husbands, Blaine believed in Kurt more than anything else. It was okay that Kurt wasn't yet sure where Blaine belonged in his life. Because this night, that smile, meant that there was still a place for him, somehow. And that was enough for now.

As he pulled the chair out for the man who had taught him what it was to be a man, as he watched Kurt and his Dad chatter about anything at everything, he was overwhelmed once again by their relationship. This was what family was. It was a father and son who loved each other, respected one another, and cared so deeply that maybe sometimes they overstepped boundaries that ought to be knocked down anyway. It was sharing happy memories of Christmas' gone by. It was not being afraid. Not walking on egg shells. It was not waiting for the next shoe to drop but instead for the next laugh to make you choke on your drink. This was family. This was Blaine's family, for better or for worse, and there was nowhere else that he truly belonged. And that gift was given to him not by the beautiful boy sitting next to him, but by the man who had somehow miraculously offered him trust and respect despite his mistakes. Burt had invited him in, two years ago and again tonight. And because of that, Blaine was most definitely having a merry little Christmas now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene with Burt at the ice skating rink I stole from myself from Between Friends. It was a scene I wrote before the spoilers of Bryant Park were out so I'm quite proud of myself for anticipating that scene. If you want to read the original, it's called "If I Knew Then."


	11. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was born out of spending 6 hours alone in a car one day and a glance at the gif of Sam pushing Blaine in the choir room and Blaine defending himself. I made my beta a sad panda because it's really angsty. But I also think it's a really necessary step to move into the second half of the season.
> 
> Love to MuseInMe3 for giving me the push I needed to finish this chapter. And for saying that my angst makes things sweeter rather than worse. I hope she's right.
> 
> WARNINGS: Parental emotional abuse and allusions to physical abuse.

" _Get your coat on Blaine, it's time to go," Colonel Anderson yelled._

_Blaine walked slowly down the stairs, his sheet music in hand, and grabbed his peacoat._

" _Jenny's really been looking forward to this duet," he told Blaine. "She's been asking about you a lot," he said with a sly wink. "Asked if you had a girlfriend."_

_Blaine froze in place, his stomach quickly tying into knots. It was moments like these he knew his father was just itching to pick a fight. "What did you tell her?" he asked cautiously._

" _I told her you didn't," his father smirked. "She was very pleased."_

" _But why would you tell her that?" Blaine questioned unable to hold back his frustration. "It's just leading her on. She'll think I'm interested."_

" _Well you should be," the Colonel answered bluntly._

" _Dad, wishing it away is not going to make me not gay," Blaine said._

_Blaine knew the strike was coming and he knew it was aimed for his face, but at the last minute Blaine's public performance in a little over an hour was remembered and it was redirected. The blow against his arm still stung and knocked him off balance, but it could have been far worse. His father's finger was instantly in his face. "There will be no more of that talk in my house," he commanded. "Now get your coat on."_

_I really can't stay_  
_Get over that hold out_  
_Ahh..But it's cold outside_

_Blaine smiled at Jenny as the audience, filled with serviceman and their families, applauded for them. She beamed back at him, her pale cheeks rosy, her bright blue eyes shining with delight and pride. She nearly skipped as she grabbed his hand and pulled him backstage, her arms flinging around him in a giant hug before the next act barely even made it onstage._

_"That was amazing Blaine!" she exclaimed breathlessly before gathering her nerve and kissing him. Blaine's eyes opened wide in shock and he brusquely pulled away from her lips._

_"What's the matter?" she asked, hurt and confused. "Don't you like me?"_

_"Of course I like you, Jenny," he answered quickly, trying to make her feel better. "We've been friends since our dads came back from the war."_

_"Well aren't I pretty?" she asked, running a finger through her long blonde hair dejectedly._

_"You're beautiful," Blaine answered awkwardly, his brow furrowing. He hated that he was making her doubt herself._

_"Your dad said you didn't have a girlfriend," she said, still trying to figure out why Blaine didn't like her._

_"I **don't**  have a girlfriend," he said definitively, then flushed nervously. "I mean, I'm not dating anyone," he clarified._

_"Then why don't you want to kiss me, Blaine?" she coaxed._

_"It's just..." Blaine stammered._

_Her hands flew to her hips impatiently. "If you don't have a girlfriend then it's just what?"_

_Blaine stared through her as he weighed his options. He hated lying, but he was scared to tell the truth. He could just walk away without an explanation, but he knew that would hurt her even more. He started and stopped half a dozen times before he lowered his eyes and quietly answered as honestly as he could. "I don't have a boyfriend either."_

_She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, dropping her hands. "Oh," she said, and he knew she understood._

" _Please don't tell my Dad I told you," he pleaded desperately._

_She looked at him questioningly. "Why? He doesn't know?"_

_Blaine looked to the floor. "No, he knows. He just doesn't want anyone else to."_

_He looked up at her hopefully. She simply nodded and walked away._

_An hour later, a painful grip grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a corner. "Why am I hearing whispers about my son being gay?" Colonel Anderson hissed._

_Blaine blanched and shook with fear, but he stood up to his father as he always did. "Jenny tried to kiss me, what was I supposed to do?"_

" _Kiss her back," his father sneered, "like every other boy at this party would die to do."_

" _You know I don't want to," Blaine whispered._

" _No. You just want to be a buckboy whore who throws himself around and sells his pretty boy body for a dollar at the closest strip club," the Colonel snapped. Blaine's breath hitched at his father's hideous words. H battled back the tears that wanted to fall, fearing they would just make things worse. "Go wait for us in the car," his father ordered._

" _But it's freezing out there," Blaine protested, glancing at the snow falling amongst the Christmas lights outside the country club windows._

" _Don't worry, I'll be sure to warm your ass as soon as we get home," he threatened as he shoved him in the direction of the door._

_Blaine was curled up in the car, shivering with cold and nerves for nearly an hour before his mother and father drove him home to make good on the threat._

* * *

Blaine woke with a start, shivering as sweat covered his skin. "Shhh…" he heard Cooper say as he was gently pulled from his dream. "It's okay Blaine, you're safe."

Blaine took a deep breath and pulled the blankets tighter around him, trying to reorient himself to the here and now. He wasn't in Westerville two Christmas' ago, he was in the hotel room with Cooper in New York. He'd spent Christmas with Kurt today. He'd be meeting Burt at the airport in the morning.

"Nightmare?" Cooper asked worried. He'd tried to wake Blaine as soon as he'd heard his brother's terrified moans.

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Memories." He pulled his knees in tight and looked at Cooper, his face resting on his knees. "I should have known it was coming, but it's been a while."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cooper asked.

Blaine considered it. He'd told Cooper about most of the things his father had done, but this had not been one of them. The words his father had said to him that day had damaged at least as much as anything else he'd ever done to Blaine. "No."

Cooper grasped his hand and looked Blaine straight in the eye. "Whatever Dad did to you, you can tell me."

"I know," Blaine said softly. "But you don't need to be filled with those memories Coop. Dad may still be a lot of things. But he's not that man anymore."

* * *

"No one ever told me that I mattered." Blaine stared out the car window as Burt drove him back to Westerville from the airport. Burt sat quietly letting the boy talk. "In fact quite the opposite. My Dad was pretty clear that he was sure I would just sleep around, sell myself. When I was with Eli, those words came rushing back to me. I wonder if Kurt and I would be where we are today if he'd never said those things to me." Blaine spoke more out loud to himself than in search of an answer and Burt just listened carefully. After a few moments, Blaine continued. "I'm afraid he might fall in love with someone else," he whispered.

Burt looked over to him than back out the windshield. "He might," he admitted and raised an eyebrow. "You might too."

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Kurt's it for me."

Burt was quiet for a minute. When he spoke, it was pensive. "You know, when Kurt's mom died, I thought that was it for me. She'd been my high school sweetheart, the love of my life. It wasn't perfect, we had our ups and downs, but she was all I ever wanted. I couldn't imagine life without her." He glanced over and Blaine was watching him intently. "Then Kurt introduced me to Carole. And somehow, I knew that though a door had closed, another had opened. And I had to make a choice whether or not to walk through."

"I haven't closed the door on Kurt," Blaine insisted.

"All I'm saying is that you need to be open to other possibilities. I know you love Kurt. You always will and he will always love you, I'm sure of that. But right now, you have to accept that the door closed the moment you did what you did. Now I know for a fact that Kurt hasn't locked it, or thrown away the key. But don't be surprised if he starts looking to see what other doors are open." He looked over at Blaine. He couldn't totally read what the boy was thinking, but he knew he'd heard. "But that's enough metaphors from me for one day."

Blaine sat quietly the rest of the trip lost in his racing thoughts of Kurt dating. He knew he would. He knew he should. But the thought of Kurt's lips on someone else's lips, of Kurt sharing his secrets with another man, twisted his heart painfully.

They pulled into the driveway in Westerville where his mother's car still sat and Blaine took a deep breath before moving to exit the car. He reached for the door, but Burt stopped him with a hand on his knee. Blaine turned.

"I got something I want to say before you go," Burt said seriously. "And since you're family, I'm not going to sugar coat it. But it's your choice to go or hear me out."

Blaine considered him briefly then took his hand off the door. He would always hear Burt out, even when it hurt, because he always knew it would be what he needed to hear.

Burt nodded at his choice. Blaine was a good kid, but what he'd said earlier had struck a nerve with him and he couldn't shake it. "The last two years, over and over again, I've seen you defy your father's words and expectations to be an incredible friend and an incredible man. The things that he's done, they are a part of you, but they don't control you. Your choices are your own. Your responsibility. So it's time to stop blaming your Dad for them and let him off the hook."

Blaine took the words in and let them settle in his mind and his heart. He closed his eyes and nodded. "Thanks Burt." He grabbed his bag at his feet and opened the door.

* * *

Blaine tried the doorknob and once again was pleased to find it unlocked. His father must have seen them pull up, they'd sat in the driveway for a while. The living room was empty and he left his bag by the front door. He saw the headlights from Burt's car disappear from the bay window and he went in search of his Mom and Dad, finding his father in his office. "Where's Mom?" Blaine asked casually. He grabbed some peanuts from his father's desk then relaxed in the chair at the second desk.

"I drove her home, she left the car for you." The Colonel finished the last note in his report before closing it up and turning his attention to Blaine. "We um, we decided to take things a little slower."

Blaine's heart fluttered nervously. "Did something happen?"

The Colonel's eyes bore into Blaine's seriously for a minute, then he smiled with understanding. "No, nothing happened. We just..." He hesitated, finding the right words. "Well, we saw how uncomfortable you were and realized it wasn't fair to you. To try and do this now. Not with everything you're going through and you and me."

"About that," Blaine interrupted without even thinking. His father's brow quirked in curiosity and Blaine shuffled, unsure, in his chair. "You and me, I mean. I want to," he swallowed down his fear. It was hard to say. Hard to forgive, even if forgiveness was just putting the past behind him and moving forward. But Burt was right. He had to. "I want to spend New Year's Eve with you. Here."

The Colonel's jaw dropped with surprise before he gained his composure, and his eyes glimmered with sudden tears of happiness. Despite himself, it made Blaine blush and laugh in a way he wasn't sure he ever had with his Dad. "What about your friends? Santana?"

Blaine shrugged. "I think whatever Glee club is doing is going to be incredibly awkward. So why not be awkward in my own home with my Dad instead," he joked, but they both knew the truth behind the statement. And the incredible courage.

His father smiled, hope for a second chance with his son filling him. "I'd really like that."

* * *

Blaine was up in his room getting the noisemakers he'd packed in his bag. He and his dad had champagne flutes filled with sparkling cider waiting for them downstairs as well as the confetti canons that Blaine had insisted they buy. They'd watched a movie until 11:30, but then they turned on the television to watch the ball drop in Times Square. It had been a nice evening, almost comfortable, and there were times when Blaine let his guard down and was not disappointed.

"Come on Blaine," his father yelled excitedly from the bottom of the stairs. "It's only ten minutes until the ball drops."

Blaine found the noisemakers in his suitcase then stood to leave. Passing by his desk, his eyes suddenly fell on the key that had sat there for more than a year now. The key to the front door. Blaine had left it behind 15 months ago, rejecting it and the house that had held so much pain for him. Now, as he headed downstairs to bring in a new year with the man who had hurt him so deeply, he picked up the key and slipped it into his pocket.  After all, it was time to open new doors.

"What took you so long?" the Colonel asked with amusement as Blaine finally made his way down the stairs. Blaine said nothing, but simply grinned and tossed him a noisemaker, which his father deftly caught. The Colonel placed an arm around Blaine's shoulder and for possibly the first time, Blaine didn't flinch or stiffen at the touch. "Come on, let's go watch."

They sat together on the couch and Blaine couldn't help his mind wander. Was Kurt tucked in warm with Rachel watching the ball drop, or was he in Times Square partying with the millions of New Yorkers on the screen? Would he think of Blaine? Who would he kiss at midnight? He felt a warm hand rub his back and squeeze his shoulder. He tucked his chin into folded hands and stared forward, but his thoughts turned back to the man sitting next to him. "I want to start again," he whispered, then looked up at his Dad. "The other night I had a dream. Memories, really. Of things you said and did. Cooper asked me if I wanted to tell him, but I didn't. I didn't want him to have those memories. I told him that you weren't that man anymore."

"I'm trying Blaine," the Colonel said softly. "I'm trying really hard."

Blaine nodded. "I know you are. And so am I. I don't want to have those memories anymore either. I want to start again."

" _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!"_

"Happy New Year, Dad," he wished softly.

The Colonel wiped away a tear and hugged Blaine tightly in his arms, never wanting to let go of the moment. "Happy New Year, Son."


	12. Sadie Hawkins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sadie Hawkins day finally came and I'm sure it wasn't what anyone expected. In the interest of full disclosure I have a couple of things to say about the episode for anyone who cares. If you don't, skip on ahead!
> 
> Blaintina – I'm disappointed that Glee chose this storyline, though Tina is clearly every fangirl. I have written my version of this very same storyline (for Blaine) that in my opinion is more powerful (for the show). If you'd like to read it, it's Chapter 22 of Between Friends. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Blam – Again, disappointed that the show went there for all the reasons that Blaine enumerated in the episode. However, Santana sold me on it while writing this chapter. 
> 
> Kadam – Rachel Berry Watch Out! Obviously, I think Adam is no threat to Blaine, but I HOPE he's a threat to Rachel cause Kurt could sure use a knew BFF!
> 
> Warblers – I'm cool, going with the flow. Silly Glee.
> 
> Now without further ado – here's what you missed on Glee.

Blaine returned to school after winter vacation feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Things with Kurt were good, things with his Dad were better than he ever could have imagined they'd be, and he was ready to start off fresh. When he opened the door to his locker his eyes immediately flashed to the picture of him and Kurt, but instead of the feelings of guilt and shame, a smile crossed his face as he remembered their conversation the night before. Yes, things were good indeed.

"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure," came a perfect Gandalf impression behind him and Blaine turned to find Sam.

He smiled fondly at his friend but closed the door and melted against his locker with a sigh. "Shut up Sam, I haven't even seen it yet!"

"What!" Sam nearly shouted turning a few heads in the hallway, including Tina's, who stopped as she passed by.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Sam flung an arm around Blaine's shoulder and they started walking down the hallway to their morning classes. "Blaine here, has still not seen The Hobbit. A travesty. An abomination. A disgrace to every geek that has ever walked the planet!"

"It's been a busy vacation Sam," Blaine said with an exasperated laugh.

"And you will tell us all about it," Sam said. "Saturday night. Dinner, the Hobbit, and a sleepover at my place. No excuses," Sam warned, a stern look on his face. "You in Tina?"

"Do I get to sleepover too?" she teased, then shrugged. She wasn't a huge fan of Tolkien, she was far more of a Twilight girl, but it was the best offer she'd gotten all week. "If Brittany's in I'm in."

"Awesome!" Sam yelled, squeezing his friends tightly. "Double date!"

Tina grinned and Blaine smiled, overwhelmed by Sam's enthusiasm, but excited nonetheless. This is exactly what he wanted, what Kurt and Santana had been telling him all along. It was what Tina and Brittany and Sam and Blaine had promised the end of last year. They'd be there for each other while they floundered and found their way without the friends and loved ones they'd come to rely on so much. A new dance partner, a new singing partner, and someone to tell it how it is. It was time to start living in the moment again, in the here and now and not the future or the past.

It was time for Blaine Anderson to move on.

* * *

_Far over the misty mountains cold_   
_To dungeons deep and caverns old_   
_The pines were roaring on the height_   
_The winds were moaning in the night_   
_The fire was red, it flame spread_   
_The trees like torches blazed with light_

"Are we going to have to listen to you singing that entire idiotic dwarf song…" Tina asked with an eyeroll.

"And quoting the entire movie…" Brittany piped in.

"All night long?" Tina finished.

"Because as much as I enjoy watching those lips sing, I prefer kissing them," Brittany said, cupping Sam's cheeks and pulling him toward her for sweet kisses.

Blaine glanced over at Tina and chuckled uncomfortably. She simply sighed and moved over on the chair, patting the arm for Blaine to join her before Brittany and Sam took over the entire couch.

The evening had been fun. The four of them had laughed and gossiped over an early dinner at Breadstix before going to the movie theater. Blaine had sat between Sam and Tina, which led to a very interesting viewing experience of quoting along with the movie in one ear, and cries of "too ugly" in the other. Eventually he'd had to tell them both just to shut up and watch the movie, otherwise he'd miss the entire thing himself.

He scooted over to the arm of the chair, legs draped casually over her. Tina rolled her eyes at Sam and Brittany making out on the couch and Blaine glanced over, his stomach clenching unexpectedly. He missed Kurt, missed kissing him on the very same couch. That was all, nothing else. He looked away, focusing on Tina.

"Student council meeting after school on Monday," he said, making small talk. "Think anything exciting is gonna happen?"

Tina shrugged, a glint in her eye. "I might have an idea or two to propose."

Blaine grinned down at her. "Cool!" 

Blaine heard the footsteps, quite attune to them after more than a year of avoiding them, long before Sam and Brittany did. Blaine glanced up at Burt, smirking at the imposing figure standing just over the couple who were still too lost in one another to notice. Burt winked at Blaine and then cleared his throat threateningly. Sam sat up quickly, pushing Brittany off of him, while she just smiled innocently up at Burt. After all, she'd been caught by him before.

"I think it's time the girls go home," Burt said, and Blaine got up to let Tina off the chair. Giving her a kiss on the cheek he held out her coat for her like a gentleman. Sam did the same for Brittany then kissed her quickly on the lips. Again Blaine's stomach fluttered, and again he brushed it aside as just missing Kurt.

Sam walked the girls out to the car and Blaine returned to the kitchen, finding Burt cleaning up the mess that he and his friends had made. "Let me get that." Blaine took the bowls from Burt's hands and nudged him away. "You go sit down and rest."

"I'm neither an invalid nor old, Blaine," Burt argued but sat down at the kitchen table anyway. He certainly didn't mind having someone else clean up.

"So how are you doing?" Blaine asked, a bit of worry in his brow.

"I'm doing good," Burt answered reassuringly. "I had the pre-op tests yesterday and they all came out fine. Doctors say my heart is definitely healthy enough for surgery, so we're all set for next week."

"Good," Blaine said with a relieved smile, though he could see the nerves in Burt's eyes that he tried to hide. He knew that Burt didn't want any of them to worry, but the fact was, they all were very worried. Especially Kurt. "Did you call Kurt to let him know?"

"Yes, I did, thank you for the reminder Blaine," Burt teased fondly.

Blaine blushed bashfully. He knew Burt didn't need him reminding him to talk to his son. It was just that he'd promised Kurt he'd watch out for Burt. And he'd promised himself he'd always watch out for Kurt. "I just know he's been worried about you, that's all."

"I appreciate you looking out for me," Burt assured him. "How are things with your Dad?" he asked.

Blaine turned and leaned against the counter. "They're actually good," he said and Burt could not have been happier to see Blaine's eyes light up with a smile when he said that. He got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge as Blaine continued. "Since I took your advice, things have never been better. It's still hard. I keep waiting for the next shoe to drop. But I'm trying to just take it one day at a time," he shrugged.

"Good man." Burt clapped a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "I hoped I wasn't overstepping," he added a bit apprehensively.

Blaine shook his head seriously.  "You can't overstep."

Burt choked a laugh. "Kurt would disagree," he smirked.

"Yeah well, Kurt and I disagree on a lot of things," he said with a broken laugh.

"Not as much as you think," Burt responded knowingly. "Chin up," he said tapping a finger under Blaine's chin. "Sam's made up the guest room for you. He'll stay in Kurt's room."

Blaine's eyes softened at Burt's thoughtfulness. He'd been dreading the suggestion that he stay in Kurt's bed tonight. He was doing much better, but he didn't think he was doing that well. "Thanks," he smiled.

"No problem." Burt understood. "Goodnight."

* * *

**Blaine: Are you busy?**

**Kurt: If you call busy being curled up in my bed wishing my thighs would just fall off rather than do one more plié, then yes, I'm busy. Otherwise I'm doing absolutely nothing.**

**Blaine: I saw your Dad last night. Slept over at your house. With Sam. I mean, I slept over at Sam's house.**

**Kurt: I know what you mean Blaine. How's Dad?**

**Blaine: He's putting on a really brave face, but I can tell he's nervous about the surgery next week.**

**Kurt: I'm nervous too. I wish I could be there, but with classes just starting there's no way that I can bail.**

**Blaine: He understands completely Kurt, don't beat yourself up. I promised I'd look after him for you.**

**Blaine: How is NYADA going? Other than the pliés.**

**Kurt: It's going. I'm trying to find a club to join and I really wanted to join the show choir, Adam's Apples, but Rachel says it's at the bottom of the social ladder and I shouldn't.**

**Blaine: Are they any good?**

**Kurt: I don't know. I've only seen the signs for them and met Adam, the "founder and fearless leader". At least that's what he called himself.**

**Blaine: Pretentious much?**

**Kurt: No, it's not like that at all. He seems like a really great guy.**

**Kurt: Said he could see me playing Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and called me a young Paul Newman.**

**Kurt: Crazy, right?**

**Kurt: Blaine, you still there?**

**Blaine: I'm glad you're happy there.**

**Blaine: But I don't know if we should keep having this conversation.**

**Kurt: Are you upset at me?**

**Blaine: Never.**

**Blaine: I think you should join. If you want to. Don't let Rachel tell you what to do.**

**Kurt: Do you want to call me? Talk about this?**

**Blaine: No, Kurt, I'm fine. It's totally okay.**

**Blaine: I should finish my homework before school tomorrow. I'll talk to you soon. Love you.**

**Kurt: Love you too.**

* * *

"You sure you're going to be okay going to this dance?" Santana asked. She was painting her nails at her desk while she skyped with Blaine, her roommate out for the night with one boyfriend or another.

"I'll be fine Santana, I've been to a ton of dances with girls," Blaine said dismissively. "Dalton and Crawford County Day had school dances practically every other week and it's not like I had a boyfriend or anything for most of that."

"First of all, you're exaggerating. Second of all, it's not like you had a girlfriend either, Blaine. Going to a dance where there are girls, is  _not_  the same thing as going to a Sadie Hawkins dance  _with_  a girl," she remarked rolling her eyes. "And third of all," she added her eyes narrowing, "you're totally not telling me the truth. Something is wrong Boyfriend and I want to know what it is."

Blaine averted his eyes and looked away. The one benefit of Skyping was that Santana couldn't reach through the screen and force him to look at her. He could examine his fingernails in peace, though he suddenly noticed that he seemed to have bitten through his nails a lot in the last few days. The bad thing about Skype was that Santana couldn't extend that manicure to him.

"All right, Boyfriend, enough is enough," she snapped putting the nail polish down and pulling the screen toward her. She'd had enough of his avoidance and she meant business. "Are you being triggered by going to another Sadie Hawkins dance?" Blaine shook his head quiet. "I mean, it would be natural. Especially now going with a girl, like your Dad would have wanted the first time. It would be natural."

"I know it would Santana, but honestly, I'm not. I've had enough counseling and my Dad and I are in a really good place right now. He actually laughed at the irony of it all when I told him I was going with Tina. He finally accepts me and  _then_  I go with a girl." Blaine chuckled remembering. It had been a conversation that made him nervous but it had turned out to be a really great moment for them.

"Ok, then. Well is it Tina? I know that girl can be crazy sometimes," Santana said wryly. "She ain't no Santana that's for sure."

"No, it's not Tina, not really, and no I'm not replacing you with her any more than I'm replacing Kurt with Sam." Blaine's eyes shot up to Santana in panic and his face flushed before he could look away.

"Oh my god Blaine Anderson, you have the hots for Sam Evans!" Santana screamed at the computer.

"I do not have the hots for Sam," Blaine stammered completely unconvincingly.

"What the hell is it with you people and trouty mouth?" Santana snapped. "First Brittany, now you? It's not even like he's that good a kisser."

"That's because you're a lesbian Santana," Blaine reminded her. He pulled his knees up to his chest protectively. He'd been afraid to tell her and he hadn't meant to. But it just kind of slipped and now he was kind of glad it was out in the open.

"No, it's because he has giant wet fish lips that he uses to envelope and suck on, oh…." She paused as comprehension set in and she smiled deviously, wagging her eyebrows at him. "Wanky."

He blushed as she had never seen him blush before, as he buried his face in his hands. "No Santana," he mumbled into his palms. "It's not wanky, it's awful."

She sympathetically wiped the smile from her face. "It's normal Blaine," Santana told him, seriously. "He's a guy, he's cute, you'd like him to give you a little somethin' somethin', it's totally normal." He didn't look up, his face getting even redder with the images she was putting in his mind. He needed them to go away, not make them even stronger, but Santana of course would hear nothing of that. "He's totally safe Blaine. He's not Kurt, but he's not gay. So you can jerk off all you want to thoughts of him without feeling bad. It's not painful like thinking of Kurt but you also don't feel like you're cheating again because Sam's straight."

It made sense, even more sense than what Tina had told him by the lockers. He loved Kurt. He wasn't putting his love on Sam, but his desires? Maybe. Blaine rested his chin on his hands and glanced up at her. "I just kinda wish I didn't have to see him every day," Blaine admitted glumly. "It sucks. And it's embarrassing."

"You could always think of me instead," Santana said enticingly.

"Ew, no thank you," Blaine blurted out. "And now you're the second girl I've said that to this week. Some best friend you are!" he teased.

"Yeah, but you're not breaking my heart, Boyfriend," Santana said. "Just be careful with Tina's. That girl cries at the drop of a hat."

"You know I will," he promised as he glanced at the clock. Midnight. "Time for bed 'Tana."

"I thought you'd never ask," she said winking, then smiled gently. "Night Boyfriend."

"Night, 'Tana."

* * *

Trent was sure this was not a date, but it didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat the moment he pulled up to Blaine's house. He knew it must be important, he'd never been invited to the Anderson estate before. But a date? Not a chance.

Blaine answered the door and invited Trent in, taking his coat and hanging it in the front hallway. He'd put out some refreshments on the coffee table in the living room and Trent eagerly partook, grateful to have something to do other than stare and wonder. Blaine sat next to him on the couch.

"I'm glad you came," Blaine said in that beautifully melodic voice that Trent loved whether it spoke or sang. "I could sit and make small talk, but I don't want to be disingenuous in any way, so I'm going to cut right to the chase. Why didn't you sing with the Warblers for Sectionals?"

Trent's jaw stopped mid chew and he swallowed hard, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He took a breath and answered truthfully. "When I wouldn't help them lure you back, Hunter benched me." Trent shrugged. It was the truth. Just not the whole truth.

"And why didn't you want me to come back?" Blaine eyed him curiously, somberly, and Trent knew this could be his moment to unload everything that had been haunting him for weeks.

"I didn't want you getting hurt," Trent confessed. "Becoming one of Hunter's victims. It was bad enough what Sebastian had done to you. But Hunter's even worse, Blaine."

"There's more to why he sat you out." It wasn't a question. And Trent guessed that somehow, Blaine already knew the truth. So he simply nodded.

Blaine took his hand and the warmth was something that Trent had missed for weeks. "Don't be scared Trent," Blaine said. "I'm here with you. They need you to tell me the truth."

Blaine's eyes were so soft and caring that Trent couldn't help but tell him. "It started small, with herbal supplements, and everyone was on board. But then he brought in the needles, said it was vitamin shots, but we all knew better. Hunter said whoever didn't take one for the team wasn't on the team anymore. Nick went first, then Jeff, then Beatz. But I couldn't do it."

"You have to tell," Blaine urged forcefully.

Trent pushed his hand back and leapt to his feet. "They're my best friends Blaine! How can I do that to them? If this goes public they can lose everything! Scholarships, college acceptances, job offers!"

Blaine stood up to meet him. "And if you don't tell, then what happens to them? This isn't supplements Trent, this is dangerous, especially for teenage boys. I know you've seen it! Nick's barely called me in months, only that once when he found out that Kurt and I broke up, and he hadn't even pushed to see me. The old Nick would have been banging down my door or bringing a caravan to McKinley, but I haven't heard a word Trent!" Blaine's eyes flashed with anger and Trent understood. He'd been feeling the exact same way, with no one to share it with.

"He thinks you'll know," Trent admitted quietly. "If you see him. He's scared. He and Jeff both are."

"Then we have to end this. This isn't the Warblers that David and Thad and Wes raised us to be. They'd be so ashamed if they knew. And Trent," Blaine took his hand again and squeezed. "They'd be so proud of you if you told. And I would be too."

Trent dropped his eyes, seeing their hands together. Brothers. A team. That's how it was supposed to be. "And you'll be there?" he asked raising his eyes to meet Blaine's.

"Every step of the way," he promised.

Trent knew it was the right thing to do. He knew it was what he had to do. Even if they hated him, he had to protect them now that they were too far gone to protect themselves. He'd held them accountable before, he would do it again. "Okay."

* * *

"Oh, sweetheart, you look so handsome." Amy Anderson beamed at her son as he closed the door of his bedroom and headed out to wait for Tina.

"You say that whenever I am dressed in a tuxedo Mom," Blaine laughed. She came over to straighten his lapel and bowtie even though he knew for sure that they were already straight. She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, watch the hair. One dance with my hair crazy is enough, and this time I don't have Kurt to soothe away the humiliation."

"Your hair is perfect as always Blaine, not a strand out of place." She looked up at him. "I'm so proud of you Blaine for going to this dance. It was nice of you to say yes to Tina."

"Well it was nice of her to invite me," Blaine answered just as the doorbell rang. He went over and answered it, smiling warmly at Tina, dressed in a one-shouldered teal dress.  "You look gorgeous," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"You look amazing Blaine," she said, her eyes wide and twinkling with delight. She handed him a boutonnière and together they placed it on his lapel. "Tina, this is my Mom. Mom, this is Tina," he introduced politely.

"It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Anderson," Tina said.

"You too sweetheart. Let me get some pictures of you two," Mrs. Anderson said grabbing her phone.

Blaine and Tina laughed as they posed for her. Amy was certain that Tina had a real crush on Blaine, and she was just as certain that he barely noticed. She'd have a talk with him later about being careful with a young lady's heart. It was a talk they'd never had but she suddenly realized that this probably wouldn't be the last time her son would be in this situation and he needed to understand better how to handle it.

"Ok Mom, that's enough," Blaine teased, linking his arm with Tina's. "We need to go or we're going to be late and I'm singing in the first set."

"Alright, darling," she pouted and once again straightened his tuxedo. "You two have fun! And be safe!" she called.

Blaine turned to her, his smile fading as he saw the worry in her eyes. He'd been so focused on himself that he'd forgotten that this night might be even harder for her than it was for him. "We will Mom," he promised softly and blew her a kiss. "I love you."

* * *

Blaine drove back to Westerville after the Sadie Hawkins dance. He and his Dad had plans to play gold in the morning as long as the weather cooperated, which one could never be sure of in Ohio during January. But a warm spell had washed over them and his father wanted to enjoy it. His mind wandered. He pushed thoughts of Sam out of his mind and focused on the Warblers. Even when he met with Trent, he hadn't wanted to believe that his friends had been juicing, using drugs just to win a show choir competition. In his day they'd competed through hard work, discipline and a healthy dose of fun. When they lost it hadn't mattered. The joy they brought to the Westerville community was more important than any trophy had been. Nick and Jeff and Beatz had been a part of that, had known what it truly meant to be a Warbler. He still didn't understand at all what could have possibly led to them being desperate enough to cheat. It broke his heart, but even moreso, it made him angry.

He didn't notice getting off at the wrong exit until he found himself driving down the long, dark road that led to Dalton Academy.

He pulled into the parking lot next to the Warblers dorm, his old dorm, and stopped the car. What on earth had led him there he didn't know, but he took a moment to try and figure it out. He got out of the car and leaned against the hood, gazing out into the quad. He smiled softly, remembering fondly Trent's words.  _"We were a band of brothers. A group joined by harmony and honor."_

"If you're here to pick me up on a date, I confess I am woefully underdressed." Blaine turned to see Sebastian smirking playfully at him, his head cocked to the side in amusement. Blaine couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face and Sebastian smiled softly and gestured in truce. "Nick and Jeff aren't here. They both went home for the weekend, something about a wedding and a Bar Mitzvah. Looks like you're dressed for the occasion, maybe you can still make it," Sebastian added, eyeing him up and down.

"I didn't come to see them. I just came from our Sadie Hawkins dance at school." Blaine felt the need to explain his tuxedo, trying to hide the anger that rose to the surface the moment he'd seen Sebastian. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm here."

"Oh, well it's obvious, isn't it?" Blaine looked at him blankly, his nerves jumping as he waited for the attack. Did Sebastian know that Trent had blown the whistle on them tonight? "Where else would Blaine Anderson go after a Sadie Hawkins dance?"

Blaine crossed his arms and started to sneer but then thought better of it. Let Sebastian think that, since he was likely to be reporting back to Hunter. Better than the alternative. "Yeah, that must be it," Blaine nodded.

"After all, I can only imagine the trauma you must be feeling spending the whole night dancing with girls. You should've come to pick me up before the dance," Sebastian suggested. "I would have given you a good time. Win-win for both of us.

"You know winning isn't everything, Sebastian," he snapped angrily. "There's so much more to life, it really isn't even anything."

Sebastian stood quiet a minute, his eyes shifting, his thoughts scrambling as he stared at Blaine. What he was thinking Blaine didn't know, but when a pained look crossed his face, Blaine's anger dissipated. Sebastian glanced up at lights shining through the windows of the dorms, then back at the boy that had the ability to turn his world upside down. He had a sudden premonition that Blaine was about to do it again, and he wanted, no he needed, for Blaine to understand. "The world isn't like that for all of us Anderson. For some of us, winning isn't everything. It's the only thing."


	13. Naked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time since I started writing this series, RIB and I are not on the same page, so my inspiration was lacking for this chapter. Until I decided to look at it from an entirely different perspective.
> 
> So for the very first time, an RTF chapter entirely from Santana's point of view. I really like it, I hope you do too.

Santana groaned and stepped out of bed, the cold air of her dorm room hitting her bare skin. She grabbed her phone from the night stand and walked across the room. It wasn't too far from the still sleeping woman in her bed, but hopefully she wouldn't wake her.

"You better be on fire Lady Hummel, because I have left a warm and talented naked woman in my bed and it's almost time for me to wake her up," Santana hissed into the phone.

"Oh for the love of God, can't everyone just keep on their clothes?" Kurt barked.

Santana physically had to bite down the urge to suggest that perhaps that was one of the problems between him and Blaine. Instead she simply asked, "Why, who else is taking off their clothes?"

"You mean other than Rachel's bare ass boyfriend who's suddenly invaded my refuge to sit that bare ass on my vintage chairs?"

"Yes, other than that, though that's a lovely image from the pictures Rachel's sent me of the guy," Santana said.

"Believe me, he's better in pictures. Quieter," Kurt mumbled under his breath. "No, I'm talking about one Ms. Rachel Barbra Berry who is hell bent on going topless in a student film project thanks to said boyfriend telling her she needs to in order to win an Oscar."

"What!" Santana screeched then clapped a hand over her mouth. The girl in her bed shuffled and rolled over but didn't wake. Deep sleeper. _Good to know_ , Santana thought.

"Thus my phone call. Believe me, only this kind of desperation would lead me to call you. And a suggestion from Blaine, but that's neither here nor there," Kurt added quickly.

Once again, Santana bit her tongue. She wasn't getting in the middle of that, not here and now. Besides, she had plans to make and she could lay into him later. "I'm coming to New York," she announced. She expected an argument, but his words surprised her.

"That's the same thing that Quinn said," Kurt told her.

"Wait, you called Quinn too?" Santana wasn't sure why her pulse suddenly quickened at the idea.

"If anyone knows about the lifelong impact of making sex tapes and bad reputations, it's you two," Kurt explained matter-of-factly. "And maybe you two can talk some sense into her about that Brody guy. It's not that I'm on Finn's side, it's just that Brody's an arrogant prick."

"Well I can't wait to meet him then," she said. "When's Quinn coming?"

"She said she could make it down on the train this weekend," Kurt said.

Santana quickly glanced at the calendar on her wall. She had a paper due Monday and cheerleading practice Saturday, but if she were honest with herself neither of those things excited her as much as the prospect of going to New York City and preventing Berry from doing something that she'd regret for the rest of her life. Who cares if Coach was mad. She was no Coach Sylvester, Santana could handle her.

"Ok," she agreed. "I'll talk to Quinn and catch a flight and then we'll head over to your place Saturday afternoon. Don't tell Rachel we're coming."

"She won't hear a word from me," he assured her wryly. "Oh and Santana?"

"Yes?" she asked suspiciously.

But his voice softened, and she could hear his grateful smile. "Thanks," he breathed.

She gave a soft smile herself. "You're welcome."

Santana hung up the phone and turned back to the girl in her bed. She carefully pulled the covers back and slipped in next to her, pulling their bodies closer to get warm. She kissed the back of her neck and the girl turned, a sleepy smile on her face. "Morning, sunshine," she said.

* * *

Getting an extension on her paper was easy. All she had to do was lay on the Lopez charm with a professor who she was certain would be right up Quinn's alley if the girl were here. Her cheerleading Coach on the other hand, was reading to rip Santana apart.

"Ms. Lopez!" her coach reprimanded. Santana stood still and tried desperately not to laugh as the vein in her Coach's forehead threatened to pop out of her skull. "I am beginning to wonder exactly how serious you are about your place on this team! You are not only one of our best members but you are also here on scholarship, and I would hate to have to kick you off the team because you can't seem to prioritize our practices over whatever it is you keep leaving to do instead. But I will do it if I have to."

"I'm sorry Coach Thompson, but this is kind of a family emergency," Santana begged, lying only slightly in her mind even while bristling at calling Rachel Berry family. "I promise it will be my last time."

"It better be or I will have no other choice but to suspend you from the team," she warned.

Santana wondered if maybe it would all just be better if she got kicked off anyway. She didn't want to be there, away from everyone who really mattered to her. Blaine, Brittany, Quinn, even Kurt and Rachel. Her friends needed her, they were falling apart without her to smack some sense into them all. She hadn't found anyone at school that mattered to her like they did. She knew high school friends weren't supposed to be forever, but New Directions was different. It was special. "I understand," Santana said, humbling herself as much as her stomach would let her, but the whole thing got her mind racing.

"I hope so Ms. Lopez. Now give me five extra laps, and then fall back in with the other girls," Coach ordered.

* * *

Santana packed her bags for the weekend, slipping in some extra outfits in case they decided to go out on the town to a jazz club or a Broadway show. An email from YouTube flashed on her computer, catching her eye. Brittany had uploaded a new Fondue for Two.

She placed her bags aside and sat down at her computer, clicking through the link. She couldn't stop the smile that graced her lips when she saw her best friend, the girl she'd always love, but the smile quickly faded. She watched in embarrassment through fingers that covered her eyes as Brittany unknowingly outed and humiliated Marley Rose. Santana's eyes flashed to the view count: 3,249. It was too late to call her up and ask her to pull down the video. The damage was already done. That's how it always was with the internet. The minute something got out, it was too late to get it back.

She sighed as she returned to packing her bags, even more determined now to prevent Rachel from making the same mistake that Marley just had. The same mistake that she herself had made. Whether it was baring your body or baring your soul, some things were not meant to live on in perpetuity.

As for Brittany, she'd have to deal with that another day. But soon.

* * *

"What's this I hear about a Men of McKinley calendar?" Santana asked into the phone as she left security behind and wheeled her luggage toward her terminal. "I thought Blaine Anderson's body wasn't for sale?"

"Oh my god Santana," Blaine exclaimed in a panic. "Do you think I shouldn't do it?"

Santana laughed and pulled up to a little coffee shop at the airport. She definitely needed coffee. "Relax Boyfriend, I'm just mad I'm not going to be there to see it. You better send me pictures."

"I'll be sure to send you a signed calendar when it's all done," Blaine promised.

"Caramel Machiatto. Extra Whip," Santana ordered quietly, then turned her attention back to Blaine. "No, Anderson, I mean pictures during your photoshoot. I want the spoilers Boyfriend, on my phone, in the moment. Understood?"

"How'd you find out about it anyway?" Blaine wondered. She heard him rustling around with papers or something in the background.

"Believe me if Brittany S. Pierce knows about something, the whole world will too as soon as she can upload it to YouTube. Be careful with that by the way," Santana warned.

"No worries, 'Tana, you will never see me on Fondue for Two," Blaine assured her. "Did you hear about her SAT scores?"

"Yes and I read about Sam's as well. They are quite a pair aren't they?" Santana smirked sarcastically.

Blaine groaned. "Let's not talk about that," Blaine urged.

"Still pining away for the young and unattainable are we Boyfriend? Well don't you worry your pretty little gelled head. I am on my way to New York City and I will get you all the 411 on your boy Kurt," she teased, an announcement for her flight interrupting her. "And it's boarding time. Gotta go, bye!"

* * *

Santana's phone lit up the instant she landed.

10:14am  
 **Blaine: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO NEW YORK CITY?**

10:39am  
 **Blaine: I mean, that's very nice of you to do that for Kurt. And Rachel I assume.**

11:15am  
 **Blaine: Please don't give me the 411 on Kurt. He's interested in this guy. That leads the Glee Club there. He didn't say as much but I can tell. I really don't want to know anything about him.**

12:03pm  
 **Blaine: On the other hand, maybe it would be better if I heard it from you rather than him. Maybe it will hurt less.**

12:30pm  
 **Quinn: I'm here and I'll be at the airport when you land so come find me near the taxis by your terminal. Then we can head right over to Kurt and Rachel's.**

12:46pm  
 **Blaine: No forget it. I don't want to know anything until Kurt tells me. It's his life to live. I'm just going to be happy for him. All that matters is that he's happy.**

1:00pm  
 **Kurt: I am heading out to rehearsal for Adam's Apples, but I'm leaving a key under the doormat for you. Please bring it in with you. It's not like that's the most original of hiding places, but a rock would look quite conspicuous outside an apartment hallway.**

1:27pm  
 **Blaine: Just call me back when you get there, okay? Please? I'll just be here working on my abs.**

1:28pm  
 **Blaine: Feel free to share that piece of information with Kurt.**

1:29pm  
 **Blaine: No wait, don't. That's just pathetic. And Mr. Fabulous probably has better abs than I do anyway.**

Santana chuckled and sighed as she made her way to find Quinn at the airport. Blaine was losing it, the poor boy, and she could only imagine that seeing Sam half naked all weekend as they shot the calendar was only going to make things a thousand times worse for him.

2pm  
 **Santana to Blaine: Take a breath and calm down Boyfriend. I just got here and I'm going to find Quinn and head over to the apartment. Kurt's out for a while. I'll talk to you later. AND DON'T FORGET TO SEND ME THOSE DAMN PICTURES!**

**Santana to Quinn: I'm here! See you in a sec!**

**Santana to Kurt: What the hell is an Adam's Apple?**

* * *

Anyone who was looking on would have thought they were long lost lovers in the midst of the biggest fight of their lives. The moment Santana saw Quinn, both of their faces lit up and they ran into each other's arms. Their smiles faded quickly though when Quinn whacked Santana hard on the shoulder. "That is for smacking me at McKinley!" she snapped.

"How dare you!" Santana growled back. "I only smacked you back! You smacked me so hard you had Blaine freaking out that I was being abused!"

"Blaine's oversensitive," Quinn quipped as she headed outside and hailed a cab. "And I'm still waiting for an apology."

"Keep waiting," Santana muttered. She rolled her bag over to the taxi that stopped. The driver popped the trunk and Santana threw her bag in. She climbed into the seat next to Quinn, who'd already given the address to the driver. "So how are things with the Professor?" Santana smirked.

Quinn turned with daggers blazing in her eyes. "None of your business."

"You know, it's a bit hypocritical to talk to Berry about not making mistakes that will haunt you forever if you're still doing it," Santana retorted pointedly.

Quinn smiled the condescending smile that Santana knew all too well. "Let me explain a little something about Yale," she said. "Everybody wants to be the best at everything. The best scientist, the best writer, the best singer, the best athlete, and yes, the best at sex. The professors there aren't any different. So things happen. I'm not ashamed."

Santana's eyes softened and she took Quinn's hand. "I'm not saying you should be," she assured her. "Any more than Rachel should be ashamed if she decides to proudly do a nude scene in a legitimate movie. I just want you to be careful and make the right choices for you. We have enough regrets Quinn. It's time to get some things right for a change."

* * *

At Santana's insistence, they went to the hottest jazz club in the city to celebrate Rachel's sensible decision, a wonderful day of shopping, and one last night together before the return to reality. Santana though was finding less and less that she wanted to return to Louisville. As they walked and chatted together on their way to the club, Santana was reminded of the photo Blaine had showed her last year. Everywhere she looked she saw couples being free; women kissing, men holding hands, the nuzzle on the neck, the hugs between lovers. Louisville wasn't Lima but it certainly wasn't New York City and she once again couldn't help but wonder if the city was where her life was truly meant to begin.

Their drinks arrived and they clinked glasses. "Here is to making smart decisions," Quinn began.

"Mature decisions," Rachel piped in.

"Decisions that don't require Berry getting naked because ain't nobody wants to see that!" Santana finished.

"Brody wants to see it," Quinn interjected teasingly.

Rachel blushed while the girls grilled her about her relationship with him, Santana insisting on every last detail down to, and most especially, their exploits in the bedroom. "Well he's gotta be better than Finn Hudson in bed," Santana chimed, rolling her eyes.

Rachel merely smiled coyly. "He's not better, just…different," she shared, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"Oh boy, she's got it bad," Quinn laughed.

When their dinners came they sat back and watched the performers filling the stage with their gorgeous vocals and amazing music. Santana closed her eyes and dreamed of being up there, staring out into the crowd and finding Blaine and Kurt and Brittany, just like all those nights in Ohio. She didn't know how Quinn and Kurt and Rachel had done it. How did they just get up and move and leave it all behind without dreams of the past overwhelming them? She and Blaine, they just weren't made that way. Maybe they clung to the good things because there had just been way too much bad.

The vibration of her phone interrupted her thoughts and her peripheral attention to Rachel and Quinn's argument over whether Yale or NAYDA's theater program was better.

**Blaine: If this doesn't prove how much I fear you…I mean love you…I don't know what does.**

The text was accompanied by picture after picture of shirtless Blaine in New Years attire complete with champagne bottle, noisemaker, and a ridiculous gold hat. But that wasn't what made Santana shout. It was the pictures of Christmas Blaine with his candy cane, like he was a gift from Santa Claus himself that made her lose her cool.

"Oh for the love of all things holy," she shouted before slipping her phone to the center of the table.

Quinn and Rachel took turns scrolling through the pictures that were still incoming. Pictures of Sam and Jake and Joe and Ryder soon followed, "just for fairness," Blaine texted, and the girls could not stop their eyes from gaping wide or their hysterical laughter.

"Damn, Joe looks absolutely ridiculous in those outfits," Quinn giggled.

"But baby Puckerman looks H-O-T, hot," Santana remarked. "Too bad Finn didn't pose, huh Rachel?" Santana teased.

"I don't need Finn posing topless," Rachel said with a blush, "I've got pictures of my own back home."

"Don't let Brody find them," Quinn giggled.

"Think I should forward these photos of Blaine to Hummel?" Santana teased, grabbing her phone.

"No!" Rachel shouted harshly.

Santana's lips quirked with a trace of amusement and she put the phone gently down. "What's wrong Rachel? Don't want Kurt's new beau getting a hold of those pictures? Or are you just afraid that if Kurt sees them he'll go running back to Blaine and you'll be all alone in your rejection of all things Lima?"

Quinn looked at both girls staring each other down, the tension suddenly palpable at the table. Rachel, unsurprisingly, ducked her eyes first.

"Look, I love Blaine too and I know he's your best friend, but Kurt's my best friend and he needs to grow up. He needs to embrace NY and leave Lima behind, and if that means Blaine too then so be it. I don't know if Adam and Kurt are dating or what, but he's cute and Kurt needs to get back out there." She looked up, her eyes sad as they shifted between the two girls who had been more enemies than friends much of her life. "We can't all end up with our first loves."

Santana knew she had a point. She realized that maybe Rachel wasn't meant to be with Finn and Quinn wasn't meant to be with Puck and maybe even she and Brittany weren't meant to be together. But Kurt and Blaine were different and anyone with eyes to see the love those two boys had for one another should have been able to tell that, especially Rachel Berry. "You're right Rachel. Kurt needs to see what's out there. He needs time to forgive. Even Blaine understands that. But stop projecting your feelings about Finn onto Kurt. Because if you keep pushing him? Then none of us will be with our first loves. And if anyone deserves that happy ending, it's Blaine and Kurt."

* * *

Santana crawled out of the inflatable plastic mattress on the floor that some people called a bed and puttered into the kitchen. Kurt was closely examining the cereal box as he spooned up his Rooster O's. "Cock a doodle you, Hummel," Santana smirked as she swiped the box from Kurt's gaze.

He glanced up at her bored. "Shouldn't you be out with Ms. Thing 1 and Ms. Thing 2?" he asked.

Santana grabbed a banana from the table, peeling it seductively. Kurt rolled his eyes at her, but lowered them and smirked into his bowl. "They went out for early morning coffee before Quinn takes the train back to New Haven."

"And you stayed behind just to torture me?" he asked dryly as he arched a brow.

"Mornings aren't my thing, Hummel," Santana shrugged. Kurt though could read right through her and the sly glint in her eye. "So how's NY treating you?" she asked with feigned nonchalance.

"Cut the pleasantries Lopez and just ask what you want to ask," Kurt demanded.

"Fair enough Lady Lips," she said dropping the act. "Tell me about this Adam guy."

"No." Kurt picked up his cereal bow and stood from the table taking it to the sink.

Santana looked up at him in shock. "I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you just told me 'No'."

Kurt turned and leaned against the counter. "I'm not giving you details of my love life for you to pass on to Blaine. I'll tell him what I'm ready to tell him when I'm ready to tell him."

"Oh, so there  _is_  a love life," Santana grinned wagging her eyebrows.

Kurt sighed and headed to his bedroom singing over his shoulder, "Not having this conversation!" Santana followed him though as he flounced in his desk chair and turned his laptop on. "Don't you have a flight to catch back to Kentucky?"

"It's not until later. I came all this way to help you with your little Rachel Berry problem, you owe me," Santana insisted crossing her arms.

Kurt turned tensely , studying her and Santana could see his mind working, deciding what to say, whether or not he trusted her. Finally, his shoulders relaxed. "There's really not much to tell," Kurt shrugged. "I asked him out to coffee and he said yes. He's a nice guy. He sees me differently. He sees me just for me." Kurt's eyes drifted to the pictures on his desk, the photo that he and Blaine had taken in NY over Christmas. "I don't even know what to tell Blaine yet," he whispered.

Santana got out her phone and scrolled through it past the calendar pinups and to the texts Blaine had sent her on the plane. She found the one she wanted and held it out for Kurt.

**Blaine: No forget it. I don't want to know anything until Kurt tells me. It's his life to live. I'm just going to be happy for him. All that matters is that he's happy.**

Kurt's eyes teared up, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to make them stop. "I need to do this 'Tana," he said softly. "For me. It doesn't work if only one of us knows for sure, ya know?"

Santana leaned back against the wall, her thoughts immediately turning to Brittany. "Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

"New York City is amazing," Santana said to Blaine as she lounged waiting for her flight. It was delayed thanks to snowstorms in the Midwest and she was beginning to wonder if she'd be better off finding herself a comfy spot to settle into for the night.

"I told you didn't I?" Blaine said. "Though it's not like it's your first time there."

"Last time was different though, with everyone and most of the focus on Nationals. This time it was like a glimpse of what it would be like if I lived there." Her voice trailed off dreamily.

"'Tana, are you thinking of…"

"Just considering the idea, Boyfriend, don't get your boxers in a twist," Santana bit back.

The line was silent for a minute then Blaine's tentative voice returned. "How was Kurt?"

"He's good Blaine," Santana told him honestly. "He misses you."

"He said that?" Blaine asked surprised.

Santana smiled softly into the phone. "He didn't have to. It's written all over his face."

Blaine was quiet again and Santana hoped he wasn't crying. Blaine had shed enough tears the last few months. But Blaine had only been thinking. "Hey can you do me a favor when you get back home?"

"Yeah sure, anything," Santana said.

"Well, Sam's been feeling really down on himself since the SAT results, thinking that his body's the only thing that makes him special," Blaine explained. "So I thought I could make a video reminding him of all the other reasons that we all love him, but I'm kinda worried about recording myself. So I'm trying to get everyone else to help out. Will you send me something?"

"You really are the best boyfriend in the whole world you know that?" Santana teased.

"Other than that cheating thing," Blaine said wryly. "And I am as far from Sam's boyfriend as the earth is to the Sun."

"Well then you're just a pretty damn good friend Blaine Anderson," Santana grinned. "And I would love to share my awesome memories of Trouty Mouth."

"The point of the video is to be nice," Blaine gently chided.

"I'm always nice," Santana argued. Her ears pricked as she heard her flight announced. "Oh finally!" she exclaimed. "I'll see you soon Blaine and I'll email that video as soon as I get back."

She hung up and grabbed her bag rolling it toward the line waiting to board. A quick thought flashed through her head, and she wondered if this might the last time she would ever board a plane back to Kentucky.


	14. Diva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely loved this episode! So much Blaine and Kurt and Santana, it was delicious.

Santana had made her decision before the plane even touched down in Kentucky. There was nothing for her back there. She didn't want to be a professional cheerleader, she didn't want empty sex with random girls in her bed every night, and she didn't want to be alone anymore. New York was a world full of adventure and possibility and though Kurt and Rachel weren't exactly who she would typically go running to for companionship, when push came to shove there really wasn't very much for her in Lima. Sure she could settle in for a time and wile away the hours waiting for Blaine and Brittany to graduate, but they'd all just end up in NY anyway. She didn't need to wait for them.

Tina's phone call was only the icing on the cake.

She stopped at the Registrar's office and filled out the Voluntary Withdrawal form. Then she went to Coach Thompson's office, respectfully resigning from the squad. Her coach was frustrated but understanding and Santana left feeling a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. Her only concern was how her mother would take the news, but she could handle that.

Santana invited over Eileen, who was at the library studying and certainly didn't mind the interruption, especially from Santana. The cheerleader closed her books and headed across campus to the dorms, knocking on Santana's door. Santana called for her to come in and Eileen didn't know what she had expected, but it was most certainly not a room full of empty drawers and two packed suitcases on the stripped bed.

"What's going on?" Eileen asked, frozen to the spot.

Santana looked at her apologetically. She suspected that though their relationship had stayed very much in the realm of friends with benefits, the girl had always wanted more. "I dropped out."

Eileen did a double take. "I'm sorry, you what?" 

Santana though didn't want to discuss it further. This was her decision and she'd made it. No regrets. She flipped her hair and hardened her eyes. "I dropped out of school and I'm going to New York. My mother gave me the money for it the end of last year, I might as well use it." She shrugged. "It's what I need to do. What I should have done all along. It's just that Brittany…"

"It's always about Brittany," Eileen interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Santana turned and saw the pain in her eyes. She sighed and drew closer, rubbing Eileen's arms comfortingly. "You knew that going into this," Santana reminded her. "You've been the best friend I've had here and I probably wouldn't have lasted as long as I have without you. But I don't belong here."

Eileen hated that it was true, but she knew that it was. "I always did think you were too big for Louisville." She smiled sadly and kissed her one last time. "I wish I had known, we could have thrown you a blow out goodbye party."

Santana chuckled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as her eyes turned quickly from soft to mischievous. "There is one more thing that you and the girls could help me out with, if you're up for a road trip."

* * *

Kurt and Adam strode down the streets of Manhattan, coffee held close to their chests, keeping their fingers and their noses warm against the bitter cold wind. The smells of the city filled their heads as they dodged the steam from the vents. "Some things in NY I'll never get used to," Kurt grumbled as he side stepped some terrifying unknown liquid on the sidewalk.

Adam laughed and nudged his shoulder. "You'll get so used to everything by spring that you won't remember life without it all."

Kurt smiled and nodded, pausing slightly as his phone vibrated in his pocket. People around him swore as they nearly hit him and Adam once again laughed and grabbed his jacket, pulling him aside against the wall. "You're gonna get yourself run over if you do that," Adam warned.

Kurt looked at the name on the phone, then the man who glanced down curiously next to him. He made a quick decision on instinct alone. "Hey Blaine, everything ok?" He looked up quickly to Adam and mouthed a bashful, 'sorry', before linking the older man's arm in his and starting to walk together again the few more doors to the rehearsal hall.

"You sound busy Kurt," Blaine said, his voice gravely and tentative. "Are you busy?"

"I'm just on my way to show choir rehearsal," he explained. "Hang on one second."  Kurt and Adam rounded the corner and approached the building. They both went inside where it was warm and Kurt motioned for Adam to go up to the room, he'd meet him in a minute. Adam climbed the stairs and Kurt leaned against the wall. "Okay, what's up?"

"Nothing," Blaine said, sniffling and clearly his throat, clearly rethinking his phone call. "Nevermind."

"Hey, don't do that," Kurt told him gently. Blaine sounded as if he had been crying or had a cold, and if it was the former Kurt wasn't going to let him just run away. "You've got my attention for at least five minutes, so tell me what you called for."

"Ok," Blaine relented and Kurt could hear him take a breath. "Tell me what you think when you hear Diva and Blaine Anderson."

Kurt arched a surprised brow and laughed. That wasn't at all what he'd expected. "You mean other than Blaine and the Pips?"

Blaine chuckled in that shy way that Kurt knew meant he was blushing. "Yes, other than that."

Kurt thought for a moment, taking a seat on the bench. He tried to ignore the cold air that rushed at him every time someone opened the front door. "Well, I don't know. Are we talking private Blaine or public Blaine?"

Kurt heard Blaine swallow and sensed this was precisely why Kurt was the one he'd turned to. "Please expand on this," Blaine breathed nervously.

"Well, I mean private Blaine is all about letting yourself go, being ultra-fabulous, theatricality and glamour. I know how much you love singing Adam Lambert," Kurt teased, blushing himself as he remembered private moments. "But I don't think that side of you is for public viewing. In public you can still be a Diva but you're reserved, pleasing, generous."

"I was like that privately sometimes too," Blaine purred and Kurt couldn't help but shiver. He told himself it was because of the cold.

"Yes, yes you were," he remembered sweetly, but he had to get the conversation back on track. "Look Blaine, you're a Diva because you're an amazing performer. No more, no less. Sure you can own the feather boas or the sass, but you don't need it, because you can own the stage with nothing but a piano and your voice. Your talent speaks for itself and that's what makes you a Diva." Kurt heard his name whispered from above and he turned his head to see Adam gesturing that it was time for rehearsal to begin. "I'm sorry Blaine, I have to go. See you next week?"

"Yes, absolutely," Blaine said. "Thank you." Kurt hung up quickly before their typical goodbyes. He glanced up to Adam and sighed before smiling broadly and racing up the stairs. The last thing he'd needed Adam to hear were his and Blaine's I love you's.

* * *

Blaine had a blast performing Freddie Mercury for the Glee Club, but as always, tried and true and a complete surprise, Santana Lopez blew him away. Still, he was as confused as Brittany about why she'd not told either of them of her arrival in Lima and he for one wasn't buying her story that she'd learned about Brittany and Sam. She'd been well aware of Sam and Brittany dating even before the two had realized it themselves.

He chased her down the hall as she left with her Cardinals teammates, and grabbed her arm to stop her. She turned and glared at him, hands on her hips. If looks could kill he'd be one foot in his grave, and he took a nervous step backward. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming," he asked tentatively, baffled and hurt at the way she was looking at him.

Her eyes hardened even more than they had in the choir room. "Why didn't you tell me that Brittany and Sam had married?" she spat. "Dating is one thing Blaine, but married? You're supposed to be one of my best friends but I have to hear it from Tina Cohen-Chang?"

Blaine felt his stomach drop. He hadn't realized she didn't know, but he'd never considered it his place to tell her. If Brittany had wanted Santana to know she would have told her. He knew that would be little consolation to her at the moment though. "They aren't really married Santana," Blaine said instead to try and soothe her.

"Do you know how many times Brittany and I talked about getting married Blaine?" she snapped. "And how many times she said no, that it wasn't for her. And then she dates Sam Evans for a week and decides that she'll commit to him for the rest of her life?"

"She thought the rest of her life was like 48 hours 'Tana," Blaine argued, upset that Santana was getting so upset.

"And how would you feel, if Kurt met a guy and they hopped a plane to Vegas and 'got married' even though it's not legal," she challenged him. Blaine felt a twinge in his chest at just the idea of Kurt saying 'I do' to someone else. And then he understood.

"I'm sorry you didn't know," he admitted, biting his lip with regret.

"Just tell your boy Sam to meet me in the auditorium after school. We've got a score to settle," Santana ordered, then stormed off out the door, leaving Blaine behind feeling hurt, confused and more than a little vulnerable.

* * *

Amy Anderson arrived home at midnight after a long day at work. She'd been glad that since Christmas she'd changed to second shift. It had been better for Blaine, making sure he was sleeping by the time she got home, being able to be there for him in the morning before his day at school. She'd tried hard to get him to stay home sick from school that morning, but her son was as stubborn as his father and insisted that he could not be absent during Diva week. All she could do was check his forehead, give him orange juice, and send him on his way.

She tossed down her keys and hung up her coat, surprised to find a girl's jacket that didn't look like it belonged to Santana. She checked the living room to see if maybe Blaine and a friend had fallen asleep during a movie, but the room was empty. She entered Blaine's room and was shocked to find Tina lying next to her sleeping son, gently massaging his chest.

"Tina? What's going on in here?" she whispered.

Tina sat up quickly and shuffled off the bed, holding up a small container. "Vaporub," she explained handing the medicine sheepishly to Mrs. Anderson. "Blaine wasn't feeling well so I gave him some soup and medicine and rubbed the vaporub on his chest."

Blaine's mom raised a curious and suspicious brow. "It's midnight, how long has he been sleeping?"

"Oh my God, is it that late?" Tina suddenly scrambled out of the room and grabbed her coat. "My parents are going to kill me."

"Tina," Mrs. Anderson called sternly and the girl turned and looked at her. The older woman relaxed into a motherly smile, understanding what it was like to love someone who didn't know how to love you back. "Blaine…he's had a hard time of things lately and he..." She paused trying to find the right words to explain it to her. "He doesn't always know what love looks like. His father and I haven't really been the best example for him. But sweetie, I can see it in your eyes and I'll tell you what he'd be too polite to say even if he understood how you felt. He loves Kurt. He'll always love Kurt and if by some chance he did fall in love with someone else, it wouldn't be with a girl. So don't try and hold him back. Because if Kurt's not the one for him, he deserves the chance to find the man who is."

Mrs. Anderson watched as tears filled Tina's eyes, but before they could fall she let them turn cold. The girl said nothing as she turned sharply, flung the door open and stormed out of the apartment. Amy sighed and closed the door behind her. She went into Blaine's bedroom and gently sat next to him. She caressed his head softly, kissing his forehead to check for fever, and looked at the container she still held in her hand. She opened it and rubbed a tiny bit more of the nearly empty medicine onto his chest before buttoning him up and pulling his blanket over him.  She set the container at his bedside in case he woke in the middle of the night.

"Mmmm….hi mom," he mumbled in his sleep.

"Shhh, baby…go to sleep," she whispered. He rolled over onto his side and she rubbed his back for a minute before quietly leaving the room. She wondered sadly when her little boy had become a man.

* * *

Blaine awoke the next morning feeling a million times better than he had the day before, other than having fallen asleep in his clothes. He showered and dressed and kissed his mother's cheek before grabbing a quick breakfast. She slid into the chair next to him.

"Blaine, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about Tina," she said carefully.

"I know Mom, isn't she amazing! I just feel incredible this morning. Whatever was in that chicken soup it worked like a charm." His smile quickly fell to a frown. "I feel kinda bad that I fell asleep on her last night though."

"Do you remember what happened?" his mom asked cautiously.

"Not really," he said putting his bowl in the sink and grabbing his bag for school. "I gave her my laptop with a bunch of songs I thought she could sing for Diva week. I'll have to talk to her today about which she chose."

She grabbed his hand, making him slow down and really look at her. "Just be careful Blaine," his Mom urged. "Sometimes girls don't always make the best choices."

"Oh I'm sure she'll choose the song that's just perfect for her. I gotta go Mom," he said as he ran out the door to his car.

Amy sighed. The idea that Tina liked him was barely even on his radar. This was going to be a harder conversation than she'd thought.

* * *

Blaine nearly skipped up the steps, so excited to finally have a clear head and nose, and raced up behind Artie. "Looks a little slippery up that ramp there Artie, let me give you a hand!"

Artie looked over his shoulder at Blaine with a grin. "Thanks man," he said. "You're looking better."

Blaine helped wheel him up the ramp and they entered the school, rounding the corner. "Yeah, Tina came over and gave me some miracle Chinese concoction that worked like a charm," he smiled. "It was amazing, she just had everything I needed, it was awesome." Blaine stopped when he saw Tina approach them. "Tey Tey! I was just telling Artie how awesome I thought…"

"Will you excuse us please Artie," Tina ordered, her raging eyes never leaving Blaine's.

Blaine's eyes shifted between Artie and Tina, confusion marring his face. "But I…" Artie started, then recognized Tina's bitch face and backed away quickly.

"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked, "Oh! That chicken soup you made me was magic I feel great today!"

"You wanna know why? Because of me, because I took care of you," Tina barked.

Blaine remembered what he'd grabbed off his nightstand in the morning, and took it out of his pocket. "Oh, and I guess I used most of this," he said examining the container. "I don't know how that happened but it's all gone, sorry," he said apologetically. She just continued to glare at him angrily though and he didn't think it was because he'd finished all her vaporub. He shifted uncomfortably. "Wait, are you mad?" Maybe it was because he'd fallen asleep instead of helping her choose a song.

"Look, I give you all of my heart, gladly," she huffed, "and I love hanging out with you, Blaine. I love…" she paused and Blaine watched her, trying desperately to understand, flashing back to the conversation his mother had tried to have him with him that morning. "It's sad, because you don't see that it's me that gives you that support."

"Why are you acting so pissed off?" he asked.

"Because I get it now. A diva doesn't settle for less than what she wants, and she won't apologize for wanting it, and I can't get that here. So next time, don't come crawling back to me, I'm all out of soup," she snapped before walking out.

"That seems a little crazy," he called out after her.

She turned and glared at him. "No, that seems a little Tina Cohen-Chang. Respect."

Blaine stared after her as she walked off, then took a step into the empty classroom nearby. He took out his phone and dialed his mother's number. "Hey Mom?"

"Everything okay Blaine?" she asked in slight alarm.

"Yeah, it's just," he sat down, putting his bag on the floor. "What were you trying to tell me about Tina earlier today?"

"Oh no, what happened?" she worried.

"Nothing really," he hesitated, still trying to figure out in his head exactly what had happened. "She just kind of went off on me. And it's really weird because I'm pretty sure we left everything okay last night. I mean, is she mad because I fell asleep and didn't help her?"

"No sweetie, she's not mad because you fell asleep. She's mad because her heart is breaking," Amy explained gently.

Blaine put it all together in his head and he flashed back to another argument, when he'd acted like an oblivious idiot and gotten drunk and kissed Rachel and Kurt had snapped at him at the Lima Bean. And another where he'd gotten drunk and came on too strong and Kurt had shouted at him at Scandals. And suddenly something clicked in his mind. "Oh my god Mom, you don't think I kissed her, do you? I mean, I was totally out of it with the cough medicine, and I have a tendency to get a little handsy when I'm not entirely sober," Blaine panicked. He wracked his brain trying to remember if he'd done anything that he'd consider inappropriate, but all he remembered was an amazing night's sleep.

"No Blaine, I don't think so. You weren't woozy, you were out cold," his mother reassured him and Blaine felt his heart start beating again. "But Blaine, she likes you. So think about how you would feel if you liked someone who wouldn't like you back, not in that way. And then multiply it by 10 because girls are different than boys and we can give our hearts completely no matter what the boy thinks."

The bell rang and Blaine jumped out of his chair. "I have to go Mom. Talk to you later?"

"We'll continue this discussion tomorrow morning, starting with how you know you're a little bit handsy when you're not sober," she said sternly.

Blaine cringed at the realization of what he'd told her. "Yes Ma'am," he replied. "Love you," he added before he hung up the phone and headed to class.

* * *

Blaine and Sam waited nervously in the hallway while Brittany and Santana talked. It wasn't too long before Brittany ran out of the auditorium. Tears started streaming down her face but instead of falling into Sam's embrace it was Blaine who she wrapped her arms around. "Go see if she's okay," she whispered," then looked up at him pitifully. "Please."

Blaine wasn't sure he'd be welcome given Santana's lack of communication all week, but there was no way to deny Brittany's wishes. "Sure," he smiled, wiping her tears.

He made his way to the side door of the house and heard her before he even pushed the curtain aside. Santana's voice washed over him like dark clouds before a storm. Electricity filled the air, but it was somehow soothing to him as well, familiar. He listened for a few moments before walking in.

_She's just a girl, and she's on fire_   
_Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway_   
_She's living in a world, and it's on fire_   
_Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away_

Santana looked out into the empty auditorium, wondering how she'd gotten there. No school, no Brittany, she didn't belong anywhere, but she remembered the energy that had pierced her skin and opened her eyes in New York City. It was a world of possibilities, with friends who would be there for her, and opportunities that were just waiting for her to seize them.

_Oh, she got both feet on the ground_   
_And she's burning it down_   
_Oh, she got her head in the clouds_   
_And she's not backing down_

Blaine pushed the curtain aside and walked slowly into the dark auditorium. Santana turned at the movement and their eyes locked immediately. Her anger at Blaine still burning, she sang to him and he listened with all his heart.

_This girl is on fire_   
_This girl is on fire_   
_She's walking on fire_   
_This girl is on fire_

She snapped her eyes away, flames burning inside them, and stormed down the stairs and up the aisle opposite Blaine. Blaine raced across the auditorium, chasing her and blocking her way so she could not leave. Tina meant nothing compared to Santana. He needed her to forgive him and he needed her back. He sang, his own amber eyes dancing with his own fire.

_Looks like a girl, but she's a flame_   
_So bright, she can burn your eyes_   
_Better look the other way_   
_You can try but you'll never forget her name_   
_She's on top of the world_   
_Hottest of the hottest girls say_

Santana watched him sing, a smile betraying her, escaping onto her lips. She'd taken her anger at Brittany and Sam and everyone else out on him and she hadn't been fair. It was just easier to leave them all behind than to have too much of heart remaining behind. She had to let him back in though. He needed her, and she needed him. She took his hand and joined in with him.

_Oh, we got our feet on the ground_   
_And we're burning it down_   
_Oh, got our head in the clouds_   
_And we're not coming down  
_

Blaine smiled at her as he led her back to the stage, sitting in the front row to watch her perform. She was breathtaking, as always, and his heart filled with warmth knowing that she would always be a part of his life, because the spark that lived inside her helped bring him to life when no one else was there.

_This girl is on fire_   
_This girl is on fire_   
_She's walking on fire_   
_This girl is on fire_

_She's just a girl, and she's on fire_

Santana jumped down from the stage, her always disarming and mischievous smile bright as her eyes twinkled. Blaine stood to meet her. "Your fire's what I love best about you," he said softly. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have told you about them."

"No." Santana shook her head. "People can trust you with their secrets. That's what they love about you. What I love about you." She paused, her eyes sweeping over the floor, then she tentatively looked back at him. "I quit school. I'm moving to New York."

Blaine's eyes opened wide. "Santana…"

"No," she interjected firmly. "Don't say anything. It's what's right for me."

"Santana, I've known that since last year," he told her gently, and she smiled sheepishly. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna show up on Hummelberry's doorstep and tell them I'm moving in," she answered matter-of-factly.

Blaine whistled. There was one thing he knew for sure, McKinley had never known a bigger Diva than Santana Lopez. "Kurt's gonna blow a gasket," he warned.

"Well maybe, he needs his gasket blown," Santana snipped then winced at Blaine's face. "Sorry," she apologized.

"It's okay," Blaine laughed ducking his head.

She took his hand reassuringly. "I'll tell you everything I find out," Santana promised.

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Don't. Let Kurt tell me what he wants when he's ready."

Santana smiled softly, understanding. "Okay," she whispered.

"I'm gonna miss you," he said reaching up to tuck a hair behind her ear. They'd see each other next week, but they both knew it wouldn't be the same anymore. Santana would be in NY to stay. She wouldn't be coming home every couple of weeks, she'd get lost in the city just like Kurt and Rachel. They both had every sense that next week would be it for them until he joined them next year.

Santana grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him in, feeling so safe and comfortable in his arms. She didn't know how she was once again leaving both Brittany and Blaine behind, but she knew it was the right choice for her. Still, she'd be leaving in Lima a huge part of her heart. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'll miss you too…Boyfriend."


	15. I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Do" was perfect in every way. This chapter isn't, but I hope it doesn't disappoint. The words written by the amazing writers of Glee are obviously not my own. My illustrations of Blaine and Kurt in those scenes belong to Darren and Chris. The rest belongs to me.

"Good evening Mrs. Lopez, Dr. Lopez," Blaine greeted formally, always the prim and proper suitor when he needed to be.

"It's nice to see you again, Blaine, you're looking well," Santana's mom smiled and Blaine returned it. He was feeling well for the first time in a while, though nerves played at his skin. "Santana's in her room."

Blaine took off upstairs. It had only been a week since he'd seen her, but she'd spent that last week living with Kurt, had flown in with him and Rachel that afternoon, and even if he didn't really want her to tell him what was going on with Kurt, he still really wanted to  _know_  and maybe he'd just learn it by osmosis. He shook his head and chuckled at himself.

"My parents aren't that funny, Boyfriend." Santana side-eyed him as she pulled out her dress for the wedding and held it up to her. "Like it?"

"Gorgeous as always, 'Tana," Blaine told her. "Though you really can't go wrong."

She smiled and put it back in the closet. She'd already changed into her pajamas. She reached into her unpacked suitcase and pulled out a brush and some hair ties.

"How was your flight?" Blaine asked as he curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow.

"You spend any time on a plane with Rachel Berry and tell me how your flight was," she answered gruffly as she fixed her hair. She pulled it tight into a ponytail all the while watching him pick nervously at the pillow in the mirror. She raised a brow. "You gonna ask me about Kurt?"

"You gonna ask me about Britt?" he retorted, glancing up at her reflection. Santana paused, nearly giving into temptation but she looked away and shook her head. She knew there was nothing she wanted to hear. Blaine relaxed into the wall. "Anyone else join you guys on that flight?" he inquired, attempting innocence that Santana could see through with a blink.

"'Bout 200 other passengers, but none of them a plus one for Kurt Hummel," she assured him and Blaine sighed with relief. She grabbed her own pillow and curled up next to him. "Also thankfully, no plus one for Rachel. I never thought I'd say that I liked Rachel better with Finn, but there is something slimy about that kid Brody."

"Yeah, Kurt doesn't like him either, and I trust Kurt's taste in men," Blaine said, watching Santana carefully.

She stared him in the eye, waiting for him to crack, but he didn't. "You really want me to just come out with it, don't you?" Santana said, calling him on his evasiveness. "You don't want to ask, but you're desperate to know about this Adam guy."

"No," Blaine told her looking away, the angel over taking the devil on his shoulder. "It's none of my business until Kurt tells me."

"Oh my god, you are pathetic, Blaine, and sometimes it is so clear that you grew up in Westerville and not Lima," Santana snapped playfully. Blaine made a confused face and Santana rolled her eyes. "Kurt and Adam are sort of dating, he seems like a nice guy, but no, they haven't tapped it, and Kurt's as nervous to see you as you are to see him. There. Now you know as much as everyone else in New Directions."

"I didn't want to know all that," Blaine said with a hidden smile.

"Yes you did," Santana said knowingly, and rested her head on his shoulder. Blaine cuddled into her.

"I'm just scared," Blaine told her, as if it was a secret that wasn't written all over his face. "I mean, I know we talk all the time now, but what if he keeps his distance. What if it's completely awkward?"

"Was it awkward over Christmas?" Santana asked.

"No," Blaine admitted. "But he hadn't met Adam yet. I mean now he's kind of dating someone."

"You're thinking too much, Boyfriend," Santana admonished. "Stop thinking and worrying and just let what happens, happen. He's not some scary blast from the past Blaine. He's just Kurt. Your best friend," she said reassuringly and he nodded in agreement. "Good. Now pretend you're not a Warbler and don't tell me anything at all about Britt and Trouty Mouth," she prodded with a grin.

He kissed her head and scoffed, holding her in his arms as he stopped thinking too much and just shared all he knew about Brittany and Sam.

* * *

"It may only be for three days, but it is so good to have you home Kurt," Burt told his son. He even turned off the game as he lay on the couch and let Kurt put on one of those romantic comedies he loved so much.

"I'm just glad you're feeling okay," Kurt said with a tentative smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here for the surgery."

"It's fine Kurt. I'm fine, and there's nothing you could have done anyway. Carole took great care of me," Burt said, glancing up lovingly to his wife. She brushed a comforting hand on his head as she put his glass of water on the coffee table where he could reach it, then took a seat in the armchair. "Make sure you tell Mr. Schuester we're sorry we can't make it."

"I think he'll understand Dad," Kurt assured him. "You're still technically on bed rest."

"And I'm peeing everywhere," Burt added. "Pretty sure he doesn't want that on the most important day of his life."

"Thank you so much for that image," Kurt said wryly. He turned back to the movie, but the nerves that had begun when he boarded the plane remained with him, and no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts kept returning to Blaine.

Burt noticed the furrow in Kurt's brow, the pursed lips. "Nervous about tomorrow?" he asked casually.

"No, why would I be nervous?" Kurt's answer was too quick and completely unconvincing to the man that knew him better than almost anyone.

"I don't know," Burt said carefully. "You haven't been home in a while, and you've changed a lot since you've been gone. Your whole life is different. It's hard coming back to old friends when that happens."

"You mean Blaine," Kurt mumbled.

"I didn't say that," Burt answered was an easy tone.

"But that's what you meant. I'm not stupid Dad. I know you love him. I know you would like us to be together," Kurt pointed out. "Otherwise you wouldn't have brought him to see me for Christmas."

"I want you happy, Kurt," Burt corrected him. "And Blaine has made you happy before, yes. But if someone else can make you even happier Kurt, then I'll be your biggest cheerleader. Once I'm off of bed rest, of course."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Of course," he chuckled, but grew quickly somber again. "What if it all comes back tomorrow. Seeing him in his tux. At a wedding. We planned that for us someday. I'm just afraid of making a mistake. Falling into a moment." His voice had grown soft, almost a whisper, as he tried to build walls around his heart that would not hold.

Burt sat up with a groan, and took Kurt's hand. "If you remember that as quick as moments are they stay with you forever, then you'll be alright."

Kurt nodded, not fully understanding, but letting it percolate so he'd remember it when he needed to. In the meantime, he soaked in the warmth of being home with his father who had come out of the hospital okay for the second time in three years, and considered how important moments could be, and how abruptly they could be taken away.

* * *

Kurt and Rachel arrived at the church together, both nervous and excited and trying to hide it from one another. They made small talk along the way, neither wanting to admit what they were both thinking. Their first loves were inside. This wedding could have just as easily been theirs.

They greeted Mr. Schuester at the door and made their way inside. They hung up their coats in the coatroom and entered the chapel. Kurt's eyes immediately fell on Blaine talking with Tina in their pew. Rachel looked at him questioningly, and Kurt nodded, so they made their way toward the pair and took their seats a row behind.

As soon as she saw Kurt walk over, Tina linked her arm with Blaine defensively. "Hello, Kurt," Tina said sharply, being sure to punctuate the T. "It's nice you came with Rachel. Blaine here is  _my_  date for the evening."

Kurt raised a brow and offered a flashy smile with a tilt of his head. "Yes, I've heard about your lovely friendship from Santana," he mocked, with a glance to Blaine. His mood immediately tempered as he stared into Blaine's hazel eyes, so warm and inviting, but at the same time disapproving of his attitude toward Tina. Something pulled at his heart, and he needed a moment alone with him. "Blaine could I talk with you a minute?"

He didn't miss the death glare Tina sent his way, but Blaine noticed nothing, his attention focused entirely on Kurt. "Sure," he agreed nervously, and patted Tina's hand before he pulled his arm free. "I'll be right back," he promised her.

Blaine shoved his hands in his pockets, and followed Kurt toward the front of the chapel, his heart racing with the endless possibilities of what Kurt wanted to talk about. "Is there somewhere private?" Kurt asked looking around.

Blaine unconsciously took his hand, and Kurt's easy acceptance of the gesture calmed him. Santana was right, it was just Kurt, whom he loved and trusted he would be with forever. He led him to a small room hidden from view just off the coat storage, where an attendant could lock up valuables. "When Mom and I come on Sundays, sometimes I'll take the job of coat check," he offered in explanation. Kurt nodded, but said nothing and nervous silence filled the small room. Blaine finally took the chance to fully appraise Kurt and he was breathtakingly beautiful. "It's really good to see you today," Blaine said in a hushed tone. "You look amazing."

"So do you," Kurt answered, his discomfort tempered by the overwhelming familiarity and a slight sense of déjà vu he couldn't explain. "Look, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Blaine pressed his lips together uneasily. He'd been waiting all this time for Kurt to tell him, but now that it came down to it, he didn't want to hear him say it. "If it's about Adam, you don't need to tell me anything."

"I don't?" Kurt asked, wondering exactly what Santana had said.

"No. I mean, you're not exactly the best at keeping secrets, even over the phone." Blaine took a step closer and Kurt found himself up against the wall. Blaine didn't reach out for him though. "I know everything about you Kurt, and I know when you like someone. I can hear it in your voice. I can read it in your words," Blaine said with quiet confidence. Kurt suddenly felt the small room grow stifling with heat and he licked his lips as Blaine continued. "But it's okay. I understand what it feels like to be lonely and to be searching for who you are and who you're meant to be with. I know you don't always believe in things like God and destiny and soulmates, but it's okay, because I believe enough for both of us. You deserve to be happy, Kurt, and if Adam is what you need right now then -"

Blaine couldn't finish his sentence because suddenly Kurt's lips were on his and his words were swallowed, by the most delicious feeling in the entire world. Pure instinct took over as Blaine linked their fingers and he pinned Kurt's hands by his head, pushing him up flat against the wall. Kurt moaned into the kiss, and Blaine pressed into him, only then letting Kurt's hands free to drape over his shoulders. Blaine grabbed Kurt's hips as they kissed one another frantically, as if making up for lost time, because they were in fact, doing exactly that.

Kurt reached for Blaine's tie, fumbling to loosen it as he kissed Blaine's neck, when light suddenly streamed in, the door flung open, and Kurt threw his head back in frustration. Blaine took a quick step away.

"Oh for the love of…you have got to be kidding me," Tina snapped in shock. "Is this what they call talking these days? What are you two suddenly back together now?"

"No!" Kurt yelped, before turning bashfully to Blaine. "I mean, we're just friends."

"That's right," Blaine concurred, though a small wave of disappointment washed over him at Kurt's quickness. "We're just friends," he insisted to Tina.

"Well, you're  _my_  date, Blaine, so could you please come back inside because I'm kind of pathetic sitting there by myself," Tina huffed as she crossed her arms demandingly.

"Yes, Tina, I will," he assured her sweetly with a squeeze to her arm. "Just give me one more minute, please."

"Fine," she huffed, rolling her eyes, and stormed away.

Tina left them but the crowd outside had grown and they were getting odd looks from passersby. "Come on," Blaine urged, grabbing Kurt's hand and pulling him out the door. "We need a little more privacy."

Blaine had planned to just find a quiet corner, but the wind was picking up and the cold seeped into his skin fast after the heat of the last few minutes. He took out his keys and unlocked his car. "It'll be warmer in here at least," he said as he pulled Kurt inside. "So, is this a New York thing? Kissing friends like that?" he smirked.

Kurt had every intention of taking Tina's interruption as a sign that they needed to slow down and really talk about the fact that Kurt had a sort of boyfriend and they shouldn't be acting this way, but sitting in the backseat with Blaine, Adam barely reached his mind. All he could think about was the last time they'd made love, in the back of his car before selling it, and he wanted nothing more but to pick up exactly where they'd left off. "No," Kurt leaned forward and purred into Blaine's ear. "I'm pretty certain it's a Lima thing."

Blaine grinned against Kurt's neck and he shivered as Kurt started nibbling on his. "Well then I thank God that we are best friends," he stammered as he slowly leaned back onto the seat.

* * *

Brody shivered once as he ducked into the coffee shop from the cold streets of Manhattan, on his way to acting class Thursday. He waited in line, texting his scene partner, before placing his order and grabbing his coffee. He turned to head out, but stopped when he saw Adam, sitting pensively at a small round table in the corner, nursing a latte. He walked over and turned a chair, straddling it without even asking. Adam didn't even look up.

"You look like you just lost your puppy," Brody mused.

Adam finally raised his eyes and glared at the guy and his ever present amused smile. They'd never been friends. Hell they'd clashed more than once in various classes and auditions. Brody looked down on everyone, so Adam didn't take it personally, but just because their respective others were best friends, it didn't change one thing about their relationship. "And you look awfully chipper for someone whose girlfriend is back home at a wedding with her ex-fiancé," Adam said.

"Ah, so that's why the long face," Brody smirked in understanding. "''Fraid ole Kurt will fall back into Blaine's arms the moment romance hits the air?"

Adam hated that Brody could read him so well. "Well you've met the guy, I haven't," he prompted. He didn't know why he was even engaging Brody in this conversation. He didn't really want to even think about what Kurt was doing at that moment, but he found himself riveted to Brody's answer, like a bad accident you just can't look away from. "What do you think?"

"I think Blaine cheated on Kurt and Kurt still loves him anyway but refuses to admit it," Brody answered honestly. "Rachel agrees with me," he added smugly for good measure.

"Brilliant," Adam huffed. He knew it was true. He'd told himself the same thing. But hearing it from Brody was something entirely different. He could have convinced himself he was making it up to lessen the blow just in case Kurt did go back to Blaine. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But if Brody and Rachel saw it too…

"Doesn't mean Kurt won't decide it's over after he sees him again," Brody suggested, quirking a brow. "Maybe he just needed a new man to sweep him off his feet."

"And is that all Rachel needed?" Adam quipped back. "You think she'll go back, to the romance of a wedding that should have been theirs, and not shag him?" At the other man's unconscious twitch of surprise, it was Adam's turn to smile. "Kurt can talk too," he shrugged.

"Honestly?" Brody chirped taking a drink of his coffee and standing up. "I don't care what she does with what's his name in the middle of nowhere Ohio. I know she'll come back to me and in the end, that's what matters."

Adam scoffed and muttered under his breath. Brody peered down. "What was that?"

"I said, Kurt told me you had balls," Adam smiled up politely. Brody grinned and winked before buttoning his coat to head back outside into the cold. Adam shook his head. His thoughts turned back to Kurt, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. He truly liked Kurt. He was unlike anyone he'd ever met before. But being caught in the middle of unfinished business wasn't precisely what he had in mind. When Kurt returned, they needed to talk. If he and Kurt were going to be something more than friends, then he wasn't willing to settle for just a piece of his heart.

* * *

Performing with Kurt was always exhilarating, but this may have been Blaine's favorite duet ever. His pulse quickened at the flirty eyes, and the touch of Kurt's arm around his shoulder made his knees go weak. They fell into perfect step with one another as if they were alone in Blaine's bedroom practicing for Glee club instead of singing for a hundred strangers navigating a precarious friendship. But Blaine knew it was because they would always be in perfect step with one another, and every moment together they had was one more step toward Kurt realizing the same thing.

"I'm gonna get some punch, do you want anything?" Blaine asked as they flew off the stage.

"Yeah I'll take one," Kurt said. "But just remember we're…"

"Not dating, we're just here as friends," Blaine finished for him with a small smile. It didn't matter what Kurt said, Blaine's heart was humming with joy because even if they were just friends, they were the closest they'd been since they'd broken up and the night was not even half over. He wouldn't let himself thing about the possibilities that lay ahead, the empty rooms that just waited for them upstairs. He couldn't get enough, but he could be patient, and wait until Kurt was ready, whether that meant today or three months from today. Because Kurt could deny their love all he wanted, but he couldn't deny that every step they'd taken had been a step closer.

Blaine poured two cups of punch then went over to the bar to ask for some maraschino cherries.

"Gotta make sure you have those cherry stems," Santana winked at Blaine as she sipped her wine at the bar. Her eyes flew quickly to Kurt and back again. "You two are looking nice and cozy tonight."

Blaine side-eyed her, holding out the cups for the bartender to drop in the fruit. "I could say the same for you and Quinn," he said, glancing at the blonde chatting with Puck by Santana's side.

"You're crazy," Santana scoffed unconvincingly.

Blaine chuckled. "And you're drunk," Blaine informed her. She dismissed him with a sweep of her hand, but he took it and held it tight, forcing her attention. "Don't do anything you'll regret 'Tana. I know it's hard watching Brittany here with Sam, but I also know how a one night stand can ruin the best thing that's ever happened to you." He swept an eye over the crowd for Kurt, finding him chatting across the room with Mike and Tina. "I don't know if we get second chances, Santana, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that running from love is never the answer."

Behind Santana, Quinn was laughing hard at something and brushed a shoulder against her. Santana shivered slightly as Quinn's hair tickled her skin and she smiled hopefully. "And what if I'm running to love?" she asked.

Blaine looked out again to Kurt who turned to meet his gaze with a small smile and a little wave of his fingers. Blaine couldn't help the color that rose to his cheeks and his eyes sparkled as he kissed Santana tenderly on the cheek. "Always run to love," he whispered before walking off to return to Kurt's side.

* * *

"Your drink, Sir," Blaine bowed jokingly as he handed over Kurt's punch.

"Well thank you, Sir," Kurt smiled back brightly, before taking a sip.

"What were you guys talking about?" Blaine inquired, tilting his head toward Mike and Tina.

Kurt glanced back over with a smirk, and linked his arm with Blaine's, pulling him away from the pair. "Just encouraging her to find someone else to dance with. Nostalgia seems to be in the air, after all," he said, nudging Blaine to look to the stage.

As Blaine looked up to see Finn and Rachel take the microphones, he felt his drink pulled from his hand. He twisted back to see Kurt place it on the table, then reach out a hand. "May I have this dance?" Kurt offered nervously.

Blaine flashed a delighted smile. "Of course." 

Kurt led him, hand in hand, to the dance floor and Blaine wrapped himself into Kurt's arms. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped as he felt the pieces of his heart click into place. He reached his hand up Kurt's back, tracing the fabric of his suit beneath his fingers. He nuzzled into the perfect space of Kurt's neck, taking the time to breathe in his scent, to re-memorize it once again before it was gone to soon.

_I know it's late, I know you're weary_   
_I know your plans don't include me_   
_Still here we are, both of us lonely_   
_Longing for shelter from all that we see_   
_Why should we worry, no one will care girl_   
_Look at the stars so far away_

Kurt knew there was a possibility he might consider it a mistake in the morning, but he wondered right now how on earth he could. Everything was perfect. The music spoke the words of his heart. They were here, they were lonely, and they wanted each other. For now, New York was a world away. Blaine was here, tonight.

_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?_   
_We've got tonight babe_   
_Why don' you stay?_

"I'm glad you're here, Kurt," Blaine whispered, his voice vibrating on Kurt's skin.

His breath sent shivers down Kurt's spine, and he knew Blaine didn't mean the wedding. "I'm glad I'm here too," he sighed, resting his chin on Blaine's shoulder, closing his eyes to the crowd.

_Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely_   
_All of my hopes, fading away_   
_I've longed for love, like everyone else does_   
_I know I'll keep searching, even after today_

Even the faltered romance of the wedding had mirrored Kurt's own emotions. He understood why Ms. Pillsbury had run. He understood the fear, the doubt, the strength it took to trust again. He understood the wonder of what else might be out there. He and Blaine were still so young. It was no longer their mistakes that kept them apart. He felt safe in Blaine's arms. But it was precisely that safety that Kurt wasn't sure he was ready for.

_So there it is girl, I've said it all now_   
_And here we are babe, what do you say?_   
_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?_   
_We've got tonight babe_   
_Why don't you stay?_

Their hearts weren't racing. Their nerves weren't tingling. A familiar calm washed over them. There were no more doubts, no more fears in either of their hearts. Because in one another's arms, they were simply home. His father's words came back to Kurt and he understood what they meant. This wasn't something he'd regret in the morning, or a week from now or a year from now. Whether it was a new beginning or the perfect goodbye, he was completely certain he'd want to remember it forever.

_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?_   
_Let's make it last, let's find a way_   
_Turn out the light, come take my hand now_   
_We've got tonight babe_   
_Why don't you stay?_   
_Why don't you stay?_

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Kurt whispered in his ear.

Blaine pulled back so he could see Kurt's eyes. They swam with desire.

He took a deep breath. It wasn't everything he wanted, but it was enough for tonight. "Okay."

* * *

They savored the moments, knowing that they were not soon to come again. Their passion in the car had been fast and frantic, but this was purely a continuation of their dance, deliberate and slow so that it burned into their memory. Making it last.

Blaine poured languid kisses on Kurt, but he let Kurt take the lead. Clothing was discarded, little by little, remembering and rediscovering without reserve. They spoke little, afraid of the words that might pour out, but concentrated solely on the feel of one another, beneath their fingers, their lips, against their skin.

It was all they had remembered and more, every sensation heightened by the very real possibility that this time could be their last. Blaine didn't believe it, he wouldn't, but he was desperate to feel everything, to let every sensation erase the memories of the mistakes he had made. He'd missed this so much and he just let it fill him, let Kurt fill him, until his heart burst with pleasure and Kurt soon followed.

They laid together side by side, slick with sweat and trying to catch their breath as they stared at the hotel ceiling. Their fingers found one another and laced, a contented smile flitting across Blaine's face, a weak laugh coming from Kurt.

"We should head back downstairs before Tina or Mercedes send out a search party," Kurt said, only partially joking. He twisted out of bed, grabbing his boxers and pants and slipped them on.

Blaine did the same while Kurt grabbed his shirt and headed over to the mirror. "Are we gonna talk about this?" Blaine asked determinedly.

Kurt's face fell, as he stared back at himself, pulling on his t-shirt then his button down. He knew it was coming but he didn't want it. It had all been perfect, why did Blaine have to try and ruin it with questions and definitions? Kurt knew he wasn't being totally fair. Blaine was so sure that they belonged together forever, and there was a very real possibility that Kurt had just played with Blaine's heart in the worst possible way. But what had just happened between them didn't change the fact that Kurt wasn't ready to make any decisions. "I don't know that there's anything to talk about Blaine," he said hesitantly, only glancing slightly at Blaine sitting mostly dressed on the edge of the bed, out of the corner of his eye.

"Tell me now that we're not back together," Blaine insisted and it was exactly the one thing that Kurt had been afraid of.

"I mean, it was fun, but…" he attempted casually, knowing there was nothing casual for Blaine about what had just happened.

"I'm not going to let you minimize this Kurt," Blaine insisted. He picked up Kurt's jacket and brought it over. He knew Kurt was scared, but Blaine had absolutely no lingering doubts in his mind no matter what Kurt wanted to tell himself. "It's no accident that we were together on Christmas, and again on Valentine's Day." Blaine slipped the jacket on Kurt, as he had a hundred times before, and just like that it was like nothing had ever changed and they were back exactly where they belonged. "And we're going to be together, for many, many, more, no matter how much you pretend..." He drew close, knowing that Kurt wouldn't pull away, and whispered boldly in his ear, "...that this doesn't mean anything."

For a moment time froze as they gazed into the hotel mirror. A picture of two soulmates, two hearts that were destined to be together since long before they even knew who they were. Kurt longed for the confidence and the surety, to know that Blaine was wrong, that it was time for him to move on. He wished he could believe that someone else, Adam or some unknown stranger still out there waiting for him, was the man he was meant to be with for the rest of his life. But he couldn't. Because here he was, his Teenage Dream, the boy who had taken his hand and run down the hallway with him. The boy who had danced with him at prom. The boy, no the man, who had made him feel that he could let go of all the fear and all the embarrassment and all the voices in his head that said he wasn't man enough. The man who had taught him that romance and passion were not mutually exclusive but two parts to an amazing whole that he wasn't even sure he ever truly wanted to share with someone else.

As Blaine brushed his shoulders, Kurt turned with relief that Blaine wasn't hurt. He looked at lips that only minutes earlier had been kiss swollen, panting his name. He stared into hazel eyes that had been blown dark as night with lust. He leaned in to kiss Blaine again, to feel his mouth against his, to taste him one last time before the night was over. But instead he pulled back, leaving Blaine wanting, heart racing and skin tingling. "I'll see you downstairs," he whispered seductively as he left the room.

Blaine was so sure about them, Kurt thought as he left, and maybe he was right. Only time would tell. But he knew for certain he would be making no decisions before returning to New York. Because even if they were meant to be together forever, they both still had things they needed to learn. There was a long time in between now and forever.

* * *

Kurt stopped just outside the door, a sly smile still on his lips, feeling drunk on sex and power. He took a minute to find his footing before venturing back down to the reception, when another door opened. Not sure whether to run or to stay, he hesitated too long and saw Rachel quietly closing the door behind her as if not to disturb the occupant left inside.

"Rachel?" Kurt called softly, concern written all over his face.

She turned, surprised, but quickly recovered and offered him a faint smile. She nodded quickly to the door. "You and Blaine?" she asked, not really needing him to answer. She'd been wrapped up in Finn all night, but she wasn't so oblivious as not to notice the two dancing so closely during her duet.

"Yeah," Kurt answered, turning back toward the door. "He's just…I mean, he's gonna meet me downstairs in a minute."

"Are you guys back together?" she asked, starting down the hallway. Kurt fell into stride with her.

"Oh, no," he answered quickly. "That was just..." He paused, a blush creeping up his neck as he looked at her sheepishly. "Well, I don't even know what that was."

"I do," she said softly, taking his hand as they descended down the stairs. "It's love. Just like me and Finn. They'll always be with us, Kurt. Handprints on our hearts, just like the song."

"Just like the song," Kurt said, smiling fondly at the phrase. "Whichever way our story ends?" he asked her, squeezing her hand.

Rachel looked back up the stairs and Kurt followed her gaze. Blaine stood beautifully at the top, staring down on them, beaming from ear to ear. She glanced at Kurt fondly, who couldn't help but return to Blaine a winsome smile. "I'm pretty sure I know how it ends," she mused confidently.

* * *

Blaine entered his apartment with the smell of Kurt still on his skin and his clothes. He could still feel Kurt's hands on him, their bodies pressed together, Kurt inside him as they made love, and he couldn't have felt more perfect. Lost in the haze of the evening, a smile permanently etched onto his face, he didn't even notice his mother come out of her bedroom at the sound of the door.

"Did you have a nice time, sweetheart?" she asked with a yawn.

"It was the best wedding ever," Blaine answered dreamily. "You didn't have to wait up for me," he told her, but his eyes said that he loved that she had. And his eyes said so much more as they sparkled even in the darkness of the apartment, only the moonlight shining in off the snow through the windows, and the small kitchen light kept on for him over the sink. He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottled water. He leaned on the counter as he took a sip.

Mrs. Anderson sat at the kitchen table. "Did Ms. Pillsbury look beautiful?" she asked.

"I don't know," Blaine responded, his brow furrowing as he thought back on it. He'd nearly forgotten the actual wedding. "We never saw her. She left Mr. Schuester at the altar."

"Oh my goodness, that's terrible!" she said sympathetically. "Was he alright?"

"I think he left to try and go find her," Blaine tried to remember. "They still had the reception, and everyone had a great time."

"Even Tina?" his mother asked with a knowing glance, starting to put the pieces together. There was only one thing, one person, who could make Blaine forget everything else around him. Blaine's blush, as he dropped his eyes in shame, confirmed it. "Did you pay any attention to her at all tonight or did you just spend the whole evening with Kurt?" she asked with reproach. When he continued to avoid her gaze without an answer, she gently scolded him. "I told you to be a gentleman tonight, Blaine."

"I know," he said quietly. He'd screwed up and he knew it, he'd just been so lost in everything Kurt, he hadn't even remembered she was his date. But he'd make it up to her and invite her to the movie tomorrow as long as Kurt was okay with it. He raised his eyes bashfully. "I'll apologize."

"I know you will," Mrs. Anderson smiled softly and she got up and gave Blaine a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to bed."

"Night mom," he wished her lovingly, the giddy smile returning quickly to his face as the thoughts of Kurt flooded him again.

She stopped and eyed him carefully. He looked different from when he left. His eyes were alight with confidence and happiness, sparks of his old self before Kurt left. "Did you two -?" she started, but Blaine kissed her hurriedly and slipped out from behind her with a grin that answered her question.

"Night Mom," he called again behind him, disappearing into his room.

* * *

Tina rolled her eyes as Blaine and Kurt quoted nearly every line from All About Eve, but at least they were quiet during Showgirls. She sat between them, at Kurt's insistence, and they went out of their way to make her feel included. She could see what Kurt couldn't, or at least refused to, but the truth was, it helped. Loving someone meant wanting them to be happy, and when she finally put all her feelings aside, she could see without a doubt that they were meant for one another. She only wished she had someone like that for herself.

She hugged them both as they dropped her off at her house, and she apologized again for how she'd acted. Both boys forgave her easily and that was what she'd always loved about them. Their hearts were always open, always forgiving.

Blaine drove Kurt to the airport to meet Santana. They barely spoke but sang along to the radio like always, their voices that always blended perfectly together soothing the awkwardness between them. They hadn't talked further about what had happened between them at the wedding, but they didn't need to. They both understood.

Standing on the sidewalk of the terminal, Blaine rocked back and forth slightly with nervous energy, hands fisted in his pockets to stop himself from sweeping Kurt into his arms. "Happy Valentine's Day, Kurt," Blaine smiled, kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

Kurt smiled coyly, looking away from Blaine's love-filled eyes. If he stared too long, he might do something he didn't really want to. The time spent with Blaine had been perfect. The way they were leaving things was perfect. He didn't want to mess that up. He just hoped that Blaine agreed. "No regrets?" he asked, making sure.

Blaine grinned and shook his head as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world. "Just love," he crooned. Kurt nodded thankfully, but said nothing, an awkward pause filling the air as both held instinct at bay. "Are you coming back anytime soon?" Blaine asked.

"Not that I have planned right now," Kurt told him somewhat regretfully. "The Apples will be rehearsing over spring break, plus some other work I have to do. Hopefully everything with Dad will be okay."

"It will," Blaine assured him confidentially. "Your Dad's strong, and he has Carole taking amazing care of him."

"And you," Kurt acknowledged gratefully.

Blaine shrugged. "I'd do anything for your Dad, you know that."

"I know," Kurt said with quiet empathy. He knew exactly how important his Dad was to Blaine.

"I'd do anything for you too, Kurt," Blaine added sincerely. He hadn't planned to say it, but he wouldn't apologize for the truth.

Kurt met his gaze. "I know," he responded, his voice soft with affection. His eyes fell, and he caught the time on Blaine's watch. "I have to go if I'm gonna make my flight."

"Oh, well, then I should find some way to keep you here just a little bit longer," Blaine gently teased, but tears started to fill his eyes.

"Don't cry Blaine," Kurt begged quietly, as he blinked back his own. "I'll see you soon. Don't let Tina near you while you're sleeping again," Kurt warned and Blaine laughed softly.

"Don't let Santana drive you crazy, I need both of you alive," Blaine answered.

"I'll do my best," Kurt smirked as he grabbed his bags and waved goodbye.

Blaine watched Kurt disappear inside the airport where no doubt Santana was already waiting for him. His heart was heavy, missing him already, but he wouldn't have traded the last few days for anything. He knew that Kurt wasn't ready, that he still needed time to explore and to grow and discover who he was in the world. To understand, or at least accept, what Blaine already knew – that they were soulmates. But if Blaine was honest with himself, he needed time too. He needed to learn who he was without Kurt, and figure out his future plans. He needed to fly, on his own, no anchor, nothing holding him down. But there was one thing that he was absolutely certain of now that he hadn't been before.

Anything could happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RTF TRIVIA!:
> 
> Come What May is mentioned in two previous parts of the Ready to Fly series. The first time is in Caught, which takes place during Season 2 and was written between Season 2 and Season 3. The second time is in the title chapter of Way Out, Chapter 5.
> 
> I've said it before and I'll say it a million times more, Come What May is the most hauntingly beautiful song that Glee has ever recorded. The arrangement, the orchestrations and the vocals are absolutely perfect to me.


	16. Come What May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before and I will say it again. Come What May was the most hauntingly beautiful musical number that Glee has ever done.
> 
> This chapter should really be called "Everything Kurt has been thinking for the past 4 months" or "5 reasons Kurt should leave Blaine and 1 reason he won't".

"Stop the cab," Kurt ordered two blocks from their apartment. He paid the driver extra, just wanting to get the hell out of the taxi and away from Santana. The driver popped the trunk and he grabbed his luggage and started off toward home, not caring at all if the girl followed. She'd been relentless the entire trip home with the flippant remarks and the double entendres and the outright grilling about what had happened with Blaine and what he was going to do about Adam.

Kurt stormed into the apartment and to his room, throwing his bags on his bed. Santana tossed her own onto the couch and followed him expectantly. He rolled his eyes at her complete inability to understand the meaning of the word privacy and swung around to face her. "I knew you were going to take Blaine's side Santana, but if you're going to insist on getting in the middle of this then you need to go."

"I'm not going anywhere Hummel and I'm not getting in the middle," Santana told him, arms folded across her chest. "But I am keeping my eye on you, and if you hurt him-"

"If I hurt…" Kurt stared at her incredulously. "Santana, he cheated on me! Do you think I just came to New York and forgot about him? Do you think I didn't hate every time I had to ignore his calls or cancel a Skype date for work? Do you think I didn't cry myself to sleep some nights missing him, Santana, because I did! But he's the one who cheated, not me."

"And as soon as he did he flew out here to be honest with you, Kurt," Santana said.

"Well why the hell didn't he fly out here  _before_ he did it?" Kurt yelled. He turned away, fighting back the tears that had threatened since he walked away from Blaine at the airport. He folded his arms in on himself protectively. "You know him so well, you tell me that," he said softly.

"Because he was hurt and scared and feeling abandoned yet again," Santana tried to explain. "Because he needed someone to finally fight for him and he needed to know if you would be that someone. And because he doesn't have a damn clue what it means to be in a healthy relationship."

"No!" Kurt snapped back around, his finger flying up in reprimand. "He doesn't get that excuse."

Santana paused. Kurt was right and she knew Blaine didn't want it used as an excuse. But it was the truth nonetheless. "I don't mean it as an excuse Kurt, but it is a reason," she said.

"It's an excuse if you want it to be why I forgive him," Kurt told her firmly. He turned and sat on his bed with a sigh. "But I have forgiven him Santana. Not even remotely because of that, but I have forgiven him. I wouldn't have…" he stopped, not able to say the words now that he was once again so far away. "I wouldn't have spent Valentine's Day with him if I hadn't forgiven him. It's not about that."

Santana walked over and sat next to him. "Then what's it about," she asked gently.

"It's about being apart for a while," he explained carefully. "We know who we are together, but it's about learning who we are without each other. He's the first boy I ever truly loved, and maybe he will be my last, I don't know. But should he be my only? Is that fair to either one of us? For me to always wonder?" He looked at her sadly. "Blaine understands Santana, I wish you would too."

"I just love him Kurt. And I don't want him hurt."

"I love him too," Kurt told her, tears in his eyes. "And because I love him, so I  _don't_  hurt him, I have to do this."

* * *

"Squirt, I've missed you so much!" Cooper yelled into the phone.

Blaine took the phone away from his ear and rubbed it, switching to the left as the right recovered from his brother's scream. "Where are you Coop? You don't need to yell, I can hear you just fine."

"Oh, sorry," Cooper said much more quietly. Blaine took the last few steps up to his apartment and threw his backpack on the kitchen chair. He grabbed a quick snack from the cabinet and curled up on the couch, forgetting about the mountains of homework he had for just a few minutes. It wasn't everyday Cooper called. "So what's going on with you little brother? Did you get your college applications all sent away?" he asked.

"Yup," Blaine smiled. "NYADA, NYU, Columbia –"

"Berklee?" Cooper pressed expectantly.

"Yes Cooper, I promised I would," Blaine sighed. "The others too."

"Good. How was the wedding?" he asked with a mischievous lilt.

Blaine closed his eyes, letting the pictures of him and Kurt flash before his eyes. There were still as vivid as they had been a week ago. "It was amazing," he nearly purred dreamily.

"Hmmm, if I didn't know any better I'd say my little brother got a lotta action," Cooper teased good-naturedly. "Hummel action I hope."

Blaine blushed and quickly changed the subject. "So hey, my friend Artie's gonna be making a movie," he said.

"And I assume you're starring in it, right?" Cooper suddenly grew serious. "I mean, he can't make a movie without an Anderson as a leading man, and as much as I'd love to help you kids out, I've got my own movie deal in the works here in LA. Please give him my regrets, but you'll do almost as well."

Blaine scoffed and shook his head. "I will," Blaine promised. "And I'll be sure to let him know that I'm the leading man for him. That is if the boys win Mr. Schuester's latest boys against the girls movie music competition."

"There is no way the girls will beat any team you're on Blaine," Cooper assured him. "You guys could do Danger Zone and still win that one."

Blaine's mouth slapped shut. "We are doing Danger Zone," he pouted.

"Your idea?" Cooper asked frankly.

"What's wrong with Danger Zone, Coop, you love the 80's?" Blaine whined.

"No one looks sexy in a flight suit, Blaine, not even Tom Cruise," Cooper argued.

Blaine laughed and stretched out on the couch. "Oh big brother, how wrong you are," he smirked.

* * *

_Never knew I could feel like this_

The snow kept falling as Kurt changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed that night. Adam was just outside, trying to fit his tall frame onto the small couch, but he was all but forgotten in the darkness and solitude of Kurt's room. In the eerie silence of the city during a blizzard, the haunting melody of Come What May instantly returned. Images of a sinfully handsome Blaine on a rooftop mixed with memories of their young love flooded him. His chest seized with want. He was desperate for it.

He just didn't know what  _ **it**_ was.

_Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings_   
_Telling me to give you everything_

Or was it just that he refused to allow himself to believe? It was too soon. He was too scared. Everything was just so complicated. Their future of duets and wedding bells and children, god they had talked about children. Every step they'd taken felt like a step forward, but Kurt was never one for the leap of faith. Not like Blaine. Not when everything was still so uncertain. He couldn't be with Blaine when they were still miles and hours and months apart and neither of them knew where next year would lead them. What if Blaine didn't get into NYADA or another school in New York? What if he went to California or Chicago or Michigan?

_And there's no mountain too high no river too wide_   
_Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side_

But even if none of that had mattered, he couldn't leap when he was so uncertain about himself. Things had never been okay for him before he met Blaine. His mother was gone too soon, he was bullied by his peers, he was worried about his father. He'd spent so much of his life afraid of being left alone. Blaine had changed all that and with Blaine in his life everything had started to feel okay again in a way it hadn't since his mother had died. But Kurt now understood he couldn't just be okay with Blaine. He needed to be okay without him. Kurt had felt like he was going to die when he'd lost Blaine and at the wedding he felt truly alive again for the first time since. That terrified him more than anything else. He couldn't go through that again. If there was one thing he'd learned from his Mom and Dad, it was how quickly even the most perfect of loves could be lost forever in an instant and he never wanted to feel so lost again.

_I will love you until my dying day._

He traced the screen of his phone with his thumb, as he held it tentatively in his hand. His tears fell down onto it and he wiped them away. He needed to move on, if not forever at least for now. He needed to live and learn and love someone else. It was impossibly hard when his heart wanted no one else but Blaine, but he knew that he had to do it.

Still, the guilt overwhelmed him. The feeling that he was betraying his heart froze him.

He swiped his phone and texted two words:

_**I** _ _**'m sorry.** _

It didn't make sense. But he knew Blaine would understand.

...

Blaine smiled at the text from Santana and he shut out the light, climbing into bed. He curled up hugging his extra pillow and stared at Kurt's picture. It didn't matter that Adam was with them. He may be hundreds of miles away, but Kurt was thinking about them, about Come What May, and about their future.

His phone lit up and he pulled it from his dresser.

_**From Kurt: I'm sorry.** _

_**...** _

Kurt clutched his phone to him as he waited, hoping that Blaine was still awake and he wouldn't have to wait until morning. When it buzzed, he took a breath before reading it. He smiled through his tears.

_**From Blaine: Take your time Kurt. I'll be here when you're ready.** _

* * *

Blaine put the finishing touches on his flight suit, slipped his glasses on and posed in the locker room mirror. Okay, so the costume wasn't nearly as flattering as the one Tom Cruise wore in the movie, and maybe Cooper was a little bit right, but he snapped a photo anyway and texted it to him. His fingers lingered on the key pad as he thought of sending it to Kurt as well, but instead he slipped his phone back into his bag. Kurt needed his space, not pictures of him looking like a fool.

"How do I look?" Sam asked and Blaine spun around to see Sam slide in like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, an all white dress shirt, and very little else, hanging loosely on his frame.

"Oh merciful…," he muttered under his breath, suddenly grateful for the sunglasses he wore and the coverage his costume provided. Blaine had thought that topless Sam was tough enough, but bottomless Sam was a new level entirely. He cleared his throat and sat down on the bench. "You look perfect Sam," he gushed as normally as possible. "Exactly like the movie."

"This was literally the best idea ever Blaine," Sam beamed back at him, slapping him fondly on the shoulder. "We are going to win this thing for sure."

"You just bring it out there," Blaine flirted without even realizing it. "Cause I'm raising my game for this one and you better meet me note to note."

"Oh it's on brother," Sam declared, putting a hand out for a fist bump.

Blaine raised his fist. "Those girls don't stand a chance," he grinned and they bumped fists with a boom.

* * *

Kurt entered the empty apartment, Rachel still overachieving at NYADA, Brody probably drug dealing down in the park and Santana doing whatever the hell it was that Santana was doing in New York. His date with Adam had been fun. The movie had been good. But he hadn't felt anything he desperately wanted to feel.

He sprawled out on his bed, confused and exhausted from trying to figure it out, but his mind just kept racing and words tumbled on top of one another just creating a bigger puzzle than the one he'd started with. He went through his phone, pausing on a number of people. Rachel was way too invested in Adam and Santana and his Dad were too invested in Blaine. He just wished he had someone who could make sense of everything for him and figure out what he was missing in all this.

Then he stopped on a number and pressed call.

"Kurt!" Brittany squealed as she sat up on her bed and crossed her legs beneath her. "I've missed my unicorn so much!"

Kurt laughed, a hearty carefree laugh that had been missing from his life in New York and he felt his tension immediately lessen. "I've missed you too Britt. How's life treating you in Lima?"

"Life is great Kurt," she said, smiling with a sly glint in her eye. "But you're not calling to talk about me," she accused playfully.

Kurt bit his lip and took a breath. "Can I ask you a personal question Britt?" Kurt asked nervously. It wasn't something he'd normally ask, people's relationships were private and he had no business knowing. But she'd done what he couldn't and he needed to know how.

"Of course," she smiled and twirled her finger around a thread in her blanket. Loose threads never bothered her. She saw them as the start of a wonderful secret hidden within.

"Do you love Sam?" Kurt asked, then blanched at his own audacity. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

But it was a simple question for her to answer and she smiled. "Yes I do," she said easily.

"How?" he wondered aloud.

Brittany's eyes sparkled. "Because he's sweet and he's kind and because he's always thought I was one of the smartest people he's ever met even before my SAT scores proved him right."

Kurt chuckled, then grew quiet. "But do you still love Santana?"

"Yes, of course," she declared as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll always love Santana."

Kurt ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. He pulled his knees into his chest and rested his chin on them. "How can you love two people at once?"

"Our hearts are big enough to love a million people Kurt. There's no limit on love," she explained. "Why? Are you falling in love with Adam?" she asked with curious excitement.

"No," Kurt jumped, maybe a bit more quickly than he'd intended. "No," he said more calmly and he knew for certain it was true. Still… "But what if I was?"

"While you still love Blaine you mean?" Brittany asked. Kurt nodded though she couldn't see, but she didn't need to.

"If you asked me years ago if I would ever go back to a man who betrayed me I would have told you there wasn't a chance." Kurt's voice was brittle with disappointment and bewilderment. "What he did  _really_ hurt me Britt. Why do I still love him so much after he hurt me like that," Kurt asked painfully, falling to little more than a whisper.

"Because if you didn't love him that much he couldn't hurt you that much. And hurt doesn't make that kind of love go away." Brittany's heart clenched a little as she breathed out the next words. "That kind of love is forever."

"It shouldn't be," Kurt sighed as tears slipped down his cheeks once more. "I'm scared Britt. I judged Blaine's mom so much for always going back and yet here I am, wanting to do the same thing. I thought that maybe if I could go out and date that I wouldn't still feel like I belong with him despite it all. But I do Britt. I still feel like he's where I belong."

Brittany hesitated. She'd held onto it so long. Kept it just in case. But that was before she'd fallen in love with Sam and she understood now that she shouldn't choose sides. But Kurt's words rang in her ears and she couldn't ignore it. "You know I'm on Team Kurt, right? I just want you to be happy whoever you choose to share your life with right?" She needed to make sure he knew that.

His brow furrowed in concern. "Yeah Britt, I know. That's why I called you."

"Good. Then I'm going to send you something, okay? You can call me when you're done watching it or not, but promise you'll call if you're mad because I can't stand thinking you might be mad at me," she said quickly.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously.

"Just promise Kurt," she said.

"I promise Britt. Thanks for talking to me." He hung up the phone and waited.

Brittany ended the call and took a deep breath before scrolling through the videos she'd saved. A shift in the bed and a warm arm around her waist brought her a little comfort.

"Why now?" Sam asked softly, knowing exactly what she was doing.

"It will either set him free or draw him back home. But either way he'll know that Blaine is letting him go," she said resolutely as she clicked send on the video and turned to him. "And that's something that Blaine's father never did."

He stared at her, love shining in his eyes, and kissed her softly on the lips. "You really are the smartest girl I know," he whispered and her smile was bright enough to light up the whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was a little worried about Britt's final move because I wasn't sure you all would remember her recordings earlier in the story, though I also know some of you have been patiently waiting for her to use them. From the reviews so far I was right a lot of you would forget, but since I hate a lack of continuity and hated leaving that storyline hanging and Britt REALLY wanted to send it now, I let her. I promise her song choice will be revealed in the next chapter, but feel free to go back and guess ;P


	17. Feuds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reminded me more than any other that while the characters and the canon may not belong to me, this story is my own. And I kind of love the way that the canon fits so many different alternative universes. I hope that even in the most comedic of episodes, you all still think I've made it work. For this chapter I've made one slight change - please imagine that the plane flew the day before the hair gel confrontation with Sue, not the day of. Thanks :-)
> 
> Back in Chapter 6, Blaine sings Home , from Beauty and the Beast, at the jazz club. And finally Kurt got to see it.

 

_Is this home?_  
_Is this what I must learn to believe in?_  
_Try to find something good in this tragic place,_  
_Just in case I should stay here forever_  
_Held in this empty place._

Kurt had forwarded the video to his laptop. After only a moment of hearing Blaine's broken voice, lit by the colors and the smoke of the so familiar jazz club, he needed to see it in full.

_Oh, but that won't be easy_  
_I know the reason why_  
_My heart's far, far away_

_Home's a lie_

_What I'd give to return_  
_To the life that I knew lately_  
_But I know that I can't_  
_Solve my problems going back_

Now he sat, curled up with his knees tucked into his chest on his desk chair, tears running down his face as he watched it through a second time. His heart was in his throat and his skin had grown hot with emotion as Blaine's fingers glided on the keyboard and his tear-filled eyes met Kurt's through the screen. He had no idea how long ago Blaine had sung this, but he had no doubt Blaine had been singing directly to him.

_Is this home?_  
_Am I here for a day or forever?_  
_Shut away_  
_From the world until who knows when_

_Oh, but then, as my life has been altered once_  
_It can change again_  
_Build higher walls around me_  
_Change every lock and key_  
_Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me_  
_My heart's far, far away_  
_Home and free!_

Kurt closed his eyes, the image of Blaine never leaving him despite his tears trying desperately to wash him away. And he knew why Brittany sent the video now. Somehow, in some way, Blaine would always be where he belonged. But Blaine had figured out long before Kurt, just as Brittany had tried to explain, that they could hold on and let go at the same time. That something good had to come out of something awful. And that he could keep Blaine locked away in a part of his heart while still giving away the key to another. In his own beautiful way of communicating through song, Blaine had both held on strong and set him free that day. It tore at Kurt's heart even more, but somehow also managed to lighten it, so he could fly.

Santana stood in the door frame watching him, knowing exactly the video on Kurt's screen. She remembered that night like it was yesterday but there was something about seeing Kurt's reaction to it that made her snap. "What do you do, watch him like this when he's not around then throw around crap like _we're just friends_ and _bros helping bros_?"

"I've never seen it before," he whispered, still staring at the screen in shock. "Britt just sent it to me." He looked up at her, his cheeks tear stained. "When did he sing it?"

"About 2 hours after you told him he wasn't home anymore and stormed off," she snarled.

Santana's tone finally pierced his daze and his eyes narrowed with focus. "I told him Lima wasn't home anymore," he clarified, but as soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew that wasn't true. He'd still been angry that day and he'd meant exactly what Santana had said. Hell some days he was still angry and Santana's presence wasn't helping.

"Even if that were true, which it's not, do you really think it would make a difference with him? You're the only place that ever felt like home to him and you threw it back in his face like it meant nothing to you. Jesus what is it with you and Berry, so blind to everything that goes on around you?"

Kurt slammed the laptop shut and got up. "That's it Santana," he yelled, his voice getting higher by the second. "I'm trying here. I'm trying to figure out what I want and who I am and the fact is that who I _date_ is none of your business. I know that he's one of your best friends, but he's one of mine too and this is between Blaine and me and has nothing to do with you! Just like things between Rachel and that douchebag Brody have nothing to do with you, or me for that matter. So why don't you go get a job or something and just stay out of our love lives!" He grabbed his coat and stormed out of his room.

"Where are you going Hummel?" Santana called. "Isn't it too dark out there for you?"

"I'm going to buy some drugs from Brody on the street corner so I can forget about all of you for just a few minutes!" he shouted sarcastically before slamming out the door.

The noise echoed in her head.  Santana sighed with regret. This wasn't at all how she'd promised herself she would be when she boarded the plane for New York. She'd wanted things to be different between her and the Hummelberry twins this time around. They'd be mature and talk things out and she'd be a better person than she'd been in Lima. But those two brought out the worst in her with their naivety and their hopeful dreams and their emo need to find a man to cling to whether or not it was the right one. And Donkey Face and Dr. Who were most definitely not the right choices for either of them.

She changed into her pajamas and curled up with her blanket and a pillow of Kurt's she'd stolen. Oddly it reminded her of Blaine but probably only because her friend tended to spray Kurt's cologne all over when he was feeling sad. She pulled out her phone and dialed, smiling softly when Blaine answered.

"Hey 'Tana, how's New York treating you?" Blaine asked, his voice chipper.

"Far better than your ex-boyfriend is treating me," she grumbled. "Seriously I don't know why you still pine away for him. He's insufferable sometimes."

"Well, so are you, but I still pine away for you too," he teased. "Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. I'd come by it pretty naturally I would say," he added wryly.

"How are things with you and your Dad, since you brought it up," she asked.

"Good," Blaine answered. "I mean, it's not perfect, there are still moments when I can see his eyes blaze, but he's been walking away. Or if he doesn't then I do and he calms down in time."

"You've inherited that eye blaze you know," Santana reminded him.

"Yeah, but I don't ever want to act on it anymore," he said with conviction. "My therapist actually thinks maybe I don't need to see her anymore, though Dad's gonna continue and I can join him anytime I want. We're gonna have our last appointment later this week."

"That's good, right?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, it's good. I'll let you know how it goes," he promised.

"You better," Santana told him with a smirk. "Night Boyfriend."

"Night 'Tana."

* * *

After the day he'd had, Blaine was exhausted when he finally entered his apartment.  All he really wanted was to just lock himself away in his room, stare aimlessly at some YouTube videos, maybe talk to Kurt or Santana, and not come out until morning. But instead he came face to face with his father and mother at the kitchen table.  It  was the last thing he had expected. Seeing the fire emanating from his father's eyes was the last thing that he wanted. He kept a hand on the doorknob and stayed flat against the wood. If his Dad had heard about the plane banner, this was not at all going to be pretty.

"Have a seat," his father ordered. His mother looked nervous, but she was there, and that was at least a little reassuring.

Blaine swallowed, but kept his heart from racing. "I'd rather stay right here," he said, keeping a safe distance.

"Fine. Would you care to explain this?" His father pushed something that looked like a bill across the table. "And don't you dare lie to us, Blaine."

Blaine's face was screwed up with uncertainty, but at least it didn't seem to be about the plane banner. He stepped forward and took the paper, recognizing it immediately. It was the bill to the credit card his father had given him, but as he read it through, the charges to the card were outrageous. He looked up at his Dad with confusion. "I don't know anything about this." 

"And I don't suppose you know anything about these then either?" the Colonel challenged as he took a stack of envelopes and slammed them on the table. "That card is yours, Blaine!" the Colonel yelled, unable to keep his temper under control any longer. "And these were all taken out in your name. That bill is going to take forever to pay off and who knows what kind of damage has been done to your credit and to mine."

Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath then met his father's gaze again. "I understand that Dad, but I didn't do this," Blaine protested calmly.

The way the Colonel stared at him made Blaine shiver. "Do you expect me to believe you have absolutely no idea how all of those charges were racked up?"

"It's true." Blaine nodded pleadingly. "Please you have to believe me."

"The card is still in your possession isn't it?" his father asked incredulously.

"Yes Sir, I think so." Blaine's voice quivered with uncertainty though, as he fumbled through his coat pocket and took out his wallet. He pulled out the card and threw it on the table. The Colonel grabbed it immediately and tucked it away.

"This is mine until we get to the bottom of this. Go to your room," he ordered.

But Blaine stood firm. "I'm going to the Hummels' for the night," he said. He'd made the decision the minute he'd seen his father's anger.

The creases in the Colonel's forehead twitched and their eyes met in a match of wills. Blaine unconsciously grasped the door handle tighter, but it was the only move he made. Blaine's mother placed a soothing hand on the Colonel's shoulder and he flicked out as if to strike but immediately pulled it back. Amy got up from the table and took a few steps back, leaning on an armchair in the small attached parlor. The Colonel put his head in his hands, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ok," he finally answered softly.

Blaine glanced at his Mom who nodded and he turned back to his Dad. "I know you're angry, but we didn't do this. So call Cooper to have his buddies at the Credit Rating place figure out what's going on. And please, go home, before you do something you'll regret," he asked before walking out the door.

* * *

Blaine racked his brain the whole way to the Hummels', but the only explanation he kept coming back to was Coach Sylvester. She was the only one who was horrible enough and connected enough to somehow steal Blaine's identity and create such extensive damage and she was the only one who had any reason at all to do so. He had thought the plane was bad enough, humiliating him in front of the whole school, but threatening his relationship with his father was going way too far.

Blaine pulled into the driveway and grabbed his messenger bag. He was coming uninvited, but he knew he would be welcome. He rang the doorbell.

Burt answered the door and though he was surprised, he took one look at the tension in Blaine's face and his subtle fidgeting and understood. He asked no questions. "Dinner's in five," he said, stepping aside with a soft smile. "I'll go tell Carole to set another place."

"Thanks Mr. Hummel," Blaine answered with a sigh and he went inside to hang up his coat. As the sights and sounds of the Hummel home washed over him, he felt the tension he didn't even know he was holding melt away.

Sam came bounding down the stairs. "Hey dude," he called with surprise. "What brings you here?"

Blaine ran his fingers through his hair, considering how much to tell Sam. Sam knew a little about his Dad and his situation, but not too much and Blaine kind of liked it that way. It was simpler, not having someone who looked at him and saw his past. Everything about Sam was just simple and he wanted to keep it that way. So he dodged the question. "How's Brittany feeling?"

"She's doing better," he said, forgetting his own question. "I still can't believe that Coach Sylvester made them practice in the freezing rain for six hours last weekend. She should have stayed home since she was already sick, but you know Britt. She'll never do anything to let Coach Sylvester down," he complained.

"Someone has to take that woman down," Blaine grumbled. Sam raised a brow but was interrupted by Carole.

"Dinner boys," she announced and Blaine headed into the kitchen. Carole wrapped an arm around him and kissed his head with a smile. "It's good to see you, Blaine."

Blaine blushed slightly and leaned into her a bit. "Thanks," he grinned and sat down at the table. He looked at Burt who was watching him closely and he grew a bit shy under the scrutiny. "I'm fine," he assured him softly, a wary eye to Sam. "But I was wondering if I could stay over tonight?"

"Of course," Burt said without hesitation. "But you tell me what's going on after dinner." Blaine nodded his agreement.

Conversation was stilted at dinner, topics of Finn and Mr. Schuester's feud as well as Coach Sylvester were avoided. It was clear to Burt and Carole that both boys were hiding things and they didn't like it, but they respected it for now. Burt talked about the shop and Carole talked about the hospital and Blaine stared across the table at Sam wishing that life were just a little bit different right now in far too many ways.

Afterwards they cleared the dishes and retired to the living room where Sam and Blaine sat on the couch and Burt took a seat in his armchair. Carole, as always, perched on the arm next to Burt, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"Okay, out with it boys. What aren't you telling us?" Burt prodded, his voice gentle but leaving no room to keep hiding.

Sam had promised Finn not to say anything to his Mom or Burt about what was going on with Mr. Schuester and he wasn't going to break that promise. He looked at Blaine. His friend was pensive, not exactly nervous, but for certain he was embarrassed about the banner. He wondered though if it was something more.

"When I got home to my Mom's house my Dad was there," Blaine started softly. He glanced up at Burt who realized the importance of that statement alone. His Dad had never been in the apartment before and Burt understood that something serious must have happened to bring him there. He also understood that something dangerous, or almost dangerous, must have occurred to bring Blaine straight here after. "Apparently someone charged a fortune on my credit card, and took out a ton of other credit cards. My Dad thought it was me. He says it's gonna ruin our credit. He was pretty angry," Blaine finished weakly.

"I can imagine," Burt proclaimed."But it wasn't you," he clarified, his eyes forcing Blaine to tell the truth.

"No Sir," Blaine answered automatically, then shuffled slightly in his seat. "But I think I know who it was." Burt raised a questioning brow. "I think it was Coach Sylvester."

Burt turned worriedly to Carole, then returned his attention to Blaine. "That's a serious allegation to make, son," he said carefully. "What would make you think that?"

Blaine slowly told Burt and Carole about everything that had been happening the last week, with Sue forging his name on the Cheerios contract, the little snide remarks she had been making in the halls, and the airplane banner that afternoon. His face reddened when he told them that, even though he left out the specifics.

"Sure sounds like she could be behind it," Burt said with a frown. He patted Blaine's knee and stood up. "I know better than anyone how far Sue Sylvester will go to get what she wants. Let me talk to your Dad about it?" he asked. Blaine nodded his consent and Burt and Carole left for the kitchen to call the Colonel.

"Dude, we have to do something about this!" Sam said. "We can't just keep letting her get away with treating us all like her minions ready to do her bidding at every turn. First Brittany, now you. We've got to take her down!"

"Mr. Schue's been trying for years though," Blaine argued. "No one's been able to touch her."

"Not from the outside," Sam pointed out slowly and Blaine could see the wheels turning in his head. "Maybe someone needs to start trying from the inside." He looked at Blaine conspiratorially. "How would you feel about going toe to toe with Coach Sylvester?"

Blaine thought about it. He was tired of being taken advantage of, exploited and abused. He was tired of being what everyone else wanted him to be, but he was an expert at hiding behind a mask to fit in. Maybe it would feel good to do it on his own terms for a change. "Count me in," he agreed.

* * *

They talked all evening, hatching plan after plan, knowing that Sue was completely unpredictable. Blaine's father called him and apologized, telling him that when the Free Credit Rating staff ran the reports there were nearly 30 credit cards plus a mortgage taken out in his name. The Colonel was still furious, but he'd taken Blaine's advice and gone home. Blaine called his Mom to make sure she was okay. She told him she was fine, his father had left shortly after Blaine and hadn't hurt her in any way. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he still felt like sleeping over, and she agreed.

Blaine walked into Kurt's room. He grabbed some pajamas from a drawer and the green outfit he had left there last year. He still had a few things hanging in Kurt's closet, just for these situations. He allowed himself a moment, just a moment, to let every sensation and memory fill him. Last year after a day like today he would have been curled up in Kurt's arms, trembling with fear and flashbacks. But as he sat on Kurt's bed he realized that he didn't have Kurt's arms any more. And that he didn't need them. Not for that.

"You okay?" Sam asked softly in the doorway, breaking him out of his revelry.

He turned and gazed at Sam. Sam who laughed at his jokes and understood his love of comic books and superhero movies, and silly songs like Red Solo Cup. Sam who never rolled his eyes at him or thought that his undying love for Kurt was pathetic or stupid. Sam who really was adorable in the dorkiest sort of way.

"Yeah," Blaine said and the honesty of the answer both surprised and delighted him. He grinned broadly at the realization. "Yeah, I am definitely okay."

* * *

"Hey 'Tana!" Blaine smiled as he answered her call, home after Mr. Schue and Finn's battle. "We just did the coolest mashup, you'll never believe-!"

"They kicked me out," Santana said quietly and he was sure he heard her crying.

"What?" He sat down on his bed in disbelief, curling his legs underneath himself.

"Kurt and Rachel, they kicked me out of the apartment for calling Brody on his shit. I swear to God Blaine, that kid is trouble and he's going to hurt Berry and no one is allowed to do that except me," she raved. Between the whir of the wind and the sirens and honks in the background, Blaine was certain she was out on the streets of Manhattan. "I'm gonna get him though. I'm gonna figure out what the hell he is up to and I'm gonna nail his ass to the wall," she seethed.

"Wait, why did Kurt kick you out though," Blaine asked confused. "Kurt doesn't like Brody either, I think he'd be more than happy to get him out of his hair."

"Yeah, I would think so too, but apparently I meddle too much with their relationships," she said mockingly. "Honestly I think he just can't stop thinking about you when I'm around," she grumbled with an eyeroll.

Blaine stopped breathing for a minute. "What?" he squeaked.

Santana stammered for a few seconds then sighed. "I shouldn't have said that," she deflected. "Look I gotta find a place to stay tonight. I told Hummelberry I'd be staying with Lena Dunham, but then she tweeted that her house was full of teenage lesbians so I need to find somewhere else," she snapped.

"I don't have my credit card or I'd get you a hotel room, but Cooper has some friends in the city. I can try and hook you up," he offered.

He heard her hesitate, but he doubted she had many other choices. "Yeah, that'd be great, Boyfriend," she answered reluctantly. "Text me an address."

"Will do, 'Tana. Stay safe," he answered and hung up.

He called Cooper and quickly got a name of a buddy of his currently on Broadway and Blaine texted Santana with the name and address. That resolved, he was able to sit back and mull over what she had said. It seemed crazy to him that Kurt would put Santana out on the street for meddling in Rachel's life, especially if it was over a guy Blaine knew he had his own reservations about. But if Santana really was making it hard for Kurt by constantly reminding him of Blaine, then it meant that Kurt was still thinking about him as much as he was thinking about Kurt.

He raced over to his collection of music and found exactly the song he wanted. He might be throwing this mash-up with Coach Sylvester for a greater cause, but he'd go down still fighting for Kurt. Because no matter what anyone said, he really did still believe that someday they would find themselves in love again.

* * *

Blaine walked out of Sue Sylvester's office feeling powerful. Like he'd already defeated her. Like he wanted to hire his own plane to fly the banner, "Who's on the bottom now!" But it wasn't for all the reasons Sam thought, though those were real and valid. But more meaningful to Blaine, he'd stood before Coach Sylvester as he had his father a hundred times. And his heart did not race. He felt no fear. He had no flashbacks of moments past, no urges to run from the room. He'd held his ground just as he had with his father the other night.

He felt amazing.

He drove with a huge grin to his therapist's office in Westerville after school. Earlier in the week he'd been nervous but now he knew that he really was truly ready to put this part of his life behind him. To move ahead with confidence, with a sense of belonging and ultimately with trust.

"It really thrills me to hear that you know you are as ready to do this as I do," his therapist said when Blaine told him all about his week.

"Me too," Blaine answered with a grin. "But how did you know?"

"I recently went to a seminar, by a woman named Brene Brown. She's a researcher who studies human connection. And as she spoke, I just kept thinking about you."

"What did she say?" Blaine asked curiously.

"She talked about vulnerability and how what made people vulnerable is what made them beautiful."

Blaine smiled. "Kurt taught me that."

His therapist nodded. "She also said that the people who are able to embrace their vulnerability, who have the courage to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart, who have the willingness to say "I love you" first, to do something when there are no guarantees, to invest in a relationship that may never work out, those are the people who are able to feel connected to the world and have a sense of worthiness with a strong sense of love and belonging. And it's taken you some time Blaine, you certainly didn't have it when we started out a year ago, but I truly believe that you're there now."

"Wow, that's just…wow. You really think all that of me?" Blaine asked in amazement.

His therapist shrugged. "Doesn't matter what I think. Do you remember your goal when you started coming here more than a year ago?"

But of course Blaine didn't even have to think back, his goal was a part of him every minute of every day. And as he thought back over the past few days and weeks and months he too was certain.

_And a voice in the breeze starts to whisper,_   
_As I think of the bridges I've crossed._   
_Finding the strength, I'm spreading my wings,_   
_Put trust in the wind and see what it brings_

He'd faced his father and developed a relationship. He'd faced life without Kurt and come out on top. He'd found his strength and he'd reached out to develop friendships that didn't just challenge him but embraced him for everything he was. And he trusted, with every fiber of his being, that against all odds Kurt would come back to him.

"Yeah, I do," Blaine whispered with a confident smile. "And I'm ready. I'm ready to fly."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So last week I attended a seminar on anxiety disorders for work and during it we were shown a video of Brene Brown's work on Human Connection. It's about 20 minutes long. And as I started watching she was describing two different types of people. Those who are able to deal with their inherent shame by being vulnerable in order to make meaningful connections and those who weren't. And I thought for sure that Kurt would be the one doing well and Blaine wouldn't. Well, I was taken completely by delighted surprise when everything she described as the people able to make meaningful connections was 100% Blaine. And one of the things she said about those not able to was entirely where I think Kurt is at. She said that when we numb ourselves to avoid being vulnerable, we not only numb the bad stuff, we numb the good stuff too. I just thought it was really really interesting. If you're interested you can find it on YouTube by searching for her name and the TED event.**

**Anyway, that's enough of me on my psychological soapbox. I hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviews are always lovely :-)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just before writing this chapter, I attended a seminar on anxiety disorders for work and during it we were shown a video of Brene Brown's work on Human Connection. It's about 20 minutes long. And as I started watching she was describing two different types of people. Those who are able to deal with their inherent shame by being vulnerable in order to make meaningful connections and those who weren't. And I thought for sure that Kurt would be the one doing well and Blaine wouldn't. Well, I was taken completely by delighted surprise when everything she described as the people able to make meaningful connections was 100% Blaine. And one of the things she said about those not able to was entirely where I think Kurt is at. She said that when we numb ourselves to avoid being vulnerable, we not only numb the bad stuff, we numb the good stuff too. I just thought it was really really interesting. If you're interested you can find it on YouTube by searching for her name and the TED event.
> 
> Anyway, that's enough of me on my psychological soapbox. I hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviews are always lovely :-)


	18. Guilty Pleasures

"Just give her a chance Kurt," Blaine implored his ex-boyfriend over Skype. "She's been holed up at Cooper's friend's house, but he's not going to let her stay much longer."

"Color me surprised, Blaine," Kurt muttered sarcastically. "What happened, did she rifle through his drawers too or did she break up with his girlfriend for him?"

Blaine ignored the digs, knowing Santana deserved it, and put on his best puppy dog face. "Please Kurt," Blaine begged, his hand to his heart. "I know she's not easy to live with and I know it…" he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. "It isn't easy for you with her there. But like it or not, Santana is family. And I'll tell her to lay off."

Kurt stared at him and those adorable eyes that he could never resist, not even to that day, and his resolve disappeared. "Fine," Kurt agreed reluctantly. "But convincing Rachel may be a little harder, so when does she intend to come back?"

Blaine pursed his lips and the buzzer rang. Kurt shot him an exasperated glare through the screen. Blaine just shrugged back. "Now?" he quipped with the most irresistible mix of guilt and innocence Kurt had ever seen. "Go get the door Kurt, I'll wait here and talk to her."

"Blaine Devon Anderson! I just…" Kurt stammered before the buzzer rang again and he huffed out of his chair and out of the room to slide open the door.

"Surprise!" Santana grinned, her arms open, but her eyes were sad and questioning.

Kurt took a long breath in and exhaled slowly before he moved aside and gestured toward the apartment. "Welcome back Santana," he said dryly with a controlled smile. Santana entered and threw her bags on the floor by the couch, trying hard to keep on her game face and be strong. But it had been a long two days in New York, feeling alone in a city full of people, and she truly was happy to be back with the friends she loved. "Blaine's waiting for you on Skype in my room. Touch. Nothing," he ordered and went to the kitchen to get himself a drink.

Santana went into Kurt's room and sat down at his desk. "Hey boyfriend," she greeted Blaine with a sly and conspiratory grin.

"Don't screw this up Santana," Blaine immediately warned her. "You're not going to get another chance with either of them."

"I know," she said softly, her eyes falling with guilt. "I just hate seeing you hurting. It makes me hurt too."

Blaine saw the love in her face and smiled warmly at her. How he had somehow managed to fall into her heart he would never know, but he would forever be grateful that he had. "I appreciate that Santana, but you don't have to be my champion with Kurt. Yes, I miss him and I love him but its okay. I'm okay," he assured her and it was true. He looked around his room at the pictures of Kurt he'd put up alongside the ones of his dad and took in a breath, comfortable with the fact that those things didn't hurt anymore. He turned back to Santana. "Truth is, I'm quite practiced in loving people who have walked away. And you know what I've learned?"

"What?" Santana asked, glancing up at the doorway. Kurt stood silent, his hip against the wall, out of sight of the computer but listening.

Blaine was interrupted by a soft knock on his bedroom door and the Colonel opened it slowly, sneaking his head in slightly. "Game's all set up downstairs," he told Blaine with an eager grin.

Blaine smiled at his Dad and gave him a signal that he'd be there in a minute. The Colonel nodded and walked out of the room. Blaine turned back to Santana, his eyes sparkling. "I've learned that when they're ready, they will always come back."

* * *

"I don't know what to do though Britt." Sam and the cheerleader lay curled up on her bed. "I mean, I know he likes me, but it's like this thing that hangs between us and it's been getting worse rather than better. You saw him the other day in the choir room. It makes him nervous and I don't want him to feel that way. But maybe he wants to keep it secret, I don't know." Sam shrugged.

"Secrets aren't good for anyone, most especially Blaine," Brittany told him with surety. She thought for a moment then her eyes lit up with an idea and she bolted upright. "I could bring him on Fondue for Two," she suggested, clapping her hands with delight. "It worked for Kitty! Everyone shares their deepest secrets on the internet!"

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "There has to be a better way to get him to talk to me."

"But Blaine doesn't really talk to anyone except Kurt and Santana and now they're both gone," Brittany pouted, petting Lord Tubbington . "Maybe you can get him to sing again? That's how he does most of his talking anyway."

Sam looked at her and his face erupted in a grin. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. You seriously are the smartest girl I know," he beamed and kissed her gratefully on her smiling lips.

* * *

Blaine's looked up as Sam approached.  He'd been hanging out in the library after school, not quite ready to head home.  He put his Goosebumps book down.  "What's up?" 

"Here's the thing," Sam said standing before him. "So far this week you've been talking the talk, but now I need you to walk the walk, Pilgrim." He'd tried his best John Wayne impression to ease the awkwardness of the moment, but Blaine just looked at him like he was crazy. "I've been honest about my guilty pleasures, and I even wore those tiny little Wham shor-" he was shushed by the librarian and bent down lower, whispering to Blaine. "I wore those tiny little Wham shorts, which is a great number," he said sitting down, "but now it's your turn to be honest. Because you haven't really been yet, so far," he pressed, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

Blaine stared at him nervously. Sam couldn't possibly know, could he? He'd been so subtle, trying never to do anything to make Sam uncomfortable. He had to think there was something else, something he was hiding, maybe about Kurt, or his parents or maybe he'd just somehow found out about his giant movie ticket stub collection. He lowered his feet off the table and leaned forward. "I don't know what you're talking about," he bluffed.

"Well you know you're only as sick as your secrets, dude, and that's what this week's assignment is really about," Sam said. The words hit Blaine like a ton of bricks, but he kept a straight face. "This is your chance to really set an example for the Glee club! What's yours gonna be?" Sam asked with a smile before leaving without another word.

Blaine watched Sam go, his heart beating in his chest. He'd never wanted Sam to know about his crush on him, he didn't want to screw up their friendship at all, but now it almost seemed like Sam wanted to know. He had no idea what to do. But he knew exactly who to ask.

* * *

"And now he wants me to reveal my guilty pleasure and he keeps calling me on it. I don't know if he knows or if he doesn't and, I don't know what to do Santana," Blaine whined into the phone, not wanting to risk Kurt overhearing a Skype call. He was grateful his mother wasn't home as well. "I'm starting to act like an idiot around him. Asking him if he had feelings for me?" Blaine squeaked, running his fingers self-consciously through his curls. "I mean, what the heck was I thinking?"

"You were thinking you want in his pants," Santana smirked as she shoved some pretzels in her mouth. She was curled up on the couch, some Spanish soap opera paused on the television as she sat alone in the apartment while Kurt and Rachel were at some sort of recital at NYADA.

"Oh my god, 'Tana, no, I do not want…" Blaine stopped, uneven to even say the words. "We're just friends, Santana, that's all."

"Just friends like you and Lady Lips are 'just friends', or…?" she smiled knowingly.

"No. Precisely _not_ like me and Kurt, that's the point," Blaine spat back.

Santana sighed. "Look boyfriend. Trouty Mouth is a lot of things, but afraid of a little gay on guy crush is not one of them. I promise. Maybe it'll be weird, maybe it won't, but you should tell him Blaine. You obviously can't just keep this inside."

"He's all I have at McKinley, 'Tana," Blaine admitted softly. "He's the only one I can really talk to. The only one who really knows how I feel…"

"Then shouldn't he know _all_ of how you feel?" She waited for Blaine to answer but he stayed silent, too nervous and unsure. "We all have those crushes Blaine. The ones that fill the empty spaces while we wait for the right one to come along? I remember how much Trent crushed on you and you guys were still great friends. Hell, how many of those guys did I date before I was ready to admit how I really felt about Britt?" She heard Blaine exhale, but that was all. "Blaine, he knows you love Kurt. He made you macaroni art of Kurt's face for goodness sake. You've trusted him with that. Trust him with this too."

Blaine's heart beat in his throat, but he knew Santana was right. Blaine didn't think he could have the courage to say the words outright, but maybe in song. Maybe Sam would hear and appreciate what he had to say and the words themselves could just go unspoken, but understood. "Okay," he whispered. "I think I know what to do."

* * *

Blaine had planned on grabbing some time at the piano to rehearse before performing for Sam and Glee, but he noticed the girls chasing Jake angrily into the choir room and it looked like Jake might need a bit of rescuing first from whatever the girls were on him about. As he got closer though he heard the conversation, and he pressed against the wall outside, listening and waiting.

"And what about Rhianna?" Jake argued with them. "Do we really think that bad girl Rhi Rhi is some kind of role model? I mean, she's the one who got back together with him." The girls attacked but Jake held his ground. "Yes, seriously, we always do Rhianna songs and do we always agree with the things she says and does? Are we saying that it's okay to go back to someone who abuses you?"

Blaine closed his eyes, relaxing his hands that had just clenched. He took a breath and wiped away the vision of his mother that flashed before his eyes. And he waited.

The girls each left out the door one by one with a parting blow and Jake sat alone in the choir room. Blaine steeled himself and joined him. One look at the kid and Blaine could see the number the girls had done on him. "Rough day?" Blaine asked casually, throwing his bag down next to the bench and leaning on the piano.

Jake snapped his eyes up to Blaine and stood up, shuffling. "What? Oh no, it's fine. It's just –"

"I heard," Blaine admitted. "You're playing with fire there," Blaine smirked, eyeing the door where the girls had disappeared. "Those girls can burn."

"Yeah," Jake scoffed. "I have no idea what their problem is," Jake said, joining Blaine at the piano. "I mean, I get that Chris Brown isn't a role model, or even a good person. But does that make his music bad too?

Blaine shook his head. "Music is never bad if it speaks to your heart," he said earnestly. "But if you're performing it for others, you have to think about what it's gonna say to your audience." Jake's forehead creased. Blaine considered him briefly and explained as best he could, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "I guarantee you Jake, that sitting in those choir room seats will be kids who have watched their parents or their aunts and uncles or their friends be hurt by domestic violence. There will be kids who have watched someone go back and who know that as hard as it is to stand by them, you should never blame the victim." Blaine felt the lump in his throat and his eyes misting and he looked away, sitting down at the piano, running his fingers across the keys for an anchor. "You have to decide what kind of impact you want to have."

Jake watched him and took in Blaine's words. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt any of his friends, and if singing Chris Brown could possibly do that then it wasn't worth it. He'd let it stay a guilty pleasure that he kept to himself. Some secrets, he guessed, weren't meant to be shared. "Thanks Blaine," he said, grabbing his bag.

Blaine looked up and smiled, totally composed again as he started playing. "Anytime Jake," he answered and watched him go. He stopped playing for a minute and gripped the bench to steady himself. He felt the pull and reached into his bag for his phone.

**Hey Mom. Was thinking about you and just wanted to say I love you.**

* * *

As the guilt of his guilty pleasure rolled over him while his fingers played the keys, Blaine had to remind himself that this wasn't cheating. Sure, Kurt was a phantom in the auditorium that always haunted him, but that was all he was. Sam was here. Now. And that was exactly the point. Everyone needed someone who made them feel special but for Blaine even more, he needed someone who he could make feel special. And Sam filled that void.

_How can I just let you walk away,_   
_Just let you leave without a trace_   
_When I stand here taking every breath with you._   
_You're the only one who really knew me at all._

_How can you just walk away from me,_   
_When all I can do is watch you leave_   
_Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain,_   
_And even shared the tears_   
_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

Sam watched from the auditorium, his eyes never straying from Blaine. He knew how hard it was for him to be up there in front of them all, singing out everything that was inside his heart, and he'd never been prouder of his best friend. When Blaine had needed someone to catch him as he fell, Sam had been the one to step up and he hadn't regretted one day of it. So no matter what, despite what Blaine feared, he'd never walk away from something so special.

_So take a look at me now,_   
_'Cos there's just an empty space_   
_And there's nothing left here to remind me,_   
_Just the memory of your face_   
_Take a look at me now,_   
_'Cos there's just an empty space_   
_And you coming back to me_   
_Is against all odds and that's what I've got to face_

Sam understood more than anyone at school how important Kurt was to Blaine. He and Blaine had talked for hours about the life they'd planned together, the love he had for Kurt. He knew how much Blaine felt like he'd possibly lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he knew how painful the empty space and the wishing and hoping was for him, how much it sometimes still tore at Blaine's heart even though he put on a brave face. He'd seen it when he showed Blaine the macaroni art of Kurt's face he'd made for him. So if he could be the one to help ease the pain, and fill the hole if even just for a moment, then Sam was honored to be the one.

_I wish I could just make you turn around,_   
_Turn around and see me cry_   
_There's so much I need to say to you,_   
_So many reasons why_   
_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

Blaine looked out at his audience, eyes catching Sam's. Did Sam understand what he was trying to say? Did he truly understand it himself? Sometimes it was so jumbled in his own mind. Waiting for Kurt, being faithful with hope, but trying to be realistic. Filling the void with someone safe, someone who cared about him and made him feel good and normal, someone who accepted him and all his quirks like Kurt had, but this time even shared them.

And he came to realize as he sang that Sam wasn't filling the void left by Kurt. That space was sacred. Instead, he was everything that Nick and Jeff and Trent had been. Sam and his crazy antics and his voices and his prep school stories was everything he missed about the Warblers.

And the last thing he wanted to do was lose that again. He had lost enough already.

_So take a look at me now,_   
_'Cos there's just an empty space_   
_And there's nothing left here to remind me,_   
_Just the memory of your face_   
_Take a look at me now,_   
_'Cos there's just an empty space_   
_But to wait for you,_   
_Well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face_   
_Take a good look at me now,_   
_'Cos I'll still be standing here_   
_And you coming back to me is against all odds_   
_That's the chance I've got to take._   
_So take a look at me now._

So he said the song was about Kurt, and it really was in a way, but it was also about so much more. It was about Nick and Cooper and his Dad and Mom. It was about Sebastian and Eli and Jeremiah and Jason who he'd lost touch with since the Sadie Hawkins dance. And it was about Sam and Santana and Kurt, so much about Kurt. It was about the people who had left and those still with him and how he'd never truly be who he was without any of them, because they were all a part of what made him who he was.

It was about how people could move in and out of his life, some for just a moment, some forever, but they would always take with them a piece of his heart. And Blaine would, no matter what happened, wait for them to return and always welcome them back with open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like my RTF twist on Against All Odds.
> 
> Shooting Star is next and it's one of my favorites!


	19. Shooting Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no words that can express my feelings regarding "Shooting Star" so I hope this chapter will do it for me. And I hope it does the episode justice.
> 
> I won't say much about it. Pay attention to the time stamps of the texts if that interests you. The order received is not the order sent. Oh and grab your tissues.

The shot rang out and Blaine froze in his seat. He'd heard gunfire before, at the shooting range on his father's base, but there couldn't possibly be gunfire here.  Not at school.

Another shot fired though, and he looked to Mr. Schuester who was reaching towards the kids. "Everyone just spread out and hide, spread out and hide," he ordered.

Blaine ran to the piano, moving it to the wall as the lights went out. The metronome felt to the floor but he left it there. He grabbed Artie from his wheelchair and helped him to the ground, crouching across from him against the instrument that had always brought him comfort. Still his heart raced, and his ears were ringing. Everyone was scurrying around him. He heard screams in the hallway, kids running to safety, and he pulled his knees into his chest. Doors slammed shut.

Then there was silence.

Except for the metronome, ticking away the seconds, ticking out the beats of his heart. Ticking away the time they possibly had left. Ticking away the moments that he had missed in his life. The thousands of moments he had missed with Kurt and could never get back. The years he had missed with his Dad and with Cooper. The regrets ticked by as his life passed in front of his eyes. The moments he would miss if he died today.

"Are we even sure those are-" he started to ask, but everyone shushed him and he put his head down on his knees. This wasn't how it was supposed to end, alone on the floor of the choir room. This wasn't hand in hand after a lifetime of love.

"Everyone…" Mr. Schue said through ragged breath. "Guys, guys, start texting, tweeting, let everyone know what's going on. But don't tell we're here, alright? Shooters have smart phones too."

Blaine held his phone, his hands shaking so much he could barely type. But he took a breath and he steadied them. If this was the end, he had things he needed to say.

* * *

Amy Anderson straightened up before heading out, never wanting Blaine to come home to a messy house. She knew very well that she wasn't there for him as much as she should be and this was the one thing she could truly do to care for him. She had so much to make up for after all, she never felt like she could do enough. Dinner was ready and in the fridge, the crockpot having gone all morning. She'd been so busy she hadn't even turned the television on to check in on her favorite soap operas. Thank goodness for DVR. She grabbed her purse, cursing once again that she was still working second shift after all this time. Someday soon her transfer would come through and then she'd have more time to spend with Blaine. She could only hope it happened before he was gone off to college.

Her phone buzzed on the counter and she turned to grab it and her keys. She laughed at herself, nearly walking out the door without either. Some days she felt like if her head wasn't attached she would forget that too. She flipped up the phone to read the text. Blaine and Cooper were always making fun of her for not having a smart phone yet, but she just couldn't see the need to be that connected to the world all the time. The only people that ever texted her were her sons and their father. She didn't need anything else, they were her whole world.

And in the blink of an eye, her whole world changed.

_**Blaine to Mom [3:38pm]:** **Shooting at school. I'm scared, but safe for now. Most of us are together. Never forget how much I love you.** _

She grabbed the counter to steady herself as her knees went weak. She couldn't breathe. The room spun before her eyes. Her baby was in danger. Somebody was out there wanting to hurt her baby. All the times he was in danger and could have done something and this time she was helpless. But she could at least be there for him. Without looking back she ran out the door. She started the car, her hands shaking almost too much to drive, but there was no way she wasn't going. She pulled out of the apartment complex parking lot and turned left instead of right, straight to McKinley High School.

* * *

"Take this brochure," Colonel Anderson told the high school senior who had walked into the recruiting office. "Bring it home and read it over with your parents. Think about what career fields you might be interested in. Then come on back with your Mom or your Dad and we'll talk."

"Yes sir," the boy said, trying so hard to be tough. It reminded him of Blaine.

His phone buzzed under the counter, but he ignored it for the moment, coming around to shake hands with the young man and walk him to the door. "Relax, and I'll see you next week," he said.

He watched the kid go, and returned to the counter, filing the paperwork until the kid returned…if he returned. The recruiting numbers had been low lately. Finally he reached under the counter and grabbed his phone. He turned it on and went to the text message that had just come in from Blaine.

_**Blaine to Dad [3:39pm]:** **I understand now that everything you did you did out of love. And I forgive you for every time you hurt me. I know I've said it before and I've always meant it but now I know what it truly means. I love you. And I am strong because of you.** _

The phone rang while he held it in his hand and he answered. "Blaine?" he asked into the phone.

"No, John, it's me," Amy cried and her voice was shattered, barely able to speak through her tears.

The Colonel's senses peaked and he knew immediately that something was very wrong. "What's going on Amy, what is it?"

"There's been a shooting…at the school…Blaine texted…" she stammered.

"He texted me too, but I didn't know," he told her, frantically grabbing his coat, his wallet and his keys. His heart leapt into his throat but he swallowed it down. He turned the sign to closed and was out the door before he even finished his sentence. "I'm on my way," he promised.

"I'm going to the school right now," she choked out. "The news is saying to meet at the community center. Call me when you get close and I'll let you know what's going on. Call Cooper." She started sobbing again. "Oh my god, John, what if he…?"

"Don't," he demanded firmly. "He's going to be fine, Amy. He's a survivor, we made him strong."

"I'm just so scared," she cried and he worried that she might drive off the road.

"I know, I'm scared too, but you have to pull it together. You have to get there for him," he told her, and the phone beeped again. "I've got another text. I'll see you there. Drive safe."

He ended the call and swiped the screen.

 _**Blaine to Dad [3:44pm]:** _ **_I need to know why though Dad. I need to know why you hurt me like that, before it's too late. You said someday you'd tell me the story._ **

_**Dad to Blaine [3:45pm]:** **You're going to be fine Blaine. I'll tell you when you get home.** _

_**Blaine to Dad [3:46pm]:** **Promise?** _

The Colonel looked at his phone. He couldn't remember when the last time he cried was, but tears were dripping onto the screen. He imagined Blaine, his little son, scared and confused and reaching out for hope and answers, but he wouldn't make promises he couldn't keep. He couldn't truly promise Blaine he was going to be fine and that despite everything he had ever been through, that was the worst feeling in the world.  He could make one promise though.

**_Dad to Blaine [3:47pm]: I promise to tell you._ **

* * *

Cooper was dressed in slickers and a Souwester rain hat, standing on the edge of a prop troller, holding a melting box of fish sticks. "Dane's Fish Sticks! That fresh from the ocean flavor!"

"Cut!" yelled the director, and Cooper dropped his famous smile. "Sorry Coop, lighting was off. Give us a moment to reset and we'll get right back to it."

"Mr. Anderson," a production assistant called, holding Cooper's phone. "Call for you."

"Perfect timing," Cooper grinned as he looked at the number and grabbed the phone. "Hey dad," Cooper greeted with surprise. "Long time no hear," he quipped.

"Where are you?" his father asked and Cooper could hear the tension in his voice. He immediately grew serious.

"I'm on set, what's wrong?" He sat down in the director's chair.

"There's been a shooting at Blaine's school. I'm driving there now from Westerville," the Colonel told him, his voice calm with practiced precision.

"Oh my god," Cooper gasped, his heart dropping to the floor.

"Mom's heading to the community center. I'm on my way to Lima. He has his phone, Coop, text him. Let him know."

"Yeah, okay," Cooper answered, his head swimming, now desperate to get off the phone. "I love you Dad," he blurted out for the first time in years.

"I love you too son," the Colonel said before hanging up.

Cooper's hands were shaking, but somehow he managed to send Blaine a message.

"Mr. Anderson, you're wanted back on set," the assistant called, and Cooper wiped away his tears, trembling. He leaned over against the wave of nausea, his hands flying immediately to his face and up through his hair. _Please be okay, please be okay,_ he kept repeating to himself as he inhaled deeply and exhaled. "Mr. Anderson?"

He shook his head and sucked in a breath. "I'm gonna need a little makeup," he informed her matter-of-factly, and he got up and moved to the hair and makeup chair.

The show must go on.

* * *

Blaine tried to reach out to Sam, but he was beyond consoling at this point, unable to get to Brittany. Blaine curled up further in on himself, arms on his knees, head resting on his arms, wracked with grief. He thanked God that Kurt and Santana were hundreds of miles away from this madness and prayed for Tina and Brittany's safety. Not knowing was terrifying.

His phone lit up on the floor beneath him and he peered through his arms at the screen.

**_Cooper to Blaine [3:55pm]: I'm starring as you in the film version of this, Squirt! ;P Mom's on her way to the Community Center. I'm guessing that's where the parents are going. Dad's on his way to Lima. I love you Blaine. Keep your head down. We need to survive to the end of this movie._ **

* * *

"Hey Lopez?" Santana's coworker called as he cleaned the bar. She stopped stacking the napkins and straws and glanced over to him staring at the news on the big screen television. "Didn't you say you were from Lima, Ohio?"

Santana's eyes snapped to the screen and opened wide as her heart stopped.

_Breaking News: McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio in lockdown as police respond to a possible shooter._

She saw police cars and ambulances surrounding the high school where she'd spent four years, where the people she loved most in the world still spent every day, and for a moment she thought she was going to faint. She grabbed hold of the bar to stop her head spinning, her coworker reaching out to steady her just in case. Lost in a panic, she shook her head and brushed him away, tearing through the bar doors and heading into the back where she had her things. She grabbed her cell phone, swiped the screen, and started to cry.

_**Blaine to Santana [3:40pm]:** **Find Kurt and hug him for me. Rachel too. Hold them tight. Don't let them go. If anything happens be their rock Santana. I love you so much.** _

She searched frantically for a text from Brittany but there was nothing. She tore through Facebook and Twitter and saw the messages from Sam and Artie and others from the new kids, but there was no word about Brittany, they didn't know where she was. Her hand flew to her head and she made herself focus.

"I have to go," she yelled to no one in particular and she grabbed her things and rushed out the door. She had to get to NYADA.

* * *

Kurt sat within the circle of his acting class, each of them performing a mundane task while vocalizing their inner dialogue, when he heard the buzz of his cell phone as it hid inside his bag. He peered over at it, making a mental note to check it as soon as class was done, then returned to Jacob opening an imaginary can of tuna fish.

Class seemed to drag on and on, though only thirty minutes more remained, but finally time was called and he grabbed his bag and headed out the door. He dug his phone out as he walked. As soon as he got into the hallway, two hands grabbed his arms and pulled him aside and he looked amusedly at Santana and Rachel.

"And to what do I owe this honor?" Kurt smirked, but one look at their tear stained faces made his heart stop. "What? What happened?" he asked in alarm.

Santana quickly grabbed Kurt's forgotten phone from his fingers and grasped his hand. "Come on, let's go back to the apartment first," she urged, barely holding back her own tears.

"No. Is it my Dad? Did something happen to my Dad?" he cried pulling away and reaching for his phone while he turned to Rachel. "Please, you're scaring me just tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Santana's right, Kurt," Rachel said softly and her patronizing tone just infuriated him even more. "Let's go back to the-"

"Give me my damn phone, Santana!" he screeched. He grabbed the cell out of Santana's hand and pulled away from them, backing himself into a corner. Tears already ran down his cheeks as his heart raced with terror. He braced himself for the voicemail or text from Carole or Finn turning his world upside down. But it wasn't from either of them.

**_Blaine to Kurt [3:37pm] : You may hear something scary. Just know that I love you and always will. Until my dying day. For all that you are, and everything you're not. You are the perfectly imperfect love of my life. And I'm okay because of you._ **

Kurt looked up. The girls were staring at him, crying, and he knew his own tears were falling though he felt completely numb. "What happened?" he tried to yell, but his voice was barely above a whisper. "What's going on?"

Santana couldn't speak and she shook her head, looking pleadingly to Rachel. Rachel stepped forward and took Kurt's hand. "There's been a shooting…at McKinley. We don't know much yet," she said delicately, but Kurt didn't hear past shooting and McKinley. His hand flew to his mouth and he fell to the ground, his chest heaving. Santana and Rachel both surrounded him, crying for Blaine and Brittany and Artie and Mr. Schuester and all of their friends and loved ones back in Lima.

Santana grabbed Kurt's phone.

_**Kurt to Blaine [4:10pm]:** **Blaine, its Santana. We're all here. Kurt's ok. We're with you.** _

She put the phone down and reached around her friends. In the hallway of NYADA they held each other tight. And they didn't let go.

* * *

"Mom!" Blaine ran to his mother at the community center and fell into her arms. Once the SWAT team had given them the all clear they were piled into busses where they could be picked up by their parents. Cars on campus had to be searched by the police and could be retrieved tomorrow.

"Shhh, shhh," she whispered as he wept against her. She grabbed his cheeks and kissed them, needing to look at him, to know that he was real. "It's okay, everything's okay now."

"Tina?" he asked breathlessly.

"She's okay, sweetie," she assured him, holding him close again. "She wasn't in the building."

"Dad?" Blaine asked, unable to really talk.

"I told him to wait for us at the apartment." She took his hand like she had when he was a little boy. "Come on, let's go home. You can call Cooper in the car, he just got off set and he's been texting me like crazy for the past 20 minutes."

Blaine laughed through his tears and dialed the number as soon his seat belt was on.

"Hey Coop," he said as cheerfully as possible, but when his brother broke down with tears of relief, Blaine did too. "Hey, shhh, I'm okay Coop. I'm okay."

* * *

Blaine walked into the apartment and fell into his father's arms. The Colonel held him tight with one arm while he grabbed his wife's hand with the other. They stayed that way in the middle of the den until long after the tears stopped falling. Finally, Amy pulled away.

"Are you hungry sweetheart?" she asked Blaine.

He shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. "No," he told her apologetically. He glanced to his room then back to his parents. He knew he should just spend time with them, but…

"Go call him," the Colonel said, knowing precisely what Blaine was thinking. "We'll be here when you get back."

Blaine offered him a slight smile. "Thanks Dad."

Blaine went into his room and closed the door. He sat down at his computer, flicking the mouse to wake it up. Kurt's Skype was up and waiting. Blaine called and was immediately answered.

"Oh thank god," Kurt breathed, the tears streaming again the moment he saw Blaine's face. He was flanked by Rachel and Santana, both of their cheeks tear-streaked as well.

"Kurt, don't start crying because I'll start crying again," Blaine begged him, though it was too late.

"Is everyone okay?" Rachel asked. "Tina, Mr. Schuester and Artie?"

"Yeah, yeah, everyone is fine," Blaine assured her. "Scared and shook up, but we're all okay. We had each other."

"Brittany?" Santana asked brokenly. She hadn't even realize she was holding her breath.

"She's okay 'Tana," Blaine said softly.

"I would have gone to get her," she said angrily and Blaine knew who it was directed to. "I never would have left her scared and alone, I would have done anything…"

"Sam tried, 'Tana," he told her firmly. "Mr. Schuester had to physically hold him back twice from going out after her. He was desperate to get to her but it wasn't safe." Santana started crying again and Rachel reached behind Kurt to soothe her. "Finally Mr. Schue went out and found her in the girls' room and brought her back to us."

Rachel got up and took Santana by the shoulders. "Come on, let's leave them alone," she said quietly as she guided Santana out of the room.

Kurt and Blaine watched each other for a moment, unable to speak or take their eyes off each other. They'd planned for so many scenarios, so many possibilities in their lives together. This was something they never could have planned for.

"I should've been there with you," Kurt cried softly, not thinking straight.

"I'm so thankful you weren't." Blaine wished more than anything there wasn't a screen and 600 miles between them, because all he wanted to do was hold Kurt in his arms. "I had you there, okay? You were there with me. Safe in my heart, where you always are."

"I should've answered your text as soon as I got it," Kurt said, his voice brittle, looking away shamefully. "I should have known."

"Kurt stop," Blaine said and Kurt's eyes snapped back to his. "I'm glad you didn't know until it was almost over. I wish you didn't have to go through that at all." Kurt nodded, trying to stop the tears, and he sniffled, wiping them away with his sleeve. Blaine did the same, then turned to a soft knock on the door. "I have to go Kurt, my Dad's over." Their eyes met with regret, not ready to let the other go yet. "I'll call you later, I promise."

"No matter what time," Kurt said. "I love you Blaine," Kurt whispered desperately, not caring at all what they were supposed to be.

"I love you too Kurt," Blaine answered. "So much."

* * *

They ate a silent dinner at the small kitchen table, no one knowing what to say, but knowing it was enough to just be together. Blaine helped with the dishes after, needing to do something, needing to feel normal. His fear had turned to numbness and he knew he was in shock. He also knew what was to come. Nightmares. Anger. Dissociation. This is how his mind dealt with trauma. He was already furious that he'd just gotten past all this and it was likely to return with a vengeance. But it only took a hand on his shoulder to remind him that this time was different.

He had his father. He had his mother. He had Kurt. He had Santana and Sam and Tina. He had others who had been through it with him this time and he knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He would get out of this, if he talked about it. This time he wasn't alone.

So he sat with his parents in the living room, curled up between them feeling like a little boy but safer than he ever had. His father's strong arms settled around his shoulder to ground him and keep his mind from floating away. His mother held his hand to remind him that he wasn't alone. And he told them the whole story. Hearing the gunshots. Helping Artie. The screaming and crying. Someone rattling at the doors. The metronome ticking down the moments. Saying what he thought might be his last words. His heart breaking as Sam tried to reach Brittany, knowing he would have done the same thing if it was Kurt out there. Kitty's confession. Artie's videos. Ryder's phone call. Their fear when Mr. Schuester left. Their relief when Brittany was found and the SWAT team yelled the all clear. He told them everything and as he did, as he watched his parents cry, his heart grew lighter and started finally beating normally. His nerves settled. He turned to his father.

"You promised," Blaine reminded him.

Amy looked up at her husband, confused. The Colonel sighed. "Maybe we've all had enough to process for one night, Blaine," he told his son.

"What did you promise him?" Amy asked, voice full of suspicion.

"He promised to tell me why," Blaine said softly, then he turned his eyes resolutely to his Dad. "You promised."

The Colonel shook his head. "Its not an easy story-"

"I need to know, Dad," Blaine demanded.

The Colonel looked at Amy. She knew how hard it would be for Blaine to hear about the horrible things that had led to his father's hatred and intolerance, and she didn't want him to go through any more pain than he had to. But something had made him ask when he thought it could be his last request, and how were they not to honor that no matter how painful? She nodded at John. "You promised him."

* * *

 _Take out of your wasted honor_  
_Every little past frustration_  
_Take all of your so called problems_  
_Better put them in quotations_  


Santana waited until she thought she had no more tears to cry before calling, but hearing her voice choked her once again. She had to be strong though. "I'm so proud of you Britt," she said, holding the phone as tightly as she wished she was holding her. "You were so brave and I am so proud of you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Santana," Britt said quietly, still audibly shaken despite holding Lord Tubbington for the past three hours. Sam held her even closer into him. He hadn't let go since they'd gotten back to her house.

"Can I talk to Sam a minute?" Santana asked. Brittany nodded and passed the phone behind her.

"Santana wants to talk to you," she whispered.

He took the phone warily, but started with all that mattered. "She's okay, Santana," he assured her.

"Look, Blaine told me what you did in there. What you tried to do." Santana took a breath and closed her eyes. "Thank you," she exhaled.

"I love her Santana," he promised her. "With all my heart."

Santana swallowed the lump in her throat. She was here and he was there. And Brittany needed that. "I'm glad you do."

* * *

John took his arm from Blaine's shoulder and rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair. He hated remembering. He knew someday he'd have to tell. He just didn't think it would be so soon. Blaine felt his discomfort and gave him his space, sliding down to sit on the floor, knees curled up in his arms, waiting patiently. His mother took his father's hand. And Blaine listened to the story that had shaped his childhood.

 _Walking like a one man army_  
_Fighting with the shadows in your head_  
_Living out the same old moment_  
_Knowing you'd be better off instead_  
_If you could only say what you need to say._

"We spent three months in a town just outside of Baghdad. We'd become friendly with the locals, as hard as that might be to believe. In many ways they were just like us. There was one man in particular, Jahmir. He was a shop owner. Had a family. A son who was your age at the time. He was an amazing informant. And he became a good friend of mine. When the enemy attacked the village though, everything changed. I changed."

 _Have no fear for giving in_  
_Have no fear for giving over_  
_You'd better know that in the end_  
_Its better to say too much_  
_Then never say what you need to say again_

Blaine listened as his father told them his story of being trapped in the small back room of the shop where the family ate and slept, held at gun point. His father cried as he spoke of witnessing the cruelty of the Iraqi forces; forced to watch helpless alongside Jahmir's wife and son as the men took turns violating him until the shot that killed him rang out and brought his comrades running. And suddenly it all made sense. He understood why his father had feared who he was so much. Why it had disgusted him. He knew his father had never wanted him to know, but he was so grateful now that he did.

 _Even if your hands are shaking_  
_And your faith is broken_  
_Even as the eyes are closing_  
_Do it with a heart wide open_

He got up on his knees and took his father in his arms. The man shook with the memories, with the pain of it and also the relief of the telling and Blaine wept, for his father's pain, for his own, for all the damage that hate and war had done to them. He closed his eyes tight against the darkness and opened his heart to his father, hoping that he felt it too.

"You hear about those things happening, but…" Blaine muttered into his shoulder, shaking his head in disbelief. "You never should have had to see that."

"Awful things happen in war," John said matter-of-factly. "It doesn't excuse what I did to you. It's just…when I looked at you…I saw…"

"I love you," Blaine said, as tears fell again and he squeezed his father even tighter. Finally knowing. Finally understanding. He hadn't done anything wrong to make his father hate him. _He_ was never anything wrong and there was nothing he could have done to change any of it, because it had never really been about him in the first place. "I've always loved you Dad, through everything."

"I've always loved you too," he cried and Amy started again too.

She took both of her men in her arms. Both of them were safe and in her life and her home and her arms. There was nothing left unsaid between them and maybe now, out of this unspeakably horrifying day, maybe they could once again truly become a family. "I've never been more proud of either of you," she told them.

"I'm so sorry Blaine." John squeezed him as tightly as possible, Blaine's shirt soaking in his father's tears. "I'm sorry for every time I hit you. Every time I hurt you. Every time I betrayed your trust. After you came out. After Sadie Hawkins. The Christmas show. Every time you came home from Dalton."

"It's okay Dad," Blaine sobbed, afraid to let go, afraid that if he did the moment would pass and somehow they'd be back where they started. "I forgive you, Dad, I forgive you."

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you today," John stammered, his heart breaking and healing at the same time.

"You didn't lose me Dad," Blaine whispered over and over again and he reached for his Mom and drew her in as well. "I love you both so much. You'll never lose me. I promise."

_Say what you need to say._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing when tragedy strikes. This chapter was inspired by that.
> 
> For those of you paying attention to the time stamps, I hope you noticed that though Kurt was the last to receive the text, his was the first that Blaine sent. The texts were also the very first thing I wrote for this chapter, starting with Kurt of course.
> 
> I love this chapter. I hope you did too.


	20. Light's Out, Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was less than inspired by Sweet Dreams so decided to combine in with Light's Out into one chapter. After Light's Out I was fully committed to boycott the episode and not write it. I was furious at Sam (and Artie). But Blaine wouldn't leave my head, and so of course, I had to.
> 
> This chapter is a crazy mix of meaningful moments and ridiculous banter. Which MuseInMe3 pointed out is very Glee. So hopefully I have done an okay job with two episodes that frustrated me. 
> 
> I own nothing. The boys' comment made that ridiculously clear.

_We feel, we hear, your pain, your fear_  
_But we're here, to say, who you are, is okay_

Kurt startled awake from another nightmare, the third one that week, and he rolled over to grab his phone. He turned it on, squinting briefly as his eyes adjusted, then tapped into Blaine's Facebook page. He knew it was stupid. Blaine was fine and no doubt fast asleep in his bed, but it soothed him to see he had posted to Tina only a couple of hours before. Nothing would have happened to him between then and now. He put the phone down, shaking his head at himself. Blaine was fine. He'd talk to him in the morning. Kurt took a breath in, then out, and closed his eyes, snuggling into his boyfriend pillow. Just before drifting off to a dreamless sleep he realized that just maybe it was time again for the real thing.

* * *

_And you don't have to go through this on your own_  
_You're not alone_

Blaine clung to Tina a little more tightly after the school shooting and not just because he couldn't keep track of Sam these last few days. He needed her close, needed to know she was safe, and truth was he needed a friend. Even though he'd been talking to Kurt and Santana more frequently since the scare, the calls were quick check-ins on their way into work or school or in between homework and sleep. But more than that, they didn't fully understand what everyone was going through. They hadn't been there. Tina was.

"You staying for supper tonight Tina?" Mrs. Anderson asked with a smile as Blaine and Tina arrived after school. As they had been every day, they went immediately to Blaine's room and emptied their homework out onto his desk and his bed, Tina curling up with a pillow and her books, Blaine switching on the computer.

"No, I can't, Mrs. A, Mom wants me home tonight," Tina said apologetically and Amy just smiled. This was the way it should be. The day after the shooting she'd gone to work and told them in no uncertain terms that she was switching to the day shift until Blaine left for college and if they didn't like it than she could find a new job. They switched her immediately, and she was enjoying every single moment.

"Alright sweetie. Well if you two get hungry, let me know," she said, and Blaine grinned at her. He loved having her home. If nothing else, everything that had happened had made him bury the lingering anger toward her and just accept her for who she was.

"We will Mom," he promised and she closed the door behind her as she left.

Tina started in as soon as the door was shut. "What are we gonna do about Regionals, Blaine? Mr. Schue is crazy if he thinks his ancient choices are gonna get us a win. Sure, the old standards are great for hanging around the choir room, for loosening us up. But they'll never win in competition."

"Yeah, but what else are we gonna do?" Blaine asked, half reading his work, half concentrating on Tina. "Mr. Schue is set on his dream theme. And now may not be the best time to argue with him," he reasoned.

"You just don't want to make waves, but sometimes the ship needs to be overturned Blaine," Tina insisted.

"You might want to lay off the boat metaphors," Blaine smirked. "I'll talk to Kurt tonight. See what he thinks. Okay?" He hoped it would appease her.

"And if he says you should rock the boat you will?" she challenged, her eyebrow raised. "Because Kurt's never let Mr. Schuester get away with telling us what to do when he's wrong."

"I promise Tina," Blaine said. "Now can we please get our homework done?"

* * *

_You'll have more love in your life_   
_Don't let go, give it time_   
_Take it slow_   
_Those who love you the most, may need more time to grow_

"Here's the rent money," Santana said lazily, handing Kurt a stack of bills outside her bar. It was right near the subway stop he took home from NYADA, so it made sense to pick her up when they got out at the same time, especially when it was already dark outside.

Kurt looked around nervously as he grabbed the money and shoved it in his pocket. "Are you crazy 'Tana?" he hissed at her, his heart beating a mile a minute.

"What?" She asked with a shrug, starting to head down the street. "People will just think you're a drug dealer packing heat. See? I just upped your street cred tenfold. You're totally safe now."

"Oh sure." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Because drug dealers never get stabbed or shot at or killed."

But Santana stopped paying attention to him, her attention drawn elsewhere. "Oh damn, this mattress looks brand new, I should totally snag it!" Santana said, running up to a queen size mattress leaning against a dumpster.

"Don't you dare touch that thing Santana Lopez!" Kurt shouted and Santana turned, hands on her hips.

"Reduce, reuse and recycle Kurt," she told him haughtily.

"Bedbugs, Santana," he retorted with disgust, and she reluctantly kept walking. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out as they continued down the street.

**From Blaine: Skype in 5?**

**To Blaine: Walking home. Make it 10?**

"When are you just gonna admit that you still love him and want him back?" Santana asked, exasperated.

"When are you gonna learn to mind your own damn business?" Kurt snapped back.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence, and Kurt quickly retreated to his bedroom. Santana was right, of course, but it made no sense. Not now. He still needed more time. They'd figure it out over the summer. He needed to know where Blaine was going to be next year. If he was coming to NY, Kurt knew he wanted to try and make it work. But if college sent Blaine further away…well, he didn't need his heart broken twice.

His Skype rang as soon as his laptop booted up and Blaine's smiling face met his. "Hey stranger," Blaine cooed.

"Hey," Kurt said, still a little melancholy from his thoughts.

Of course, Blaine noticed. "Everything okay?" he asked, worried.

"Yeah, just tired," Kurt said and smiled for real this time. "So what's going on?"

"How do you know something's going on?" Blaine asked, his voice a little higher than usual.

Kurt chuckled. "For one, you're starting to sound like me. Two, I just know you. So what is it?"

Blaine sighed. "It's just Mr. Schuester. His set list for Regionals is awful and everyone knows it but him."

"This isn't news, Blaine, this is 'been there, done that'," Kurt said snarkily.

"So what should we do?" 

"Take charge," Kurt urged him. "Schue isn't always right and someone has to be the one to stand up to him. You've always been willing to stand up for what you believe in, don't stop now. You were voted the new Rachel. Figure out what she would do, then do it with all the charm and poise of Blaine Warbler."

Blaine rested his head on his hand, eyes shining through the screen at Kurt. "What on earth would I do without you?"

"Apparently you would sing terribly overdone songs from the 70's and 80's." 

Blaine laughed, his eyes ducking, and Kurt's breath hitched as those lashes fluttered on Blaine's cheeks.

Summer couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

_Be brave, be strong,_   
_You are loved, you belong_   
_Some day soon, you will see_   
_You're exactly who you're supposed to be_   
_And you don't have to go through this on your own_   
_You're not alone_

Everyone had come when he texted. They gathered in the auditorium and brainstormed a new set list. Now they sat in the classroom and watched as Mr. Schuester continued to not only ignore them, but berate them as well. The others looked on stunned.

"Honestly, I don't even know what's going on in this room anymore," Mr. Schuester snapped. "What happened to you guys? Openly defying me?"

Blaine hesitated. He hated questioning authority. For Blaine, these were all too familiar words covering all too familiar ground. But the whole Glee club was counting on him and he wasn't a child anymore. He was their leader. Apparently Mr. Schuester thought so as well.

"And Blaine?" his teacher called on him and he looked up, not quite sure what to expect. "I am disappointed in you for allowing this to go on."

"I'm sorry, but we're just trying to-" Blaine started, but he was cut off.

"No what you were trying to do is not rehearse the songlist that I gave you. And that is unacceptable." Blaine stared, wanting to be the person Kurt wanted him to be, more like him or Rachel. Stand up, shout his objections, tell him off, then storm out of the room in dramatic defiance until Mr. Schuester went chasing after him. But Blaine stayed where he was, charming and poised, and none of those things happened.

"So here's what's gonna happen," Mr. Schuester said. "I'm gonna go to the teacher's lounge and get the coffee that I skipped to get here early, and when I get back here in five minutes you will be ready to rehearse. My songs."

Mr. Schuester stormed out of the room and Blaine looked around at the faces of his defeated friends. He sighed and walked heavily to the piano, stopping as he reached the side. He leaned against it, resting his head in his hands, rubbing his face with frustration. A soft hand gently touched his back.

"You okay?" Tina asked privately as the rest of their friends whispered behind him.

He nodded into his hands then turned to her, granting her a small but grateful smile. "Yeah."

"I don't know what's gotten into him," she said, glancing out the room where Mr. Schuester had left.

"I do," Blaine said though, his voice thick with emotion. "Everything affected him too. He was supposed to be the authority, able to protect us from being hurt, and he couldn't. So now he's grasping for control." She looked at him curiously, but Blaine just shrugged with defeat. He'd lived it for the past five years. "It's a very familiar scene for me." He turned around to the group and snapped out of his revelry, clapping his hands before sitting at the piano. "Ok guys, gather around. If you don't know the song stand next to someone who does. Like the set list or not, it still needs to be perfect."

* * *

_You have more friends than you know_   
_Some who surround you_   
_Some you are destined to meet_

"Which direction does the sun rise from?" Blaine asked.

"Up!" Brittany shouted, beaming as she grabbed a green piece of the pie for her trivial pursuit wheel.

"Oh…no, Britt, the answer is…" but Sam glared at him and his face slumped without finishing. He forced a smile, not wanting to break her heart. "I mean, good job!"

Now it was Tina's turn to glare at him, but he just shrugged apologetically. "What did you want me to do?" he whispered, but she grabbed the dice and rolled them.

"My turn," she announced and moved 6 spaces. "Entertainment, yes!" she cheered.

Blaine's phone rang and he quietly excused himself off of Brittany's bed into a corner of her room. "Hey," he said happily.

"Whatcha doin boyfriend?" Santana drawled lazily as she painted her nails.

"Playing trivial pursuit with Tina, Sam and Brittany." 

"Ah. Brittany will win. Just because you can't say no to her," Santana said knowingly. "And everyone _knows_ how much you hate to lose."

"I get it from Cooper. Who gets it from our father. Who I have heard gets it from his father," Blaine told her.

"So what you're telling me is the Anderson men are a bunch of whiny babies," she smirked.

"Yeah, okay, I'm done with you," he chuckled at Santana and then held it up. "Who else wants to talk to Santana because she's being mean to me."

"Oh, me, me!" Brittany said, raising her hand and she scrambled off the bed and grabbed the phone from Blaine. "Hi," she said coyly into the phone, then went inside her walk in closet for privacy.

Both Tina and Blaine turned to stare at Sam, who looked nonplussed by his girlfriend's actions.

"Did she just…" Blaine said slowly, pointing to the closet.

Sam looked up at him and shrugged. "Yeah, she sometimes does when she talks to Santana."

An excited scream from the closet startled them all. "Oh my god, Santana that's awesome!" she yelled and stuck her head. "Tina, come here, you have to hear this!" she called, her face beaming.

Tina smiled back and slipped into the closet as well. Blaine stared after them, realizing why he'd never really had girlfriends before. Then they giggled excitedly and he realized how much he loved having them around.

"It's your turn Blaine," Sam said, quirking an eyebrow at him as he pointed to the board.

Blaine turned back to Sam with a smile and rolled the dice. He rolled a three and landed on geography.

Sam pulled out a card and read the question. "Where is the Guggenheim Museum?"

Blaine leaned down on the bed, propping his head on his hand with a smile. He knew that answer like he knew the exact color of Kurt's eyes. "New York City."

_It's gonna be okay_   
_It's gonna be okay_   
_You're gonna be okay_   
_You have more friends than you know_

* * *

Blaine waited around the corner until Brittany kissed Sam with a smile at her locker and Sam took off for the choir room. "I'll meet you there in a minute," she yelled her promise, then turned back to get her books. "You can come out of hiding now Blaine Warbler, he's gone."

"I wasn't-" But he cut himself off as he walked over to her because he was, and he leaned against the lockers. "I just wanted to ask how he's doing?" Blaine admitted, a worried pout on his face. "He says he's fine, he seemed fine the other day, but I don't know."

"I think he's fine, but I miss Evan," she said with her own pout. "I wish he'd come back. His accent was sexy. And sex with two guys is better than one."

Blaine cocked his head curiously at Brittany trying to, then deliberately trying _not_ to, imagine two of Sam in his bed. It was bad enough picturing one. He squeezed his eyes shut and she shook his head. "Brittany," he said, but she grabbed his hand as if frightened and he immediately opened his eyes to find nothing but darkness.

"What if it's another shooting?" she asked terrified. Her palm grew sweaty in his hand as it began to tremble.

"Britt, I don't think it's another-" She started to hyperventilate and Blaine recognized that reaction immediately. "Ok, let's get you some light and some air." He pulled out his flashlight app with one hand and led her out the side door of the school with the other. They continued walking until they reached the school parking lot.

"I…can't…go back…in there," she stammered between gulps of air.

"It's ok Britt, I've got you," he said and he held both her hands in his. "Breathe in and out for me."

"I can't," she stuttered, her teeth shaking with fright.

"Yes you can," he said calmly. "In and out Britt, with my words, okay?" And he began to sing: _Come what may, Come what may…_ "In on _Come what_ , out on _may_ ," he instructed her. "You can do it Britt." And he continued on, singing the words over and over as Kurt had done many times for him before, until her breathing finally slowed.

"I can't go back in there," she repeated despite her calmness and Blaine brushed a hand to her cheek.

"No one's expecting you to darling. Do you need me to drive you home?" he asked.

Brittany shook her head. She was okay now.

"Ok, I'll talk to Principal Figgens, and let Sam now you're going to stay home until the lights come back on, okay?" Blaine asked.

She nodded. "Thanks Blaine."

Blaine smiled warmly. "No need to thank me. Text me when you get home."

He stood watching her until she drove away, then retreated back inside with a sigh, ready to deal with the mess at McKinley.

* * *

"Principal Figgens, we can't ask the students to come into school with no power," Blaine argued as Student Council President.

"Winter was terrible this year, Mr. Anderson," Principal Figgens answered, "and then the school was closed for a day after the shooting. Unless you all want to be coming to school until August with no air conditioning, we cannot afford to close the school. Students can stay home if they like, but school will be in session and all activities will be held. Outdoors if necessary."

Blaine relented, having another matter he'd been wanting to address with Principal Figgens though he was certain now wasn't the time. Still he was here and he might as well. "Can we talk about how Coach Roz has been treating the Cheerios?"

"Mr. Anderson," Principal Figgens drawled as he stood, his patience wearing thin. "I have a school plunged into darkness, I do not have time to be talking about what Coach Roz may or may not be doing with the Cheerios."

Blaine frowned but he'd guessed as much. "I'll come back later then," he said, backing slowly out the door.

"You do that," Principal Figgens said dismissively.

But Blaine knew there would be no later. He'd learned long ago that if you wanted anything done at McKinley High School, you needed to do it yourself.

* * *

Blaine left the aerobics room after talking to Sue, still out of breath and knowing his body was going to hate him in the morning. 7 months ago a workout like that would have been a cakewalk, but while he was stronger than ever, hanging with Sam in the weight room, without Kurt his flexibility had suffered. Even with his time spent on the Cheerios. Nothing compared to Kurt, he thought with a nostalgic smirk.

He stripped in the locker room and stepped into the gym shower letting the not so warm water cool him down in more ways than one. By the time he got out he felt refreshed. He dressed and gelled and grabbed his bag, heading out to the car. Maybe he'd come back another day, he thought. The work out was a good one.

"Hey," a voice stopped him in the lobby, and he turned around to see aerobics boy flashing a charming smile at him. He couldn't help but smile back and that fueled his new friend's confidence. "My name's Luke," the man, definitely an older man, said as he held out his hand.

"Blaine," he introduced himself, accepting the hand shake with an awkward unsure smile. "You come here often?" Blaine asked then laughed embarrassed, throwing his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, that's such a line."

"Yes it is," Luke laughed with him, already entranced by how adorable Blaine was. "And yes, I do. And now it's time for my line. Would you like to get some coffee?"

Blaine looked at him a moment, his mouth frozen between a yes and a no, but what came out was an apologetic shake of the head. "No, thank you, I have a…" but he didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"Girlfriend?" Luke offered, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

Blaine chuckled again, his cheeks growing redder by the minute. "No. Definitely not a girlfriend."

"A boyfriend then?" Luke asked sadly.

Blaine shuffled, shoving his hand in his pockets as he bit his lip. "No. Well, kind of. I mean…"

"I get it," Luke said kindly. "Well it was nice to meet you Blaine, maybe I'll see you around again sometime."

"Yeah maybe," Blaine said, feeling like he should apologize for something but knowing there was no need. He'd done nothing wrong. And as Luke left the gym, Blaine knew for sure that what he'd done felt totally right.

* * *

"Kurt, I can't believe you're going to the NYC Ballet Gala!" Blaine said in awe. "That's gonna be the most amazing experience of your life!"

"I can't believe it either Blaine," Kurt said, still reeling from the news. "I wish you were here to enjoy it too though. Rachel is ecstatic, but Santana couldn't care for anything but the dress. She doesn't even like ballet," he said wryly.

Blaine's brow furrowed with confusion. "That's ridiculous Kurt, of course she does. She and I watched the Miami City Ballet on PBS one day last summer while you were working at the Lima Bean. I remember she never stopped smiling."

Kurt snorted. Of course Santana had just been lying. "I honestly don't know how you deal with that girl," he said. "She is a thorn in my side."

Blaine smiled. "She grows on you."

"Like ivy up the cage she's stripping inside," he murmured and Blaine's smile froze.

"What?"

"Santana. She's some go-go Barbarella cage dancer," he said derisively. Blaine was quiet. He didn't know what to say, or what to think. "Blaine? Don't freak out on me here please."

"Oh don't worry, I won't freak out on you," Blaine assured him. "But I damn well plan to freak out on her!"

"Well, the more the merrier, Rachel and I already did. Maybe she'll actually listen to you though." Kurt yawned and curled up in his bed. "I need to go to sleep. My schedule these next few days is going to be crazy."

"Crazy amazing," Blaine smiled. "Night. Oh and Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Have fun at the ballet."

* * *

Ryder's confession in the choir room had weighed heavily on Blaine, but the reaction of his friends had made the walls of the room close in on him and desperately need air. As soon as they were dismissed, Blaine grabbed his bag and walked quickly out of the choir room. Realistic calculations in his head battled with his heart when he heard footsteps hustling behind him. "Hey, Blaine, wait up!" Sam yelled, breathless in trying to keep up with Blaine despite his friend's shorter legs. "Artie and I had this great idea for-"

"Sam, stop." Blaine tried to keep walking, but Sam grabbed his arm and Blaine twisted around. His stomach tied in knots looking at the friend he'd relied on so much this year. "I can't talk to you right now," he said angrily.

He caught Sam's confused look, his lips pursed together to question _why_ , but Blaine just turned and continued on alone where he'd been headed.

Tina caught up to Sam, who was still staring after his best friend with no understanding of what had just happened. She looked at him gently and just brushed his hand lightly to bring him out of his revelry. "I'll go find him, okay?" she said softly. Sam nodded and watched her go.

It wasn't hard. They'd talked a lot since the shooting, spent a lot more time together. Blaine had been opening up to her. Not like he did with Santana or Kurt, she wasn't going to delude herself any longer on that regard. But she was trying to be a good friend to him and she'd been rewarded with tiny tidbits of information that she'd strung together with the things she'd seen over the past two years of him being in their lives. So even when she'd lost track of where he was, she was pretty sure she knew exactly where he was going.

She turned off her cellphone flashlight before entering the auditorium, but she caught his before it went out, up in the spot tower. With a small smile she walked in the pitch dark, knowing the auditorium like the back of her hand, and made her way over to the ladder to climb up. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly and she could see him well enough sitting against the wall, arms lying on his knees pulled up, head resting back with his eyes closed. "Mind if I join you?" she asked quietly. Blaine shook his head as if he'd known she was following him and she sat down across from him. "I thought I'd find you here."

"Yeah, well, I considered a ten hour drive to Bushwick, but this was closer," he muttered bitterly.

"Are you okay?" she asked. She watched him. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his hands over his face, as she was starting to notice he often did when he was upset. She waited though, not wanting to rush him. She had nowhere to be and he wasn't asking her to leave or moving to go himself. He opened his eyes, clasping his hands back together as he rested his arms over his knees again but he stared at the floor next to her.

"When Karofsky kissed Kurt, that day in the locker room," he started, his voice a murmur barely above a whisper, "I remember how violated Kurt felt. How hurt he was. To have something so special as a first kiss taken from you, without your consent, from someone who had no right…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Ryder must feel…" He couldn't even put into words how Ryder must feel, but he felt it in his gut, the memories of his own father's betrayals. He lifted his eyes to meet Tina's attentive gaze. His eyes looked so wounded, even in the darkness. "And Sam and Artie just…" He balled his hands into fists, once again unable to find the words to describe how angry and disappointed he felt toward his friends, but he wasn't sure the words existed. "I guess I just know a little bit how Ryder feels," he finished meekly.

"Because of me?" she asked nervously, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What?" he asked surprised, then understood and reached out to grab her hand. "No, Tina, no," he assured her than laughed softly with a playful smirk. "Well maybe a little because of you." She smiled with embarrassment, glad for the shadows that hid her blushing cheeks. "But no, I mean because of things with my Dad."

"He didn't…" she asked him in shock.

"No," Blaine assured her squeezing her hand. "But the things he did do, and especially the things he said. About my sexuality. It all makes you distrustful of others but of yourself even more. It's hard to know what's right and wrong, what to believe about yourself and what you feel. It doesn't matter who it is that does that to you. When you're a kid, no one has the right…"

"You should talk to Sam," Tina told him. "Tell him why you're angry."

Blaine pulled back, closing his eyes and resting his head back just like she'd found him. "Yeah, I don't know," he sighed.

They sat in silence like that for a few minutes while Tina's thoughts drifted outside the room. Her heart was heavy with Blaine's words, understanding even more what it had cost Ryder to reveal what he had. And what Sam and Artie's ignorance had likely done. But still, she wasn't sure what was right. "What do you say?" she asked Blaine, and he lowered his head to look at her. "To someone who's been through that when you haven't?"

Blaine watched her a moment, her sincerity clear even now, and his voice was strong. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that someone took something precious from you that only you had a right to give. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She nodded, then took his hand. "If you ever need someone to talk to Blaine, I'm here. You know that right?" she asked hopefully.

He slowly smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah. I know that."

* * *

"Alright, the last order of business is…" Blaine looked down at the agenda items he'd put together the night before after trolling McKinley student twitter accounts. "Talking to Principal Figgens about getting the vending machines on the generator during the blackout. All agreed?" he asked looking around. Sam watched him warily as he nodded his agreement with the rest, the look having stayed fairly constant throughout their student council meeting. Blaine ignored it and smacked the gavel. "Then this meeting of the Student Council is adjourned."

Blaine silently gathered up his papers and put them away in his bag, slinging it around his neck. The others filed out, and he moved to follow them without a glance to Sam.

"Can you at least tell me why you're mad at me?"

Sam's voice stopped Blaine before he crossed the threshold. He closed his eyes, torn between wanting his friend back and wondering who he even was. "The fact that you even have to ask me that is why I'm mad." His voice dripped with disappointment.

Sam shuffled, shoving his hands in his pocket. "Come on Blaine," he pleaded. "I'm just a dumb straight guy, you're gonna have to help me out here."

Blaine turned and really looked at Sam for the first time since his comments in the choir room. The first thing he noticed was that Sam looked ready to cry and desperate to fix whatever he'd broken. The second thing he noticed was that whatever feelings he'd had for Sam were suddenly gone. But even though that was true, he still loved Sam's friendship and needed him to understand how terribly wrong he had been. Blaine placed his hands on his hips, and ducked his head, biting his lip as he figured out how to say what he needed to say. "How old are your brother and sister now?" Blaine asked, glancing up at him.

Sam was startled by the question, but crossed his arms across his chest and answered. "Stevie's 11 and Stacey's 8."

"So if you walked into your house and found their babysitter touching them in the shower you'd be all ready with the high five, right?" Blaine asked sarcastically.

"What?" Sam screeched with disgust. "No, they're just babies."

"And you think it would be totally okay for you or Artie to go fondle a cute 11 year old girl in the shower?" Blaine argued.

"No, Blaine, what the hell? Of course not," Sam spat out. Blaine watched him quietly as he let it sink in. The realization on Sam's face was visible. 'Oh my god," he whispered as his face fell. "I'm so sorry."

Blaine pursed his lips and raised a brow. "You owe Ryder an apology, not me," he said pointedly. Sam rubbed his hands through his hair and nodded his head. Blaine offered him a tentative smile in return. "You really are a dumb straight guy, aren't you," he chuckled softly.

Sam shook his head. "The dumbest."

"Good thing you're dating such a brilliant girl," Blaine offered, finally relaxing as the tension between them eased.

"Good thing she wasn't in the room yesterday or I'd be a dead straight guy probably," Sam said as he and Blaine left the classroom and headed out to their cars.

Blaine nodded in agreement. "Yes, yes you would."

* * *

"So how was ballet class," Blaine asked as he slipped into bed Friday night at his Dad's house.

"It was really good," Santana answered, and she sounded almost surprised at that. "Felt a little bit like being a kid again."

"A lot better than stripping?" Blaine asked pointedly.

Santana started to respond but stopped herself from snapping at him. She took a deep breath before answering. "I'm dancing Blaine. I'm not stripping. And I love dancing."

"I know you do 'Tana," Blaine said. "But New York is full of opportunities for dancers, why do you have to do it in a cage?"

"Because it's hot Blaine," she tried to explain. "I like being sexy. I like showing my body off. No one touches and I feel really good about myself, doing something I love. And the money is fantastic."

"I don't like it," Blaine frowned.

"Well you're gay, I wouldn't expect you to," she smirked.

Blaine scoffed. "You know what I mean."

"Look boyfriend. I love you," Santana said. "And I appreciate your concern for my propriety, far more than Lady Lips and Yentl. But I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, and I know the meaning of the word consent. Capiche?"

Blaine sighed, knowing that she was right and hating it. "Capiche. I just worry."

"Well worry about someone else Anderson, because Santana Lopez was made for New York City," she said proudly. "And it's made for you too," she added quietly.

"Well, we'll just have to see what NYADA says about that," Blaine said sadly.

Blaine's father knocked quietly and stuck his head in the door. "It's getting late Blaine, lights out," John said before retreating again out of the room.

"Talk to you tomorrow 'Tana?"

"Sweet Dreams Blaine," she answered.


	21. Wonder-Ful

"So are you terrified of your Pretty Pony coming home?" Santana smirked through the laptop screen as she lounged on Kurt's bed, the bed her aching back would happily call home until he returned. "I could give you some cage-dancing lessons over Skype," she offered happily.

"I'm not terrified, Santana," Blaine snarled playfully back, though his whole body was humming with nervous excitement. "This visit isn't about us anyway. It's about Kurt and his father and I will be there to support them both in any way that I can."

"I bet you will," she teased, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

"Santana I'm serious," Blaine admonished, but he couldn't help but let a sly smile slip. Kurt was coming home. He was going to be in Lima for a whole week and though Blaine had every intention of respecting Kurt's clear wishes of not hooking up, he also had every intention of reminding Kurt as often as possible exactly how much he was loved. "It will just be nice having him home. Here, I mean," he quickly corrected himself. He knew New York was home now. "And I'm just praying that everything Burt's done and been through in the past 6 months has done its job. If anything terrifies me, it's that."

Santana's face softened as she looked at her best friend. "Burt's gonna be fine. That man's a fighter. And though Kurt is freaking out and going all Miss Pillsbury on us, he'll be fine too."

Blaine looked at her confused. "What do you mean?"

Santana shrugged, not wanting Blaine to worry. "He's trying to put order to the world. Control what he can because things are out of control right now. So he's become a little obsessive about…well, everything."

Blaine frowned. Now he was even more glad Kurt was going to be there in only a few hours. He wanted more than anything to hold him tightly and never let go until everything was okay in the world again. But he kept those thoughts to himself and played it close to the cuff. "Thanks for the heads up," he said, looking at the time. "I have to get to school. Kurt's gonna meet us there this afternoon so the last thing I need is detention for being late."

"Go get 'em tiger," Santana grinned with a growl.

Blaine just shook his head as a blush grew on his cheeks and he switched the computer off without a goodbye. He took a breath and reminded himself, _this week is about Kurt and his Dad, not us._ But his heart fluttered with excitement, the blush did not disappear and all he could think about was the feel of Kurt's hand in his again.

It was going to be a wonderful week.

* * *

Kurt walked the halls of McKinley High School feeling like he was 16 years old again and back in a time when he was scared and confused and counting the minutes to return to his father's hospital bedside. He'd been alone then, after his father's heart attack, wishing he'd had just one person who could hold him and make everything feel like it was all going to be okay. Things were different now. He turned the corner and there Blaine stood, looking dashingly handsome as ever as he talked to Jake, Marley and Mr. Schuester. Before Kurt could grab his attention, Mike and Mercedes slid to his side and grinned happily hugging them both.

"Ready to go to the choir room?" Mercedes asked, but she soon followed his gaze and patted him on the shoulder. "We'll just say hi to Miss Pillsbury and give you a minute. Meet us in her office when you two are done?"

Kurt nodded. Then Blaine's head turned and his smile lit up the hallways as if the sun just fell to earth. Kurt smiled back. He wasn't alone anymore. Not this time.

In his mind he ran over, pulling Blaine into his arms as he buried himself in the crook of his neck letting all his tears of worry out against the pulse of the heart that he still held close.

But he didn't because he knew that would lead down to a rabbit hole he wasn't prepared to travel. Not this trip. So instead he walked over and leaned against the locker. "Hi," Kurt greeted softly.

"Hi," Blaine responded awkwardly, his nerves and uncertainty somewhat strange for Kurt to see and yet it was not entirely unwelcome, because then his own wouldn't seem so out of place. Then Blaine's eyes locked onto Kurt's and the flutter in his chest returned. "I'm so glad you're home Kurt. Here," Blaine quickly corrected himself. "I mean here, not-"

"No Blaine," Kurt said, quickly grabbing Blaine's hand and squeezing it, but letting go just as quickly. The image of Blaine singing in the jazz club flashed before his eyes. "You're right. I know what I said before, but I was just angry." Kurt glanced around the hallway. The familiar sights, sounds and smells filled his senses and then his eyes fell back on Blaine. "This will always be home."

* * *

**From Kurt to Blaine: HE'S IN REMISSION! OMG, I CAN BARELY BREATHE.**

**From Blaine to Kurt: THAT'S AMAZING! Kurt, I'm so happy for you both. Give him my best.**

**From Kurt to Blaine: Give him your best yourself. Tell Mr. Schue that I'm taking the floor today in Glee. I've got a performance for my Dad all planned.**

**From Blaine to Kurt: I can't wait! See you both soon!**

* * *

"How are you doing?" Blaine sat down on the couch beside Kurt. He'd been more than thrilled when Burt had invited him back to the house after Kurt's rousing performance in Glee and was absolutely ecstatic when Kurt smiled and nodded in agreement. Blaine wasn't sure why his hands had been shaking on the steering wheel as he took the short drive over to the Hudmel's house, but within minutes of actually being there again with Kurt it was as if nothing had changed.

The week had been so up and down, so hot and cold for him that it was nearly dizzying. He knew what they'd promised, he knew that Kurt's focus was entirely on his father and god how he regretted his ridiculous " _dirty cute"_ remark in the Lima Bean. True or not, and it was totally true, Blaine should have known that nothing else mattered at the time but Kurt's Dad. But now, Burt was well and Kurt could relax. At least Blaine hoped so.

"I'm okay," Kurt told him, snuggling in slightly. "Relieved more than anything. Almost losing him once was hard enough, but twice? I don't know if I can take anymore Blaine, I really don't."

Blaine took his hand, worried that Kurt would pull away but he didn't. "I saw how hard it was for you," he said carefully. "Especially at the Lima Bean. Santana warned me, but I've never seen you so-"

"Superstitious?" Kurt finished with a raised eyebrow. "I even yelled at my dad at the doctor's office for wearing a dark blue shirt instead of a light blue one." Kurt shook his head at his own behavior. "I mean, who does that?"

Blaine could tell that Kurt still felt incredibly guilty about it no matter how many times he'd already apologized. "I'm sure your dad understands," Blaine assured him.

Kurt gave a slight scoff. "I'm not even sure I understand it myself. I've never been like that, never believed in that sort of stuff. It's silly."

"It's not silly," Blaine argued. "Everybody deals with things differently, Kurt. I run away. You confront things head on. It's one of the things I admire most about you. So if you need a little ritual to get you through the hardest times, then so long as it doesn't become a habit I say it's fine. Ritual is just trying to make sense out of things that are nonsense."

Burt stuck his head into the living room and smiled at the boys. "Carole and I are going to head upstairs," he said. "Blaine you're welcome to stay but make sure your Mom or your Dad knows where you are."

"Thanks," Blaine said.

The boys sat in the silence, staring at their hands as Burt and Carole left them alone. The light went out in the hallway and their eyes slowly drifted back to one another. It would be so easy right now, in the dim light of the moon shining through the windows, for Blaine to lean over and kiss him, taste him on his tongue, feel Kurt's lips against his. But he knew it wasn't right, not here, not right now. It was clear when Kurt, feeling it too, leaned back slightly and chased away the electricity in the air with conversation. "So you're really planning to move to New York?" he asked.

Blaine blinked, returning to reality and surprised by the question itself. "Well, I hope so," he said, suddenly his heart dropping with worry. "That's okay, right? I mean, you said it was so…"

"Of course it's okay, I just don't want you making decisions because of me," Kurt told him gently.

"Kurt, you're my best friend. You're there, Santana's there, Rachel, now Artie. Cooper's there more than he's in Ohio. Why wouldn't I want to go?" Blaine asked, his face scrunched with confusion.

"Cooper's in California more than NY. Mike's in LA, I know you were close to him last year," Kurt reasoned.

"Kurt." Blaine reached over and brushed Kurt's cheek, and their eyes met. "I belong in New York. Just like I belonged at McKinley. Whatever happens between us…" Blaine lowered his eyes and shrugged nervously.

"I broke up with Adam," Kurt suddenly said and Blaine's head shot back up, eyes wide with renewed energy. Kurt couldn't help but laugh. "We just couldn't find a movie that seemed romantically us."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, fighting back a grin that was just longing to escape.

Kurt chuckled. Blaine's lips may not have betrayed his happiness, but his eyes shined with joy. "No you're not," Kurt smirked, then acquiesced. "But thank you."

Blaine ducked his head to hide a blush he couldn't hide. "I am sorry, Kurt. If it hurt you."

"It didn't," Kurt promised, squeezing the hand he still held firm in his grasp. They hadn't let go of one another since they'd sat down and though it stayed unspoken, it wasn't lost on either of them. "I learned a lot. About myself. But it was never right between us." Blaine nodded, understanding. "Have you dated anyone? I know you haven't mentioned it but-" Kurt shrugged.

"You mean besides Tina?" Blaine joked and Kurt snickered. But Blaine grew serious. If he was going to make this work he needed to be completely honest with Kurt about everything. "No, I haven't dated anyone. Though…I did have feelings for Sam…for a little while," he said nervously.

Kurt's eyes seemed to bore into Blaine's, but then he nodded with reassurance. "Totally understandable. I mean no one can resist those lips," he quipped and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief that seemed to break the little bit of tension that had remained.

"There was this guy who asked me out for coffee the other day at the gym," Blaine smirked with a bit of pride. "But I turned him down. It wasn't right either," he said. Kurt smiled softly and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine brushed his lips across Kurt's hair, breathing in his scent, but using all his willpower to resist the urge to kiss him. This is what it was all about. The feeling of home, family, safety. This is what he wanted forever. "I'm really glad your dad's okay Kurt," Blaine whispered, and he meant it as much for himself as he did Kurt.

And Kurt understood that and so much before, because Kurt understood Blaine better than anyone. "Yeah," he whispered back. "Me too."

* * *

 

**From Blaine to Brittany: Good luck tomorrow!**

**From Santana to Brittany: MIT would be crazy not to see how amazing you are.**

**From Sam to Brittany:  You're the smartest girl I know.  And MIT is going to love you as much as I do.**

* * *

**April 19, 2013**

Friday morning, Blaine rushed from his car, hating to turn the news off but needing to find Sam and make sure he was okay. He pushed through the front doors of the school and spied him across the hallway at his locker, tense and staring at his phone. Blaine checked his own once more before heading over, but there seemed to be nothing new. "Hey," he said softly.

Sam's response was muted and his eyes never shifted up as he fidgeted nervously. "I don't think I can be here today."

"Have you heard from her this morning?" Blaine asked, trying to appear calm amidst his own nerves. He reminded himself to call Santana and make sure she was holding it together as well.

"Yeah, she actually texted me this morning. Her interview was supposed to be at 10, but they rescheduled it to next week. They're in lockdown in the hotel. Police are asking everyone not to go outside for now."

Blaine leaned on the lockers and reached a hand out to Sam's arm. "She's gonna be fine," he assured Sam though he had absolutely no way of being certain.

Sam looked up at him, his eyes nearly as terrified as they had been during the school shooting. "They've shut down Boston, Cambridge, Watertown, Waltham. The shooting was _at_ MIT Blaine, she could have been there, it could have been her!"

"But it wasn't Sam," Blaine told him and took him in his arms. "It wasn't Brittany. She's safe in her hotel room and nothing is going to happen. She'll spend the day driving her parents crazy watching whatever it is she watches on television and on Monday all of this will be over and she'll go and kick ass at her interview."

"What if there's another bombing," Sam stammered. "What if-"

"There won't be," Blaine promised.

"I don't know how many times I can worry about losing her." Sam shuddered in his arms and Blaine held him closer as Kurt's words yesterday echoed in his head. Twice Kurt feared losing Burt. Twice Sam feared losing Brittany. Life was way too short not to take chances every day.

"False alarms, Sam. That's all they are, false alarms," Blaine said soothingly. "Reminders about what's really important in life. Holding on to the people you love and not letting them go."

"I don't ever want to let go of her," he said and Blaine nodded, understanding completely. "But you, um, you can let go of me though Blaine, people are starting to stare," Sam quipped as he looked over Blaine's shoulder and Blaine startled out of the moment and remembered they were in the halls of McKinley.

"Oh, right, sorry Dude," he said and took a step back, but Sam smiled and threw an arm around him.

"It's okay," Sam chuckled. They headed to Blaine's locker for him to grab his things. "How did things go with Kurt last night?" Sam asked, wagging his eyebrows.

"It wasn't like that Sam." Blaine blushed and hid his face in his locker. "But it was great. We had a really nice talk."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days," Sam teased and Blaine pushed him playfully. "Alright, alright. I'm just glad things are going well. He isn't going to come after me like he did Tina is he? Because you sang to me and all?"

Blaine closed his locker and stared at him. "You're an idiot," he chimed just as the bell rang.

"Kurt can be scary!" Sam grinned as he headed off in the other direction. "See you in Glee."

Blaine waved after him and he started to class but the beating in his heart started to drum with ideas and nerves and he slipped into a corner to send a quick text to Burt before he lost his nerve. He'd been thinking about it since last night and with the news today, something was telling him it was time for him to take his own chance.

* * *

"He's making googly eyes at you," Mercedes smirked at Kurt as the two of them headed out of the choir room.

"He's always making googly eyes at me Mercedes, from the first day I met him on the stairs and he sang Teenage Dream." Kurt easily minimized Blaine's gaze at him, but Kurt knew she was right. And now that he could put all the worries about his dad aside, he found that he even welcomed it. Still Mercedes didn't need to know that. A boy could play coy and hard to get too. "They're the same eyes he made to Jeremiah and to Sebastian and to Tina and to Sam-"

"Those aren't the same eyes he gives to anyone else, someone needs to hit you upside the head with a clue-by-four," Mercedes snapped. "Why isn't he coming with us anyway?"

"He said he had something important he needed to do and we should go on without him," Kurt said, glancing back with a bit of uncertainty. "You think he's okay?"

"Oh my god, you have it so bad Hummel and the worst part is you won't even admit it," Mercedes said. "You gonna say anything before you leave? I said not to run from passion and I meant it," she added pointedly.

Kurt groaned. "Oh 'Cedes, I don't even want to go now. I feel like we're just starting to turn things around and if I go away again so soon…do you know some guy hit on him at the gym the other day?"

Mercedes chuckled. "What about NYADA?"

"My professors all let me do my midterms early since I was leaving to see Dad. And since everyone else is doing theirs now, I'm not really missing much." He turned and looked at her. "What about you?

She shrugged. "I don't have much to get back for now. I was thinking of staying for Regionals." She glanced at him expectantly. "Wanna stay with me?"

Kurt chewed his lip. He really wanted to. It would mean Santana sleeping in his bed for longer, but he was certain there was really nothing left of his room she could ransack. And it would mean more time with Blaine to maybe figure things out. He already loved him. Always would. But maybe it would be nice to date again. Start over. Take things slowly and find a new groove. One that really worked for them this time. "Tempting Ms. Jones," Kurt answered linking his arm with hers. "Very tempting."

* * *

Blaine had thought telling Burt he wanted to marry Kurt was a good idea.  He'd never been so wrong.

Blaine waited for Burt to leave the auditorium before he raced out into the parking lot to drive home. His petulance turned quickly into despondence as he hit the highway for Westerville. A nice long drive to think was exactly what he needed. When Mercedes had said not to run from passion, no matter how scary, he was certain the universe was giving him a sign. But instead his passion had ended up blowing up in his face. He didn't know what he had been thinking, believing that Burt would embrace the idea of him and Kurt marrying, but he _had_ believed it. He'd thought Burt would understand that time is not forever and that some things were worth fighting for with everything he had. He thought at least he would understand that he loved Kurt and wanted to marry him and knew how precarious that right was and that Blaine would want to grab hold of it and not let go while he could. Instead, Burt thought he was just a silly child and now Blaine was more afraid than determined. Because Kurt and his father were sometimes more alike than they cared to admit, and what if Kurt thought the same thing?

Blaine pushed his keys in the door and opened it. His father glanced up from the couch with a smile.

"Hey there," John greeted him. "Your mom's coming over and we're gonna order in and do a dinner and a movie night."

"Great," Blaine mumbled sarcastically, ignoring his Dad and heading up the stairs to his room.

"Freeze!" His father's voice was commanding and Blaine squeezed his eyes shut with frustration then did exactly as he was told. "Turn." Blaine placed a hand on the handrail and turned to face his Dad who was now standing sternly in the middle of the living room. "March," the Colonel said, pointing to the floor at his feet.

Blaine sighed, though not too much, and did as he was told, already too defeated to resist.

"Talk," the Colonel ordered.

Blaine looked at his father's unwavering eyes and knew that evasion would get him nowhere, the Colonel would not yield. Blaine's gaze dropped to the floor and he shuffled his feet, but he spoke. "It just gets tiring, that's all."

"What does?" John asked.

"Having no one believe in you. Support you," Blaine answered quietly.

John's eyes narrowed. "Is this about Kurt?" his father asked knowingly and Blaine's eyes shot up without his consent.

"Yes. And no," he offered without any real clarification. Because if Burt hadn't been supportive of him there was a very real chance that his father would tear his head off for even thinking about getting married. Literally.

John watched him for a moment, waiting for Blaine to elaborate, but he merely saw his son once again avert his gaze. "Look Blaine, you have tons of people who believe in you and support you," he said, and his voice would have been warm and comforting if Blaine had believed him. "Your mother and I have been trying our best. You have Burt and-"

"No," Blaine cut him off firmly, his face flashing with anger and hurt. "I don't have Burt."

John scoffed. "Well that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say. I know you don't talk about it with me, but Burt Hummel has been there for you through thick and thin these last two years."

"Yeah, well, not anymore," Blaine snapped, the petulance returning as he glared at his father.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he offered.

"No, Sir," Blaine answered brusquely.

John Anderson studied his son. He recognized so much of himself in Blaine's eyes. "Let me tell you something Blaine. Burt and I talk more than you think we do," he said. "And as much as I've hated to admit it, the times when he's made me feel like you feel now are the times he's been the most right and I didn't want to believe him." He reached a hand out to Blaine and squeezed his shoulder, forcing Blaine's eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry you inherited the Anderson stubbornness and pride. It's the best and worst thing about us."

Blaine took a breath at his father's touch, tears coming to his eyes but not wanting them to fall. "I just love Kurt. And I want the whole world to know."

John chuckled. "Anyone who knows you knows that. And most importantly, Kurt knows that. And I don't know exactly what we're talking about here, but you know more than anyone that love isn't even close to enough." Blaine bit his lip and looked away. "You know what I learned most from Burt Hummel?" John asked. Blaine shook his head. "The world doesn't work too well if everything is all or nothing."

Blaine looked up. The hope mixed with despair in his eyes was overwhelming. "What if all or nothing are the only choices you've got left?" He waited for his father's answer, but John didn't know what to say. "Can I please go to my room now?"

John sighed and nodded. "Yes, you may."

He watched Blaine go upstairs and heard the door snap shut. Within seconds the guitar started to play, as he knew it would. In fact he knew it would play all night as Blaine worked out the feelings and thoughts twisting and turning in his heart and head.

_Please don't go, no no no;_   
_If you go I'll be sad and blue,_   
_So I say no no no, don't go away._

_Oh no please don't leave, baby please;_   
_If you should leave my poor heart would grieve_   
_So I say nay nay nay, baby please stay._

John smiled fondly with a glance up the stairs as he picked up the phone and called Blaine's mother. "Change of plans, our son is being a teenager. How about we do dinner and a movie out instead? Just the two of us?" He waited for a reply, then broke out into a grin. "Great. It's a date."

* * *

"Tell me something kid," Burt said while he and Kurt did the dishes together that evening. He forced himself to be as casual as he possibly could given his conversation with Blaine earlier that day. "What's been going on with you and Blaine this week?"

Kurt looked up at him with surprise, his eyes wide with innocence. "Nothing," he assured his Dad.

"That's what I mean," Burt said, putting the dish towel down and leaning against the counter. He crossed his arms on his chest. "Why not? I mean, believe me, I'm certainly not telling you to rush into anything. But when love is staring you in the eye, you should at least look back." Kurt dropped his hands, and his eyes, from the sink and shrugged noncommittally. "You still scared?"

"Of Blaine? No," Kurt answered with certainty.

"You still don't trust him then?" Burt wondered, understanding if it were true.

But Kurt shook his head. "He made a mistake, but I know he's sorry and he loves me," he said, his voice low.

"Do you love him back?" Burt asked slowly. He'd told Blaine that he did and he believed with all his heart that Kurt did. But he'd been known to read his son wrong before. He truly hoped this wasn't one of those times, but he'd support Kurt in whatever he felt.

"You know I do," Kurt said quietly.

"Then what's stopping you?"

Kurt stared up at his dad. He'd been asking himself the same question all week. He kept coming up with different answers, but it all came down to one thing. "The risk," Kurt answered, his eyes wide and hopeful that his father would understand. Because he still wasn't sure that he did himself.

Burt was taken aback by Kurt's answer though. "Risk's never held you back before from anything you've wanted. You've put yourself on the line a hundred times Kurt. Little things, big things, solos, bullies, New York, college. Risk's never stopped you before."

"But this is the biggest thing Dad," Kurt answered before he even knew the words were out of his mouth.

"Love?" Burt asked.

"No," Kurt answered, shaking his head. "Forever."

Burt started to answer but didn't. Only the quiet whirr of the dishwasher filled the silence. Burt was certain that Blaine hadn't proposed yet, and though he wasn't so arrogant as to think he'd change the mind of a determined teenager, especially an Anderson, he certainly hoped that he'd at least put him off for a while. "It's dating Kurt, it's not forever," Burt told him.

"But it is," Kurt explained. "For him it is. He reads those soulmate romance novels and thinks it's us. He thinks we're destined to be together. "

"And you don't?" Burt asked him honestly.

Kurt paused, his eyes dropping. "I just know that forever sometimes isn't that long." 

"Oh Kurt," Burt said as he pulled his son into a hug. Kurt clung to him, though he didn't cry.

"I just…I don't know if I can do it. I've had to deal with losing Mom and almost losing you twice now…" Kurt took a breath and pulled away. "But then I wonder, what the hell am I doing? If forever isn't long at all, why am I wasting the moments that I have being alone and not with him. And then I worry that maybe there are other things I'm supposed to do, people I'm supposed to meet in the middle so I learn what I need to to make it to forever with Blaine. I thought with Adam it would be like that, but the truth is I just couldn't let Blaine go enough to really be there for him in any way." He sighed and sat down at the table running his fingers through his hair. "Why am I such a mess?" he asked, his eyes pleading up to his Dad.

"Because you're a teenager," Burt laughed and he sat down next to him. "And these are all the questions you're supposed to be asking and they are _good_ questions, Kurt, they really are. And I know how Blaine feels about soulmates and destiny and all that, but you're the one who doesn't believe in that stuff so why get all flustered about it now?"

Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know. It's like wearing the right color, or putting the sugars in order or tapping my nose the right number of times at the right time of day. If I do it all right then things are okay and if I don't…"

"If you don't, then what?" Burt prompted.

"Then I lose the people I love. Maybe forever. And _that_ forever is a really long time."

Burt reached over and grasped Kurt's hand. "You know what I learned when your Mom died? And when you brought Carole into my life? And when I woke from the coma and when the doctor said my cancer was in remission?" Kurt shook his head. "I learned that we really need to just live for the things we want in the world. Don't try to figure it all out like a puzzle, because maybe it's not one. Maybe the right thing is just to know what you want and go for it. Every day, choose what's right for today…and stop worrying about forever."

Kurt smiled softly, remembering the line from a song from a musical his mother used to play. " _I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not,_ " he sang.

" _You have to move on_ ," Burt continued, a softness falling to his face as they remembered Kurt's mom. " _Look at what you want, not at where you are, not at what you'll be…_ "

Kurt's smile broadened and he felt more at peace with everything than he had all week. He knew what he wanted and he wasn't afraid, because even if the choice ended up being wrong in the end, he knew that if he followed his heart than the choosing would be right. "Thanks Dad," he said, getting up then kissing him on the cheek.

"Oh, and Kurt," Burt called after him as he started up the stairs and he stopped to turn. "Maybe all that learning you're supposed to do? Maybe you and he are supposed to do it together?" he suggested, a brow raised perceptively.

Kurt smiled softly, a blush rushing to his cheeks though he wasn't even sure why. "Maybe," he answered quietly then ran up to his room. He changed into comfy clothes and curled up on his bed with his music and a good book.

He couldn't wait to see Blaine tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's Song: "Please Don't Go" by Stevie Wonder
> 
> Kurt's Song: "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George – one of the main songs that got me through my college romances. Look up the rest of the lyrics if you don't know it. ;-)


	22. All or Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Author's Note:
> 
> Well that was the most beautiful speech ever on an awards show [TCAs 2013], by Lea Michele. So much grace.
> 
> It took me two months, but I finally wrote the Season 4 finale. So many of you asked for it and waited patiently and I hope that this doesn't let you down. It was an incredibly difficult chapter for me. I really didn't like anything in the finale other than Sam and the cut All or Nothing. But I've tried to write what I saw, as best as I could, without re-envisioning. I encourage you to reread the previous chapter, if you have time, since it's been so long and this one is strongly influenced by the last.
> 
> And lastly, I wanted to give a shout out to this speech in the finale, which overlaid that now infamous moment of Rachel waiting for her callback, Cory's name across the screen. There are so many moments now that are hauntingly prophetic. This is one of them:
> 
> "There comes a moment in every performers life that defines him or her. Sometimes for the rest of their career. This is our moment. We've struggled, we've endured. And now we must triumph."
> 
> I love you Glee cast, now more than ever. Bring on season 5!

Kurt took Blaine's arm and walked down the McKinley hallway, a smile on his face, but disappointment in his heart. He'd been so sure that Blaine was going to ask him out that he was having a hard time even enjoying the request to stay for Regionals, which he'd been planning to do anyway.

"You had to know I was going to say yes," Kurt had said, urging him on, trying to give him the courage to ask. "It's going to be a wonderful week."

"With you in it, a wonderful life," Blaine had said.

But then nothing. Just a return to the choir room with more rehearsal of the Regionals set.

As the week went on, he knew Blaine was holding out something, and it was more than just the duet with Marley that Blaine had begged him not to sit it on. He couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was, which very likely meant a grand gesture on the scale of the Gap Attack, god help him. The sly little side eyes, the obvious silent conversations between Blaine, Tina and Sam, and the secret outings were starting to get Kurt on edge. But Kurt would wait for it, anxiously, and play it cool until it came.

* * *

"What do you think of this one?" Blaine asked as he clicked on the Navy Titanium engagement ring with a princess cut blue sapphire and a strip of blue titanium. The first place he had looked for Kurt's ring was the Love and Pride website and though he searched all over, even at Tiffany's, he kept going back to that one ring.

Tina though seemed less than sold. "I don't know Blaine, don't you want to go to a real jewelry store and look through them in person?" she said doubtfully. "I mean, sure it looks great on the computer, but once it gets here it could be the worst ring ever and then where would you be?"

Blaine looked at her out of the corner of his eye and smirked. "You just want to come with me and try on rings yourself."

She shrugged with feigned innocence. "Probably the closest I'll ever get to an engagement ring for a very long time." She grabbed the mouse from his hand and closed out of the window. "Come on, I didn't come over just for you to stare at a computer full of rings for someone who is not me."

"Then what did you come over for?" Blaine teased, with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Cuddles and a movie," she said, pulling him on the bed. They sat against the headboard and he opened his arms for her. She cuddled into his side, feeling warm and loved. He reached for the remote and turned on the blue-ray, squeezing her tight. "You know I think you're crazy, right?" she teased him.

"Takes one to know one," he retorted with a smile and kissed her head. "That's why I love you."

* * *

Brittany fiddled with her IPod the whole flight home from Boston. Security had been extra tight at Logan Airport and everyone seemed on edge after the events of the weekend. The nervous energy matched her mood, though for a completely different reason. She had assumed that once the admissions team at MIT met her they would realize their mistake and laugh her out of the building. She had no idea that the numbers that had swam in her head since she was a little girl actually meant something, and now she wondered. Did everything that made sense to her and her alone really mean something? All these years that others had looked at her like she was simple or even crazy, was it really them who were simple? Were Santana and Sam really right all along? Was she really the smartest girl in the world?

The people at MIT scared her. After her interview she toured the campus and the other kids were so smart she felt really small. Her mind wandered to Kurt, the one person she knew that had likely felt that way before. She understood now what it must have been like for him, walking amongst a crowd of people who looked down on him as different. She loved him because he'd never let it bring him down. He'd built a wall around himself and fought hard and rose above it until he was accepted and loved. She'd have to do the same if she was going to do this.

If she was going to do this. She couldn't not. This was her chance to make a difference in the world, to be the unicorn Santana thought she was. This mattered, and she wanted to matter in the world.

If only she didn't have to leave her friends so soon. That part terrified her. But if she was going to do this, she'd need to grow a thick skin and be who MIT wanted her to be. She'd need to let go of the friends she had because they wouldn't be going with her. As she got off the airplane and drove out of the airport she left the old Brittany behind. She was going to be alone in Boston, and it would be easier the sooner she started.

* * *

Kurt [7:05pm]: So how was your audition?!

_Rachel [7:06pm]: I think it went great, but I wish you were here to sit with me. I'm freaking out waiting._

Kurt [7:08pm]: I'm sorry. I just wanted to spend more time with my Dad while I could.

_Rachel [7:09pm]: That's not why you stayed and you know it._

_Rachel [7:10pm]: Kurt?_

_Rachel [7:12pm]: Don't run away from this._

Kurt [7:13pm]: Is that what I'm doing?

_Rachel [7:14pm]: I don't know Kurt, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

Kurt [7:18pm]: Keeping my distance.

_Rachel [7:19pm]: Look, you need to be honest with him. If you don't want to be with him…_

Kurt [7:20pm]: …?

_Rachel [7:21pm]: …!_

Kurt [7:25pm]: Maybe I'm just playing hard to get?

_Rachel [7:27pm]: To what end Kurt? He's already madly in love with you._

_Rachel [7:27pm]: Don't be cruel._

Kurt [7:30pm]: I don't mean to be.

Kurt [7:33pm]: Am I being cruel?

_Rachel [7:34pm]: I don't know, ARE YOU?_

Kurt [7:37pm]: Honestly I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm walking a tight rope and any way I turn I fall.

_Rachel [7:40pm]: Well then I guess the only question is, do you want Blaine to be the one to catch you or not?_

* * *

"I don't know what to do." Sam frowned, running his fingers through his hair. He'd tried talking to Brittany but she' been ignoring his calls and avoiding him at school. He glanced over at her, laughing at a lunch table with the other Cheerios.

"You know what to do, dude, you just don't want to do it," Blaine pointed out, french fry in hand before popping it into his mouth.

"No. I don't need Santana coming to my rescue," Sam insisted.

"Well Brittany needs someone coming to her rescue," Tina smirked, chuckling under her breath. "Girl's gone crey crey."

"You would know all about that," Sam retorted. Tina stuck out her tongue at him.

"I thought you and Santana made up," Blaine said, stopping his friends before they went overboard. Though he was pretty sure Sam and 'Tana hadn't talked since the shooting, the snarky comments from both of them about the other had stopped.

"Doesn't mean I need her help in my relationship," Sam argued. "I don't see you telling her anything about your plans with Kurt."

Blaine bit his lip, nervously fumbling with his phone. "There's nothing to tell."

"Buying him a ring and asking him out on a double date isn't something to tell?" Sam questioned with a brow raised.

"I didn't ask him out," Blaine mumbled with embarrassment. He couldn't even look at Tina. She was going to kill him for chickening out. "I just told him there was someone I wanted him to meet at Breadstix."

Tina stared gapingly at him. "How are you going to ask him to marry you if you can't even ask him on a date Blaine?" Tina snapped.

"How did we get on the subject of me and Kurt, I thought we were talking about Brittany," he quickly deflected and pocketed his phone before grabbing his lunch tray and standing. "Look Sam, this thing with Brittany, it isn't about your relationship. She went through a lot in Boston, and you know how you were after the shooting here, imagine going through it twice."

"I don't know," Sam said softly, staring at her across the room. "I don't think it's about that."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't try to talk to her yourself," Blaine said. "But if she won't talk to you, maybe she will talk to her best friend."

Sam looked at Blaine who shrugged knowingly before walking away. He knew Blaine wasn't telling him what to do. He also knew Blaine was absolutely right.

* * *

Santana passed her money to the cashier and grabbed her coffee to go. Her conversation with Brittany was still rolling over in her mind. She wasn't at all surprised that Brittany had gone to such extremes with her friends. Losing the only people that had ever believed she was special to go to a place that wanted her for a gift she didn't understand was enough to drive anyway to the edge. Sometimes pushing friends away was easier than holding on. She turned to leave but her eye was pulled to the corner of the shop where a familiar head of gelled hair sat staring out the window.

And sometimes holding on for dear life was easier.

She made her way over, unnoticed by Blaine until she spoke. "So how did your date with twinkle toes and the grannies go?"

Blaine looked up and blinked. His face was worn and cheerless. "It wasn't a date," he clarified, his voice full of disappointment and a hint of anger. "We're not even a couple don't you know."

Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Clearly."

"How did you know about it anyway?" He shuffled uncomfortably in his chair.

"You were at Breadstix Blaine. Not exactly the most clandestine of locations for a secret rendezvous in Lima." She sat down in the chair opposite him. "Besides, Sam told me where you were when I asked him," she shrugged.

"Remind me to stop telling Sam and Tina things," he grumbled, but there was a hint of a smile.

Santana took a sip of her latte, watching him for a moment as he simply traced his own lid with his finger. She sat back and crossed her arms. "Wanna tell me why I had to find out from Sam instead of you? You avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you, you've been busy with Brittany," he lied, a fact that was not lost on Santana. She just stared him down and pointed to the imaginary third eye on her forehead. He rolled his eyes. "Fine, I've been avoiding you." She didn't need his admission though and she continued to suffer his silence waiting for the why. Finally he gave in. "I'm just sick of the naysayers Santana, and I can't take it from you too," he confessed with a sigh.

"See, now I'm confused. Because if you know Auntie Tana would say no to something, why on earth would you even consider doing it." He ignored the question and looked away, gazing distantly out the window again. "Blaine?"

"Because I'm passed caring what anyone thinks, okay?" Blaine shouted, eyes snapping back to her. "I don't even care what Kurt says at this point. If I don't take this chance I'll hate myself for the rest of my life. Even if he says no…" his voice trailed off knowing he had said too much.

Santana listened carefully and suddenly put what he'd said together with everything she knew about him. "Oh for the love of god, you're going to propose," she realized aloud.

"Please, Santana, get up and walk away if you're going to tell me not to," he said firmly.

He expected her to get up, but she simply took another sip of her latte then cradled it in her hands. "Tell me why," she said calmly.

Blaine looked at her. Her face was earnest, her eyes were inviting and he relaxed a bit for the first time since she'd sat down. "It's just…I just need to lay it all down on the table. I need him to know where I stand. That this…that _he_ is it for me. There is no one else. Not Sebastian, not Eli, or Tina or Sam. It's only Kurt and will only ever be him…for as long as he'll have me.

"And if he says no?" Santana asked delicately.

"Then…I don't know." He looked down at the table then out the window again. "At least then I'll know I guess. I just know I can't keep going on like this. Wondering. Wishing. Hoping for a next time he'll let his walls down just for a moment."

Santana listened and nodded. "I can understand that."

He turned back to her, golden eyes full of emotion. "Do you think he'll say no?"

Santana smiled softly and grasped his hands in hers. She brought them to her lips and kissed them gently. "This is where I get up and walk away."

Blaine nodded, knowing her answer as he watched her leave. It didn't matter though. The ring was in his pocket and there was no turning back now. All or nothing was the Anderson way.

* * *

Show circle done, Brittany had apologized, to everyone except for one. "Hey," Brittany called out to Kurt, stopping him in the choir room before he made his way back to the audience. He motioned for Santana to go ahead and glanced back at Brittany curiously. She clasped her hands together in front of her coyly. "I didn't forget you ya know. In the show circle I mean."

"Oh I didn't think that…" He waved his hand dismissively, smiling with fondness.

"I just didn't want anyone else to get a complex. I mean, I can't let Santana and Sam think they aren't as special as you," she smirked, then smiled warmly. "But you've been one of my best friends. And I know that when I'm at MIT and I'm scared because I'm so different, I can always call you and you'll make me feel magical again. You've been my unicorn for three years now, since the day you let me kiss you, and I've loved being your only girl."

"I love that you're my girl too, Britt," he said with a crooked grin.

"But you're not mine Kurt," she said seriously. "Not really. You belong to someone else." Kurt's eyes immediately flashed to Blaine, jumping up and down in the corner stretching his neck back and forth. "Did you know that when unicorns find their one true love, they mate for life?"

He heard her words and let them sink in, his heart tightening his chest. He let his gaze fall back on her.

"But he cheated…" Kurt started until Brittany cut him off.

"Never with his heart," Brittany told him. "And it's the heart of the unicorn that matters."

He looked back at Blaine who was watching him out of the corner of his eye. He wanted desperately to believe that was true. He was so sick of the doubt. "How do you know for sure when you've found them, Britt?" he whispered, trying to find the answers he'd been looking for in her eyes. They lit up and twinkled at him.

"Everyone knows you have, Kurt," she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Everyone but you."

* * *

Kurt met his Dad in the lobby during intermission before New Directions took the stage. Mr. Anderson stood by Burt's side. "Good to see you Sir," Kurt greeted Blaine's father with a firm handshake. The two still were only cordial at best. Kurt wondered if they would ever truly come to terms with one another. "Blaine must be so pleased that you've come."

"It's about time," Burt teased, his eyes twinkling at the man.

Mr. Anderson nodded back at both Hummel men. "It is long overdue indeed," he agreed as the lights blinked. "We best get back to our seats. Good seeing you again Kurt." 

Kurt made his own way back to where he'd been sitting earlier with Santana, Will and Emma. He took a seat behind Santana and leaned over. "Blaine's Dad is here," he whispered as the choir took the stage.

"Wow," Santana whispered back.

They said no more, the performance starting and Kurt watched, his eye always wandering to Blaine when he was on stage. It wasn't fair really. He'd been trying so hard to keep his heart safe, but it was Blaine the performer he'd fallen in love with in the first place and seeing him up there, so free and sure and _himself_ , the walls he'd built around his heart that night so long ago in Battery Park started to break. And when Marley began their duet, they crumbled.

_I can't stay here_  
_I am not the girl who runs and hides_  
_Afraid of what could be_

What on earth was he doing? Playing games and hiding himself and his heart? That wasn't Kurt. He didn't run. Blaine and his father had both tried to tell him, but he hadn't been ready to listen, too frightened, too hurt. But now this song, sung by a girl he barely even knew, as if it were written for just for him, allowed him to accept what they couldn't get him to. He couldn't play this game anymore.

_And, I will go there_  
_I need time, but know that things are always closer_  
_Than they seem_  
_Now I'll do more than dream._

He knew what Blaine wanted and he wasn't ready yet. He needed more time. But if he closed his eyes and let all the fear and doubts go, he could see a forever with Blaine by his side. He opened his eyes and they fell on the boy he just could not deny that he loved. The boy that was ready to fly…with him.

_I'm gonna fly_  
_Gonna crash right through the sky_  
_Gonna touch the sun_  
_Show everyone_  
_That it's all or nothing_  
_All or nothing_

Blained jumped off the platform, his eyes knowing exactly where Kurt was in the crowd. This was it, his moment to make him see. The theater may have been standing room only, but Blaine saw only one person in the audience. This was all or nothing.

_This is my life_  
_I'm not gonna live it twice_  
_There's no in-between_  
_Take it to extremes_  
_'Cause it's all or nothing_  
_All or nothing_  
_Or nothing at all_

There would be no more waiting for others to be ready, for him to be older, for the world to decide that it was okay for him to love another boy. There wasn't time. The shooting had proven that. Burt had proven that. The Boston bombing had proven that. He had one life, one chance, and it was time to take it, no matter what happened.

_I can't give up_  
_Can't just let it burn_  
_And watch the fire_  
_A star that turned to dust_

A few rows back and to the right of Kurt, his father sat for the first time at one of his performances, next to Burt. It meant the world to him that he'd come to a competition, and it should have been enough but it wasn't. Because what would be the point if he had his father today but lost him tomorrow for the choices he'd made? Not to mention gaining Kurt's love at the expense of Burt's respect. No, he needed them both on his side. So he sang straight to them.

_And now, please don't judge me_  
_Take my hand and say_  
_You'll always wish me well_  
_And send me luck_  
_'Cause that would be enough,_

"Oh my god he's gonna do it," Burt exclaimed in hushed tones without thinking.

John Anderson turned to him. "What? He's gonna do what?"

Burt turned to John who was watching him, and he knew that Blaine hadn't shared his intentions with his father. He wouldn't tell Blaine's secrets, but neither would he stay silent. "Are you a poker player John?" he asked cryptically.

"I've been known to play, yes," John answered warily.

Burt shifted his eyes back to the stage, back to the remarkably stubborn boy who loved his son more than was probably good for him. He shook his head, let out a small chuckle and smiled with affection and a respect he just couldn't deny. "Well I'm pretty sure your son's about to go all in."

_I'm gonna fly_  
_Gonna crash right through the sky_  
_Gonna touch the sun_  
_Show everyone_  
_That it's_  
_All or nothing_  
_All or nothing_

John heard Burt's words and his gaze turned back to and never left his son. Blaine's mother had told him quite frequently just how talented a performer Blaine was, but seeing it in person was extraordinarily different, especially tonight. Blaine's charisma flowed from him into the audience, but the bright eyes that were full of life were full of hope tonight and aimed directly at one boy, whose gaze was firmly locked on Blaine despite himself.

_'Cause this is my life_  
_I'm not gonna live it twice_  
_There's no in-between_  
_Take it to extremes_  
_'Cause it's all or nothing_  
_All or nothing at all!_

_Nothing can stop us now_  
_There was never a shadow of doubt_  
_That I'm gonna fly_  
_Gonna crash right through the sky_

Kurt's heart ached with desire and fear and pride. No matter how he had ever felt about Blaine, even in the days when he had been so hurt and betrayed by him that it had been all he could do not to fight back, he'd never doubted that Blaine would fly. He wiped a tear from his eye knowing that there had ever been a moment when he'd thought Blaine wouldn't be a part of his life. Watching him now, he couldn't imagine it. He was beautiful and smart, incredibly talented and hopelessly romantic, and he loved Kurt with all his heart and Kurt refused to lose him again. He was ready to start over again. Life was too short not to.

_Gonna touch the sun_  
_Show everyone_  
_That it's all or nothing_  
_All or nothing_

_'Cause this is my life_  
_I'm not gonna live it twice_  
_There's no in-between_  
_Take it to extremes_  
_'Cause it's all or nothing_  
_All or nothing at all_

Blaine sang with all his heart, determination growing with every breath. Come what may, he was going to ask Kurt to marry him that night.

_Cause it's all or nothing at all!  
_

* * *

Blaine high fived Sam one more time and swung Tina around before they all went to find their friends and family. When he'd learned his dad was coming, the nervous excitement he'd felt with Kurt in the audience and a ring in his pocket had increased tenfold. He stood on his toes, looking over the gathered crowd in the theater to find his father, a few feet from Kurt and Burt. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked over, smiling the whole way.

"Hey, thanks for coming Dad," he beamed. "It really means a lot to me."

John grinned proudly. "I'm glad I did son, you were really incredible up there."

Blaine blushed modestly. "Well, I was only a little part of it. Everyone else did a lot more than me."

"Blaine, we're all headed back to the choir room," Sam called from the stage and Blaine could see him next to Artie holding the trophy in his lap.

Blaine smiled apologetically to his father. "I have to go Dad," he gestured behind him, "there's this thing…"

Before he could get away, John reached a hand out and grasped Blaine's. "Good luck son," he said, but his words seemed to carry a great weight.

Blaine squinted with uncertainty and gave a half smile. "Thanks, but Nationals is a long shot."

"I'm not talking about Nationals," his dad said and the stolen glance to Kurt told Blaine that his father somehow knew. He rolled the velvet box in his pocket absentmindedly over his fingers as the racing of his heart accelerated.

"You're…" he swallowed and took his hand away, wiping the sudden sweat on his pants. "You're not mad?" Blaine stammered, the fear of his father's disapproval and anger crystal clear on his face.

John's lips twitched and he shrugged. "You're an Anderson," John declared. "The Hummels can try to change us all they want, but we have to learn on our own. When we're ready."

Blaine nodded slowly, understanding that somehow, against all odds, his father had just given him his blessing to propose. "Thank you," Blaine whispered, choking up a bit. His father's support in this, after everything they had been through, meant more to him than anything.

Blaine caught Kurt's eye and they smiled at one another, small hesitant smiles that hid beneath them a flood of emotions, hopes and anticipation. Kurt walked over and placed a hand gently on Blaine's arm. "You ready?" he asked, indicating the choir room.

Blaine glanced back at his father. John nodded his approval before walking away. Blaine took a breath and turned back to Kurt with determination. "Ready as I'll ever be."


	23. Love, Love, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sometimes I forget how much this story is truly about Blaine and his relationship with his parents, but ultimately I think that's really what the entire Ready to Fly series is all about. After all, it all started with Darren's innocent, "I think Blaine has Daddy issues."

Kurt watched Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury's wedding ceremony, feeling Blaine's energy pouring off of him, but he didn't look. He couldn't. The forever he'd seen only minutes earlier when Marley sang was right in front of his eyes and his heart beat furiously in his chest. He couldn't deny anymore that he loved Blaine and he couldn't deny anymore that he wanted _this._ His mind raced with excitement and fear as Ms. Pillsbury's vows rang in his ears to remain a permanent reminder of Blaine's unending belief in their love.

_And you make me feel whole again._  
_Just as I know that the sky is blue, I know that you and I are meant to be together._  
_You are my hero, you are my one true love, you are my inspiration._

Blaine had told him to take his time. That he'd be there when he was ready. He hoped it was true, because he was ready now. He was through trying to put the puzzle together because when he was with Blaine the pieces all just fell into place. His father had urged him to choose what was right today and stop worrying about forever. So that's exactly what he was going to do.

_I remember and notice everything about you._  
_You only get one true love of your life, and you are mine._  
_And I promise you that, as long as you just keep being you, and let me love you,_  
_I will be the happiest man alive_

Blaine held the box firmly in his hand throughout the wedding ceremony, imagining just how perfect his own could be. He understood that this was perfect for Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue, but once upon a time he and Kurt had had much more magnificent plans, and he hoped that very soon they would again. As the couple kissed he slipped the ring out of his pocket and held it behind his back, watching Kurt watch them, blue eyes shining with delight.

But Kurt did not turn to him and he understood that now was not the time or place. This was their teachers' moment, not theirs, and Kurt deserved so much more for a proposal than to play second fiddle to a wedding. He deserved romance and nostalgia and an unbelievable performance.  But most of all he deserved a proposal from his boyfriend, not just a friend.

He slipped the ring back into his pocket as thoughts and ideas flooded his head. First he had to get Kurt back for certain. After that, he would plan a proposal worthy of a fairy tale.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to come to the carnival with us tonight?" Blaine asked hopefully for the tenth time. "I didn't go last year and you didn't go this year-"

"You'll just have to win _me_ a British stuffed animal this time," Kurt said, his eyes twinkling. "I'm thinking maybe a J.K Rowling rat or a little Prince George puppy." He sipped his Lima Bean coffee and realized he was out. "I'm sorry, but Dad and I can't change the tickets for tonight and I've been dying to see this show for ages with him. You want another for the road?" Kurt asked indicating Blaine's coffee.

Blaine nodded and Kurt took both their cups, trashing them and heading into the line. Blaine just smiled. He'd been right to wait. Things were so perfect this weekend. Flirty looks, quick plans for coffee in the morning or dinner before cuddling around the television at night watching their favorite reality show. Reminders of what had been and what could be again.

Kurt's phone rattled and rang at the table and he turned in line. "Blaine can you grab that?" Kurt called absentmindedly as the barrister asked for his order. "If it's my Dad tell him I'm leaving in a minute."

Blaine grabbed it quickly from the table but it wasn't Burt. He stared, mesmerized by the picture, wondering for a moment if he'd think the guy was attractive were circumstances different. He looked tall, like Sebastian, but innocent with floppy blonde hair, and a doe-eyed little pout. His hand flew to his own hair. _Maybe he really should stop gelling_ , he thought fleetingly, before Kurt put two coffees down and took the now silent phone from Blaine's hand.

"It was Adam," Blaine said softly, a monotone of unsurety to his voice. He looked at Kurt, trying not to give into his falling heart. "I thought you broke up with him."

"What?" Kurt said, watching him curiously. He didn't like that look in Blaine's eye. "I did, Blaine, we're just friends."

"Friends like you and I are friends, or friends like…" Blaine forced a casual smile, his eyebrow raised in question.

Kurt opened his mouth then closed it, his forehead creased. He tilted his head. He'd thought he'd been making things pretty clear this weekend. "Seriously, Blaine?"

"Seriously, Kurt." Blaine tried not to accuse, he didn't want to be out of line, but he also knew Kurt very well. "Did you really break up with him? Because you didn't really break up with me," he carefully reminded him.

Kurt's face fell as he thought back to his and Adam's last conversation and realized that Blaine might have a point. "Shit," he swore and he looked apologetically at Blaine. Blaine shook his head and couldn't help but laugh. The two of them would fumble through romance the rest of their lives. He just hoped they would do it together. He grabbed his keys and his coffee and got up. Kurt slung his bag over his shoulder and followed him out, heading for their cars. "I'll call him on my drive home, I promise. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow, okay? In the courtyard? Ask me again then."

They stopped at their cars and Blaine shook his head and opened the door for him, feeling like a jealous boyfriend. "Kurt, you don't have to-" Kurt's hand on his shut him up.

"Ask me again tomorrow," Kurt insisted, the door between him and Blaine. "Please?"

"Okay," Blaine nodded his agreement, his eyes closing until he felt a soft kiss on his cheek. His lids fluttered open and he smiled. "You sure you don't want to come to Glee this afternoon? I'm sure everyone would love to have you."

"No, I have something else I need to do." Kurt was grinning at him, eyes shining bright in the sunlight. "I'll see you tomorrow." Kurt promised and he got into the car.

Blaine closed the door. "It's a date," he whispered.

* * *

The credits to _Moulin Rouge_ played in the background and both boys sniffled, pretending not to wipe away their tears. Blaine snuggled into Kurt's chest, breathing in his scent because he knew all too soon he would be gone again. Kurt squeezed him tight, not wanting the day to be over.

"I don't want to go," Blaine pouted, circling his finger on Kurt's chest.

"Then stay," Kurt breathed.

They lay there in silence, soaking it in for as long as they could. "Today was perfect, Kurt." Blaine smiled softly as he remembered. "The picnic, the band, the song,-"

"The kiss," Kurt smirked.

"Definitely the kiss," Blaine agreed as he looked up at Kurt. "Being boyfriends again," he grinned. _Boyfriends_ , he repeated in his head. "And this. I don't ever want to move from this spot."

"You might need to use the bathroom eventually, boyfriend." Kurt's brow arched playfully. "And if you don't, I will. Or food. We'll need food."

Blaine shook his head, eyes shining. "I don't need anything but you."

Kurt leaned down and kissed him, soft at first, his hand running through Blaine's hair, then deeper, pressing Blaine's lips into his. He tasted him on his tongue and realized Blaine was right, he did not need food or even air, all he truly needed was this. He reached a hand down, playing at the top of Blaine's mustard pants, pulling his shirt out and running a finger along the skin beneath the waistband. At the loosening of his belt, Blaine's kiss grew heated and needy before pulling away, breathless and panting.

"Kurt, we can't…it's a school night," he protested.

Kurt bit his lip impishly, watching Blaine as he pulled the belt free and expertly flicked the button open. Blaine groaned desperately above him, his eyes rolling back in his head before they closed. The sound was like music to Kurt's ears and he flipped Blaine over, staring down at him wickedly. "Then I guess I'll have to teach you something new."

* * *

"You coming Blaine?" Sam asked as the rest of New Directions headed out the doors of Dalton. Everything for the proposal had been arranged and planned, Trent assuring him the head master was on board.

"No, I'm gonna hang out here for a bit before I meet my dad for dinner," Blaine answered. "I'll see you tomorrow." Sam nodded and started up the stairs when Blaine called out. "Oh and Sam?" Sam turned and Blaine smiled. "Thank you. For everything."

"That's what a Best Man is for, right?" Sam said with a grin.

Blaine chuckled and lowered his eyes with gratitude. He was so lucky to have Sam. "Yes it is."

Most of the Warblers had gone about their business, back to dorms or the cafeterias or the library. Nostalgia washed over him as he looked around, his eyes falling on the chapel gardens where he'd spent so much time while he was there. Despite everything he'd been through with Dalton the last two years, there was nowhere else he'd rather propose to Kurt. Their love had begun there, held close to his heart at first, too afraid of the consequences to admit the truth until he could no longer deny it. And no matter what the Warblers had done, they had been the ones to make him see that truth. Well, one at least.

"Best Man, huh?" Nick said softly, coming up beside Blaine, both staring out onto the grounds where they had shared so many memories. "Sam's gonna be a good one I think. I just always imagined it would be me." Blaine looked at him, but Nick kept his eyes out the window. "I guess I blew that one."

"You didn't blow it, Nick," Blaine assured him but Nick's scoff said he thought otherwise. "We grew apart. That's all. I left, our teams were rivals. It's only natural. Nothing could change the fact that you were still one of the most important people in my life and I can't imagine getting married without you there. I wouldn't even be where I am today without you."

Nick turned to him, sad and happy all at once. "So you're really gonna take the plunge, huh?" he asked. "Not that I'm surprised, but you think Kurt's going to say yes?"

"Won't know unless I ask, right?" Blaine said. He turned around and his eyes fell on Sebastian, talking to John quietly in the corner. "I'm really surprised _he_ said yes though."

Nick followed Blaine's gaze. "He's really changed Blaine. We all have. What happened with Hunter, it was out of control. I think we all wish we could go back and undo it, but life doesn't work that way." Blaine nodded, understanding that better than anyone. Sebastian glanced over and caught Blaine's eye. It was only a second before he turned away, but he could not hide the flood of regret. Nick sighed. "He really did love you, ya know. Had a horrible way of showing it, but he did. Still does probably."

"Excuse me," Blaine said. He knew Nick's words were true. It was clear as day in Sebastian's eyes. As he drew closer, John placed a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and walked away, leaving him in the corner, a bit like a lost puppy. Blaine rested his back against the wall next to him, avoiding his gaze. "I just wanted to thank you Seb." Blaine's voice was soft and sincere. "For agreeing to do this. I know it can't be easy."

Sebastian shrugged, his arms crossed across his chest, studying the ground. "Yeah well, it's the least I could do. Besides, how could I pass up the chance of being front and center if Hummel says no?" Blaine chuckled, knowing too well how Sebastian hid his pain, but they grew quiet again quickly, more emotion between them than either cared to admit at times. Sebastian could still feel Blaine's arms around him, the warmth of that first and probably last hug still humming on his skin. "Do you ever think maybe…in another time…another place…?" He risked a glance to see Blaine's eyes fill with compassion.

"Sebastian," Blaine started gently, withholding his urge to take Sebastian's hand. "I think no matter the time or the place, even if you and I were together for a time, my story always ends with Kurt."

"Yeah I suppose," Sebastian muttered, rolling his eyes. "You two will be very happy together."

"He's out there Sebastian," Blaine told him and this time he did take his hand. "I think he's just as lost and confused as you but he's out there looking for you. And when he finds you, he is going to love you so damn much."

Sebastian looked down to their hands, then back at Blaine. "You really think so?"

"I know so," Blaine nodded and squeezed his hand. "When you least expect it, Sebastian, you'll turn around and there he will be. And suddenly the pieces of your life will fall into place and everything will finally make sense."

* * *

"Do you remember when Dad asked you to marry him?" Blaine's mother's hand stopped in his hair and he turned to look up at her. "You don't have to answer that."

"Do you really think I'm so old that I would forget that?" she teased.

"No I don't think you're old at all," Blaine laughed and turned to face her, crossing his legs beneath him on the couch. The show they were watching was forgotten in the background. "So what was it like?"

Amy lowered her eyes, a shy smile crossing her lips. "Your father had gotten back from Lebanon about two months before. We were just settling in to some sense of normalcy for us. I was in college while he was away, keeping busy more than anything. But I came home late one night after a really bad day. He was already in bed. I felt so tired and defeated and I hadn't done a really good job at making friends at school. I curled up into bed and starting crying that no one loved me." Blaine watched his Mom carefully. It was hard to imagine her just a kid, before even Cooper had been born. "He gave me a hug and told me to wait there and then he slipped out of bed. He opened one of his dresser drawers and pulled out a box. Before I could even really panic he told me that he loved me and asked me to marry him."

"Wow. That's so…anti-climatic," Blaine frowned.

"Your father isn't the showman that you are Blaine," she reminded him. "He'd bought the ring about a week earlier. He'd been planning a romantic dinner or something, but he just thought I was feeling so down and unloved, he wanted me to know that no matter what he'd always be there to love me. Sure it lacked romance, but it was really a very sweet thing to do. He didn't even get to ask my father for permission before he did it. We called the next morning. He pretended he hadn't asked yet. I had to stop myself from laughing."

"And Dad always claims to be such a traditionalist," Blaine smirked and shook his head. Then he suddenly grew serious. "Do you ever regret saying yes?"

"Never," she said and took Blaine back in her arms. "I have two amazing sons I never would have had without him. And I have been blessed to watch your father grow into a man I can be proud of. Marriage isn't easy Blaine. It may not even always be good. Your father and I went through really bad years together, as you are way more aware than I wish you were. But we did it together because no matter what I always loved him." He pulled back and she brushed the hair from his eyes. "You're gonna do it, aren't you? Ask Kurt to marry you?" Blaine nodded. "He's the one?"

"You know he is," Blaine smiled.

"Then whatever you do, whatever you say, it's going to be perfect. Because it comes from your heart."

He looked at her surprised. "You don't think I'm too young?" he asked.

"I think you have one of the biggest hearts I know, you respect other people, you know what it's like to be hurt and to hurt someone else and you don't ever want to do that again." Blaine bit his lip, his eyes watering at his mother's words. "I think you're going to make an incredible husband. And Kurt will be a very lucky man."

"No. I would be the lucky one," Blaine corrected her and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks Mom."

"Goodnight sweetheart. And good luck."

* * *

Blaine shoved his hands in his pockets walking into Hummel Tires and Lube. A brief appraisal of the shop found Burt in his office and Kurt nowhere to be seen, but that didn't mean he wasn't around. He walked quickly to the office and snuck his head in. "Um, Burt?"

Burt looked up surprised. "See kid, now I get nervous when you call me Burt instead of Sir," he teased.

"Is Kurt here?" Blaine whispered, his eyes darting.

"No, he's out shopping with Carole before he goes back to NY. For her, not him. He wouldn't be caught dead in Ohio clothes in New York City." Blaine chuckled and relaxed. Then he remembered why he was there and his shoulders tightened again. Burt's eyebrow quirked. "So what can I do for you, Blaine?"

"I um…" Now that he was there the plan seemed utterly ridiculous and nothing that Burt would agree to. But it was too late now to back out. The worst Burt could say was no and then he'd just have to figure something else out. "I was wondering if Kurt's flight tomorrow could be changed? To later, or even the next day?"

Burt smirked and sat back in his chair, arms folded. "Dare I ask why?"

Blaine squared his shoulders. Whatever Burt thought, this was his life. His decision. He didn't truly need Burt's permission. After all, his father hadn't really gotten his grandfather's. "I know you don't think it's a good idea, but I am going to ask Kurt to marry me."

Burt nodded, silent and pensive. He let Blaine sweat for a good two minutes at least before he said, "And you need Kurt's flight changed for this?"

Blaine blushed. He averted his eyes. Burt would think he was crazy for everything he had planned. "I just think it would be great if you could pretend you're bringing him to the airport but bring him to Dalton instead."

"Dalton, huh?"

"Yes, Sir." Blaine chanced a glance. He almost thought Burt was hiding a smile. "Back to the start."

Burt nodded and stood up, turning away from Blaine in thought. Blaine's heart would not stop racing and his hands were sweaty. He quickly wiped them on his pants. He hoped Burt would help despite his misgivings.

"His flight was scheduled for 5," Burt finally said. "So we'll be at Dalton around 3."

Blaine blinked and took a breath in. "You're not going to try and stop me?"

"I don't play games I know I'm going to lose. I told you what I thought, but in the end it's not my decision to make," Burt said. He walked over to Blaine and reached a hand out. Blaine shook it gratefully. "I wish you luck kid, I really do."

"Thank you," Blaine breathed and he didn't just mean for this. "Thank you for being the father I didn't have. For Kurt and for me."

Burt smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "You're welcome son."

* * *

**Blaine to Rachel [4:21pm]: I'm going to propose to Kurt tomorrow and I know its last minute but I think he'd never forgive me if his best friend wasn't here to see it. So please tell me you can come? 2pm at Dalton.**

Rachel to Blaine [5:03pm]: SQUEEEEE! Sorry that was delayed, Santana and I were singing to a couple of Broadway bigwigs at work and my career was on the line. Oh, and she's pissed you didn't text her.

**Blaine to Rachel [5:05pm]: Damn. How pissed? I wanted to know if you were coming first.**

Rachel to Blaine [5:07pm]: Of course I am you idiot, I wouldn't miss Kurt's engagement for the world! Santana says she's not coming though.

Rachel to Blaine [5:08pm]: Because you didn't text her. Not because she doesn't approve. Which she doesn't, but that's not the point she says.

_Santana to Blaine [5:09pm]: That is NOT what I said, but I don't even know why I'm texting you because you clearly don't want me there._

**Blaine to Santana [5:10pm]: It's not that I don't want you here, you know I do.**

**Blaine to Santana [5:12pm]: I was just afraid of what you'd say, so I wanted to hear what Rachel had to say first.**

_Santana to Blaine [5:13pm]: Since when are you afraid of me?_

**Blaine to Santana [5:14pm]: Since ALWAYS!**

**Blaine to Santana [5:15pm]: So…**

_Santana to Blaine [5:18pm]: Rachel's getting me a ticket._

_Santana to Blaine [5:19pm]: If you seriously think I would let you propose to Kurt without me there than you don't know me at all. Since when have I ever needed an invitation to anything?_

**Blaine to Santana [5:20pm]: I love you.**

_Santana to Blaine [5:21pm]: I love you too, Boyfriend._

_Santana to Blaine [5:22pm]: But next time you text me first, or I will give you something to be afraid of._

**Blaine to Santana [5:23pm]: Yes, Ma'am.**

* * *

Kurt packed his bags with a heavy heart. It was always bittersweet leaving, but the last few times had been tempered with a sense of relief. This time there was none of that. He had only a sense of longing, a wish that he didn't have to go so soon after they had only just begun again.

"What do you think you're gonna wear on the plane?"

Blaine sat on his bed, cross legged and adorable as ever, and how exactly had he gone so long trying not to love him?

Kurt shrugged as he folded his summer clothes carefully. "I hadn't really thought about it. Probably just jeans and a hoodie."

"Remember the first time you went?" Blaine asked excitedly. "Dressed to impress? _Never know who you might meet on a flight to the city that never sleeps,_ you told me. _There must be at least one hot shot producer or director who fled the banality of Ohio._ "

"I remember," he said slowly, tilting his head with suspicion. Blaine should be crying. Clinging. Waxing poetic about being soulmates and one true loves and promising to stay faithful and planning daily phone calls. But instead he was worried about Kurt's outfit. "But I kind of got over that once I realized that greatness rarely travels in coach. "

"But _you_ travel in coach," Blaine said sliding off the bed and approaching with a playful grin. Kurt smiled back as Blaine's arms enveloped him. Blaine's voice dropped to a whisper. A very seductive whisper. "And you are the greatest person I know."

Blaine kissed him, warm and full of passion but while it was absolutely everything Kurt could want there was something in it missing. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Are you sure you can't come to the airport with us tomorrow?" Kurt asked, holding him close. "I know Dad wouldn't mind."

Blaine frowned. "I'm sorry Kurt, I wish I could. But Glee club's doing this performance and I'm singing lead and I just can't let them down. I promise I'll make it up to you though next time I see you."

"I'll make sure you do," Kurt smirked and kissed him again, hoping this time he could figure out what was missing but it continued to elude him.

"I can't wait," Blaine sighed and his eyes sparkled with mischief and it felt like one more puzzle piece and...Kurt shook his head. He was looking for something where there was nothing.

Blaine looked at the time. "I should be going," he said with a pout. "Walk me out?"

They made their way to the front door, hand in hand where their hands belonged. Outside it was a beautiful night, the stars shining bright in the sky. It was the one thing Kurt missed in NY. Well, one of the things he missed.

Blaine followed Kurt's gaze. "Wish on a star while you can Kurt. You never know when your dreams might come true."

"Ah but does wishing make it so?" Kurt challenged.

"No," Blaine answered. "Wishing makes it magical."

They closed their eyes, their thoughts their own, and when Kurt opened his eyes Blaine was staring at him, lips turned up in a smirk. "What?" Kurt asked self consciously.

"You are absolutely beautiful." Blaine's voice was hushed, a purr on the whisper of the wind and he stepped in close. "And I'm just so grateful that you're mine again."

Kurt blushed beneath the shadow of darkness and ducked his head. "And you say you're not a romantic."

"Well maybe I'm learning." Blaine's eye danced in the moonlight and Kurt couldn't help but kiss him.

"I hate going back to missing you," Kurt whispered against his lips.

"You never stopped missing me," Blaine accused and Kurt had to concede that he was right. "But don't miss me too much. I'll see you sooner than you know."

Blaine kissed him again quickly then bounded away to the car leaving Kurt dumbfounded. He continued to stare as Blaine pulled away, the headlights disappearing down the street and it suddenly hit him.

Desperation. Goodbye. That's what was missing from each kiss. Because this wasn't goodbye. Not yet.

The whole week there had been no grand gesture. Just little things. A door held open here. A hand on his back there. He'd stolen Blaine's thunder in the courtyard and that would never do.

Blaine hated when Kurt won.

And Kurt had said it before, he'd always known, that saying yes to being boyfriends led to the question of forever.

He'd just been hoping that Blaine would give him at least a little time to settle in first. But he should have known better. Blaine had warned him in his own way. It was all or nothing.

Kurt ran back inside, his heart racing, and grabbed his phone, texting the one person he could always count on to spill a well kept secret.

_Kurt to Tina [10:21pm]: Tell me what Blaine is planning now Tina Cohen-Chang.  
_  
_Tina to Kurt [10:25pm] I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. ;-)  
_  
He flopped on his bed in a huff. Then ran for his closet. _Dress for greatness_ , Blaine had said. But what did he possibly have that was great enough for the most wonderful, exhilarating, terrifying moment of his entire life? The moment that he'd dreamt about forever. The moment he had absolutely no idea if he was ready for. Nothing but Tom Ford would do and he pulled it out of the back of his closet to steam.

He crossed the room to his mother's jewelry box and opened it, her scent wafting out at him even after all these years, filling him with a sense of peace as it always did. He knew exactly what he wanted and he pulled out her vintage sterling silver lily flower heart. He pinned it to the pocket of his blazer.

If he was right, if Blaine planned to propose, she would be with him. And she would help him choose.

* * *

"Sam, you need to make sure that the Warblers don't side step at the wrong time. Artie, the deaf choir is standing in the wrong spot at the end and Vocal Adrenaline is trying to steal the spotlight." Blaine had been running around driving everyone crazy for the past hour trying to get everything exactly right. He forced them to run through the number over and over to make it nothing short of perfect. "Everything needs to be precise!"

Sam and Artie were both about to jump down Blaine's throat when the doors flung open and a voice rang out saving them all. "Santana Lopez has arrived, let the proposal begin!"

"Oh thank god you're here!" Blaine and Sam both yelled at the sight of her. Blaine rushed toward her falling into her arms while Sam embraced her from behind.

"He's driving us nuts please take him away," Sam whispered in her ear. Santana shrugged him off with a look of disgust, but Rachel overheard and took charge immediately.

"Alright. Sam, Artie and I have got this covered. Santana, you deal with Blaine," she barked before grabbing Sam by the hand and leading him out to do the job he'd been doing all afternoon. Sam rolled his eyes at Artie. They were trading one dictator for another.

As the rest left the pair alone, Santana took a step back, eyeing him up and down. "Well aren't you just a giant ball of sunshine," she sneered. "I should have brought my shades for this thing."

Blaine's eyes grew wide with panic. "Oh my god is it too much?" He fussed with his jacket and his bowtie. "It's too much. I need to go home and change." He started to bolt for the nearest exit but Santana grabbed his hand.

"Okay, down boy." She dragged him to a small room just off the entryway. "Just because I wouldn't be caught dead marrying someone with a closet inspired by condiments doesn't mean that Kurt will say no." She closed the door behind them and sat him on a small bench by the wall. "Sit. Stay. Good boy," she said with a grin, patting his head.

Blaine glared up at her. "I'm not a dog 'Tana."

"Well then take a breath and stop acting like an excited little puppy before you pee on the rug."

Blaine shot her one last glower before doing exactly what he was told and taking a breath. His hands still shook but his racing heart slowed a bit. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"Well it's not going to be," Santana said and sat down next to him. Blaine went to protest but she took his hand before he could speak. "You're not perfect and Kurt's not perfect and all those people who've agreed to help you are not perfect. Marriage isn't perfect and life isn't perfect and all of that is okay. Because all the imperfections just prove that you can make mistakes, big ones and small ones, and he will always forgive you just like you will always forgive him and life will go on. The song says all you need is love, not all you need is perfect."

Blaine met her eyes, so full of warmth, and all his fears drifted away. "You're right."

"Well of course I'm right, I'm as close to perfect as it gets," she shrugged. "Now sit here and relax and I will go make sure that Berry and Trouty Mouth don't screw up your big day. We'll come get you when Kurt arrives."

"Thanks Santana," Blaine said.

"Anything for you," she winked and headed for the door before turning around again. "Oh and Blaine?" He looked back up at her. She smiled softly. "He'd be a fool to say no."

* * *

The noise around them was deafening and Blaine didn't care, he was so lost in Kurt's kiss, in Kurt's arms, in the desire for Kurt's, _his fiancé's_ , everything, that he didn't even notice the Colonel step to the bottom of the stairs. Kurt saw him first over Blaine's shoulder, and pulled back slightly. Blaine turned to find his father staring up at them. He smiled down, nervous but hopeful. Kurt's grip slid down into his hand.

"I didn't know you were coming," Blaine said cautiously.

"Well thankfully Burt didn't think I'd want to miss my son's proposal. I think Cooper's gonna have a very hard time topping you on this one Blaine," he teased.

Blaine laughed. "Well hopefully someone recorded it so he can see it in all its glory."

"I'm sure it'll be up on YouTube within the hour." He reached a hand to the railing, but pulled away quickly as though it burned him. His eyes fell on Kurt, then dipped to the stairs. "Kurt."

Kurt looked to his Dad who nodded encouragingly for him to listen. Like it or not the man would be his future father-in-law. The Colonel raised his eyes and Kurt studied them. It had been a long time since they'd truly looked at one another. His eyes looked different. Softer. They looked like Blaine's.

"Kurt, you and I met on a staircase too," the Colonel began, bringing them both back to that fateful evening when everything changed. "You stood beneath me then. At least I thought you did. But you knocked me to the floor that night. You were stronger in that moment than I ever was."

Kurt's breath hitched at the words and Blaine squeezed his hand tight, swallowing his own emotions that rose in his chest.

The Colonel took a breath and continued. "When you reached out for my son's hand that day, I was so angry at you for leading him away from me. I blamed you for losing him. But I know now that losing him was no one's fault but mine, and that you were the one who led him back to me." He took one step up, tentative at first, and then another. Blaine's eyes gleamed with happy tears, his father's words more than anything he could have imagined. "And now I can stand side by side with him and he does not flinch or pull away. Kurt, you taught us both so much. You have loved him so much more than I could show. You have given him everything I..." he paused and looked to Amy, who smiled and nodded and encouragingly. "...we didn't. Kurt, I am truly sorry for everything I said or did to hurt you. If you can forgive me, I would be so proud to call you an Anderson and even more so a son." He reached out for Amy's hand and she stepped proudly to his side. "We both would."

Kurt wiped away his tears, emotions flooding him. He heard Blaine sniffle beside him and his heart swelled even more.

"What do you say, Kurt?" Blaine whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I understand if you don't-"

"Yes," Kurt said, nodding his head. "If I taught Blaine how to love, than he has taught me how to forgive. And if Blaine is my family, than you are too. I'd be proud to be an Anderson." Kurt wiped the tears from Blaine's eyes and cupped his cheek. "I love you so very much," he said softly.

"I love you too," Blaine breathed. "For all eternity."


	24. Tina in the Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough chapter to write, as those who put up with me complaining on twitter and tumblr at the time know, but I'm actually pretty pleased with how it turned out. I hope you enjoy it too.
> 
> Thanks to Thaliana1981 on tumblr who doesn't even know she inspired me for the prom scene.
> 
> Glee's words belong to them. The rest belongs to me.

It had been a long night of celebration at the Anderson estate. Blaine's parents had invited both New Directions and the Warblers back to the house, managing to put together an impromptu catered engagement party with less than an hour's notice. Blaine had to stop and pinch himself numerous times throughout the evening, unable to believe that any of it was true. Kurt saying yes. His father accepting Kurt. It was all like a dream that he felt certain he was going to wake up from and find himself still waiting for Kurt to forgive him, still waiting for his father to change.

"It's not a dream," Kurt whispered in his ear, his hand sliding into his grasp. They turned quietly in the corner of the room and just watched. Almost everyone they loved was there. Carole and Amy were in the kitchen making sure that all the guests had everything they needed and then some. Burt and the Colonel were arguing about football and beer. Santana and Rachel were catching up with their friends and making new ones of the Warblers they hadn't met before. It was absolutely beautiful.

"Well if it is a dream then I don't want to wake up," Blaine said. Kurt smiled his agreement and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder.

The guests started making their way out around 11, Kurt making plans to meet Rachel and Santana at the gate bright and early the next day. They offered him a bed in their airport motel, but there was no shock he declined. Kurt would stay the night at the Anderson's and Blaine would drive him to the airport in the morning.

"Make sure you get on that plane," Burt warned him with a knowing glance and a hug goodbye. "I'm not sure I can change the flight again."

"I will Dad," Kurt promised. "Love you."

They said goodbye to everyone else and made their way hand in hand upstairs. "I'm going to admit, it feels very weird being here like this," Kurt said. "All that history with your Dad, and now here we are. With his blessing? Is it bad that I'm kind of waiting for the next shoe to drop?"

"No, I think it's natural. It's still weird for me too, and I've had more time to get used to it," Blaine said. "But I think it's real, Kurt. And I wouldn't change it for the world." They went to the guest room to make the bed up for Kurt. Together they slipped new fitted sheets on the mattress and cases onto the pillows. Across the bed, they threw flirty smiles and winks, mixed in with shy glances. Kurt's ring gleamed every once in a while when it hit the light right. Once the blanket was laid out and ready, Blaine kneeled up on the bed, Kurt following suit, and they scooted toward one another to meet in the middle. Blaine's arms wrapped around Kurt's waist. Kurt draped his arms over Blaine's shoulders.

"Hello, fiancé," Blaine giggled, giddy with exhaustion and the excitement of the day.

"Well hello there," Kurt smirked, his eyes dancing along with Blaine's. "Fancy meeting you here."

"I wish I could stay," Blaine pouted, pulling him even closer toward him.

"I think that would be pushing our luck for sure," Kurt said and Blaine knew he was right. "Besides, we both have brothers to call back no doubt."

"No doubt," Blaine said and his lips turned back up into a grin. He leaned in and kissed Kurt, taking it slow, no rush to leave. Cooper could wait. The only thing that mattered now were Kurt's lips, deliciously soft, Kurt's hands, expertly roaming, and Kurt's body pressed against him with a warmth that would forever make him feel like he belonged somewhere and nowhere else mattered.

When his heart raced with an all too familiar quickness, he pulled back. "We better stop," Blaine muttered, not wanting to at all but knowing if they stayed together another moment it would be too late.

Kurt sighed and pulled away, his breath heavy. "Maybe we should have gone to the motel with the girls."

"They may be our best friends, but I'm no more comfortable having sex in the same room as them as I am here at my father's house." Blaine kissed him once more quickly, then reluctantly retreated to the door. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Maybe we can manage a farewell quickie in the car in the morning?" Kurt asked with a quirk of his brow. "Or a nearby field of lilacs?"

Blaine laughed and fell in love all over again. He hoped it would be like that his entire life. "I'll be sure to reset my alarm."

* * *

They got to the airport with time to spare, grateful that Santana was meeting Kurt inside and not outside because with the flush of their cheeks and the smiles that would not fade, Kurt was pretty certain their detour was obvious.

They parked outside the gate, sitting in silence a moment. Joy turned to sadness as the clock ticked forward. Kurt hated the feeling, but in a way it felt far more right than how it had two nights ago. Blaine leaned over to kiss him and this time it was full, so full of passion and love and longing and the ache of loneliness but the joy of forever. The flutter of damp eyelashes on his skin made Kurt shiver as his heart filled to capacity and then some. Kurt pulled away but barely, resting his forehead on Blaine's, his face cupped in strong fingers as their breath still mingled as one.

"This is why I shouldn't let you drive me to the airport," Kurt breathed, his eyes still closed not wanting to see the truth. "I don't think I can go."

"Of course you can," Blaine said and they both knew he was right. Kurt's heart may be here but his life was in New York and soon enough Blaine would join him. "I'll see you soon. I promise."

Blaine took Kurt's hand and twirled the ring around his finger for a minute, both smiling down. "Maybe I should get you one too," Kurt smiled and looked up. His eyes twinkled with delight.

"I would wear it proudly," Blaine said. And kissed him once more. "Now go, or you're gonna miss your flight."

Kurt got out of the car and grabbed his bags from the trunk. Blaine rolled down his window and Kurt leaned inside. "Don't have too much fun without me," he grinned and gave Blaine one last kiss before heading inside the airport.

He made it through airport security without too much hassle, grateful the scary woman at the gate did not decide she needed to spice up her life by patting him down. Rachel and Santana waved as soon as they spotted him and he jogged over. Santana eyed him up and down.

"Well at least you're late for good reason," she smirked. Kurt balked immediately but it only took her reaching a hand out to pluck a lilac from his vest for him to close his mouth. "Good for you guys," she grinned.

Kurt blushed but shrugged it away. "I'm coffee-less though," he frowned and Rachel immediately reached over to the table beside her and handed over a to-go mug. "Bless you," he sighed and took a sip. It was perfect. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"It's certainly not for all the fashionable accessories she adds to your wardrobe," Santana sneered. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she took it out. She let a quiet chuckle escape, glancing at Kurt, then typed an answer.

"What?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Nothing," Santana said airily. "Blaine just wanted to make sure you were okay."

His eyes narrowed. "And what did you tell him?"

"I told him you were fine now that you were drowning your sorrows making out with the smokin' hot flight attendant," she said innocently.

Kurt reached over Rachel and nearly clawed at her phone to get it. It buzzed in his hand.

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:37am]: How is Kurt? Is he okay?_ **

_From Santana to Blaine [8:38am]: He's better than you I'm sure, you blubbering fool. I'm fine too, thanks for asking. And make sure you pick the lilacs off of your clothes before you go home. ;-)_

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:40]: I am not a blubbering fool. I just miss him already. Take care of him okay?_ **

Kurt smiled and typed his own response.

_From Santana to Blaine [8:44am]: I miss you already too. And you're not a fool. Just sentimental. And romantic. And adorable. And I love you. ~ Kurt_

"Am I going to throw up from the sickening sweetness in my phone," Santana groaned.

**_From Blaine to Santana and Kurt  [8:45]: And I love you. And you too 'Tana. And Rachel. Have a safe flight._ **

"Blaine loves you Rachel," Kurt shared as he handed the phone back to Santana. "But you still can't have him. Either of you. He's still all mine." Kurt's heart skipped a beat and he froze. Reality sunk in for the first time since yesterday and he looked down at the ring on his finger. "Oh my god, he's all mine."

Santana raised her coffee in a toast with a devilish smile on her face. "May God have mercy on your soul, Hummel."

* * *

Blaine arrived in the choir room a few minutes early, his fingers itching to play. Not The Beatles. Something romantic and classical, maybe a little melancholy. Something that sounded the way his heart felt.

He sat down on the bench and ran his hands along the keys. As the other sauntered in, his fingers danced, his music filling the air. The others chattered in the background. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting it fill that tiny place of emptiness he felt now that Kurt was back in New York.

"So now that you're engaged I guess you can't imagine doing me on top of a piano anymore," Sam said, jumping up and lying down atop it to stare at the ceiling. "So just pretend I'm Kurt."

Blaine's heart fluttered and he opened his eyes. He paused his fingers on the keys, the moment gone now, and he stared up at Sam. "I never imagined…I mean…never mind." Blaine shook his head. He had imagined it of course. Well mostly Kurt.

"That was pretty cool of your Dad," Sam continued nonplussed at Blaine's fumbling and Blaine was, as always, grateful for it. He started playing again. "I don't know everything that happened with you guys but I know it wasn't always good, so it's awesome he welcomed Kurt into the family. With the way Burt is I forget everyone's Dad isn't like that all the time."

"Yeah, it was pretty great," Blaine grinned. Aside from Kurt saying yes, that was still the most amazing part of the day. "Thank you for everything. And I'm sorry I got a little bit crazy."

Sam shrugged. "No biggie. I can imagine the wedding day will be even worse."

Blaine sniffed. "That's probably an understatement. I don't even want to think about the wedding yet. That's all Kurt's doing anyway. I'm not touching a thing unless he asks, he's been planning his wedding since he was three."

"So how does it work with gay marriage?" Sam asked. "Do you take his last name, or does he take yours? Or do you both hyphenate, cause…"

"Right now I'm honestly just excited that Kurt said yes," Blaine said, shutting him down. He and Kurt had agreed they'd decide about their names later and he didn't really want to talk about it until then. "Hey are you looking forward to prom?" he asked, changing the subject. "I fell asleep last night when Tina was texting me about her prom dress." She'd been going on and on and he'd tried really hard to be excited, but she'd gotten to designer and feathers and was detailing each stitch but he just didn't have the expertise or interest that Kurt had. He felt a little bit guilty. "It's really nice that you're going with her, by the way."

"Yeah, I guess so," Sam said, with very little enthusiasm. "I don't know, I just, you know, it's my senior prom so I kind of wished I was going with someone I really cared about."

Blaine understood completely. He wanted to go with Kurt. And he knew how much Sam was missing Brittany. He tried to cover it up, be all cool and collected, but Blaine recognized a touch of depression when he saw it. He was actually really glad that all the work for the engagement had given Sam something to keep busy with instead of moping around alone. Since getting to MIT, Britt had seemed to forget about the people she'd left behind. It was all too reminiscent, and not at all surprising, and she and Sam had been smart about it. They'd known enough to officially break up before she left. Still it wasn't easy and Sam sat up, frustration no doubt coursing through him. "Damn I have seriously been unlucky in love."

Mr. Schue interrupted them and Blaine headed to his seat. One more day at McKinley High School. One day closer to graduation.

* * *

"I wish you were going to prom with me," Blaine pouted as he stared into his computer screen. "I was fine until Sam started talking about wishing he was going with someone he cared about and then I just kept thinking about it and-"

"Blaine, can I be completely honest with you?" Kurt bit his lip with hesitation.

Blaine's eyes opened wide at the look on Kurt's face and he sat up straight with attention. Honesty was the most important thing while they were apart. "Yeah, of course," he said.

Kurt took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Blaine, honey, I would rather clean the floors of the loft with a toothbrush than go to another McKinley High School prom," Kurt admitted.

Blaine laughed and dipped his eyes. "The lack of gel was that traumatic for you?" Blaine teased.

"No, I love your frizzy curls," Kurt said with perhaps just a touch of heat in his voice. "What I hate are the cat fights and the popularity contests and the inevitable ignorance and hate of Lima high school kids. Present company excluded of course," he added quickly.

"Of course," Blaine nodded with a smile. "Unfortunately I can't get out of it even if I wanted to. Mr. Schue would kill me for not performing and I _am_ nominated for Prom King." He wiggled proudly in his seat.

"If you win we'll get to tell our children someday that their parents were voted Prom King and Queen," Kurt smirked.

Blaine's smile grew and he rested his chin on his hand. "Aw…you're thinking about children already."

"I'm thinking about Prom," Kurt deflected, a blush rising in his cheeks. "And how I'm glad I'm not going. Twice was enough, thank you very much. Next year we'll go to the NYADA Ball together and it will be exquisite."

"I can't imagine a NYADA anything without catfights and popularity contests," Blaine quipped.

"True," Kurt sighed. "But at least we'll be there together. Out. Engaged. Dressed to kill, hair how we like…no vote for King or Queen…"

"Not providing the entertainment," Blaine added. "Just you and me with not a care in the world."

Kurt hummed at the thought. "Graduation can seriously not come fast enough Blaine. I have so much I want to share with you here. There's this little coffee shop down the street from NYADA, oh and this perfect fabric store-"

"And the jazz club Santana keeps talking about," Blaine piped in. "And Karaoke with Rachel."

"Karaoke with Rachel is brutal Blaine, I don't know if you want to subject yourself to that," Kurt warned.

"Doesn't matter. We'll knock her out of the park and you know it." Blaine grinned and Kurt smiled as well. They sat quietly a moment, lost in the dreams of the future. Blaine's eyes fell to the clock. "It's late," he said sadly.

"I have class at 8am," Kurt said.

"I have to meet Sam before school to help him with this woman he's trying to woo." Kurt smiled fondly. Only Blaine would still use the word _woo_. "Sweet dreams Kurt. I love you."

"Love you too," Kurt said and signed off.

He brushed his teeth and climbed into bed, his thoughts turning to everything their life would be once they were back together again. His eyes fell on the picture of him and Blaine, crown on his head after being named Prom Queen. They looked so young. They'd been through so much since then. It had been quite the journey so far. And he couldn't wait to see where it went from here.

* * *

He found himself waking early and he watched the sun rise outside the apartment before getting ready for his day.

From the moment Kurt had landed at the airport he'd noticed it but now, in the city, taking in every sight, every scent as he made his way to NYADA, it was clear as day. The sun was warmer. The air was lighter. The colors were brighter, especially the lights of Time Square and the Broadway billboards. It almost seemed like the people of New York were moving in slow motion, making a path for him. Like the ring on his finger created a magic so great that everyone and everything around him took note.

He felt different. Older. Wiser. And far more settled in his skin then he had the entire time he'd been here before. Like knowing what this piece of his future was going to look like allowed him the freedom to just let the rest of the pieces fall into place. His missing puzzle piece. He was complete.

The engagement wasn't everything. Blaine wasn't everything. Kurt Hummel would never allow himself to be defined by the amazing, wonderful fact that someone loved him enough to want to spend the rest of his life with him. Or by the fact that he loved and trusted someone else enough to allow them to sleep beside him at night and wake beside him each morning and hopefully make love with abandon in between until they grew old and gray and had no privacy in the nursing home. No, he was so much more than that. He was a fashion editor and designer and actor and singer and god there were so many things, so many possibilities he saw in his life now that he wasn't weighed down by the pain of hurt and regret.

He felt like dancing down the street, singing from the rooftops, sneaking into another Broadway theater with Rachel and kicking up their heels as they celebrated life and everything, _everything_ , they could make of New York. They would star in these theaters, they would book commercials bigger and greater than Santana's, they would make the world know them and love them and they would do it with their hearts full because what was truly important in the end was not that someone loved them, but that they loved and trusted their own hearts enough to love someone else. To let someone in. To show the world their greatness. To be everything they had inside them to be.

As he swung open the NYADA doors and climbed the stairs, he stood tall and proud with a grin on his face so large he was sure that everyone must have thought he'd booked the biggest role of his life. Well let them think that, he smirked, because he absolutely had. He'd booked the role of Kurt Hummel, and there was absolutely nothing better than that.

* * *

She paced the living room. Her heart was racing. "Rachel told you. I'm going to kill that girl, I told her not to tell anyone. And she knows that anyone means you," Santana yelled into the phone, knowing her voice was frantic. Her mind was swimming. Her palms were sweating and oh my god that was so pathetic. She could dance a pole, yet she couldn't do this.

"Um…Santana, what's going on?" Blaine asked, his voice wary. "Rachel didn't tell me anything, I'm just staring at my tuxedo for prom and missing Kurt, but he's in the middle of class so I thought I'd call you."

She hadn't wanted him to know but now that he was there sounding so concerned she couldn't help but let it all pour out. "I'm freaking out, Blaine, can't you hear that?" she shouted angrily into the phone. "I'm freaking out because what if I'm not enough, what if I've been cheating this whole time, what if instead of being the Latina goddess everyone thinks I am, I really am just the poser, a Lima loser trying to make it in the big city."

"Woah, woah, woah, 'Tana," Blaine tried to calm her. "What are we even talking about here?"

Santana was silent. She stopped in the middle of the floor. "She really didn't tell you?"

"No, she really didn't tell me anything," Blaine answered confused. "Come on, what's going on?"

She collapsed onto the couch and curled in on herself, cuddling a blanket close to her chest. "There's this girl…"

She heard Blaine laugh. She heard him breathe a sigh of relief and actually laugh and part of her wanted to reach into the phone and smack him and the other part wanted to laugh along with him, but she did neither. She just snapped.

"Get it out now, boyfriend," Santana spat. "That's right, it's so funny that Santana Lopez is freaking out about a girl. I already got it from Berry, I'm sure Hummel would be rolling around the floor literally kicking up his heals, but while you all are laughing at my insecurities, trust me, I am planning your demise."

"Oh 'Tana," he breathed and forced his laugh to a halt. "It's just reassuring when the most badass girl we know is as scared and vulnerable as the rest of us. It's what we love the most about you." Santana scowled and blushed at the same time as she twirled a string from the blanket around her finger. "It makes you human. And it's what that girl is going to love best about you. Now what's her name?"

"Dani," Santana said quietly. "She works at the diner and Blaine, she is gorgeous. And talented. And she is so confident in herself."

"Wow, you really are smitten." Santana could hear his grin and she couldn't help but grin back, shaking her head at his choice of words.

"I am not _smitten_ , Blaine, I just…really, really like her." Well she'd started strong, but she ended lamely.

"So what are you going to do about it then?" Blaine asked and she froze. She had no idea what to do about it. Brittany had been her best friend and in the end had pretty much pursued her. She'd been drunk with Quinn. The girls in college had been rebounds and conquests and just fun to tide herself over. But Dani was different. She was experienced. Older. She was out of Santana's league.

"What if I don't actually know what I'm doing?" she asked quietly. It was different asking Blaine than Berry. He understood her. "What if things only worked with Brittany and Quinn and the girls in college because they knew what they were doing less than I did? What if I'm not lesbian enough for her?"

She thought he would laugh, but he didn't. Instead, he spoke from the heart. "Don't stand against the wall again, Santana, afraid to be who you are." Her mind went back to the first real conversation they'd had. The one that had changed her life for good. "You're not that girl anymore. You're strong, and brilliant, and you're not afraid to shine. Any girl would be lucky to be allowed to love you."

Santana's heart beat fast and she wanted to believe him but she rolled her eyes defensively. "Boy's engaged less than a week and he thinks he's an expert on love," she muttered sarcastically.

"No, I don't," Blaine assured her. "It's just that somebody once told me that all you need is love, not perfect. And since you have a heart of gold and I hear you're as close to perfect as they come, it seems to me that you're pretty much a lock." She couldn't help but smile at her own words coming back to bite her, and a little surge of confidence went through her body. "She'd be a fool to say no, 'Tana."

"You really think?" she asked shyly.

"I really know Santana," Blaine said. "I am your boyfriend after all."

"Yeah…I think I'll leave that part out when I talk to Dani," Santana said.

Blaine laughed. "That might be smart," he said and she wished they were Skyping and she could see the glowing smile she knew was on his face. "Call me after you see her, I want to hear everything."

"I will," she said and smiled softly. "I promise."

* * *

Blaine stood on the stage, his hands folded dapperly in front of him and nerves running like fire through his veins. Waiting for the announcement for Prom King was excruciating. He wanted it. He couldn't deny that. The prestige and attention were things he craved, whether he liked that about himself or not. But most of all, he wanted the fun of telling his children one day that both their dads were High School royalty.

But it was never that easy at McKinley. Waiting for the announcement was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. And losing, as he did, came with as much relief as disappointment. Because staring up at Tina, her eyes shining with glee, he couldn't help but hold his breath while he smiled and clapped. Though he hoped. Maybe, just maybe, this time…

And with the bucket of slush, his heart fell as well, as he saw history repeat itself right before his eyes. He ran after her like he had run after Kurt, and déjà vu flooded him. Only this time, he wasn't alone. This time others ran with him.

Last time he had been so scared. If Kurt had said he'd wanted to leave, to run, he would have followed him out, grateful to not have to face the hate again. This time it was different. He didn't believe in running anymore. And no matter how much she was crying, no matter how much she said she wanted to go home, he wouldn't let Tina do it. Definitely not alone. And certainly not without a fight.

"Tina stop," Blaine demanded and he held his breath as she took another step forward then one step back. "You have two choices and whichever one you pick we will be supportive. But we can either drive you home, or, we can clean you up, and you can go back out there, and own that prom. This is _your_ prom, Queen T."

"I can't go back in there," Tina sobbed. "I don't even have a dress to wear."

As all the girls offered their gowns, Blaine's heart swelled with pride, the same kind of pride that he'd felt two years ago when Kurt refused to give in to the bullies. The kind of pride that only came when the people you loved refused to stand by and chose to stand up.

"Come on Tina," Blaine said, stepping toward her. He knew she wasn't always as strong as Kurt. She never would have done it on her own. But together, they could show her the strength she had inside to fight. "We're all with you. You want to be that girl? Then go _be_ that girl!"

He sat down at the piano and played for her. The best gift he could give her was music as the girls cleaned her up and helped her change. And he stood by her side, as he had once before, while she returned to claim her crown. This time surrounded by friends. And when she stepped down for her dance, she reached out and he took her hand. And he held her in his arms and danced, a smile on both their faces. Kurt had been right about prom. But he was so glad he had come.

* * *

Kurt finished up at the diner, texting Blaine to see where he was while Rachel squealed on the phone with Finn in the corner. He knew that Mr. Schue had called an evening Glee rehearsal that night and he hoped they were all still there.

"Is he answering?" Santana asked, sidling over to him with a huge grin.

He checked his phone again and the text had just come in. "Yup, they're all still there," he grinned.

"Come on Fanny," Santana yelled across the room. "You have an announcement to make."

* * *

"Now guys, I know that Prom was crazy, but I wasn't thrilled with the performances. The energy level was low most of the night and the harmony was struggling. So we need to work extra hard until Nationals," Mr. Schuester said. Everyone groaned. They were still exhausted from a weekend of after prom parties, especially the seniors, and the last thing they wanted to be doing as the sun set was sit in school, even if it was the choir room. " _Let it Be_. I think it's a possibility for competition, so let's run through it a few times then we'll head to the stage."

Blaine got up with the others, sitting at the piano to play through the harmonies with everyone then left it to the band. His back pocket vibrated and he discreetly pulled out his phone.

_From Kurt to Blaine [8:11pm]: You guys still rehearsing?_

He turned his back to Mr. Schuester and quickly typed an answer.

**_From Blaine to Kurt [8:13pm]: I think we're trapped here all night._ **

He slipped his phone back in his pocket and turned back to finish the song. The effort and enthusiasm was lackluster and Mr. Schue didn't hesitate to go around the room to give individual notes.

"Dude, how long is this rehearsal going to go, I don't think I can stand another moment," Sam complained.

Blaine just laughed and rolled his eyes, patting him on the shoulder. His phone rang and he quickly answered.

"No phones during rehearsal Blaine," Mr. Schue yelled over his shoulder.

"Hey Kurt," Blaine said happily, scooting into the corner and ignoring his teacher.

"Rehearsal hasn't ended yet has it?" Kurt asked breathlessly.

"No," His brow furrowed in worry. Kurt didn't sound right. "Is everything okay?"

"Put me on speaker," he said excitedly.

"What?" Blaine's brow furrowed with confusion.

"Put me on speaker with everybody, Blaine," Kurt insisted.

"Okay," he said warily and walked back to the group. "Guys, Kurt wants to talk with everyone." He put the phone down on the piano as everyone gathered around, more than grateful for the interruption. Blaine hit the button. "Alright you're on speaker."

"Alright guys, we have a little news here in New York, are you ready?" Kurt said, his voice high pitched with anticipation. Everyone in the choir room talked into the phone at once then held their breath waiting for Kurt's news.

But it wasn't Kurt, it was Rachel and her voice filled the choir room. "I got the part!" she screeched and everyone held their breath, staring at one another in shock, hoping that it was what they all thought it was. "I'm going to be on Broadway!"

Suddenly everyone yelled and shouted at the same time. They hugged each other, jumping up and down with joy and possibility, because if Rachel could do it then it meant that any one of them could do it. Blaine gave them all their turn and he couldn't help but smile at the satisfaction and pride on their teacher's face. The teacher without which he knew Rachel never would have made it so far. When everyone was finally done with their congratulations and Rachel was done with her thank you's, Blaine took the phone back and turned it off speaker, walking out into the quiet of the empty hallway.

"Kurt?" he said softly.

He could hear the phone shuffling as Rachel passed it over and Kurt took it off speaker. "Hey. Exciting news huh?"

Blaine heard the pride in Kurt's voice. But he also heard, deep down, the hurt. And he understood it all too well. "You okay?" he asked gently.

"Yeah of course I am," Kurt said, but his defense was so evident to Blaine.

"Your time is coming, Kurt. I know it. It's just around the corner and it will be even better than Santana's commercial," he promised.

"Yeah I'll be the new, young face for erectile dysfunction," he murmured then breathed a sigh. "I'm happy for her. I mean she's my best friend. I just can't help but go back to West Side Story and I wonder-"

"Stop wondering Kurt and listen to me," Blaine insisted. "There are a ton of parts out there for you. Revivals and new shows and just look what's happening on television with gay characters on every channel. Your part is out there. You just have to…" he searched for the right words as Sam tapped him on the shoulder to join them in the auditorium. It seemed Rachel's news had brought new found energy to them all. "You just have to let it be Kurt."

"Like the song?" Kurt smirked.

Blaine grinned. "Like the song. And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me. Shine on until tomorrow. Let it be." He could hear Kurt's smile in a small laugh as he made his way to the stage. The music started and he had to make his entrance. "I've gotta go. Just remember Kurt, never stop shining, and before you know it, your moment will be here."


	25. The Quarterback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's not much I can say to introduce this chapter. Imagining it, writing it, editing it caused me many tears, so grab your tissues. I am not good with death at all, it is the one trigger warning I will not read, so it's ironic that I seem to write it so frequently.
> 
> Thanks to Glee Wiki which reminded me of one, I think, very small but important thing in this chapter. There is also one blink and you'll miss it (I think) change from canon. Blaine had not a single line in this episode. So here's what you missed.
> 
> I don't own Glee, I am not in the writer's room, and for the very first time, I am glad.

The call came at midnight and it rocked their world to the very core.

"Finn's dead."

* * *

Blaine stayed on the phone for hours until Kurt had finally sobbed himself to exhaustion and fallen asleep. Blaine couldn't sleep though. His heart was broken; for Burt, for Carole, for Rachel, but most of all for Kurt. Hearing him like that, so soon after everything was just starting to fall into place, knowing that unlike the breakup there was absolutely nothing he could do to fix it, was the most helpless feeling in the world. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Finn had to die and it sure as hell wasn't fair that his beautiful Kurt, who would never hurt a fly, who had already lost his mother and nearly lost his father twice would have to go through this much pain one more time. He was 19 years old for God's sake. 19. No one should have to go through so much at such a young age. No one should lose a brother…

He sat up against the headboard and reached for the phone. There was one person whose voice he needed to hear right then more than anyone else's.

His fingers shook as he dialed the number and a mumbled hello answered. "Cooper?" His voice was small and broken.

"Blaine?" Cooper's voice was suddenly bright and awake. "It's 4am where you are, what are you doing up so late?"

A sob escaped before he could stop himself. He shut his eyes tight against the surge. "Finn…Kurt's brother…he's…" Blaine swallowed, unable to say the words and yet there was nothing else he could do. "He's dead."

"Oh my God, Blaine I'm so sorry," Cooper breathed into the phone. "Are you okay? Is Kurt okay?"

The tears rolled down Blaine's face now, no longer needing to hold it in for Kurt, and he shook his head. "No," he choked. He grabbed Margaret Thatcher dog, won by Finn, given to him by Kurt, and he held her close letting her fur soak up his tears. If only he had Kurt in his arms. "He's not. I'm not. And I just don't know what to do. He's so far away. And he's with Rachel, god, Rachel…" He lost it, his own grief and exhaustion colliding.

"I'll be on the next flight out Blaine," Cooper said, a bit frantically. Blaine could hear him shuffling around in the background.

"No," Blaine snapped, then took a breath. "No, don't. I just…I needed to hear your voice. Know that you're okay."

"I'm here Blaine," Cooper soothed. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Can you call Dad in the morning? Let him know so he knows when I wake up? I don't think I can tell him…"

"Yes, of course, I'll call him and Mom," Cooper agreed. "Whatever you need Squirt."

"If I lost you-" Blaine sobbed.

"You're not going to lose me Blaine, you are stuck with me for a very long time," Cooper swore.

Blaine sniffled and wiped his eyes. He settled back down into bed, resting his head on the pillow, the phone on speaker beside him. "Will you sing to me?" Blaine whispered. "Like you did when I was little."

"I'll sing to you all night Blaine. I promise."

* * *

He drove home after the funeral, needing some time, and Kurt needing some space from his constant hovering. But as he pulled up and didn't see his father's car, he continued on, heading into the center of Westerville.

His father had not only come to the service and the cemetery, but he'd come in Class A military dress. Finn didn't qualify for military honors, but when the Colonel stood by the grave and saluted, emotions flooded Blaine, for more reasons than one. He'd clung to Tina, not wanting Kurt to have to comfort him, despite that fact that she didn't understand how that one simple gesture tore him up inside.

He pulled up to the recruiting office and parked next to his father's car. The office was closed but the light was on and the door was unlocked. His father stood behind the counter still in uniform, not really working, just keeping his mind occupied. The bell rang as Blaine entered and his father looked up, his face drawn. Blaine took him in as he hung back, leaning against the door that shut behind him. They were silent for a moment, the swirl of thoughts and emotions weighing heavily. Always so much in the air between them.

Finally Blaine broke the silence. "That was nice, what you did," he said quietly and he could tell his father understood what he meant. "I think it meant a lot to Carole."

"It was the least I could do," the Colonel said.

Blaine nodded. His eyes dropped to the floor. His heart clenched in his chest at what was so clear to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, trying to get the words that had been racing in his head since the salute, though the truth of them broke his heart. "I know he was the son you always wanted. The son you always wanted me to be."

John came around the desk and closed the distance between them. He lifted Blaine's chin with a finger and forced their eyes to meet. John's were full of disbelief and remorse. "Blaine. What I _wanted_ never mattered. _You_ are the son I always needed. Without you I would be a bitter, stubborn, hateful old man right now, and any other son I would have raised to be the same. But you…" He paused, catching his breath, taking him in. The doubt and pain and unbelievable desire for love in warm golden eyes filled him with pride. "You are a brave, sensitive, caring, honest man who knows, has always known, that love is more important than anything else in the world." His father's words rushed at Blaine with relief and he let the tears fall, too overwhelmed by everything to keep them held inside. Each new day with this man he grew to love and respect him more and more. His father gripped his shoulders and pulled him in to his arms. "There is no one in this world who is a bigger hero to me than you. And I wouldn't change you or the fact that you're my son for the world."

Blaine laughed and cried at the same time and he clutched at his father's uniform. "Finn came to me, about his Dad. And you. And I told him then that you must have been someone's hero even if you weren't mine. But now you're absolutely mine and I wish I had told Finn that before he was gone. I wish I could tell him that now, but I'm just glad I can tell you. I love you Dad."

"I love you too Blaine." John kissed his son on the head and slowly pulled away, wiping away his own tears. "Hey, how about you and I go for some ice cream. That's something we never did when you were a kid and I think I'm feeling a little bit like a double chocolate sundae. What do you think, are you in?"

Blaine smiled and nodded, brushing his tears away with his sleeve. "Yeah. I think I'd really like that."

* * *

Blaine was quiet, the next three weeks. He and Sam would get together but there were large gaps of silence where they felt that the words they wanted to speak were either too heavy or too light. Fun felt like a betrayal to Finn's memory. To Kurt's pain. So they just spent time together, strumming chords on the guitar, playing slow sad tunes on the piano. Wordless melodies filling the air with their sadness.

~~~

Kurt was distant. The apartment was stifling and yet as much as he sometimes needed air he couldn't leave Rachel alone. Santana took extra shifts, drowning herself in work and rarely coming home but to sleep. Sometimes she didn't come home at all and they had to assume she was spending her nights with Dani. Kurt imagined it was easier there. No reminders. No grief.

They all moved through life in a fog of memories and dreams unfulfilled, regrets plaguing them. Fear and loss weighing them down like stones on their hearts. School. Work. Home. Kurt tried to avoid the memories of Finn but they were everywhere. In the things he did and said. In Rachel's face every morning. And a part of him that he tried so hard to ignore couldn't help but wonder who was next and when.

Talking to Blaine was hard. He wanted desperately to be with him and not waste a moment. But every time they talked, every time they saw each other on the computer screen, the guilt rushed in, thinking of how Rachel would never see Finn again. Never hear his voice again. He didn't know if she could survive without Finn. He didn't know how he would survive without Blaine.

It tore him apart inside.

"How's she doing?" Blaine asked quietly one night, not long before the scheduled memorial.

"She's the strongest person I know," Kurt answered, his voice quiet so she could not hear. "But there are times, when she thinks no one is listening that I can hear her cry. She talks to him. At night. During the day. It breaks my heart."

"She'll be okay, Kurt." Blaine tried to assure him, but maybe he was just trying to assure himself.

"What do you do when you lose your soulmate, Blaine?"

Blaine shrugged on the other end of the phone. He'd thought about it a lot, in the last three weeks. "I don't know," he admitted. "I think you just go on living. Until it's time to try again in the next life." Kurt was quiet. Blaine could hear him breathing, sniffling. "You're still coming, right? I know Santana is."

"I wouldn't miss it," Kurt said, his voice broken.

"Do you think she'll come?" Blaine asked.

Kurt sighed. "I don't want to push her. Neither of us do. She knows about it. If she wants to come we're here for her a hundred percent. But everyone needs to understand if it's too much. The funeral was hard enough." Blaine nodded. It was hard for everyone. It was brutal for Rachel. "Blaine…I love you, you know that right?"

Kurt's voice was ominous and Blaine felt a flutter of panic in his veins before he could tame it. "Of course I know, what's wrong?"

Kurt took a breath. He needed to be honest this time. He needed to explain so Blaine wouldn't think he was drifting like before. "When I come home…I need…" he didn't know how to say it right.

But Blaine knew. "Space," he finished for him. "Kurt, I know. I understand." The rest of them had had a break from mourning. Kurt hadn't. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. Even in moments where just for a second life seemed normal he'd turn around and Rachel would be there or Carole would call just to talk or a certain smell would overtake him, a certain song on the radio. He'd cried himself out a week ago and now…well, he was just exhausted. "Take whatever space you want. I'll be there when you need me but I promise I won't push. I won't hover."

"Just you being in the room, knowing you're there…" Kurt swallowed the tears that still managed to form when he thought about losing Blaine. He pushed it away. He couldn't think about that. Not now. "That's all I need. Just to know you're there." Because he dreamed too many nights of what it would be like if Blaine were gone.

"Always," Blaine whispered. "I am always wherever you need me to be."

* * *

As she sat between Blaine and Tina, _Fire and Rain_ ringing heavily in her ears, Santana wondered what in hell she was doing in this room. Puck and Kurt and Mercedes were outside and these people, they didn't know Finn like she did. They hadn't grown up with him, not like she had. Tina and Artie had never been wrapped in his arms, so vulnerable and yet so strong. And these newbies had never even gone to school with him.

They didn't have the memories that she had.

" _Okay Finn, all you have to do is go in the store, grab one and get out without anyone seeing you," Santana said._

_Finn slumped by her side. "Come on guys, if I get caught my Mom is going to kill me," he whined._

" _Oh please, you'd get in the least amount of trouble of all of us," Puck argued, pushing him forward. "Now stop being such a wus."_

_Finn turned to plead his case one last time, but Santana simply grabbed his hand, staring him down, too seductive for a 13 year old. "Would you do it for a kiss?" she teased._

_Puck slapped Finn on the back. "Dude, you've got to say yes to that, her kisses are like gold," Puck urged._

_Finn eyed his best friend's girl up and down as she licked her beautiful full lips and thrust out her chest, hugged unfairly tight by the sweater of her junior high school cheerleading uniform. He knew he shouldn't do it, stealing was wrong, but there wasn't a chance that he could say no to that. "Okay," he breathed. He took off his Letterman jacket and handed it to her, not looking back as he went inside._

_The next day in school Santana cornered him and pulled him into an empty supply closet. "So did you get in a lot of trouble?" she frowned._

" _I'm grounded for a week," he said. "I don't know why I ever listen to you and Puck."_

_She bit her lip and arched her eyebrows. "Does that mean you don't want a kiss anymore?" He fumbled, unable to answer and she just smiled. The power she had over boys was intoxicating. She leaned in slowly until her lips met his, lips that were rough like Puck's, not soft like Brittany's. She teased his lips and then his tongue with her tongue, trying to remember what the magazines said a boy would like. When she pulled away, his eyes were still closed. "So was it worth it?" she asked with a smirk._

_His eyes opened slowly and he blushed in answer. "It was definitely better than the first time."_

_She couldn't hide her surprise at his words. "You remember that?"_

_Finn smiled now, eyes glowing at the memory they shared. "Of course. We were in first grade and you pulled me behind the swingset and kissed me on the cheek. How could I forget my first kiss?"_

As she came back from her memory and looked around, her body flooded with anger. Santana prided herself on being his first. What did any of the rest of them know about that? The room grew suffocating. She felt like her head was going to explode. She needed Puck or Kurt or Finn, god she needed Finn, and as soon as the song ended she got up and left them all behind as fast as she could.

* * *

Santana wasn't where Blaine thought she would be. The choir room was empty. The girls in the bathroom told him she wasn't there. Then he heard her raised voice and he chased it. He arrived just in time to see her shove Coach Sylvester then back away, taking off down the hall towards the front doors of the school.

"Santana wait," Blaine called. He ran after her when she didn't stop. He didn't know what else to do.

She didn't turn, she just kept walking until her hand reached the metal bar of the door, and he grabbed her other hand, stopping her from leaving. She pulled back like he had burned her. "Go away Blaine," she snapped, her eyes full of tearful fury. "I don't want to hurt you too."

Blaine put his hands up, but he didn't leave. "Santana you don't have to do this alone-"

"I _am_ alone Blaine!" she yelled. "I don't have anyone here. Brittany is in Massachusetts, Quinn is in Connecticut-"

Her words felt like a stab in his heart.  "I'm here," he said.

She squared her shoulders, building a wall between them that hadn't been there in more than a year. "I'm sorry, but it's not the same." Her voice was like ice. "You didn't know him like I did. Like _we_ did. You didn't chase him around the playground at school or cheer for him on the sidelines of games, you didn't know him back when we became a family!"

Blaine's breath stopped, stolen from him with one small word that meant so much. He thought for just a second he saw her eyes thaw with sorrow, but then she slammed out the door while he could only stare after her.

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his daze. "Blaine, just let her go." The ring shined, and he turned to Kurt. He took in the jacket he wore, Finn's letterman jacket, and he wondered just how far back Kurt's memories of Finn went.

"Is that how you feel too?" Blaine asked. Kurt swallowed and his eyes drifted to the floor. Blaine snapped. "He was going to be my brother too!"

"And Rachel was going to be my sister," Kurt said softly and he blinked away the tears he refused to let fall. His lifted his chin, strong and steady. "But all that's gone now. I understand why she's angry. It's a lot easier than feeling what I feel."

Blaine's anger disappeared immediately at Kurt's clouded gaze that looked right through everything. It broke him, over and over again. "And what's that?" Blaine asked, reaching for Kurt's hand. Kurt took it.

"Just emptiness," Kurt answered. "Like a whole part of my life has just suddenly disappeared." His blue eyes focused, warming slightly. "And I know you love me but no matter how much, your love can't bring that back. Not for me. Not for Santana."

"You're right, I can't." Blaine gathered Kurt in his arms and held him while Kurt breathed through it, but did not cry. Blaine's heart clenched in his chest. Seeing everyone else in pain and being unable to help no matter how much he wanted to was a grief he could not shake. He would do anything to make this all better, but it was impossible. "I can't."

* * *

Blaine watched from the back of the room as Santana broke down in the middle of her song. His whole body ached for her, but he dared not move. Mr. Schue and Mike's attempts at comfort had her literally screaming as she fled the room. Eyes turned to him, knowing that in the past it would have been him to go after her. But though it killed him he knew that this time it couldn't be.

"Let me go," Kurt said softly. Blaine simply nodded, brokenhearted, and watched his fiancé leave. As the jacket disappeared down the hallway and others began to gather their things to go, Blaine's emotions got the best of him and he launched himself out of the chair and into the corner of the room. He slammed the wall with his hand in frustration. His world, the world of his friends, was falling apart around him and there was absolutely nothing he could do. He tried to block it out, squeezing his eyes shut. He slid down the wall until he reached the floor, pulling his knees up tight to his chest. He tried to get lost in the darkness, but his eyes fluttered open when a gentle hand rested on his leg. Sam didn't say a word. He just sat there, across from him, ready to listen or just to stay by his side for as long as Blaine needed.

Blaine tiredly ran his hand down his neck and sighed. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "I just hate that they're both so distant. I mean seeing Kurt in so much pain with absolutely nothing I can do to fix it. And Santana." The song she had chosen, the words, they made him shiver. "What if she's not strong enough to handle this."

"Of course she's strong enough Blaine, Santana is one of the strongest people I know." Sam frowned, his brow drawing tight as he watched is friend. "The one I'm really worried about is you."

Blaine blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Have you even cried for Finn yet," Sam asked.

"What? Of course..."

But Sam knew that wasn't true. "No. You've cried for Kurt and Rachel. For Burt and Carole. For their loss. But what about you and your loss? What did Finn mean to you?" Sam challenged.

But Blaine shook his head, echoing Santana's words. "I didn't know him like they did." He didn't have the right to mourn as they did.

"Do you know what I remember most?" Sam gazed off, as if staring through the wall beside Blaine and a small smile graced his lips. Blaine's eyes were fixed on him, unable to look away even if he wanted to. "After I'd come to live with them. Playing video games with Finn into the middle of the night when Burt and Carole thought we were sleeping. Kurt would have gone to bed hours earlier, but I would sneak into his room and we would play until 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, talking smack, eating junk he hid underneath his bed. We'd be dragging in the morning, but it never mattered to us. Those were some of the best nights of my life."

Blaine bowed his head, his eyes falling to the stains in the choir room carpet. "Finn was the only one that knew what it meant to lose a father to the aftermath of war," Blaine said, his voice breaking. "He stood by me after Kurt and I broke up. He had every right to hate me but he didn't. Even when I tried to leave, to go back to the Warblers, he told me… _you belong here with us_."

"It doesn't matter that we didn't know him as long as the rest. He mattered to us and he made sure we knew that we mattered to him," Sam told him. "He cared about _you_ Blaine, like a brother. He believed, like you did, that someday you really would be."

Blaine looked up out the window as he wiped away a tear that he hadn't even realized had fallen. "Kurt is right. From now on a whole part of our future will always be missing. I pictured Thanksgiving dinner, years from now. Burt and Finn and me watching the game. Kurt and Rachel and Carole singing as they cooked. We were family..."

"Blaine." Kurt's voice, only a step away, whispered and Blaine turned to look up at him. He wondered how much he'd heard, but the look on Kurt's face told him he'd heard enough. He quickly brushed at his wet cheeks. He didn't even notice Sam slip away to give them privacy.

"Where's the jacket?" Blaine asked.

"I gave it to Santana," Kurt explained and shrugged. "She needed him more than I do right now. She um…she wanted to be alone."

Blaine stood up but he stayed against the wall, uncertain. "Is that what you want too? Do you want to be alone?"

"No." Since the moment she'd spoken them, Santana's words had sat heavily in Kurt's mind. _When we had sex_ _Finn never stopped asking if I was okay the whole time._ Blaine had been the same way, from the very first night that Blaine had walked away from his father to their first true time together and every time since. No, the last thing Kurt wanted right then was to be alone. "I want to go back to your house."

Wordlessly they closed the distance between them and took each other's hands. Blaine slowly smiled, his eyes still glistening with tears. "Okay."

* * *

They moved together like a symphony, making love in near silence broken only by brief whispers of _I love you_. They breathed each other's breath, felt their hearts beat together as one, small reminders that though death surrounded them they were still alive and in love. Their life, together and separately, didn't end because Finn's had. They had to go on and keep living. They had to hold onto what they still had. They had to remember, but a part of them, in time, when they were ready, also had to let go of what was gone.

* * *

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:34am]: Are you awake? I can't sleep._ **

_From Kurt to Rachel  [12:36am]: No, I'm texting you between snores._

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:38am]: How is everyone?_ **

_F_ _rom Kurt to Rachel [12:40am]: Handling things in their own way._

_From Kurt to Rachel [12:41am]: Everyone keeps asking about you. They miss you._

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:44am]: I miss them. The city is lonely on my own._ **

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:45am]: How is the memorial?_ **

_From Kurt to Rachel [12:46am]: It's beautiful. I could send you a picture of it if you want. I just wasn't sure…_

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:48am]: No. Don't._ **

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:50am]: I think I want to see it for myself._ **

_From Kurt to Rachel [12:52am]: Are you sure? You don't have to Rach._

**_From Rachel to Kurt [12:55am]: I know I don't have to. But I think I want to._ **

_From Kurt to Rachel [12:56am]: Finn would be proud of you._

**_From Rachel to Kurt [1:01am]: Pick me up at the airport tomorrow? I'll book a flight. Let you know when I get in._ **

_From Kurt to Rachel [1:03am]: Of course. I love you._

**_From Rachel to Kurt [1:05am]: Love you too. See you tomorrow._ **

* * *

Kurt waited for her as close to the gate as he was allowed. She rolled her carry-on behind her, her eyes lost in memory, until they fell on him. She sped up and dropped into his arms. Halfway through the flight she'd started panicking. "I don't know if I can do this," she said. Her breathing was quick and the tears started falling before she could stop them.

Kurt cupped her cheeks and brushed the wetness away with his thumbs. "He never liked it when you cried," Kurt remembered quietly. "He always knew you were stronger than you ever thought you were."

She looked up at him, her usual determination broken, adrift without her anchor. "I feel like there is a hole in my heart."

He gathered her in his arms again, and rested his chin on her head. "I know sweetie. It's in mine too."

"You're the only one who understands. The only one who loved him like I do." She pulled away and found her strength now in him. "You're my best friend Kurt."

"You're my _sister_ Rachel," he corrected her. "Always have been. Always will be. Nothing will ever change that."

A weak smile flit across her face and she picked up the handle of her bag, grasping his hand in hers. "Let's go home."

* * *

Blaine knelt by Finn's memorial and placed the drumsticks down. He looked up at the little McKinley football players wearing number 5, at the teddy bears and the flowers and the notes from everyone whose lives Finn had touched. He read the one left by Kurt – _Who will have our back now?_ – and the flood of tears came without warning. He ran, to the auditorium, to the spot tower where he always ran, to a place there were no memories of Finn chasing him and he found himself weeping for his loss and no one else's. Because Cooper was thousands of miles away and he needed a brother here and who would he call when Kurt was being stubborn or Rachel was driving them crazy or when his children needed an Uncle that would be able to protect them from the bullies on the playground? Who would have their back now that Finn was gone?

The tears didn't stop but they slowed and Kurt's text buzzed in his pocket.

_From Kurt to Blaine [2:03pm]: We're here._

He wiped his eyes and stood up, making his way down from the tower and to the choir room. The chair next to Kurt's was empty and Kurt looked up with a sad smile and reached a hand out to Blaine. He glanced at Rachel, whispering with Brad, and to Santana, in the corner with Sam beside her. And he took the seat where he belonged.

"Is she okay?" he whispered softly, nodding to Rachel. Her bravery astounded him. Because no matter what Finn or Rachel had ever done, everyone knew that they were meant to be together in the end.

"She will be," Kurt answered. He looked at Blaine's red and puffy eyes and knew without having to be told. "Are you okay?"

Blaine took a shaky breath, the tears threatening again and he nodded. "I will be."

"Nobody treat me with kid gloves, okay?" The boys turned from one another and looked up at her. Rachel spoke softly between her tears , fingering the necklace that bore the name of the boy they all loved. "I don't know what to say either. I loved Finn, and he loved me and he loved all you guys. I know he did. I liked to sing in the car and before Finn I used to sing alone and this was the first song I would sing with him when we would drive around together, so this is for him."

Santana couldn't take her eyes from Rachel. She'd spent four weeks avoiding this, avoiding the pain of losing him, of Rachel losing him. She'd escaped to work and school and Dani's house and into her anger and now, Rachel here before her, she couldn't escape it any longer. This was real. Finn was gone and it hurt, to the very core, and each and every one of them would spend the rest of their lives, their futures, without him in the place where he belonged.

Rachel's voice hung in the air and Sam's arm grasped at Santana's shoulder and she put hers around him as well, holding him, embracing him. She felt his grief in the heat of his skin and the tears that wet her blouse as he fell into her arms and wept. She cradled him and she closed her eyes, breathing him in. Breathing Finn in.

She opened her eyes and gazed upon the rest. Tina gripping Mike and Artie, the two boys who had loved her once, who she had loved and dreamed of lives together. Marley's head on Jake's shoulder, hoping for a future.

And Blaine. Gripping Kurt's hand on his lap like a lifeline, the only lifeline he had because she had abandoned him, denied him his right to grieve. Blaine turned to Kurt and his face, in so much pain, so scared of losing the one thing that mattered most in the world to him, losing his Finn, his soulmate. Kurt, unable to even go there, to let himself feel that anguish because as much as he wasn't afraid to live without Blaine in his life, to live without Blaine in the world would be like trying to breathe in a world with no air.

She'd been so wrong. She owed more than just Sue an apology.

Rachel finished singing and the room was silent. Kurt got up first gathering her in his arms and whispering in her ear. Others followed, Blaine and Mike, Tina and Mercedes. Rachel, Kurt's touch never straying, stood in the center of a circle filled with love and support. Santana reached for Blaine's hand. He turned to find her eyes soft with apology and when she led him away he followed willingly.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He looked down at her hand in his where it belonged and he smiled faintly, having already forgiven her. "Don't be."

"No, Blaine, I was wrong. You have every right to feel what you feel and I should never have denied you that. I have a lifetime of memories with Finn. Your chance at that was taken from you and maybe..." She paused swallowing the lump in her throat. "Maybe that's even harder."

Blaine shrugged, his gaze falling to the floor. It wouldn't do, to try and weigh and measure grief. "I told my father that I knew that Finn was the son he always wanted and not me," he told her instead.

Santana's eyes opened wide in shock. "What did he say?"

Blaine's lips curled in a soft smile up at her, carefully humbling his pride. "He called me his hero."

"Blaine, that's…amazing," she beamed.

Blaine nodded but his eyes watered with unshed tears. "I never got to tell Finn. I never got to tell him that he would have been a hero to his father. He never got a chance to be one to his children. To Kurt's and mine."

She squeezed his hand hard before letting go. "He was already a hero. To me, to Kurt. To Rachel and Quinn and Mr. Schuester. And he knew that," she said with complete confidence. "Before he was gone he knew that."

"The world should know it," Blaine whispered.

Kurt's hand slipped into his as he came up beside them. "I'm going to bring Rachel home, she wants to spend some time alone with Carole. Meet you after school?"

Blaine caught Santana's eye and raised a brow. She looked back, knowing, and nodded her head in agreement. She may have already decided that she was done with Lima, but she could manage one last goodbye. Blaine looked at them both and smiled. "I know just the place," he said.

* * *

Blaine, Santana, Kurt and Sam slid into a booth at the Jazz club that night. They ordered appetizers and a drink and toasted to Finn. Santana caught the eye of the pianist who waved at her and Blaine. He finished his song, then turned to the mic.

"Everyone please welcome an old friend who we miss dearly, Miss Santana Lopez," he announced.

Santana smiled and approached the microphone, feeling more like herself than she had in a month. She looked over the crowd and her friends at the table. Too many were missing, but they were all there in spirit. "Hi everyone. I see a lot of familiar faces out there tonight so some of you know me pretty well. I've been coming here a few years now, sneaking out my bedroom window just to sing for you until I grew old enough to go out the front door." She laughed and the patrons laughed with her. "About a year ago my friend Blaine started coming as well and he and I have shared a lot of the highs and lows of our lives with you in this club. Both of us tend to express ourselves better in song and this place has let us sing the things we could not speak. Tonight's no different. My friends and I lost an amazing person last month. Finn was a friend, a brother, and a hero to us all. And tonight we just wanted to share that with you and toast to him. Blaine will you come play for me?"

Blaine kissed Kurt quickly before joining Santana on stage, settling into the piano. He closed his eyes and let the feel of the ivory beneath his fingers give him strength as he started the introduction. Thunder clapped in the distance and Blaine looked up, smiling at Finn's accompaniment. Santana smiled too as she began.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear_   
_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_How do you measure, measure a year?_

Blaine joined in with her, remembering the times that he'd had with Finn. The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza, the proms, the competitions, the fights and the music. He loved Finn with all his heart. And he would miss him, everyday.

_In daylights, in sunsets_   
_In midnights, in cups of coffee_   
_In inches, in miles, in laughter and in strife_   
_In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_How do you measure, a year in the life?_

_How about love?_   
_How about love?_   
_How about love?_   
_Measure in love_

_Seasons of love_   
_Seasons of love_

Sam came up and shared the microphone with Santana. She smiled at him and let all their history slip away. With death came new life. And it was time for her and Sam to start over.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan_   
_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_   
_How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?_

Kurt watched them, knowing that this was his life. With Rachel and his Dad, this was his family now. He stepped up on the stage. Blaine slid over and Kurt sat beside him. They all silenced and Kurt's voice rang out alone.

_In truths that she learned_   
_Or in times that he cried_   
_In bridges he burned_   
_Or the way that she died_

They all joined in, Sam and Santana moving to lean against the piano. In just a few short months they would be together in New York, living together, loving together, relying on one another for everything. Finn would forever hold his place in their hearts, but their story wouldn't end without him. Together as friends, they would always remember and the show would go on.

_It's time now, to sing out_   
_Though the story never ends_   
_Let's celebrate_   
_Remember a year in the life of friends_

_Remember the love_   
_Oh, you got to, you got to remember the love_   
_Remember the love_   
_You know that love is a gift from up above_   
_Remember the love_   
_Share love, give love, spread love_   
_Measure in love_   
_Measure, measure your life in love_

_Seasons of love_   
_Seasons of love_   
_Measure your life, measure you life in love_


	26. A Katy or a Gaga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode was lackluster for me in Ohio, and I was worried about writing this chapter, but I actually am so thrilled with how it came out! It's slightly left of canon but I'm sure you all will forgive me any not quite canon moments. So everyone enjoy :-)

Mr. Schuester was right about one thing. Having everybody home and memorializing Finn in the best way they all knew how, through song, was the best thing they could have done. It didn't change how much they missed him. It didn't change how Blaine's heart clenched whenever he saw Carole. But it helped to banish the ghosts in the room. It helped them to realize that Finn would want them to have fun, and not spend the rest of their lives mourning him.

Which was a very good thing, because Blaine didn't think he could contain his excitement for a Katy vs. Gaga week even if he tried. That was until he learned he had to be a Gaga.

* * *

"Come on Kurt, you have to help me," Blaine begged into the phone. "Tina won't do anything because she's on the Katy team, and how am I supposed to make a costume without either of my two best designers?"

Kurt finally reached the entrance to the NYADA building and pulled the door open, ducking inside from the rain. "What am I supposed to do Blaine, sew all night and overnight ship it to you?" He'd walked to school so fast he was out of breath by the time he reached the top of the stairs.

"I don't know," Blaine pouted and dropped onto his bed. "Magically send me your superior sewing skills?"

Kurt smiled fondly and leaned against the wall, giving himself a moment of respite. Blaine was truly lost without him when it came to stuff like this, the least he could do was help. "Look, get in the car and go to the fabric store. I'll text you exactly what you need to buy and where to find it and when I get home from class I'll sketch the pattern real quick and email it to you. I should have taught you enough to be able to make a decent costume from that."

Blaine sighed happily, his body settling with relief. "I love you."

"You better," Kurt smirked. "I got kicked out of the Apples for you."

"What? Why?" Blaine gasped.

Kurt shrugged. "I guess Adam could only handle being friends before you put a ring on it." He checked his watch, five more minutes. He hitched up his bag and headed down the hall. "Doesn't matter. I'm going to make my own way. I'm going to start a band," he beamed proudly.

If he'd been drinking Blaine would have spit it all over the floor. "A band? You?"

Now it was Kurt's turn to pout. "What's wrong with a band?" he asked. Blaine was always in his corner. "You told me my time was coming. Maybe this is it."

"Nothing's wrong with a band," Blaine quickly assured him. "I just never thought that was your thing. But if it's what you want to do then you should. You know I will always believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to, Kurt."

Kurt rounded the corner to his classroom. "Well, right now I have to put my mind to theater history and Dionysus. A perfect time for me to make you a supply list. So go to the store and I'll Skype you later."

"Have a good class Kurt, don't get in trouble for texting me," Blaine said.

"Please, this professor is as old as dirt he probably doesn't even know what a cell phone is," he said wryly. "Love you."

"I love you too," Blaine smiled.

* * *

**From Santana to Blaine [8:03pm]: So this very interesting thing happened today.**

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:05pm]: Do tell._ **

**From Santana to Blaine [8:06pm]: Oh no, no, no, Mi Amore, this is a something that cannot be told, it needs to be seen with ones very own eye.**

It was only seconds before a video was sent to his phone with a message from Santana. **Sit Down. Alone.**

Well he was already alone in his bedroom so he curled up in the chair beside his bed and hit play. His mouth dropped almost immediately. On his screen was this goliath of a voice in the body of a god dressed from head to toe in black and sequins rocking on stage with Dani. The man drew closer and closer and the phone nearly slipped out of Blaine's hand he was sweating so much from the pure sex dripping off of this man. Then suddenly it stopped with no warning.

Blaine was dialing faster than he ever had before. It didn't even ring before Santana picked it up. "Do you like what you see?" she teased.

"Who the hell is that Santana?" Blaine wiped the sweat off his hands and, oh god, why was he sweating?

"That, boyfriend, is the newest member of Kurt's band if I have anything to say about it," Santana gushed.

But Blaine choked. "Kurt's…no..No Santana. No. You can't…" He got up and paced the room, running his hand through his hair with no regard for looks or mess. "He's…he's gorgeous, Santana. He's tall and dark and handsome and that voice, Santana he can run circles around me vocally. You cannot introduce him to Kurt!"

"Well you are about two hours too late for that, sweet cheeks. Starchild showed up for auditions and I have every intention of making your idiot fiancé see that the band needs him," Santana said.

Blaine stopped mid step. "Wait. Kurt didn't want him in the band?" His brown crinkled in disbelief. "Why?"

"His reason or the truth?" Santana asked.

"Um…both?" Blaine sat back down in the chair. It was easy to tell that this guy, this…Starchild…was an incredible talent even from the thirty seconds he'd seen. It made no sense that Kurt wouldn't want him. Unless…

"Kurt says," she drawled, "that he's too _outré,_ whatever the hell that means. But what Kurt really means is that he thinks Starchild is so insanely talented that he will overshadow him in his own band. And he's probably right."

"So, it's not that he's…"

"Drooling over him like you are? No. I think he was too overwhelmed with his own sense of inferiority to even think about him like that." Blaine let out a breath of relief. "Well, except maybe when he was practically fucking on the floor, he made sure not to miss that." she added. "Sorry I didn't get that part on video, but it probably would have driven you over the edge anyway."

Blaine blushed bright red. "It would not have...I'm engaged Santana," he snapped, flustered. "Please make sure Kurt remembers that too."

"Starchild in the band, not in Kurt's pants. Got it," she said with gentle teasing. Her voice softened. "It's my job in life to make sure you're married off," Santana promised. "I won't let sex on a stick screw it up."

Blaine pouted. "I thought I was sex on a stick," he whined.

"You are," she placated him. "It's just his stick is…taller…and hotter…and more… _outré."_

Blaine said goodnight and hung up the phone. He looked at the Gaga costume he was working on, silver pants, green sparkling shirt, and he knew, more than ever before, that he had to rock this thing.

He could be _outré_ too.

* * *

"Hey Marley, wait up?" Blaine called, jogging a bit after her with the _Applause_ sheet music in hand. "You wanna practice a bit before heading home? I could really use a partner, I hate learning music alone."

She looked at him strangely; they'd never really done this kind of thing before. "Who do you usually learn music with?"

Blaine fidgeted uneasily. "Oh well, Kurt mostly, when he was still here. Sam but he's off doing…" Blaine waved his hand in the direction Sam had headed, "something I think we all should be afraid of. And Tina, but she's on the other team, so…"

"Why don't you just call Kurt?" she asked. "Tina said he's like the biggest Gaga New Directions had, I'm sure he could help."

"I'm…" Blaine frowned. He'd been avoiding calling Kurt since the video. "Trying to work some things out in my head. And it seemed like you were having a tough time with this assignment, so I thought I'd ask. But you don't have to, if you don't want to."

"No." She shook her head and smiled. "No, I'd like to. You're such a Katy fan, this assignment can't be much easier for you."

They walked down the hallway to the choir room. "I like both, but yeah, Katy's songs are more my thing. But it's fun too, to get out of your comfort zone once in a while. And Mr. Schuester's right, if we want to win against Throat Explosion then we need to be versatile." Blaine sat down at the piano, placing the music and starting to run his fingers over the keys.

"I don't think I'm very versatile," Marley admitted quietly. She looked up at Blaine, her eyes sad. "I try, to be who everyone wants me to be. But it's exhausting sometimes. And Jake," she bowed her head, fiddling with her nails. "How do you do it Blaine? How does a Katy like you make it with a Gaga like Kurt?"

Blaine pursed his lips and looked away. Ever since seeing Starchild perform, he'd been asking himself the same question.

* * *

Kurt sat in his chair, Rachel leaving him to his thoughts. Why did everything have to be so hard for him when it felt like opportunity just fell into the laps of his friends? He got up and ran a hand over the lapel of his red blazer, placing one more pin before turning to his computer. He clicked it on and logged into Skype, but Blaine wasn't logged in. His heart dropped a bit. It had been two days since they'd Skyped. Two days since they'd really talked at all. He grabbed his phone and sent a quick text.

**From Kurt to Blaine [10:14pm]: Skype?**

_**From Blaine to Kurt [10:20pm]: Sorry. Was in the shower. Give me 5 minutes.** _

Kurt bit his lip nervously, not even quite sure why, but he knew as if he were right next to Blaine that something was wrong. The text was terse. No teasing, no heart filled emoticons. The last two days had been that way. Well he'd get to the bottom of it tonight. He distracted himself with sewing, finishing the touches on the left side until his computer chimed with Blaine's call. He slipped the pin cushion off his wrist and settled into his chair.

"Hey you," Kurt said, his eyes brightening immediately. Blaine was fresh from the shower, curls tight with droplets of water occasionally falling. But he looked…off.

"Hey." Blaine tried to make it sound like everything was normal and okay but Kurt knew him far better than that by now.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Kurt gently urged and Blaine smiled shyly. Somehow just the fact that Kurt realized there was something wrong made him feel a bit better. "I haven't really heard much from you in two days."

"I haven't really heard much from you in two days either," Blaine pointed back.

"I know," Kurt frowned, his shoulders sagging. "We can't do this again Blaine. If things are going on, if you're worried about something or I'm worried about something we need to talk about it, not disappear on each other again."

Blaine sighed, knowing full well that Kurt was right. He was just, well embarrassed was probably as good a word as any. "It's just…" he started and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's just that I'm here and you're there and…I look absolutely ridiculous in that Gaga outfit Kurt and that Starchild guy is right there and hot as hell and-"

"Wait," Kurt startled, not expecting that at all. "This is about Starchild?" His face twisted, confused. "How do you even know about him?"

"Santana showed me the video," Blaine admitted.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Of course she did." He took a breath and smiled at Blaine, a warm, loving smile at the most adorable man in the world. "Blaine, I would never, ever, look at him like I look at you."

Blaine scoffed. "Of course not, I'm no comparison, he's like Adam Lambert incarnate-"

Kurt laughed and shook his head. "No, he's not." Blaine flashed an incredulous look and Kurt conceded. "Ok, maybe he is, but that changes nothing."

Blaine wanted to argue, wanted to remind Kurt how many times they'd talked about Kurt's celebrity crushes, but he knew this wasn't really about that. "It's just, you and me, we're polar opposites Kurt, you are the biggest Gaga glee club has ever seen and I'm the biggest Katy and-"

"And that's what makes us perfect together," Kurt interrupted. "Do you really think I want to spend the rest of my life trying to out-Gaga my husband? Blaine, you are sweet and you're kind and you're sometimes bubble gum pop and sometimes soulful and honest. I would never want you to change that for me because those are the things I love about you."

Blaine visibly relaxed, his heart bursting with that heady sense of being overcome with love. "And you are one of a kind, Kurt. You are snarky and edgy and over the top and you challenge everyone around you. You challenge _me_ every day. And that's what I love about you."

Kurt smiled and bowed his head. "Mr. Schuester really needs to stop trying to make us all something we're not."

"He's trying to expand our horizons," Blaine defended. "As artists."

"But what's wrong with knowing who you are and not compromising?" Kurt argued. "He and the rest of society tell us all the time we're not good enough, we're too different, we're not different enough. But look at Rachel. She never gave in, never tried to be anyone else. She is who she is and now she's Fanny Brice on Broadway. She's right and believe me, I hate when she is," he muttered. "But if I really want success I'm going to need to forge my own path."

"You're going to Kurt and I will be right by your side doing whatever I need to in order to help you make it happen," he vowed. Which brought him back to the matter at hand. "And Kurt? Starchild's voice may be incredible and his look may be over the top, but he'll never overshadow you. So don't give into that little voice in the back of your head. If he's going to make your band better, then he's just going to make you shine even more. So give him a shot."

"I will," Kurt smiled, then quirked a brow. "Going days without talking is a pretty stupid thing we do, huh?"

Blaine chuckled. "The dumbest. Have a good night Kurt. Sweet dreams."

"I will dream of you," Kurt promised.

* * *

"Why do I feel right now like I am a complete substitute for Kurt?" Sam asked as they walked up the sidewalk in front of the Lima Limelight.

"Because despite being the biggest Gaga McKinley has ever seen, the very first person in line for this Julie Andrews night has always been Kurt Hummel. And he may not be able to be here tonight, but we will come in his stead and be proud," Blaine announced, his chin held high.

"But did we really have to wear sailor suits?" Sam asked, looking down at his light blue pants and shirt with a handkerchief tie draped around his neck.

Blaine rolled his eyes in disapproval. "These are not sailor suits Sam, they are the uniforms from the Sound of Music and you look very handsome," he said appreciatively.

Sam grinned. "Thanks, man!" He patted Blaine on the back. "So do you, I guess."

Blaine paid, he was the one who asked Sam out after all, and they bought their refreshments before finding seats in the theater.

**From Blaine to Kurt [4:30pm]: We're here. Miss you.**

_**From Kurt to Blaine [4:33pm]: Miss you too. And Julie Andrews.** _

**From Santana to Sam [4:35pm]: I am so glad I am not you right now. Please send me a pic of you in your sailor suit.**

_**From Sam to Santana [4:37pm]: It's a uniform, not a sailor suit, and no way in hell. But I'll send you Blaine.** _

"Say cheese," Sam said quickly and snapped a picture of a grinning Blaine. He sent it to Santana.

_**From Kurt to Blaine [4:40pm]: Nice suit. You are like sex on a rainbow lollipop stick right now ;)** _

**From Blaine to Kurt [4:42pm]: God Kurt you cannot just say things like that while I'm at the movies with Sam. The images in my head right now are going to kill me. Thank goodness for the bucket of popcorn on my lap!**

**From Santana to Sam [4:43pm]: Is Anderson blushing right now? Cuz Hummel here is bright red on the couch.**

Sam looked over and didn't know whether to laugh or cringe.

_**From Sam to Santana [4:45pm]: Do you think Julie Andrews turns them on?** _

**From Santana to Sam [4:46pm]: I would not in any way put it past them. The gays are weird like that.**

**From Blaine to Kurt [4:48pm]: I need to put my phone away before the movie starts. And before I have to run to the bathroom to avoid a very unfortunate incident.**

_**From Kurt to Blaine [4:50pm]: Skype you later?** _

**From Blaine to Kurt [4:51pm]: You can count on it. xoxox**

* * *

"Hey, you want to join us all for dinner?" Kurt asked Elliott before returning to work. "The girls and I are gonna meet our roommate Rachel at the restaurant down the street after our shift. Which will be over in about," he glanced at his phone, "an hour. What do you say?"

Elliott smiled and nodded. "Sure. I'll just hang out here until you're done."

"Great," Kurt beamed and went back to work. Elliott tried not to appear creepy, keeping one eye on his phone and the other on Kurt, Santana and Dani, the folks he hoped he'd be spending a fair amount of time with in the foreseeable future. The three of them all got up to sing at one point and Elliott could not help but be the loudest with applause. He couldn't wait to sing with them.

Finally their shift was over and they hung up their aprons and headed out. They'd decided as soon as they'd started working at the Spotlight Diner that they wouldn't eat there unless they had to. Instead they headed down the street to an inexpensive but classy piano bar with good food and decent music.

"So what are things like for you at NYU?" Kurt asked Elliott as they walked. Santana and Dani were three steps behind lost in one another, giggling over something Kurt could probably never understand.

"It's good," Elliott answered, noncommittally. "You know, it's competitive and full of divas who don't just want to do well themselves, but want you to fail. That's why I wanted to go outside of NYU to find a place to perform. But I'm sure it's the same at NYADA."

"Pretty much," Kurt agreed. "Such is the business I guess, we better get used to it now. And speaking of business, there's Rachel." Kurt smiled as she approached and he quickly pulled her into his arms for a hug. He knew she was trying to put on a brave face, but rehearsals were hard for her. Funny Girl was something she'd always dreamed of. And Finn had always been a part of that picture. "How did today go?" he asked sympathetically.

"Eh, you know," she shrugged with a half-smile. "It's all so bittersweet. I'm learning so much and I think to call him and then I remember." She took Kurt's hand and looked past him for a minute, her smile broadening as soon as she saw the man in front of them. "And who's this?"

"Rachel, this is Elliott, aka Starchild." He bounced with excitement. "Elliott, this is my roommate and very best friend, Rachel Berry."

Elliott's eyes opened wide. "The Rachel Berry who was just cast as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl?"

"The very one," Kurt responded proudly.

"Wow. You are just the talk of NYU, there's not a student there who's not jealous of you right now," Elliott told her.

Rachel's smile faltered for just a second, unseen by Elliott but of course not missed by Kurt. Apparently not everything about Rachel had made its way across Manhattan.

"Well thank you Elliott," she answered politely. "Fanny's been my dream since I was a little girl, so it's amazing to actually being doing it." She glanced up at Dani and Santana finally making their way over to them. "Nice of you two to join us," she teased. "Let's go inside, I'm starving. And as much as I love it, I could use some music other than Funny Girl in my life right now."

They went inside and ordered food and drinks. The music played on the piano and Kurt couldn't help but lose himself in it for a bit, imagining it was Blaine playing. They laughed and teased and generally got to know one another. Kurt had been wary at first, but now he thought that Elliott was going to fit in just fine.

* * *

Blaine had walked to school that morning, the breeze just right to make the distance disappear while the music on his IPod filled his thoughts. Now walking back after the student council meeting, cutting through the back fields of the school, he dodged the few runners still circling the track and the Cheerios loitering on the grass. He slipped his earbuds in and turned on his music, letting Katy wash over him. He'd leave the _outré_ to Starchild. It was fun sometimes, but he was who he was and he didn't need to pretend to be anyone else.

A flash of green and red pulled his focus out of the corner of his eye and he took another step closer to one of the equipment sheds on the outskirts of the fields. He knew kids came out here all the time to makeout or more and he was never one to make a fuss, but something made him stop until he could see who it was. Then he realized exactly what was going on.

"Jake?" He pulled the buds out of his ears , staring at the now startled Jake and Bree with complete confusion on his face.

Bree smirked, straightening her skirt and leaning up on her elbows. Jake scrambled away from the cheerleader, embarrassment and fear washing over him. "Dude please…"

The words were on the tip of Blaine's tongue before he bit them back, too familiar, too reminiscent of a day in the choir room when Finn had spoken the very same words that had almost slipped. Instead he glanced angrily back at Bree and took Jake by the arm, hoping he wasn't too late. "Come on." He offered Jake no opportunity to resist.

They walked until they were out of earshot of the girl then Blaine turned on him. "Jake, please, think about what you're doing."

"I know what I'm doing," Jake snapped, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"No you don't, Jake. Not if you care at all about Marley. Because this," he gestured in Bree's direction, "it changes things. It changes you. I know it seems like it's the only solution to whatever is going on between you two but once you do it you will never be the same. You can't take it back. Kurt and I may have our happy ending but we will never get back what we had before. What I did is with us forever."

"And what did you have before?" Jake asked.

Blaine's eyes saddened, considering the question. "Innocence," he sighed.

Jake shuffled, looking back to Bree then back to Blaine. "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want innocence," Jake said. "I may not be a Katy but I can still hear her words. Cloud nine doesn't exist. Not for guys like me."

Blaine couldn't get in another word before Jake stormed off back to Bree. He took her hand and led her off in the other direction. Blaine let out a breath. Falling was the easy part. Picking up the pieces, that took a lifetime.

* * *

Kurt was exhausted by the time he returned home, a long day of dance and voice and the most boring theater history class in the history of theater history. He was still the first one home though, Rachel at rehearsal and Santana no doubt spending the evening with Dani. The package by the door cheered him up a little. It was always fun to come home to a surprise. He picked it up and shoved the thin rectangular bubble insulated parcel beneath his arm while he slid open the door. Throwing his bag on the chair and settling on the couch he looked at it and squealed. It was for him. And it was from Blaine.

He ran to get a scissor to open it carefully in case it was fragile or delicate and he quickly did the job and reached in for what was inside. His hand touched glass and he pulled out a frame. A grin so big he probably lit up the room spread across his face. It was simple, black on white lettering, but it was completely perfect.

 _You have to be_  
_Unique & Different & Shine_  
_In your own way._

_~ Lady Gaga_

He reached for his phone, dialing quickly, Blaine answering immediately.

"Hi!" Blaine greeted happily. "I was just about to call you."

"Well I got your gift and I just wanted to tell you how much it means to me," Kurt said, wiping his eyes. "It's absolutely perfect and now when I forget, I can just look at it and I have you and Gaga to remind me every day to be myself."

"You're very welcome Kurt," Blaine said sincerely. "And I have someone to thank too," he added with a very playful tone. "Because I got a little gift in the mail today too."

Kurt smiled mischievously and tilted his head. "Oh did you?" he feigned innocence. "Tell me what you got, maybe I can help you figure out who sent it."

"Oh, well it says it's from a secret admirer. But I'm pretty sure there's only one person who would send me a bubblegum scented rainbow lollipop necklace."

"Oh?" Kurt giggled. "And who might that be?"

"Well, you wouldn't know him," Blaine teased. "It's just the love of my life."

"Oh well he must be a very lucky man," Kurt grinned.

"No," Blaine answered, shaking his head. "I'm the lucky one."


	27. End of Twerk

Kurt yawned. He didn't mean to, he tried to hold it back but it just came out.

Blaine's excitement deflated. And he'd really thought that maybe tonight…

Kurt didn't miss it. "I'm so sorry Blaine," he said while he yawned again, snuggling even more deeply into his sheets. He was lying on his side, the laptop next to his pillow. His so very comfortable pillow.

Blaine was trying to be patient. He really was. He knew how hard it was with classes all day and working all night. But his fiancé was killing him and not in a good way. "Kurt," he whined. "I love you and I need you and after the Julie Andrews night and your texts I was so SO ready and you just fell asleep."

"It was late by the time you got home," Kurt frowned.

"And then the other night you looked ridiculously hot in that scarf and I just wanted to..." He bit his lip, trying not to get himself worked up just thinking about the things he'd wanted, but it wasn't really working, "and we were so close Kurt, but you fell asleep-"

"Blaine-"

"And I know New York is demanding," Blaine continued. "And I'm completely embarrassed that it even exists, but you haven't even said a word about that twerking video and don't tell me you haven't seen it because I know how our friends work you probably have 2 or 3 copies of it in your text messages-"

"Four," Kurt corrected.

"So please Kurt, tell me." Blaine paused, his stomach clenching, not sure what he wanted the answer to be. "Am I doing something wrong?"

That woke Kurt up just a little bit and he leaned on his arm. "No Blaine, no, I promise." He wished he could reach out and hug him and reassure him. "I mean I know it's so cliché to say _it's not you it's me_ but really…it's not you, it's me." Kurt hoped that Blaine would believe him.

Blaine felt his shoulders relax and his heart ached for whatever Kurt was going through. "Then tell me what it is so I can help you. It's bad enough we're so far apart but I miss you so much."

"I don't know Blaine." Kurt lowered his head back down. His eyes grew sad. He wanted to be with Blaine. That time they were together during the week of the memorial was so special to him and if Blaine were with him he was certain it would be the same but this…this was very different. "It's just that since Finn…it's hard to, you know. Feel like doing…it."

Blaine suddenly felt like the worst fiancé in the world. "Kurt, I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be," Kurt assured him.

But Blaine didn't hear. "No I shouldn't have pushed. I understand, Kurt. Completely. I should have realized that."

Kurt smiled softly. Blaine always took the blame but Kurt was coming to realize that their issues were a two way street. "And I should be more…sensitive…to your…needs." He blushed. After all this time he hated that he still blushed.

But Blaine loved it and every time he fell in love with Kurt a little more. "No Kurt, Really. I'm fine. And we're fine. And I love you."

"I love you too," Kurt said. "Oh and um, feel free to send me more twerking videos. Just maybe keep it in the privacy of your own home next time."

Now it was Blaine's turn to blush but his face also lit up in a grin. "I'll do one better. I'll twerk for you right now."

"Oh my god Blaine, don't," Kurt urged but he was too late. Without waiting for approval he'd gotten up to put on some music, aimed his laptop and gave Kurt a show. Kurt broke out laughing, biting his lip as his fiancé shook his ass at him. The red on his cheeks blossomed.

Blaine turned for a minute to see Kurt grinning and flush and he sent a seductive wink over his shoulder. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut in mutual embarrassment. Blaine turned back around and finished the song, practicing for Nationals, he told himself and laughed. When the song ended he turned back around hopefully, only to find Kurt fast asleep on his pillow. With a sigh he turned the music off and climbed back into bed himself. He traced his finger on the screen, wishing he could reach out and touch Kurt, kiss his forehead, kiss his lips, and tuck the covers in tightly around him.

"Goodnight sweet prince," he whispered softly before disconnecting the call and placing the laptop on his nightstand. He curled up in his blankets, hugged his pillow, and went to sleep.

* * *

Kurt awoke the next morning with the black screen of his laptop open next to him and he rolled over and groaned. He'd done it to Blaine again and this time while the boy was literally shaking his ass at him.

He didn't know exactly what was wrong with him but he was certain that something had to change.

He sent a quick good morning apology to Blaine, one that was getting to be redundant after all these nights. He stumbled out into the living room and into the bathroom, thankful that he'd woken before the girls. Or Rachel. He hadn't seen Santana all week except at work. Clearly she wasn't having the same problem with Dani that he was having with Blaine, he thought with a roll of his eyes. He trudged into the bathroom, showered and readied himself for the day, got dressed, grabbed some snacks to go and headed out to his favorite coffee shop before taking the subway to school.

It would be another long day of classes, work, and a date with his television and ice cream tonight to wind down.

Stifling a yawn, he listed out the things he had to do today in his head. He'd worry about change tomorrow.

* * *

It was funny how his father had started making a place for himself in the little apartment that Blaine and his mom shared. What was even funnier, to Blaine at least, was how natural it felt. They'd taken to eating dinner as a family after work and school then sitting on the couch together at night to watch a show, the news or a movie. Blaine would excuse himself to Skype with Kurt and go to bed and in the morning his father would be gone. It felt right. It felt good. It felt like home.

"This vulgar, sexually explicit excuse for a dance craze has brought American culture to a new low. And that's why tonight, Western Ohio, I solemnly pledge to end the pandemic of twerking once and for all. Not only will I outlaw twerking at McKinley High, but I have submitted a bill to the Ohio State legislature banning twerking in Ohio public schools." Blaine slowly lowered his head in his hands, wishing the couch would open him up and swallow him whole. "And that's how Sue C's it," Coach Sylvester finished, her voice filling the living room, seeming to hang in the air.

The Colonel muted the television and turned slowly to Blaine. Blaine felt his father's eyes on him but he couldn't meet them, instead staring at the fingers he lowered onto his lap. He bit his lip. He could feel his heart beating in his chest.

"Why do I think you and your Glee club have something to do with this?" the Colonel finally asked.

There was no use in lying. He tried to remind himself there was no _need_ to lie anymore. "I was in the choir room by myself listening to music and I may have been…twerking…while I cleaned things up at the end of the day. I thought I was completely alone but Tina snuck in and took video of it. I told her to go away, but then she showed it to the rest of the club. So then Mr. Schuester decided the whole glee club should learn how to twerk so we could do it for Nationals." He'd kept his eyes down telling the story but he nervously looked up to his father now.

John's eyes were shut. He was breathing slowly, in and out, then he opened his eyes. "Do you know how lucky you are that Sue Sylvester did not play that video for all of Western Ohio?" His father had hated Sue ever since the credit issues she'd caused their family. He'd threatened to go to the school board when she'd become principal, but Blaine had stopped him, not wanting his Dad to make a scene and cause trouble for him.

"Yes sir, I am," Blaine assured him. He'd been holding his breath the whole segment just praying that Sue hadn't somehow gotten her hands on it. "I'm pretty sure I know everyone who has it, I made them all swear they wouldn't send it outside of Glee Club or post it on the internet." He'd actually gone so far as to corner Jake in private to make sure it wasn't on his phone. He didn't know where things were with Bree right now, but if she got to the video then Sue most definitely would and he had no doubt the video would go worldwide. "Truth be told Dad, it's completely embarrassing and I'd be more than happy if everyone just deleted it."

John sighed and sat back in the couch. "I honestly don't know how I feel about all of you twerking at Nationals," John said.

"I honestly don't know how I feel about the fact that you even know what twerking is," Blaine muttered.

"Then I probably shouldn't ask you to teach me how to do it?" John smirked.

"Oh my god," Blaine cringed at the thought.

His mother hid her face behind her hand trying not to laugh. Blaine saw and found himself chuckling as well. It must have been contagious because suddenly John was laughing too, which just made all of them burst out in hysterics.

There were still moments, too many maybe, that the old worries and feelings came back like unwanted thoughts that haunted him when he least expected it. But he was always surprised to find that his father was indeed a changed man. And the fact that he had done that would never cease to amaze him.

* * *

She was curled up warm and sated in Dani's arms beneath the red down blankets of the full size bed. Dani's hand stroked the skin of her hips and Santana let out a contented hum. "I could stay here forever," she purred and kissed Dani's neck.

Dani smiled and squeezed her tight, kissing her temple. "Your roommates might miss you," she hinted.

Santana pouted. "You don't want me to stay?"

"I want you to be happy," Dani said and raised a brow. "So why are you avoiding Kurt and Rachel?"

It hadn't been on purpose anymore than Rachel and Kurt moping around the apartment had been on purpose. But she'd needed air and sex and the comfort she'd found with Dani. "They're just so depressing," she admitted.

"Maybe they just need your beautiful smile and powerful spirit?" Dani smirked and kissed her softly. "I know it does wonders for me."

Santana grinned and climbed on top of Dani, letting the blanket slip from her shoulders. "I don't think either of them want what I have to offer."

Dani pulled her down and kissed her again. "You have to go back sometime," she whispered against her lips.

"Not tonight," Santana whispered back and reached a hand down to tease.

Dani closed her eyes and hissed in a breath. "No, definitely not tonight," she agreed.

* * *

"No Tina, seriously, you have to squat down further like you're gonna sit, then pop, pop, pop, like this." Kitty demonstrated by nearly sitting on Artie's lap then flicking her ass in his face. The room filled with groans and aside from Artie who raised his hands in the air with praise and shouted "Amen and Hallelujah," pretty much the entire room looked away, most especially Tina and Blaine.

The sound of the door snapping shut broke through the chaos though, commanding their attention. Quiet filled the room, everyone turning to look. Unique stood motionless just inside the door, her wig gone, her arms hugging herself in an attempt to protect, and tears flowing from her eyes.

Blaine was the first one up and was across the room in a flash. "What happened?" he asked gently, though he had a very good idea of what happened. Her eyes were scared, far away. He knew that look. He knew it all too well.

"They took my hair," was the first thing she thought of to say and it sounded silly in her ears, but Blaine's hands on her arms felt so good she remembered how she must look.

"Who did?" he whispered.

She looked him in the eye, golden warmth full of worry and understanding and she thought she could actually get lost in those eyes so she looked away and shrugged. "Just some guys in the bathroom."

"What the hell?" Ryder snapped and Jake stood up by his side.

"We're going out there now," Sam said. He was out of the risers and halfway across the room when Blaine's hand against his chest stopped him. A pointed glare, a slight shake of the head, and Sam stepped back.

Blaine turned back to Unique. "What do you need right now?"

"I just need to sing," she said and Blaine understood completely. He made sure all the doors were closed and dimmed the lights while Unique talked to Brad and the boys returned to their seats. Then he sat down.

It was rare, with everything he'd been through, for him to think on the days that seemed so long ago now. The pain he'd been through with his father had been overshadowing the other for years. Even the Sadie Hawkins dance hadn't really brought it back. He wasn't scared any more, especially with his friends by his side. But now, as Unique sang, she faded before his eyes and the memories returned; the taunts that had broken his spirit, the words that had cut like a knife, the stripping of his bowtie that night before the fists broke his bones. He got lost in them, the pain in Unique's voice a clear reminder of how much he'd hurt staring out the window of that hospital bed knowing he was completely alone.

But with Kurt and Santana and Sam he wasn't alone anymore and neither was Unique. The boys stood up for her and had her back, but they didn't understand how fighting back could hurt so much more than standing still. He did though.

When Glee was over the guys offered Unique a ride home, an offer she politely declined. Blaine hitched his bag on his shoulder and started to follow, but changed his mind at the last minute.

"I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow," he said and stepped back inside. He turned in the doorway and closed the door behind him. Unique looked up at him from across the room.

"Sometimes going home can be the hardest part." She was quiet and he crossed the room, straddling a seat near her. He rested his chin on his hands. "It always was for me."

"Every morning my dad leaves for work before I get up. It's not that he doesn't support me and my choices. But he knows that when I walk out the door stuff like this is gonna happen." Unique lowered her head, then looked back at Blaine's caring gaze. "I talk about the good parts of my day. Everyone in Glee Club has been wonderful. I don't tell them about this stuff."

"You keep it secret to protect them," Blaine said.

"It's my fa-" She swallowed her words hoping Blaine wouldn't notice "-fight, not theirs."

But it was a slip he knew too well. "It's not your fault." He reached out a hand, resting it gently on hers.

"I know that," Unique said.

"I knew it too. It still sometimes felt like it was." He remembered those days like it was yesterday. "I thought it was just the price I had to pay for being what I was. That's what my father always told me."

"He was wrong," Unique said quietly.

"I know that now," Blaine said, and he was glad she knew it too. "I also know that it's better to have people by your side and to ask for help. It seems like it might get worse if you do, hell sometimes it might. But in my experience, the more friends around you the better."

"So…you're saying I should let the guys beat up the jocks?" Unique asked.

Blaine shook his head. "No. Violence isn't the answer. But I am saying that you should let them be the friends they want to be."

Unique smiled softly. "It's just nice to have someone to talk to about it who understands. Who's been there too."

Blaine smiled and nodded. With Kurt and Santana and Brittany gone it was just him and Unique against the prejudiced in this school. "Yes it is." He swung off the chair and held out his hand. "Now, can I drive you home?"

Unique laughed softly and took his hand. "Yes, Mr. Anderson, you may."

* * *

Blaine's computer rang with the Skype call and he pulled it onto his lap with that ever present swoop in his belly he always felt just before he got to lay eyes on Kurt. He was greeted though not by his fiancé but by a white poster board with a message sprawled across it.

_I have a surprise for you!_

Blaine's heart started to flutter and his grin was enormous before he even saw what it was. Then suddenly the poster board was lowered and he was staring at the beautiful back he knew so well except…

The swoop in his belly immediately grew hot. "Oh my god Kurt, is that tattoo real?"

Kurt turned with his own grin and nodded vigorously, but instead of saying a word he held up another sign.

_But that's not all!_

Kurt nervously lowered the sign to the floor and Blaine was staring at him, expectant and adorable and nearly begging for the next surprise. Kurt blushed, embarrassed and worried and maybe just a little bit excited, and he delicately stuck out his tongue.

The glint of the silver stud on Kurt's tongue sent a shiver up Blaine's spine and the blood straight down. "Fuck," he breathed.

Kurt's nerves rattled and his face scrunched with worry. "Ith that a good fuck or a bad fuck?" Blaine stared at him without answer and Kurt grew even more anxious. "Bwaine?"

Blaine swallowed and took a breath. "Give me a minute here Kurt, I don't think there's any blood left in my brain."

Kurt giggled and relaxed. "Tho you're not mad at me?" he lisped.

"Mad? I…" Blaine shook his head out of his daze and laughed. "No, I am on the other side of the universe from mad. God, Kurt, that is the craziest, sexiest thing you have ever done and remind me again why they haven't invented teleportation yet because I need you so badly right now."

Kurt laughed. "I think it hath to heal first before we can do any of that in perthon anyway."

"Well good, that will give me time to get a plane ticket," Blaine said.

"You think your father's gonna give you frequent fwier miles to try out my new tongue wing?" Kurt asked amused.

"I'll think of something," Blaine promised desperately and he lowered his voice. "I need to feel it on my skin, taste it. I need to see that tattoo, touch it, kiss it…"

"You don't think I've ruined my thkin?" Kurt bit his lip, again second guessing.

"I think your skin is beautiful, and whatever you wear is beautiful, and so wearing something on your skin is insanely beautiful Kurt and you are so fucking sexy Kurt you're killing me," Blaine whined.

Kurt threw Blaine a seductive smile and reached over beside his bed. "Then let me add a little more thexy to the mix," he winked.

_Put your hands, all over, put your hands all over me_   
_Put your hands, all over, put your hands all over me_

_I can't seem to find the pretty little face I left behind_   
_Wandered out on the open road_   
_Looking for a better place to call home  
_

The sound of Adam Levine drove him over the edge. "Fuck Kurt, I want your hands all over me now," Blaine whispered, losing himself in the music and the images, closing his eyes and feeling Kurt's hands on his skin.

_Put your hands all over me please talk to me, talk to me_   
_Tell me everything, it's gonna be alright_   
_Put your hands all over me_

"Next time I thee you I'm gonna do tho much better than my hands, Bwaine," Kurt tried to croon.

"Kurt baby," he breathed, his eyes closed, sweat beading on his forehead.

"Yeth?"

Blaine opened his eyes, heavy lidded, pupils dark and blown, and he smiled that soft, goofy smile that sent waves of arousal through Kurt's skin. "I love you, but please just let me do the talking this time," he suggested.

_So come down off your cloud_   
_Say it now say it loud_   
_Get up in my face_   
_Pretty little girl come make my day  
_

Kurt blushed and laid back on his bed. "Okay," he whispered.

"No sleeping," Blaine teased, his breathing ragged.

"Not a chance," Kurt promised, his voice wrecked.

Blaine's pulse pounded in his ears and he met Kurt's eyes with a grin. "Okay…"

_Love is a game you say play me and put me away_   
_Love is a game you say play me and put me away_   
_Put your hands all over me_


	28. Movin' Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had many thoughts about this episode which were tempered upon my second viewing, but still hang in the back of my mind. Thankfully, I was able to work one of the most important ones out.

"You have the cash I gave you? And the credit card for emergencies?" the Colonel asked, standing at the foot of Blaine's bed as he packed.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Yes Dad, I have it all," he assured him for the tenth time. "It's not like I haven't been to New York before."

"The first time you snuck away without permission I never would have given you and the second time you were with Burt," the Colonel reminded him. "I feel like I should be going with you. I know you're 18, but don't most kids do college tours with their parents? The idea of you and Sam making your way around New York City on your own…"

Blaine gripped his father's shoulders softly and smiled. "We will be fine. I promise. We have Kurt and Rachel and Santana and you have a weekend drill you can't get out of and Mom has a deadline to reach and we will be fine," he assured his Dad. Better than fine. Going to New York with Sam was going to be amazing. Being there with Kurt, Santana and Rachel was even better. "Besides, it's only a few months before we'll be living there anyway."

His father's eyes grew stern and he pointed a finger. "I want to hear about NYU and Columbia when you get back, not just your NYADA audition. That's important and I know it's your number one choice but I won't have you hanging around here or getting some internship in New York while you figure out what to do if you don't get in." Blaine bristled at the slight digs at Kurt but he let it go. "I know you want to perform like your brother but he's single and if he goes months without a job it's no big deal. You will have a family to support and you need to make sure you can provide for you and Kurt. There are other things you can do with your life beside theater and at NYU or Columbia you can even double major if you still want to do it. NYADA is not the be all and end all, understood?"

"Yes Sir," Blaine mumbled and he backed away and returned to his bag. He knew his father had a point, he'd applied to those schools on his own accord for exactly that reason. But he didn't need his father's doubts in his head, his stomach was fluttering enough with his own. Truth be told he was terrified of this audition and he'd never been scared of one before which just terrified him even more. And as it often did with Blaine, fear turned to anger and avoidance and he pulled his duffle over his head, settling it on his hip. "I need to get to school," he muttered.

The Colonel grabbed his wrist before he could get out the door. Blaine turned with a glare, but softened at the look in his father's eyes. "I'm not trying to discourage you Blaine. I want you to go out there and wow them with your audition. And if you get in I will be behind you 100%. I just want to make sure you have a backup plan for college if you don't, and NYU and Columbia are amazing schools for both the arts and whatever else you might want to do."

Blaine chewed at his lips. He understood his father meant well and wanted nothing but the best for him. "I know Dad," he said softly and wrapped an arm around to hug him. "I'll call you when I get there."

"And after your audition," the Colonel said pointedly.

Blaine smiled and chuckled faintly. "I will."

* * *

There was something about the noise that always sent a shiver down Blaine's spine and he could never quite tell if it was good or bad. Ohio was quiet and green and the air was fresh with the scent of flowers in the summer and snow in the winter. It was full of reminders of love everywhere, rolling in a field of lilacs or snuggling by the fire or driving down the old country roads in fall watching the leaves turn to dark, seductive reds and yellows. It was laying beneath a world of stars that held the wishes that lay secret in the heart.

New York on the other hand was loud and smelled of trash and smog. All that could be seen for miles were buildings and yet it was also full of excitement and energy and people reaching for dreams that were only shadows of hope in Ohio. The noise of New York was the sound of people actually making their dreams come true.

Horns honked around them as Blaine and Sam boarded the bus to Bushwick and their excitement thrummed through them.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into keeping this a surprise," Blaine said as they got off the bus and headed up the street toward the apartment. Obviously the trio knew he was coming for the NYADA audition, but he was a full two days early and they had no idea Sam was coming too. Keeping the secret had been excruciating. "Santana is going to kill me."

"Not Kurt?" Sam eyed with a smirk.

Blaine's lips curled in a sly, private smile and his eyes twinkled. "I have other plans for Kurt," he purred, realizing too late he'd actually said that out loud.

Sam draped an arm around his shoulders and patted him proudly on the back. "That's my boy! Gonna kick it off with _your_ very own take on a classic bj?"

Blaine blushed at Sam's words and then grew bright red with the anticipation of Kurt's tongue stud rushing through his veins. He was going for anything but classic.

Sam laughed and they opened the front door to the apartment building. Blaine let Sam try to find it but his patience was nearly gone and he pointed out the door. Sam threw it open in surprise, Blaine taking note to make sure he had a talk with Kurt about locking it. Kurt and Rachel looked up at them in shock.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt screeched excitedly getting up from his card game. Blaine beamed as suddenly Rachel was hugging him and then Kurt. He kissed Kurt's cheek and fell into his arms and there was nothing more right in the world than exactly where he was in that moment. Kurt pulled back but kept his hand in Blaine's, not wanting to let go just yet. "I can't believe you didn't tell us you were coming early."

"And bringing Sam with you, how fabulous," Santana added flatly, fresh from the shower, her hair wrapped in a towel. "You better be planning a threesome in that bed Anderson, because the couch ain't big enough for trouty mouth and me."

"I'll sleep on the floor Santana, I promise," Sam said, sending a wink to Blaine. "Think Blaine's got some plans of his own that don't require a third party."

"Wonderful," Santana moaned, rolling her eyes. Blaine threw Sam and glare and Kurt just blushed. "Got some earplugs in that bag Boyfriend? I've had my evenings full of peace and quiet with these two boring singles up 'til now."

"We know how to be quiet," Blaine said, throwing her a smile, before leading Kurt to the couch to talk. "You're not mad are you?" Blaine asked curling his legs beneath him. "That I came early without telling you? It was Sam's idea to keep it a surprise."

"Why would I be mad?" Kurt hugged him once more. "I just can't quite believe you're here."

"You don't have plans tonight, do you?" Blaine whispered, tracing a path with his fingertips up Kurt's thigh. "Because you haven't kissed me yet," Blaine hinted, his eyes already shining with desire. "And all I could think about the whole trip here was that barbell in my mouth and on my-"

Kurt kissed him to shut him up, quick and not at all enough, not at all what Blaine wanted or needed, but it did the trick. "I definitely have plans for tonight," Kurt whispered against his lips. "Very big plans."

* * *

"If you turn around, now you'll see Dodge Hall." Blaine and Sam turned to see a large brick building with arched windows all along the first floor. "This is the hub of the School of the Arts." The tour guide brought them inside the building and they looked around at  the vast lobby and the small coffee shop inside. "I myself have often come inside to get a cup of coffee to keep me going throughout the day. The arts thrive at Columbia, and Dodge Hall is home to our world famous school of the arts. Our music department is housed here as well as the Miller Theater, art galleries, and several libraries. In addition to Dodge Hall's resources, Columbia offers undergraduates committed to the arts tremendous opportunities in dance, drama and theater arts, and architecture," the tour guide recited her script.

"It's not so bad here," Blaine whispered to Sam as they continued the tour through the Hall and onto the remaining stops. "I'd have plenty of opportunity to sing and act, even while I major in something else. Maybe philosophy or psychology," he shrugged.

"I suppose," Sam said, less than enthusiastic. "I mean I don't know how good a school it really is if it can't even spell 'Colombia' right."

Blaine chuckled and shook his head. Sometimes the similarities between Sam and Brittany were striking. "It's an Ivy League School, Sam, I think it's pretty good."

After the tour they headed back to the Visitor's Center for their class visitation tickets. They arrived at the intro to psychology class a few minutes before it was set to begin and handed the tickets to the professor. The lecture hall was large and Sam wanted to sit in the back but Blaine was instantly mesmerized and shuffled into the fourth row.

"Let's talk about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs," the professor announced, starting the class. "Who can tell me the significance of it being shaped as a pyramid?"

The discussion and lecture was like a breath of fresh air to Blaine who had been starved for real debate and dialogue since leaving Dalton and going to McKinley. He didn't say anything, though he knew a significant amount about Maslow from his own counseling sessions. It didn't matter though, he learned more in that hour than he had in a semester of high school. Maybe his Dad was right.

Sam though was exhausted by the time class was over and he was thankful to be done with the campus tours and to get to the real excitement of exploring the streets of New York City. They took the subway to the East Village and the historic site on St. Mark's Place of the deconstructed bathhouse Kurt wanted him to see.

"This place was closed the end of 1985 because of the AIDS epidemic," Blaine told Sam sadly, staring up at the building from the curb. "Since the 15th century, baths like this were sometimes the only safe places where gay men could go to be themselves. Outside they'd be arrested or publicly humiliated just for loving who they love. But inside…" He walked to the building and touched the brick as if he could feel the history and the hope that was once upon a time housed within its walls. "Inside they were free."

Sam walked up to Blaine and leaned against the wall of the stairwell that once led inside. "Things are different now though. Or at least they're starting to be," Sam said with a small smile. "No one has to hide away anymore. You and Kurt are going to have one of the biggest gay weddings in all of New York and someday you will be the power couple to beat, I just know it."

Blaine glanced up at him through his lashes, a humble shyness coloring his cheeks. "You really think so?"

"I really know so," Sam said and grabbed Blaine's hand. "Now come on, there's a comic book store a few doors down and I need to get the latest issue of Green Lantern."

* * *

Dani was eyeing him from the minute she saw him at the restaurant and Blaine felt like he was being weighed, measured and judged under her piercing gaze. "So this is the boyfriend, huh?"

He tried to smile. He wished she'd been at the diner earlier, then she could have seen him at his best, performing. And even though he'd been the one to ask Santana if he could meet her girlfriend, he currently felt unnaturally on display. Still, he was a gentleman and he knew how to behave like one. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dani, I've heard such wonderful things about you from Santana" he said.

Santana smirked and smacked Dani playfully on the arm. "Quit staring him down, if he shrinks anymore he'll disappear altogether."

"Oh please Santana, if he can't withstand a little scrutiny from your trying to be tougher than she is girlfriend, then being under the soul crushing eye of Carmen Tibedeaux would be an impossibility. And we all know that Blaine is going to kill that audition," Kurt beamed proudly.

"Like Elliott killed his audition?" Dani said sarcastically and cocked a brow.

Blaine startled and looked to Kurt. "Wait, what?"

"I know crazy, right?" Kurt laughed and gave Blaine a squeeze. "NYADA turning down a voice like his? Though I can kind of understand it if he was as over the top at that as he was with us. Their loss is our gain though. Our band is going to be amazing."

Blaine tried not to instantly panic as they went on talking about plans for music and locations and costumes for the band. He joined in and found that he and Dani actually had a lot in common with their not so approving parents and their love of music. He thought they could talk for hours about musical influences and technique and he could not wait to get side by side with her playing guitar, him playing piano and both their voices ringing out into a crowd. Santana was almost giddy with how well the two were getting along and Kurt just loved watching how excited and animated Blaine became in his element. Overall the evening was perfect and just one more thing for them all to look forward to being able to do once Blaine moved to New York permanently.

But as he and Kurt walked home in the cool breeze of the spring air, Blaine looked up into a sky with no stars. And with the stars went his hope, and that nagging thought that had been plaguing him for the past two hours leaped to the forefront of his mind. Rachel hadn't gotten in to NYADA. Kurt hadn't gotten in. Even Elliott hadn't gotten in.

What on earth had made him think that he would be any different?

* * *

_"I can't stop you from failing, but I can promise to make it safe if you do."_

The words played over and over in his mind, calming him every time his heart jumped. Safe. Kurt knew him better than anyone in the world. He knew when he was scared or angry and he knew when he was starting to run. Most of all, he knew that the word "safe" meant absolutely everything to him. Never in Blaine's life was failing ever safe. Until Kurt.

Kurt was the first person to ever make him safe and he would be the last. Blaine had never been and would never be safer than when he was with Kurt. Sometimes though he just needed the reminder.

He paced backstage, trying to keep up his energy and his confidence as each of the other auditioners took the stage. He was last, which was both a blessing and a curse. He listened to the Broadway tunes and the pop melodies and the level of talent was overwhelming but there were a few that were obviously not up to par. His vocals were not as strong as many. He accepted his weaknesses, understanding that knowledge was power in this business. But he was also keenly aware that there was something in him, in his performances, that made people stand up and listen. He had no idea really what it was or how he did it. He could only imagine that it was his love of the music and his love of performing that resonated with the crowd. He sang to share his heart with the world.

It's why he had chosen _Piano Man_ and as he introduced himself and took his seat at the piano, he closed his eyes and imagined the scene, like at the diner only better. He imagined a haze filled room, his friends and family in the audience, the ones who had always believed in him throughout the years and the ones who had always doubted him. His fingers danced on the keys, his voice filled the air and his heart and soul reached out to the friends he loved and those he hadn't met yet. He was the piano man, put on this earth to make music and help people, whether it was just for a moment or for a lifetime. And when he finished the song he heard the rousing cheers of his fiancé and best friend and the slow, thoughtful clap of Carmen Tibideaux.

"I've heard a lot of good things about you Mr. Anderson," she said in a level voice and he stood up, wiping his hands nervously on his slacks. He ducked his head and blushed, with a faint smile of embarrassment.

"Well Kurt is obviously biased, but I like to think he has good taste," Blaine answered with a timid laugh.

"He is biased," Carmen agreed and Blaine's face fell. He didn't dare meet Kurt's eyes, instead staying focused on the woman who would decide his future. He tried to remember it didn't matter if he got in. His heart was beating out of his chest and all he could see was this dream vanishing before his eyes. "But Mr. Hummel was not who I was talking about. You have fans in high places, Mr. Anderson, and though I don't care what others think…" Her eyes bore into his, searching, for what he did not know. He held his breath, unable to breathe until she nodded with an apparent decision. "I happen to agree with them. Well done, young man."

It took a moment for her words to sink in but when they did his face erupted in a grin and he finally exhaled and sought Kurt's eyes. Kurt was crying with happiness, Santana was smiling as wide as a fool and Blaine had this horrible urge to jump on the piano bench and scream at the top of his lungs.

"You can leave my stage now Mr. Anderson," Carmen ordered, a playful smile teasing at her lips.

"Thank you," Blaine managed to choke out and he ran off the stage and into the hallway. Kurt and Santana came running and they both attacked him, Santana with a hug and Kurt with a kiss that made it obvious neither one of them was thinking clearly. The kiss though calmed him and Blaine pulled back, trying to come back to his senses. "Guys, calm down, I haven't been accepted yet. There's still a lot of factors, the audition's only part of it."

They all knew it to be true but it didn't matter, not right now. "Who do you think she was talking about?" Kurt asked, barely able to catch his breath.  "Your fans in high places?"

Blaine shook his head. "I honestly have no idea."

"We have to celebrate," Santana said and she grabbed the boys hands and started leading them out into the city.

"Hang on a minute, I have a call I have to make." Blaine stepped aside and pulled out his phone, dialing the number. It answered on the second ring. "Hey Dad. Yeah, I just finished. I think it went really well. Thanks Dad. I hope I get in too."

* * *

Santana was right, of course and Blaine was more than happy that she was. After _Just the Way You Are_ , the night predictably devolved into a Billy Joel sing along until the fear of voices straining overcame the desire for fun.

"As amazing as this is, if I don't get to bed now I will be a disaster in rehearsal tomorrow and it would not be pretty. Blaine? Sam?" Rachel opened her arms and they both easily went to her embrace. "Have a safe trip back tomorrow, give Mr. Schue a hug for me, and I will see you both soon." They both kissed her cheek and she grinned with delight. "Goodnight everyone," she called once more with a small wave of her hand before disappearing into her bedroom.

Kurt stretched his arms and yawned noisily. "Well I am exhausted," he said, his words obviously a mere exit strategy. He stood up and peered down at Blaine. "Coming?" he asked.

"Wanky," Santana smirked until a pillow flew out of Blaine's hands and wiped it off her face with a direct hit. "Goodnight boys!" she crooned.

They all readied for bed in their respective places, Rachel in her room, Kurt and Blaine in theirs, Santana on the couch and Sam on the floor. The lights were off but it was never truly dark in the city that never sleeps and Sam lay on his back, the covers pulled up to his shoulders, the pillow Blaine had thrown from the couch beneath his head. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to will his thoughts to slow but he couldn't get one thing off his mind.

"Santana," he whispered into the shadowed room. "You awake?"

"I am now," she moaned and rolled over onto her side. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, nevermind," Sam said, shying away from the topic, but her face refused to disappear from before his eyes. "Do you think she's okay? Brittany, I mean."

Santana sat up and curled against the arm of the couch, glancing over to him. She was thankful this wasn't about Rachel. Whatever was going on there, she was not getting involved. "Why, you think she's not?" she asked.

"Sitting in that class at Columbia with Blaine? He ate it up, every word. It was like they were speaking some foreign tongue that made no sense to me but he hung on their every word. I felt completely out of my element; confused, lost, alone." He sat up and pulled his knees in tight, resting his arms on top and looking at Santana. "Do you think she feels that way? At MIT?"

"I don't know," she said softly after a moment of reflection. "When she talks to me she says that she loves it there. She says she has friends, she's thinking of auditioning for the MIT Dance Troupe and she's trying to get into the city to see shows." She closed her eyes and remembered their last conversation. "But there's always a sadness there too, in her voice. She doesn't say it, but I know it's there."

"That's the thing that scares me." Sam hated that it was true, but he knew it was. "She'd never tell us if she was hurting."

"Do you miss her?" Santana asked, her voice soft with affection.

He laid back down and stared back up at the ceiling. "Every day," he answered honestly.

Santana curled back up on the couch and wrapped herself in her blanket. "Me too," she sighed and closed her eyes. She missed her more than she ever wanted to admit.

* * *

They grabbed the bathroom before the rest, brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed. In the light streaming in through the bedroom window, Kurt and Blaine locked eyes, breathing in how perfect, how grown up the whole week had felt. It was a tease of so many nights to come, of living together and loving together for the rest of their lives. And now it was almost over.

"I'm gonna miss this," Kurt said sadly, climbing on to the bed. "It's crazy. The first morning waking up with you next to me I thought I was still dreaming. Now I can't imagine it without you."

Blaine lifted the covers and crawled in next to him, wrapping Kurt lovingly in his arms. "Well we still have one more morning," he said, kissing Kurt softly on his hair.

Kurt looked up at him, the devilish smirk on his lips that Blaine loved so much. "And one more night," he teased before surging up to meet Blaine's lips. He'd taken the piercing out after that first night. It was an incredible thing to experience and try, but it wasn't him and Blaine never wanted him to do anything he wasn't comfortable with. Tonight his kiss was passionate yet sweet and just so very much more Kurt. Blaine soaked every second of it in so it would last him for all their time apart. Kurt pulled away too soon and Blaine tried to chase his lips. But instead of letting him, Kurt pulled him in to rest on his chest. Blaine understood and he laid his head above Kurt's heart, listening to the rhythm of their love.

"I was so proud of you today," Kurt said softly, stroking Blaine's hair tenderly. "And I don't mean for your performance, though it was of course incredible. I mean for going out there in the first place even though you were afraid."

Blaine played with the soft hairs on Kurt's chest. "I knew I was safe," he whispered before looking up at Kurt. "You were out there and with you by my side nothing can ever hurt me. You're home for me Kurt. You always have been. The rest doesn't matter."

They fell into a silence, that wonderful quiet that came from needing no more words to say how they felt. And when that wasn't enough, when neither of them could let their time together slip away into the darkness of slumber, they made love in the silence until their energy was fully spent and there was nothing else they could do but fall into beautiful dreams of their future soon to come.


	29. Puppet Master

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for such a silly fun episode, this chapter became (maybe predictably?) very angsty. There was so much brilliant meta done on this episode on tumblr that I continually second guessed myself writing this and I had to keep reminding myself that RTF Blaine is different than canon. But I hope I have lived up to everyone's expectations.
> 
> Glee's words are not my words. Queen's words are not my words. My words, however, belong to me.

" _I'm sorry Blaine. But I've waited long enough for you, I can't wait another 4 years." Kurt stood with his arms crossed in the middle of the choir room._

_Voices from behind made him turn. "If you'd stayed with us you would have won Nationals and gotten into the schools of your choice." Sebastian and Nick stared him down, holding a Dalton blazer in their hands._

_Blaine glanced down and suddenly he was in his bedroom. Denial letters from NYADA, NYU, and Columbia lay spread out on his bed in front of him._

" _You'll find someone else in California," Kurt said from the doorway. "I'm sure Berkeley is full of guys who will catch your eye."_

_Blaine couldn't breathe. He felt his heart breaking in his chest and took a step, reaching out. "Kurt, no! I just won't go to college. I'll come to New York anyway and perform on the street if I have to!"_

" _Like hell you will," the Colonel growled, stepping up behind Kurt standing a hundred feet tall. "I will stand outside your dorm room door all year myself. You are not giving up college."_

_Kurt backed away and Blaine ran after him, but his father held him back. "No, please!"_

" _I promise Blaine, I'll be okay," Kurt said walking out the door. "Elliott and I will be very happy together." Church bells started ringing outside the apartment, pounding in his ears. "Goodbye Blaine."_

"Kurt!" Blaine screamed before he awoke with a start, the alarm on his phone ringing to wake him for school. He turned it off and fell back on his pillow in a cold sweat. Though it was just a nightmare, the reality of it stayed in his nerves the entire rest of his day. If one thing was clear from the dream, it was that losing Nationals would be the start of his whole life falling apart. He couldn't let that happen.

* * *

"Can I just say, Glee Club sucks," Blaine raved into the phone. "Mr. Schue asked for some ideas for Nationals, and when I gave some _genius_ ones…" They were genius and he knew it… "everyone got all mad and started…dissing me." He went to his locker and retreated into the safety of his own little world. "Maybe I came on too strong, but since when was that a bad thing?" He checked eveyrthingl the postcards on the inside of his locker to make sure they were exactly in position, each book to make sure it was precisely where it belonged, his hair to ensure that not a strand was out of place, and his bowtie to make sure it was perfectly straight.

"It's not a bad thing Blaine," Kurt told him, looking in the cabinet for something good to eat. Leading a band was ravenous work. "But you gotta remember at McKinley everyone has an equal vote and if you come on too aggressively they might think that you're a control freak or, a puppet master."

Blaine stopped and pulled the phone away from his ear. Did his fiancé just call him a puppet master?

Kurt paused. The silence was deafening. Maybe puppet master wasn't exactly the biggest help right now? "Anyway…" Kurt deflected. "I was going to call you. Pamela Lansbury booked its first gig and I know you were just here…"

Blaine pulled the phone away again and stared at it. Was he talking to himself? Did Kurt not just hear that all of his friends were mad at him and no one wanted to listen to a word he said?

"…hoping you would come cheer us on in the audience? So what do you say, can I send you the deets and a Jet Blue voucher?"

Blaine closed his eyes and shook his head. It wasn't like he had just missed a week of school or had Nationals to prepare for or 23 clubs to participate in or tests to pass to make sure he didn't screw up what little chance he had of getting into college. "Of course, I wouldn't miss it." No obviously he could just drop everything to be by Kurt's side whenever his fiancé wanted, he thought sarcastically. "I can't believe anyone would see _me_ as controlling!"

"Great, I'll see you then! Love you!" Kurt shouted excitedly before hanging up.

Blaine stopped outside the door of his next class, leaning back against the lockers to catch his bearings. He loved Kurt, he really did, but if anyone thought he was more controlling than Kurt than they had completely lost their collective minds.

What he wouldn't do right now to have friends that just listened to him for once.

* * *

"Did you really just call your fiancé, _my_ boyfriend, a puppet master?"

Kurt froze, wondering if it was better to pretend he hadn't heard Santana or better to tell her to mind her own business. She didn't give him the chance to decide though, instead storming around to face him, hands placed firmly on her hips. He winced and bit his lip. "I might have," he hedged but found his strength again quickly. "Blaine's a big boy, he can take a little truth telling every once in a while. Besides there was no bigger puppet master in Glee club than Rachel Berry, it can't be that bad."

"I heard that!" Rachel yelled from the kitchen.

"You're an idiot, Hummel," Santana said, grabbing his phone and typing an apology to Blaine in his texts. "He's probably having a panic attack. He's probably hyperventilating. He's probably squirting gobs of gel into his tiny little hands and gluing his hair into place as we speak."

"Give me my phone back, Satan," he said swiping it and erasing what she'd written. "Blaine is fine, you are as overdramatic as he is. It's no wonder you two are best friends."

"Hey I just tell it like it is. Don't believe me? Good luck with the consequences," she snapped before walking away and back into Dani's arms.

Kurt looked up to see Rachel watching him intently from the kitchen, a knowing look on her face. "What?" he snapped with a pout.

"He's coming to the show, isn't he?" she smirked before turning to put the salad bowl back into the fridge.

"Yes, of course," Kurt said. "He said he wouldn't miss it."

He heard her snort as she pulled out the dressing and closed the fridge. "Who's the puppet master now?" she mused.

* * *

Blaine's father had been in the army for over a decade. He'd faced the Iraqi insurgency and the Taliban in Afghanistan. He'd planned and executed missions that were matters of life and death. Over the years, Blaine had heard many stories and he knew that a pre-dawn strike was the most strategic battle plan. So Blaine set his alarm, snuck out of his house, and at O'Dark 30 he was pulling into the parking lot of McKinley High School under the cover of darkness.

Sneaking in was no problem. Everyone knew that Figgins left the rear door by the gym unlocked every night so he could reclaim the Principal's chair he still believed was rightfully his. But it was 0400 hours, Figgins should be gone, Sue shouldn't be there yet and Blaine should be free and clear to break into the office and steal back Puppet Kurt.

Hiding in the shadows outside the door, he slipped on his mask and made his way silently into the office. The filing cabinet didn't budge so he pulled out the lockpick he and Sam had bought when they'd broken into Dalton, and quickly clicked the lock on the file cabinet. He pulled Kurt puppet out, held him up to make sure he was okay and carefully slid his hand inside. Freedom was theirs!

Until the light clapped on and he turned to face an enraged Principal Sylvester.

He should have worn his Nightbird costume. Without it he was doomed.

Leaving Kurt puppet on the desk was painful.

Learning he was going to have to miss Kurt's show broke his heart in two.

"Get out of here. Go feel shame," Sue ordered him.

He returned to his car to watch the sun rise and wait for school to start. Shame was exactly what he felt then and throughout the day. Every time he even considered calling Kurt, he just felt sick with guilt for how much he would be disappointing his fiancé. _I wouldn't miss it,_ he had promised. And no matter how annoyed at Kurt he'd been at the time, he knew that being with Kurt, being in his arms, would have made it all better. His fingers brushed the screen to text or call, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't let Kurt go through the whole day knowing he wasn't coming. He couldn't bear the thought of how angry and disappointed at him Kurt would be. But most of all, he couldn't hurt Kurt like that, not today when everything was supposed to be so special. He would tell him later.

He returned to Sue's office in the afternoon, begging for a reprieve, agreeing to serve detention all the following week if she would just let him off the next two days. If she let him go now and traffic behaved, he could just make his flight. He thought she would be swayed by how much of a blow to Glee Club his absence for a full week would be, but she would hear nothing of it. Truth was, as soon as she had known he was missing school to be with Kurt his fate was sealed. And as he walked into detention instead of an airport Thursday afternoon with no one but Stoner Brett for company, he closed his eyes and let the darkness take him over.

* * *

Blaine arrived home to both his mother and father in the kitchen and his heart sank. He felt bad enough that he had let Kurt down. Now he had his father to face as well.

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing here?" his mother asked, looking up from chopping vegetables for what seemed to be, now that he looked at it, a romantic dinner for two. "I thought you'd be in New York by now. Weren't you flying out right after school for Kurt's show."

"Yeah, about that," he muttered, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants. He tried to avoid his father's gaze now trained on him curiously. The last thing he needed right now was his father yelling or even worse telling him how much of a disappointment he was. "Um, can I talk to you for a minute Mom? In private?"

She glanced at the Colonel, whose eyes narrowed and brows arched, then back to Blaine. "Sure," she said and followed Blaine into his bedroom.

The door closed behind them, he put his bag on the bed, taking out a paper. He held it out for his Mom. She took it, read it, and looked up at him. "A detention slip?"

Blaine shuffled his feet and bit his lip. "I um, I kind of broke into the school this morning and Principal Sylvester caught me." He looked at her, his eyes a bit wild as he tried to explain. "I mean, she locked away my Kurt puppet in her filing cabinet yesterday and I just wanted it back, he's mine she can't just take it-"

She held up a hand for him to stop. "You broke into the school?" she asked incredulous.

Blaine lowered his head. "Not just the school. The Principal's office. And her filing cabinet." He raised his eyes and they were pleading. "Please, I just need you to sign the detention slip, I already can't go to New York for the weekend, since I missed my flight and Kurt's show starts in like, sixty minutes, and I have to go back to detention again tomorrow, please don't tell Dad."

"I'm not keeping secrets from your father," she told him. Blaine sunk onto the trunk at the foot of his bed in defeat as she walked out the door with the paper.

He took out his phone and scrolled through Kurt's excited texts from the day and Blaine didn't think anything could make him feel worse than he did right now. He knew he needed to call and he tried to think what he could say to make it better but there was nothing. He'd screwed up too badly. Kurt had needed him there in the front row to cheer him on and Blaine had thought rescuing a stupid puppet was more important than that. What his father decided didn't even really matter, nothing was worse than letting Kurt down.

The Colonel came in and handed him the signed detention slip. "You're grounded for the weekend," he said, but Blaine didn't even care. He didn't argue that he was 18 and his father couldn't do that anymore. He didn't argue that he'd already been punished enough by missing Kurt's show. Because the truth was, he'd already grounded himself.

* * *

Over 100 performances he'd done in his lifetime. Twelve at least with crowds far bigger than could fit in a tiny New York bar like Callbacks. And yet, Kurt was more nervous for this than he had been for any other in his life.

He was completely out of his comfort zone. Show tunes and Glee club were one thing but fronting his own band? Blaine was right, he was crazy. And yet Kurt loved what he and his friends had put together and he couldn't wait for Blaine to see it. It was one thing for his fiancé to offer him lip service about supporting him in whatever he chose to do. It was quite another for Blaine to truly stand beside him because of the quality of the work. Having him in the audience tonight would be one of those things they would remember forever.

And just for that, Kurt may have had an agenda in mind when he swayed the costume conversation the night before in the direction of gold, silver and black. Not that anyone had disagreed, but as Kurt pulled out the gold pants from his NYADA audition, he couldn't help but remember the conversation from that day…

_"New York has no idea how lucky it is, having Kurt Hummel begin his life there," Blaine said._

_"Our life, Blaine," Kurt replied with a loving smile. "Our life."_

_Blaine eyed him mischievously. "Can the gold pants go too?"_

_Kurt laughed, kissing him quickly and nodding. "Yes, the pants can come too."_

He smiled with anticipation while he yanked and twisted the more than skin tight pants on. He grabbed a flawless top and vest to match, styled his hair to perfection and headed out the door to get to Callbacks before the rest.

As leader of the band, he arrived shortly before the bar was officially open for the night. He glanced at his phone while he waited patiently for the staff to acknowledge him. There wasn't a word from Blaine, but that was to be expected if he'd rushed straight from school to the airport. His flight should have landed only five minutes ago, and he would take the subway straight to the bar.

"Kurt Hummel?" A tall gentleman with a beard approached and Kurt recognized him as the bar manager.

"Yes, hi," he greeted professionally. They discussed the details of the evening, how long the set was, when they wanted to take a break, the equipment they would need. Even though Kurt had already gone over it all when he'd booked the club, he was glad to review, feeling better for being in control of every aspect of the evening. The manager showed him to the dressing room in the back where they could keep their belongings and Kurt put his things down. A quick check of his phone showed still no call from Blaine.

The others arrived as he was meeting with the sound engineer and he had to stop and squeal at how perfect they all looked, even Rachel. They stepped up onto the stage for sound check and Santana sidled up next to him. "Pay up Hummel," she whispered in his ear.

"I have it in the back," he muttered, grateful to have lost that bet honestly. Rachel had insisted on pulling her own outfit together and not letting anyone help. Apparently Santana's faith in her had paid off.

"I have no idea how you and your hubby are going to survive marriage when both of you constantly fight so hard for control," Santana mused.

"Marriage is a partnership, not a competition," Kurt recited back and Santana was pretty sure he'd read that somewhere in a wedding prep book. She hoped he'd made Blaine a copy.

"Okay, ready whenever you are," the engineer called and they got down to business.

When they were done with sound check they all went in the back for a while to chat and warm up for real. Kurt handed Santana her twenty while Rachel stood in the corner trilling and oooing and aahing. They reviewed their set, making notes until the musicians arrived and Santana dragged the others out to meet with them and to order themselves some drinks at the bar.

Alone in the room though his anxiety came back with a vengeance and though he tried to be patient and wait for Blaine to text him he was there, he couldn't wait anymore. Rubbing his hand absentmindedly on his pants, he dialed Blaine's number.

"Hi," Blaine answered.

"Hey!" Kurt said happily, trying very hard to calm his nervous energy and be the confident performer that his fiancé always was. He didn't need Blaine knowing just how much tonight terrified him. "Did you get your ticket that I reserved for you, house left?"

"Kurt, I was gonna call you," Blaine said and the guilt in his voice was immediately obvious to Kurt.  "Um, please don't be mad, but, I'm not in New York, I'm in Lima."

Kurt immediately grew concerned and he shot out of his seat. "Are you kidding? What happened? Did you miss your flight?"

"No I'm fine, I'm just," Blaine sputtered anxiously. "I'm trying to explain…"

Blaine went silent on the other end of the phone though and Kurt's concern turned to impatience. "Blaine, please tell me what's going on."

"Well, Principal Sylvester gave me detention. And she said if I tried to skip it she was gonna suspend me and put it on my permanent record," he explained defensively.

Kurt's mouth dropped in shock. In all the time he had known Blaine, the boy had never gotten into any real trouble once and he was pretty certain that in 13 years of schooling this was his first detention. "Wait a minute, _you_ got detention? For what? Why didn't you call me?"

"I was trying my best not to hurt you," Blaine answered. Kurt shook his head in frustration. There it was again; running from him, always running, always too afraid to be honest, too afraid of being hurt himself. "I was just trying to steal back the Kurt puppet I made in crafts class," Blaine argued.

Kurt did a double take. "Excuse me? The what puppet?" He couldn't possibly have heard him right. If his emotions weren't so heated right now he would probably have laughed.

"I know, it's kind of a weird story," Blaine stammered, "but basically I was missing you-"

Kurt paced the floor. Blaine was making no sense. "So you made a puppet of me? Like, with felt and cloth and button eyes?" Two weeks ago he was calling for help with a simple Gaga costume and now he was suddenly a puppet designer? "Blaine what were you thinking? Are you there?" Blaine's silence spoke louder than words. He had no good answer for missing the chance to see the real him on one of the most important nights of his life because he was too busy rescuing a puppet version of him. But this time Kurt wasn't going to let Blaine hide and he most certainly wasn't going to do it himself. "Blaine, this was a really big night for me and I wanted you here to see it." He heard Blaine searching for words, but still his fiancé said nothing. It had been a long time since he'd heard Blaine that worked up and he knew he should be more sympathetic and find out what was really going on with him, but right now he had a show to do and he needed to end this before either one of them got more upset or said something they'd regret. "Blaine, I have to go, I'll call you later." He hung up the phone and threw it down on the dressing table in frustration.

"Hey," Rachel called, parting the curtain.

Angry and disappointed, Kurt turned with a sigh. "You can release Blaine's seat," he said.

"I don't think that's going to be necessary," she said hesitantly. Kurt had no idea why but he followed her out to the bar to find only one person in the seats. One person, he was told, who had thought the real Angela Lansbury had been performing that night.

Kurt had always liked roller coasters, but this day had been way too big a drop from top to bottom way too fast and his stomach turned. But as the others started to walk away, Kurt realized he couldn't let it end this way. "No, come on guys, this is actually a good thing." Kurt hoped that in the process of convincing them, he could convince himself. At least now he was actually somewhat glad that Blaine hadn't come. "This will give us the chance to rehearse in a real venue, full out with real sound and the acoustics of a bar and not our apartment. Consider it a dress rehearsal for our next booking. Come on, it's perfect."

"Kurt's right," Rachel jumped in looping her arm in Kurt's with a smile. He was always grateful to have her by his side. "This'll be great, come on. We've got the space, we might as well use it."

Dani took a step toward them and shrugged. "It would be good to hear how it sounds in this kind of space."

"And to see how we move in a crowd of tables," Elliott pointed out, joining the other three. They all turned to Santana and waited for her answer.

"Oh fine," she relented with a huff and Dani reached a hand out to drag her on stage. "But when we get home I'm giving your fiancé a piece of my mind about why he's not here!" she snapped at Kurt.

"It sounds like maybe he could use it," Kurt muttered under his breath. "He wouldn't talk to me, so if you can get something out of him I would be forever grateful."

"Okay less talk, more singing," Dani directed and strummed her guitar with the chords of their first song. The drums started in and the beat took them over. "A five, six, seven, eight…"

* * *

Blaine struggled from his car up the stairs to his apartment Friday afternoon with a box full of supplies to spend his weekend making a dozen puppets. On top, mercifully, laid Kurt Puppet, hard earned by promising Principal Sylvester something horrid he didn't even want to think about until Monday morning.

He ignored his phone all day.

He got the texts from Kurt promising he wasn't mad he just wanted to talk. He got the voicemail from Santana barking, "It's one thing to ignore your fiancé because you feel guilty you missed his first performance, which ended up not being a performance because there was no one in the audience, but not calling me back? Inexcusable."

But he'd just wanted to get through the day, another day of Sam and Tina barely talking to him. Detention with Jake and Becky had given him the idea and he was grateful his crafts teacher had been there so late in the day. And now he was finally home where he could relax and think.

This was just what he needed, a weekend of nothing but him and crafting and surrounding himself with friends that would listen and not judge. A weekend of figuring out exactly what was going on with him.

Kurt Puppet sat on the trunk at the foot of the bed, watching as Blaine's floor became more and more covered in material. Blaine worked for a couple hours before putting the finishing touches on Santana puppet. He sat her in his office chair, pulled out his phone and took a picture with a smile. Then he scrolled through to the video she'd sent him of Elliott.

"If anyone should be worried about their fiancé running off with Elliott, it should be Kurt." Blaine's eyes opened wide as his head snapped up. Santana puppet was staring right back at him with an exasperated toss of her head. "How many times exactly have you watched that video, Boyfriend? A billion?"

"Not that often," he defended himself with a frown. "And I'm not watching the video I'm just looking for a good shot as a model for Puppet Elliott."

"How about the one of him thrusting his cocky self into the air?" Santana puppet smirked. "That's just your style isn't it?"

Blaine looked at her and the video in his hand and tossed it to the ground. "Santana can I ask you a question? Do you think I have intimacy issues?" he asked her earnestly.

She stared at him blankly for a second. "Is this a trick question because I thought that was common knowledge."

"I'm serious Santana. I was talking about it earlier with Jake-"

"Oh, of course! The perfect person to talk to about intimacy, after he cheated on Marley with the head bitch in charge and banged the whole cheerleading squad." Even Puppet Santana dripped with sarcasm.

Blaine huffed and grabbed the green fabric and head for the the puppet. "Nevermind, forget I said anything."

"Oh chillax Boyfriend, what has gotten your panties all twisted in some horrible Emo experiment. Let's see… you run to some random when you think Kurt's left you behind, you soak in the attention you get from Tina, you love that Sam loves that you're gay and enjoys the attention you give him, and you have a lesbian for a BFF who would totally do you if either of you were straight. We won't even mention Rachel and Jeremiah and Sebastian. Nope. No intimacy issues there."

"Santana," Blaine whined.

"Blaine," she drawled then settled down with a deep breath. "Bottom line? You want people to love you but you don't want to be vulnerable. So you do what you can to get what you need without it being scary."

"So what about Kurt?" he asked.

"What about me?" barked a voice behind him. Blaine turned to find Kurt Puppet scowling at him. "You make a puppet of me that you can manipulate to your every desire. You're afraid I'll be mad at you so you avoid calling me and then when I'm just trying to make sure you're okay you refuse to call me back because once again I didn't listen to what you needed in the first place and deep down you're still really mad at me. I know you love me Blaine, but forgiving a puppet isn't the same thing as forgiving the real me."

"Oh god, I know," Blaine's head fell into his hands. "I know."

"Honey, are you okay?"

His mother's voice pulled him out of his daydream and Blaine looked up at her in the doorway. He looked back at the Kurt and Santana puppet, both now quiet and still. He shook his head and rested against the trunk. "I don't know Mom. I haven't really felt well all week."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She walked over to the chair and picked up Santana, sitting down and putting the puppet on the floor. "Have you joined a puppet club or something Blaine?" she chuckled, scanning the room.

Blaine shook his head. "No, that would actually make sense." He looked up at his mother through troubled eyes. "Sam and Tina got mad at me because I tried to take charge in Glee club and Kurt called me a puppet master and well…" He looked around the room. "I kind of felt like I didn't have a friend in the world."

"So you decided to make your own?" she asked, picking up a plain piece of foam for a head. "I remember when you were little and struggling in school and with Cooper, and dad being gone, you did everything with your superhero action figures. But they didn't really fill the void, did they?"

Blaine remembered those days clearly. "They were my best friends. They were never mean because I was too small or too smart. They told me whatever I wanted. They were strong, like Dad. But they protected me too." But his mother was right. Nothing filled that void until he'd made real friends at Dalton.

"They were who you wanted them to be Blaine, because they weren't real. Telling you what you want to hear doesn't make someone a friend. Telling you what you need to hear does," she said.

Blaine took a deep breath. He knew it was true. That's why even when Kurt and Santana were puppets they hadn't coddled him like the rest. They were the best friends that he had.

"Look, sweetie, I know things aren't easy for you right now," Amy said. "You're growing up, getting ready to move out on your own, go to college, get married. It's probably the most terrifying time of your life and it's okay to fall apart a little bit." She pulled out an envelope, one he hadn't even noticed her bring in to the room. "But maybe this will make you feel a little better?"

He reached a tentative hand and took it from her. Berkeley. And he was certain what it said.

_Dear Mr. Anderson,_

_We are pleased to inform you…_

He didn't even need to read the rest, lowering it down to his lap. His stomach curled in knots. "I got in," he whispered near tears.

"Well sweetheart, that's wonderful!" His mother's eyes sparkled with joy at his first college acceptance letter. But she frowned at his own lack of excitement. "What's wrong?"

"What if I don't get in anywhere in New York?" Blaine tried hard to push down the thoughts in his head. But he knew what this meant. If nothing else came through for him, he had no excuse not to go to California. Alone.

"Then you will cross that bridge if it happens," Amy told her son sensibly.

Blaine nodded, knowing she was right and still hating that it was even a possibility. "I know I'm grounded Mom, but do you mind if I sneak out in the morning to FedEx? I need to send a box to Kurt."

She smiled softly and chuckled under her breath. "You know, you're not the only one finding it hard that you're growing up. Your father forgets you're not a kid anymore. You're 18 years old Blaine. You can go out if you want to."

"I just want to finish the puppets for Dani, Elliott and Rachel tonight so I can send them in the morning. Then I'm gonna spend the weekend making the rest of the Glee club. I want them to know how much I appreciate all of them."

She picked up the pink fabric off the floor and draped it over the foam. "You know I've always been pretty fond of Rachel Berry," she grinned at him. "Mind if I help you? Might go a lot quicker that way and I've got no important plans this weekend."

For the first time in a week, Blaine felt both his muscles and his mind settle down and he smiled. Spending a weekend talking to his Mom instead of a room full of puppets was exactly what he needed. "I would really love that," he said.

* * *

_Blaine to Santana [11:13pm]: Thank you for always being honest with me. Even in puppet form._

_Santana to Blaine [11:15pm]: You're wel… What?!_

_Santana to Blaine [11:17pm]: What on earth are you smoking Anderson?_

_Blaine to Kurt [11:20pm]: I'm sorry I haven't called. And I'm so sorry I missed your first show even if I would have been the only one in the audience. Especially because I would have been the only one in the audience._

_Kurt to Blaine [11:23pm]: You should be sorry. You missed the gold pants too. I'd brought them out special and now I shall withhold them from you next time you visit as punishment._

_Blaine to Kurt [11:25pm]: Now I'm REALLY sorry!_

_Kurt to Blaine [11:26pm]: I love you. Even at your most stubborn and controlling. You know that, right?_

_Blaine to Kurt [11:28pm]: I do. I love you too. Even at your most stubborn and controlling._

_Kurt to Blaine [11:30pm]: Call me whenever you're ready. Okay? I miss you. I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I'm here._

_Blaine to Kurt [11:33pm]: You're the best friend that I've ever had. I've been with you such a long time. You're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. You're my best friend._

_Kurt to Blaine [11:37pm]: I've been wandering round, but I still come back to you. In rain or shine you've stood by me. I'm happy, happy at home. You're my best friend._

* * *

"Kurt what would you do if I didn't get into any of the schools in New York?" Blaine asked. His room showed the evidence of his marathon spree of puppet making that weekend, even in the narrow view Kurt had of it through Skype. And if Kurt was honest, he loved his fiancé just a little bit more for how absolutely adorable he was.

"Well you could always go into puppetry," Kurt smirked, but at Blaine's roll of the eyes, he tempered his expression. "Blaine, you're getting in, don't worry."

"But imagine I don't," Blaine insisted and Kurt could very obviously see the desperation in his eyes. "Imagine I just get into Berkeley. What would you do?"

Kurt frowned. It was something he had been avoiding thinking about, but obviously it was weighing heavily on Blaine so he didn't want to ignore it. "I don't know," he said honestly, but if he really thought about it he was pretty certain of the answer. "I guess I'd look into seeing if I can transfer."

Blaine looked at Kurt like the sun and moon rose with him. "You'd really move to California for me?"

Kurt melted at the hearts in Blaine's eyes. "Well what did you expect silly?" 

Blaine blushed and shrugged. "I don't know. In my dream you ran off with Elliott."

Kurt's jaw dropped with surprise. "I did what?" he gasped.

Blaine shrugged and the sadness in his eyes twisted Kurt's heart. "You said you couldn't wait for me anymore."

"Well that part was right, I can't wait for you anymore," Kurt said softly. "I can't wait to wake up with you every morning, and go to sleep with you every night and I can't wait to marry you, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." Kurt glanced at the puppet, sitting in the corner of his room and back at Blaine, his brow drawn. "Is that what this was all about? You were afraid of losing me again so you built a puppet version of me?"

"No," Blaine said quickly, shaking his head. "I mean, I don't think so. Maybe. It was just…everything. Nationals and college and being engaged…it's just a lot."

Kurt thought back to his conversation with Rachel before they'd decided to get tattoos. He remembered how High School had seemed so much pressure. Sometimes he forgot that Blaine was still there.

"I made an appointment with my therapist," Blaine told him. "I think I might go back regularly until I leave Ohio. Just to help with the stress."

Kurt smiled warmly. "That sounds like a good idea," he said. He wished he could reach out and hold him, reassure him. Touch was so much easier than words. In truth he struggled with both, keeping people at a distance for so long. They both did. But they were trying to do better. "Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not running off with Elliott. Or anyone. When I said we would give this another try Blaine, I knew it was forever. For better or for worse."

"Is fighting with a puppet version of you better or worse?" Blaine asked, and Kurt knew he was only half joking.

"Fighting is good Blaine, but only if you fight back," Kurt said. Blaine lowered his eyes and Kurt continued. "Sweetie, I know you're scared, but you can't be afraid to fight with me. You don't need a puppet to tell me what you think, or what you want, or how you feel. I won't hurt you and I won't leave."

Blaine was quiet and Kurt waited him out, hoping he'd said the right thing. When Blaine spoke again, his voice was small, almost trembling. "I told Puppet Kurt I forgave you."

Kurt's forehead creased with uncertainty. "Forgave me for what," he asked hesitantly. Blaine looked away and Kurt instantly saw retreat and fought it. "Blaine, whatever it was, whatever it is, it's okay," he assured him. "I just…I just want to know."

Blaine's gaze didn't return and Kurt had to strain to hear, but the words out of Blaine's mouth hit him like a shout. "For the way you treated me when you first left. And again when I called you about Glee club. For not listening to me. For making me feel like…"

"A puppet?" Blaine frowned. Kurt hadn't thought if that way before, not until Rachel had mentioned it the other day. But there was a certain truth to it. Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry."

"All my life Kurt. I did what my father said. I said what he told me to. I tried to be the kid he wanted just so I'd be okay that day." Blaine pressed at his eyes to keep the tears from escaping. "And then I went to Dalton and I was freer than I ever was. The guys craved order and structure and leadership and I craved control. People listened to me there and they loved me. I was their hero Kurt, in the Warblers I couldn't do anything wrong. I didn't think I was a Puppet Master there at the time but you obviously did."

"Oh Blaine, I didn't mean it-"

"But you did, Kurt," Blaine maintained. "You were the one person to call me on it, even back then. And then I got to McKinley and with you I was safe and I didn't need to control so much. But then you were gone, and the year has gone so slowly and now my only shot at being back with you is completely out of my control, but winning Nationals Kurt, _that_ I can do, I know I can."

"Blaine," Kurt breathed and god how he wished they were in the same room having this conversation instead of through a computer screen. "Being together is completely within our control and I promise you, we _will_ be together. Nationals or no Nationals. New York or no New York."

He let Kurt's words settle in his skin. He let himself believe them. "I love you," Blaine smiled and he felt like the air was fresh and he could breathe again for the first time since his dream.

"I love you too," Kurt smiled back. The knot he'd barely noticed in his stomach untangled and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "And now that we have that over with, I think I need to hear about exactly everything that happened between you and puppet Kurt. I mean, Tina did tell me you liked that you could control him," he smirked with an intrigued gaze.

"Oh god," Blaine murmured, his face falling into his hands with an embarrassed smile.

"She also said she caught you with your hand up her skirt? I thought we were over that phase Blaine," he teased.

"See how desperate I get without you around," Blaine teased back, but his eyes grew dark quickly and Kurt's heart skipped a beat. "I don't want Tina though. I don't want anyone but you," Blaine whispered. "You're my only one. And I love the things that you do. You're my best friend." He swallowed and his stomach clenched with desire. "I need you, Kurt, so badly."

Kurt carried his laptop over to the bed and thanked the universe his roommates weren't home. "Tell me exactly what to do Blaine," he begged and watched Blaine's breath hitch. "Tell me everything you want."


	30. Frenemies

"It's just so weird Blaine." The air whished by as Kurt raced from the diner to the subway before either of the girls could catch up. "It's like they're suddenly best friends and honestly it sends a chill up my spine. I mean, I certainly don't want them at each other's throats, but apparently Rachel's invited Santana to a photo shoot and it's just not right," Kurt mused.

"I think maybe you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth Kurt," Blaine pointed out. "Would you prefer they couldn't stand each other?"

"I'd prefer for order to be restored," Kurt said. "Happily putting up with one another with a jab thrown here and a barb thrown there. This is eerie. It's like rainbows have washed over them and they've forgotten all of the hell that they put each other through."

Blaine frowned softly. "Maybe Finn's death has made them realize that it's not worth it? Maybe they're both trying for his sake."  He still hated bringing it up. But he knew that they had to get used to it, it would be with them forever. 

"Maybe." Kurt had considered it. Hell he'd even believed it. But he actually hoped Blaine was wrong. Because something like that was very unlikely to last. "I'm just waiting for the shoe to fall because you know it will."

"You're always so cynical Kurt," Blaine teased. "But maybe we're all just growing up and we'll be together in New York and everything will just fall into place?"

"And you are always so idealistic," Kurt said then added quickly, "Which is one thing I love so much about you. You never cease to amaze me. No matter what happens no one can ever take that from you, can they?"

"Whatever life throws at you Kurt, things always turn out okay in the end," Blaine marveled. His father, the bullies, the Warblers…Kurt. They were all proof to him. "Because love always wins."

* * *

Battling with Artie was the last thing Tina ever wanted to do, but some things, like Valedictorian, she had believed was worth it.  She knew one person who wouldn't agree though and Tina didn't even need to turn to know his eyes were on her. She could feel them as if they were golden rays burning her skin. But when she did turn, the disappointment sitting stagnant inside them made her stomach twist with guilt more than it already was.

"Don't look at me like that Blaine." Tina gathered her things at her chair. Everyone else had already gone, following Artie out of the choir room, leaving her and Blaine alone.

"Like what?" His voice was heavy, almost tired, in a way that Tina hated hearing.

She looked out into the hallway where Artie had left and her eyes dropped to the ground. "Like I'm the most horrible person in the world."

Blaine's face softened, and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to gather Tina up in his arms. So he did. He laughed and kissed her head and rolled his eyes and understood why Kurt continued to put up with Rachel all these years. "Oh sweetie." He guided her to sit down with him and she snuggled into his side. "You're not a horrible person, no one thinks that."

"Everyone thinks that Blaine," Tina protested, sniffling softly. "And maybe they're right, I don't know."

"Look at me," he said, letting her go so she could truly see him. "You are not horrible," he assured her. "But Artie _is_ one of your best friends and you two shouldn't be fighting like that. You've told me before about all the things you guys have been through, since way before McKinley. I know what it's like to lose friends like that." Blaine's thoughts turned to Nick and the Warblers and the sadness that sometimes snuck up washed over him. "Way more than I wish I did."

"I know," Tina said. "It's just that…being Valedictorian is important."

"It is," Blaine nodded. "I agree." He tilted his head and looked at her. "It's just that Artie is important too."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah. He really is." She grabbed her things and stood up, knowing what she had to do. She leaned over and returned his kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. I'm going to go find him. I have to make this right."

Blaine smiled after her, gathering his own things to leave. He loved the best and worst of her, and he would miss Tina tremendously after graduation.

* * *

Rachel slipped on the sunglasses that she was considering making her signature once she became famous. "It's really hard being a star."

Santana would have rolled her eyes if Rachel's unintended announcement wasn't causing plans to form in her mind.

Kurt twirled and fluttered muttering, "And the insufferability begins," but Santana barely even registered it because suddenly she had tunnel vision with only one goal in mind. Rachel Berry needed an understudy. And who knew Rachel Berry better than Santana?

"Excuse me," she mumbled with a dismissive wave of her hand. She went to the closet where her things were stored and rummaged through her bags, grabbing her audition folder with her headshots and resume and shoving it into her purse. She grabbed a dress she looked hot in and quickly changed in the bathroom. She would have preferred something sexier, newer, but time was of the essence. Making sure she had all she needed she yelled out to Kurt, "Later Porcelain," and hit the streets.

Having been forced to go to the Colony Music Center one too many times with the Bobbsey Twins, Santana knew exactly where to head. She took the subway to Broadway, and stormed into the store as if she owned the place, bypassing the jazz and blues section she usually browsed and following Kurt and Rachel's path straight to musical theater. Rifling through as quickly as possible for the right music for her audition her fingers stopped at the perfect song. _Don't Rain On My Parade_ stared back at her and immediately Rachel's performance at Sectionals sophomore year appeared in her mind. The entrance from back of house, the flirting in the aisles, the power on stage, the utter essence of everything that made Rachel Berry who she was and Santana knew without a doubt that was what she needed to do. If she wanted the role of Rachel Berry she needed to play her and that song was quintessential Rachel.

If someone had told Santana a year ago she would be preparing to audition to be Rachel Berry's understudy in the role of Fanny Brice, she would have laughed in their face. But this was the real world and she needed to make a name for herself. She needed a job that was going to take her somewhere. She needed a union contract and friends in the industry. She needed more than to be the girl with the yeast infection commercial. She needed to be the girl with the voice.

She bought the music and raced out the door toward the theater, when a blue dress hanging in the window of a small boutique shouted out to her. Going inside, she quickly tried it on. The price tag was $300 but today was not the day to worry about things like that, she was going to do whatever it took to get that role and she could just return it on her way home. Pulling out her credit card she bought the dress and a pair of shoes to match, strung the bag on her arm and walked the last two blocks to the theater.

Her phone rang. She pulled it out. Blaine. Her thumb hovered over the screen. But what did he know about having to fight for a place in the world? If there was one thing that came easy to Blaine it was success, while everything good that ever happened to Santana she'd had to fight for. She trusted nothing that was handed to her. Those things always had a way of betraying her.

She let the call go to voicemail, feeling guilty but knowing it was better. If she told him what she was doing it would get back to Rachel within seconds and Santana couldn't lose focus with the stress of an argument. Besides, maybe, just maybe, this new friendship with Rachel was real. Maybe she would go in there and Rachel would beam with pride and they could take this leg of their incredibly frightening journey together. Maybe she could finally trust this city and trust that the family she created for herself here would stand by her. And if she couldn't, well, it was better to know that now rather than later.

She entered the building and ducked into the bathroom to change, tucking the tags inside, before following the signs to the cattle call auditions. She knew this was a long shot, but it was a shot she had to take. She filled out the paperwork, handed her music to the audition monitor and took a seat on a bench outside the doors.

_Everybody's been there, everybody's been_   
_Stared down by the enemy  
_

Her foot bounced nervously. Her heart raced.

_Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing_   
_Bow down to the mighty_

It would be so easy to turn around now, head back to the loft, run away from the consequences of chasing her dreams.

_Don't run, stop holding your tongue_   
_Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live_   
_Maybe one of these days you can let the light in_   
_Show me how big your brave is  
_

"Santana Lopez!"

_I just want to see you_   
_I want to see you be brave  
_

She stood up. She brushed the wrinkles out of her dress and stood tall and proud. One hand on the door she took a deep breath. She deserved this chance.

It was time to be brave.

* * *

"Blaine, she's a raving lunatic. I can't do this anymore." Santana paced the apartment, now thankfully empty, because Santana has no desire to be around either of her roommates right now.

"I know she can be a challenge," Blaine agreed, closing his homework and heading to his bed. He didn't think this conversation would be a short one. "But this thing between you and her needs to stop. Kurt and I will be in New York together in just a few weeks. Are we not supposed to hang out together with our best friends?"

"Let Sam be your 'outings with Rachel' best friend," she snipped. "If I had to sit at a restaurant with Berry I'd lose my appetite anyway."

"You're being ridiculous," Blaine scolded.

"I'm being ridiculous?" Santana shrieked. "She's the one that…"

"Okay, fine, you're both being ridiculous. So much more ridiculous than the Santana and Rachel I know. The Santana and Rachel that have matured way beyond this. It's just like you're back in high school; Rachel storming out of Glee Club because she doesn't get her way, you setting fire to the piano to hide behind all the things you're really feeling." Blaine sighed, rubbing his neck. Kurt had warned him it wouldn't last, that someday soon Santana and Rachel would come to a head. Living together with anyone could do that, he was sure that someday it would be him and Kurt no matter how much they loved each other. And the girls' relationship had never really been a good one. But he'd hoped that he'd been right, that after losing Finn everyone would learn to put their petty differences aside. "So why don't you tell me what's really going on?"

Santana stopped and stared out the window. The lights of New York weren't as visible here in Bushwick, but the graffiti was, even in the darkness. The beautiful art that both littered and brightened the sometimes dank city. "What if I don't belong here?" Sometimes she felt as out of place and discordant in this apartment as the art on the bricks. "What if I'm really meant to be in LA or New Orleans or Montreal, singing in some dark dank jazz club with little hope of ever truly making it big."

Blaine smiled fondly to himself. "Okay, first of all, you are a thousand times better than a dark and dingy jazz club and you know it. Second of all, you're as good as Rachel. Maybe even better."

"Well you're right about that boyfriend," she smirked. She turned from the window, leaning against the cold. Somehow without her ever intending it, the apartment had become home. Rachel and Kurt had become family. "But what if it's not here?" she asked quietly.

Blaine furrowed his brow, not understanding. "So what if it's not? You'll go wherever life takes you."

Santana scoffed. She walked over to the couch, pulling the blanket up around here. It was cold, but she didn't know if it was from outside or her own fears. "You ever feel like even though there are thousands of people around you that you're all alone in the world and no one understands you?"

"Uh, I built myself an entire circle of puppets Santana," Blaine quipped. "I'm pretty sure I know _exactly_ what it feels like."

"Brittany once said we were family," she said softly. "She said we love each other no matter what. Accept each other for who we are." She picked at a loose thread on the blanket. "I'm not sure Berry got the memo."

"She's hurting 'Tana." Neither of them wanted to say it, but they knew that it was true. "Funny Girl is all she has now. She's doing it for _him_. And you stole him from her once before."

The sounds of cars honking and people yelling outside the apartment filled the silence. Santana felt her heart beat in her chest and tears come to her eyes. "That was a long time ago."

"You can't take it back though," Blaine said. "Things like that you can't take back."

She thought about it. And she knew that at least in part he was right. "So what do I do?"

"I don't know," he admitted. He heard Skype pop up across his room and he logged in to see Tina calling. He sent her a quick message to let her know he'd be just a minute. Homework was going have to wait until morning, he realized with a sigh. "Just give her a chance, okay? See if she comes around?"

"I'll try and meet in her dressing room tomorrow before rehearsal. But if she's a bitch to me-" she warned.

"Should I be asking Cooper to find you another friend to stay with?"

"I'll let you know," she frowned. "Night boyfriend."

"Love ya 'Tana."

* * *

"So it looks like you took my advice to keep your enemies closer to heart," Blaine smirked into the phone walking out to the courtyard.

The tension in his voice was just a little too obvious though to his fiancé, and Kurt knew immediately that Blaine had seen the picture of him and Elliott. "Okay, was it Santana or Tina?"

"Actually it was Becky Jackson," Blaine said, finding a shaded spot beneath a large oak to sit. "And now I'm pretty sure she thinks you're marrying Elliott instead of me."

Kurt laughed. "You're not jealous are you? It was just a little kiss on the cheek."

"Jealous that he gets to cuddle with you and kiss you? Definitely. Jealous that something's gonna happen between you two?" He crossed his legs and pulled a sandwich out of his bag, unwrapping it. "I trust you Kurt."

Kurt pouted. "I miss you so much." His stomach growled and he made his way over to the kitchen, pulling out a day old slice of pizza. "So tell me what's going on at McKinley. I need a distraction from Santana and Rachel who have both lost their minds. Has the Tina and Artie battle finally been resolved?"

"Well, um," Blaine said with an awkward grin. "Actually it has. Sue made me Valedictorian instead."

"Okay that makes absolutely no sense," Kurt said. "But honestly it's the way it should be. I didn't understand how you weren't Valedictorian anyway. I thought Dalton classes were a thousand times harder than McKinley and you were top of your class last year."

"Well they are Kurt and I was." Blaine frowned and picked at the grass beneath him. "But…I've been a little distracted this year."

"Right. Of course." Kurt closed his eyes. Of course everything that had happened between them would have affected his grades. "Well I feel a little bad. I'd been pulling for Tina. She had a hard year too, what with vapo-raping my fiancé and all."

That got a chuckle out of Blaine. "Oh my god, you guys have got to let it go."

"Oh no Blaine," Kurt shook his head with a mouthful of pizza. "That's the kind of thing that we can hold over her head forever, it's way too good to let go."

"You're very bad, Kurt Hummel," Blaine chastised.

Kurt stopped chewing and raised a brow. "I can be," he teased suggestively.

A shiver went up Blaine's spine and he was certain it wasn't the wind. "Kurt, I'm in school," Blaine reminded him under his breath, looking around nervously.

"Well Skype me when you get home," Kurt purred. "I'm not working until tonight and the girls will be at rehearsal all day. We can talk about _exactly_ how bad I've been."

Blaine groaned with frustration as the bell rang. "I can't believe you would do that to me just before I have to go class." He put his things away in his bag and threw it strategically across his body. "You're a jerk."

"I love you too," Kurt smirked. "Hurry home."

* * *

Blaine walked in the door to his apartment to find his Mom and Dad sitting at the kitchen table together. Clearly waiting for him. Which was never a good sign.

"What's going on?" Blaine asked. He walked past and dropped his bag in his bedroom, then leaned in the door frame. "Am I in trouble or are you in trouble?" he asked nervously.

The Colonel knew better now than to ask Blaine to sit. The distance was both instinctive and helpful and Blaine had a need to be on his feet when he felt confronted, which he was pretty certain he would. "Your mother and I were talking about your plans to move in with Kurt when you go to New York." The Colonel looked at him sharply, his eyes narrowing. "I don't like them."

"Ah." Blaine's jaw tensed and his eyes closed. He'd known for a long time this conversation was coming and he hadn't been looking forward to it. No matter how far his father had come, he was certain that living with his boyfriend, even if he was his fiancé, was not in his father's Rules of Order. He tried to cool his temper but when his eyes opened they were hard with determination. "I'm eighteen. I'm engaged to be married. You have no say in this."

"Blaine, darling, hear your father out," Amy tried to soothe and mediate.

"No mom, I'm sorry but whether I live with Kurt or not is none of his business," Blaine snapped.

The Colonel sometimes wondered why even after all this time, all their forgiveness, the two of them had to be so stubborn as to attack before they thought. But old habits die hard and there were times when neither could escape it. "I have a say in what I do or do not pay for," John told his son firmly. "And it is my business whether you and your fiancé live in a dangerous neighborhood like Bushwick."

Blaine blinked, his brow furrowing. "Wait, this is about Bushwick?"

"We didn't change things at home just to have you run off to New York to be right back in the middle of danger. Bushwick is known for robberies and it's not like you and Kurt aren't targets already," the Colonel argued.

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, letting a bitter laugh escape.

"Believe me son, the irony isn't lost on me or your mother at all, but when we realized you deserved better that meant once you left too. A good neighborhood in Manhattan-"

"Is too expensive for Kurt," Blaine finished. "And bad things can happen in Manhattan too. His apartment is in Bushwick Dad. I'm moving in. End of story." He started back to his bedroom but his father's voice stopped him.

"This discussion is not over," the Colonel called.

"Yes, it is," Blaine insisted. He turned back and looked at his Mom, the tension in her face making her look older than she was. His father was rubbing his face in his hands, frustration more than evident. Blaine sighed, knowing he overreacted. He drew closer, resting his hands on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Dad, I appreciate what you're saying and feeling. But the world you're so afraid of is exactly what you prepared me for. And I'm done running from the fight just because it might be hard. I'm a soldier's son." The Colonel looked up at him and Blaine couldn't help but smile softly. "It's about time I acted like one." He watched as his father's eyes shifted from hard to soft then glowed with pride. Blaine couldn't help but add to it. "I've been named Valedictorian."

"But how?" his Mom said, eyes wide with surprise. "I thought Tina and Artie were tied for first."

Blaine shrugged. "Because Principal Sue is a raving lunatic," Blaine smirked, but he knew it wasn't that simple an answer. "And because outside of this house, things just seem to get handed to me on a silver platter while my friends have to claw their way to the top. And honestly…" His thoughts drifted to Santana and Kurt, Artie and Tina, even Rachel, all fighting tooth and nail to have just a little bit of their dreams come true. Bushwick was exactly what he needed. "I think it's time I start having to claw a little bit too."

"It's not true son," John said. "You've worked very hard for the things you've gotten." He reached over and grasped Amy's hand. "And your Mom and I very proud of you."

Blaine offered a small smile. "Thanks."

He went back to his room, closing the door behind him. He took out his iPod and scrolled to the song that he and Artie and Tina had decided on. Given everything they'd been through, everything _he'd_ been through, it just felt perfect. The music started and he took a seat by his window, staring out. It was raining softly and the drops shimmered in the trees and hung on the bricks of the apartments across the way. He smiled, the words so perfect for his life up until now, and he couldn't help but start singing.

_Trying hard to reach out_   
_But when I tried to speak out_   
_Felt like no one could hear me_   
_Wanted to belong here_   
_But something felt so wrong here_   
_So I prayed I could break away_

"He's just so stubborn," the Colonel was saying in the kitchen.

Amy smirked at him from the counter where she'd begun preparing dinner. "Gee, I wonder where he gets that from." She put the water on for noodles, then leaned back against the counter. Blaine's voice filled the air. "It's time to let him go John." She came over and rubbed his back, massaging out the knots. "He's a good man. A strong man. He's going to be fine."

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly_   
_I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky_   
_And I'll make a wish_   
_Take a chance_   
_Make a change_   
_And breakaway_

"It's so hard," John admitted with a sigh. "In one part of my head he's still this tiny little overactive headstrong boy. In the other I know that after everything I've done he should want to leave and never come back."

_Out of the darkness and into the sun_   
_But I won't forget all the ones that I love  
_

"You let him go once and look what happened. Look how far you two have come," she reminded him. She sat down and grasped his hands, their eyes meeting. "I know for 18 years you've held on too tightly. For good and for bad your whole world has been him. But it's time. Listen to him sing. Listen to his words."

_I'll take a risk_   
_Take a chance_   
_Make a change_   
_And breakaway_

"Watch him fly."

* * *

The door slammed closed behind Rachel and silence filled the apartment. The air was heavy with sadness and regret and more than just a little bit of anger. Kurt looked at the girl left with him, the girl who his fiancé loved as much as he loved Rachel and his heart broke just a little bit for her. Slowly he walked over and bent down to gather the shreds of the photo of Rachel and Santana on their graduation day that Rachel had torn and scattered.

"You don't have to do that." Santana's voice was little more than a murmur. She cared much more than she would ever let on. And Kurt knew that.

"Santana," he protested gently.

"If Rachel wants to act like a spoiled little bitch," Santana spat, "that's fine, but don't expect me to pick up the pieces of our broken friendship."

"Santana," he repeated, this time much firmer.

She turned to him, biting her lower lip to fight back the tears. "Sure, I may have said horrible things, but I didn't do anything wrong by auditioning," she cried.

"I know you didn't." Kurt opened his arms to her and she fell into his embrace, unfamiliar and not quite the comfort that she felt in Blaine's arms, but in the moment it was what she needed. "Why can't she just be happy for me?" she sniffed.

"You can't set yourself up as a threat to her your whole high school existence and then complain when she sees you that way," Kurt reminded her. "She's always lived in fear of you taking what's hers, and rightfully so." And he knew that Santana had always lived in fear of Rachel succeeding where she would fail. But now wasn't the time to bring that up. "Maybe she'll get over it," he said instead.

"When was the last time you knew Rachel to get over anything?" She pulled away, hands flying straight to her hips. But then silence filled the room. They both knew the answer. Finn. But he wasn't here now for any of them to turn to anymore.

"Come on," Kurt said softly. "Let's watch a movie."

She looked away and shook her head. "Thanks, but I think I'll just go study my lines."

She disappeared into what was no longer Rachel's room, closing the curtain behind her. He cleaned up the living room, taking dishes to the sink then headed back to his bedroom to call Blaine. But the sound of Santana's voice, made him hang back.

"She left." He could hear her sniffle, hear the sound of a tissue stripped of its box.

"It doesn't matter. No matter what I do, Blaine, or how hard I try, everyone walks away. Brittany, my Abuela, Quinn…" Her voice was broken. Her crying was obvious. Kurt wished he could hear the wisdom in Blaine's words on the other end as he clearly tried to soothe her.

"I don't know how," she wept and blew her nose. "Pushing people away is what I do best."

Kurt frowned and went into in his room. He closed the curtain behind him and settled on his bed, restless without Blaine or Rachel to talk to. He picked up his phone and went through his contacts, suddenly knowing what he needed to do.

_From Kurt to Brittany [8:46pm]: Hey love. Are you busy? We need to talk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it, my take on Frenemies. I am clearly Team Santana. I know others have different opinions and perspectives and that's what's so wonderful about this show. My best friend and I argued…discussed…this episode for probably a good hour. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Ready to Fly will end with graduation and Episode 13, and Part 8 of the Ready to Fly series, Spreading My Wings, will begin with Episode 14.


	31. Trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode was kind of tough for me. I do not like whiny Blaine (any more than Darren seems to) and whiny Blaine does not play well into RTF. So what I've written doesn't quite fit perfectly with the episode and Blaine's timeline is a little off maybe.
> 
> Also a warning: I saw The Happening as being very much about Finn. If that's not something you want to deal with please feel free to skip the second half of that song. If it is, well, you might need tissues? I'm not sure.
> 
> I don't own Glee. If I did Blaine would never whine.

_From Santana to Blaine [8:05]: What are you doing?_

_From Santana to Blaine [8:07]: I can see Lady Hummel in his room sewing some bedazzled jacket on his mannequin, so I know you two aren't playing the five knuckle shuffle._

_From Santana to Blaine [8:09]: Unless you're playing by yourself ;P_

_From Santana to Blaine [8:10]: Wanky._

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:12]: Don't get your knickers in a twist Santana, I just pulled up to my dad's after dinner with Sam and Tina. I swear that girl cried so much I think she turned her breadsticks into oatmeal._ **

Blaine pocketed his phone and got out of the car. It was a beautiful night, the stars were shining, the air was warm, and despite Tina's dramatics he was happy for graduation. Because graduation meant that seeing his fiancé and his best friends every day was just one day closer.

He opened the door, tossed his keys on the table and kicked off his shoes. His phone buzzed and he took it back out and swiped the screen, texting while he walked into the living room where his father was flipping through channels waiting up for him.

_From Santana to Blaine [8:13]: That girl cries like Rachel creates drama._

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:13]: I don't think Rachel's alone in the drama department girlfriend._ **

_From Santana to Blaine [8:14]: I thought you weren't taking sides?_

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:14]: Thinking you're both wrong isn't taking sides._ **

"Kurt?" his father asked, nodding to the phone.

_From Santana to Blaine [8:15]: Well if she can't be happy for me, why should I be happy for her?_

"Santana," he said with a sigh, falling into the couch across from him. "She and Rachel are in this feud and there's just absolutely no point to it."

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:16]: To prove that you're better than that._ **

_From Santana to Blaine [8:17]: Well maybe I'm not better than that. Maybe I'm just a mean bitch from Lima Heights Adjacent and that's all I was ever meant to be._

Blaine looked up when his father cleared his throat. He hadn't noticed his father turn the TV off and the silence in the room was suddenly apparent. "Look, Blaine, can we talk about last week?"

Blaine was exhausted, his focus was split and he'd thought they'd put that argument behind them. "It's no big deal Dad. We're both hotheaded. It's fine," he said dismissively.

"You _thought_ I was going to have a problem with you living with Kurt." John raised a knowing brow.

Blaine shrugged slightly. "Well is it really that far of a stretch?"

"No," John admitted. "I just want you to know I don't. Have a problem with it. I mean, any more than I would have had a problem with Cooper living with a girl he was engaged to. When he was 18 years old and barely out of high school and knowing nothing of the world. I mean…"

"It's not that we're gay, it's that we're young" Blaine finished for him. "I got it." His phone buzzed again. "I'm gonna head to my room," he said, getting up.

"Since I know you're just gonna do whatever you want, can I least give you some advice? About living together?" the Colonel asked.

Blaine stopped. He scoffed slightly before he could prevent himself from being so rude. "No offense Dad, but if I wanted relationship advice I'm pretty sure you would not be the first one I would go to."

His father ignored the insult. "When he's being as stubborn and opinionated and self-righteous as he can be that he's got you so maddeningly frustrated and upset that you want to kill him…" Blaine rolled his eyes and his father smiled. "Love him anyway."

Blaine let the words hang in the air. It was smart advice. Good advice. He wished his father had taken it earlier.

"You know where I learned that?" John asked.

"Mom?" Blaine guessed.

His father shook his head. "You."

Blaine couldn't help the smile that slipped from his lips, nor the love that filled his heart. "Night Dad."

"Night son."

_From Santana to Blaine [8:18]: Your silence is deafening boyfriend._

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:25]: Or my father could have been lecturing me on the trials and tribulations of living with my fiancé._ **

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:25]: You know I think you are so much more than just a bitch from Lima Heights._ **

_From Santana to Blaine [8:26]: I see you not denying it._

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:26]: Can't deny the truth ;P But it's also true that you are more._ **

Blaine sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. Kurt was logged in to Skype and though dealing with Tina, Santana, and his father had taken every ounce of emotional energy out of him that night, they could at least talk for a bit before he completely crashed for the night.

_From Santana to Blaine [8:27]: Yeah well, Rachel certainly seems to think that's all I am._

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:28]: Prove her wrong._ **

_From Santana to Blaine [8:28]: How? She's at her absolute worst right now and all I want to do is hang her from her hair and drop her over the side of the Long Island Ferry._

Blaine pressed the call button and waited for Kurt.

**_From Blaine to Santana [8:30]: Love her anyway._ **

* * *

"Okay guys, as soon as the girls get here we can start." Kurt was flitting around the apartment happily, gathering refreshments from the kitchen for Elliott and Dani. He willfully ignored the elephant in the room. After his conversation with Blaine the night before, he was thinking positively. _Give Santana a chance_ , Blaine had said. _She's trying_ , Blaine had said. _She's just trying to find her place in New York, same as the rest of you_ , he had said. And Kurt knew it to be true, they all did. He just wished she could do it without the claws. And razor blades.

"You really think they can pull it together for the sake of the band?" Elliott asked, sipping his coffee. Living with Rachel required extra bolts of caffeine because she was thoroughly exhausting. Lovable, but exhausting. Sleeping on the couch wasn't helping. "Rachel doesn't seem to be getting over this very quickly." It was an understatement if her ranting and raving after rehearsal last night about Santana trying desperately to upstage her was any indication, but the last thing he wanted to do was fuel the fire.

"Neither does Santana," Dani shared regretfully. "It's like it's not even about Funny Girl anymore, they just have this constant need to one up each other."

Kurt sighed with resignation. He was used to it. It had been going on for years and he had really hoped it would change in New York but he supposed he should have known better. "Welcome to my world," he muttered.

The door slid open and for a second and just for a moment the saccharinely sweet smiles plastered on both of their faces fooled them into thinking that just maybe they had made up.

Then Rachel spoke. "Shalom all," Rachel called loudly, putting her bag down by the door. Even though the apartment wasn't hers anymore and she would never call it Santana's, she still acted like she owned the place. "Shalom means _hello_ , Santana." Her voice was sickeningly condescending. "It's Jewish. Like Fanny Brice. Something you would know absolutely nothing about since you're _not Jewish_ ," she glared.

Santana had been heading to her room to drop off her things but she spun back around. "Actually it's Hebrew, Fruma Sarah," Santana snapped. "And for your information, though I wouldn't expect you to know this being as close-minded as you are, Sephardic Jews, you know Latin Jews, from _Spain_ , made up most of the early Jewish settlers in North America. In fact," she crooned, drawing closer to Rachel arrogantly, "the first Jewish congregation in North America was founded in New York in 1684 and was Spanish and Portuguese. You can go look it up. Or better yet, you can take a walk down to Shearith Israel on West 70th Street, because it's still there and they welcomed _me_ with open arms."

Rachel wasn't the only one staring dumbfounded at Santana.

"Um, ladies," Kurt called carefully, breaking the silence, "if I can still even call you that," he mumbled under his breath. "Can we put the torah study aside? We have a rehearsal to get to?"

Kurt waited hopefully. Rachel could put it all behind them right now. She could admire the amount of research Santana had done, her attempts to understand and embrace the role in the way that Rachel had her whole life. She could accept that for Santana, at least in the beginning, none of this had been about trying to be better than Rachel but just about trying to work, trying to make it in a city where there were hundreds of thousands trying to shine brighter than the light next to them.

But Rachel couldn't. Fanny Brice was her role. Her dream from the moment she had ever even known what a stage was. She was the character that Rachel had spent her whole life preparing for, that she had been willing to give up Finn for, had _chosen_ to give up Finn for, and if Santana took that from her what else would she possibly have left. If Santana took it, then everything would have been for nothing.

She had told Kurt years ago. _"I don't have to choose between my career and love, because_ _this stage_ _,_ _Broadway_ _,_ _New York_ _._ _That's my true love."_

The words had unknowingly been prophetic.

Why couldn't Santana understand that?

"I'm sorry." Rachel covered her mouth, biting back the tears that she would not let them see. "I can't do this."

They watched her grab her things and leave out the door. Kurt considered following her but knew she needed to be alone. Santana stared after her, the lump in her throat so thick she could barely breathe. "I think I'll sit this one out too," she snapped before disappearing into her room.

Once the air cleared, Kurt, Elliott and Dani whispered between themselves. Things couldn't go on like this. Something needed to change.

* * *

Dani slipped into Santana's room. Her girlfriend was lying on the bed, earphones in her ear, eyes closed. She looked content and Dani almost hated to interrupt her. But she put a gentle hand on Santana's knee and the beautiful face she could not resist looked up at her. "Hey you," she purred.

Santana pulled the plugs from ears and sat up with a smile. "Hey. Did everyone leave us here all alone in the apartment?" she smirked.

"Kurt and Elliott went out for some new sheet music, yes," Dani said.

Santana leaned in, biting her lip coyly before pressing her lips to Dani's almost desperately, losing herself in the touch and feel of her girlfriend, the taste of her on her tongue, the warmth of her hands on her skin as they slipped beneath her clothing and caressed her. She pulled Dani down on top of her, begging for more with her mouth, with her hips, wrapping an arm around Dani's waist to pull her down into her.

Dani stilled her hips though and pulled away, still snuggling in close. She tucked a hair behind Santana's ear. "You okay?"

Santana let out a breath and shrugged, her face growing harder just with the question. It was easier before Dani knew her too well. "Can't do anything right with her, doesn't matter what I try."

"Maybe it's not the what, but the how," Dani gently chided.

Santana was growing sick of this. Everyone thought that she was the one that needed to keep trying, to be the better person while Rachel could continue to be the selfish spoiled little brat she was. "I'm a bitch and she's known it for a long time," Santana snapped, pulling away from Dani and sitting up angrily. "Blaine and Kurt know it too but they seem to be able to handle themselves just fine. They see right through it. Just like Britt always did."

Dani blinked at the name. She always did. She knew Santana still loved her old girlfriend. Probably always would. She didn't understand what it was about where these friends grew up that first loves were forever, but it sure seemed to be the case. "What is this thing between us?" she suddenly asked.

Santana's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?

Dani took her hand. She didn't want Santana to think she was upset, she just wanted to understand. "I mean is it real? Or is it an escape?"

Santana frowned. "Escape from what?"

One of the things that Santana liked best about Dani was her honesty. And her bluntness. "First Finn? Now Rachel?"

And the truth that Dani saw from being on the outside, having not grown up with them and not being intimately involved in any of their drama. "I swear those two were put on this earth to torture me," Santana grumbled.

"Or maybe they were put here to make you better?" she suggested, then smirked mischievously. "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason."

"Oh my god, don't you dare turn into Hummelberry," Santana groaned. "If I am escaping at all it is precisely that kind of disgusting, sickeningly sweet bunch of bullcrap that they spew that I'm escaping from."

Dani laughed and pulled her into her arms. "Alright." She kissed Santana softly on the head. "All I'm saying is that you can use the things that have driven you nuts about them to make you better or worse. It's your choice. But the Santana that I know and love would choose better."

Santana turned to her sharply and arched a brow. "Love?"

Dani's hand dipped into the small of her back and she traced small circles on her skin. Her eyes shifted, darkened with the passion that her girlfriend brought to everything that mattered to her. "I do love you Santana," she whispered. Dani leaned in, their brows drawn together as Dani cupped her face and traced her lips. "One way or another you have nestled your bitchy little self into my heart."

"Did I come into your life for a reason?" Santana smirked.

"Good sex," Dani winked. "Deliciously good sex." She surged forward and captured Santana's lips, so full and soft that it was like falling into a cloud and she had to be careful not to let herself float away. Because she knew that whether this was real or an escape it was not forever. She just decided that she would love it, love her, for what it was while she had her. "That's not all though. You have made me a better musician, a better performer, and a better person. And for that I will always love you."

Santana found herself blushing and grinning stupidly. "Lucky me," she said.

Dani nodded and grinned back. "Lucky you."

* * *

"Oh my god Blaine, what have I done to deserve this?" Kurt asked. "I'm a good person, right?" He'd finished his shift and set out to find Elliott, leaving the girls behind to cat fight all they wanted without him around. He seriously couldn't take it anymore. "I've never sent anyone to a crack house or stolen anybody's boyfriend or drowned kittens in a lake!"

"You think you have it bad. I walked in on Sam and Tina kissing. Sam and Tina!" Blaine paced his bedroom, his Nightbird costume thrown haphazardly on the floor in his distress. He'd worn it knowing that last time he'd broken into the school without it he'd gotten caught. It was supposed to be his good luck charm. Clearly it hadn't worked. "And I don't mean a peck on the lips we're gonna be friends forever kiss. I mean a down and dirty tonsil hockey, licking each other and boob touching and ugh, it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I don't think I will ever recover. We may have to move to some deserted tropical island where it's just the two of us and a sun so bright that it burns away the horrible image embedded in my retinas."

"They'd follow us there. I know they would." Kurt ranted, racing down the streets of New York. "Santana would steal some private yacht and be taken captive by Somali pirates that she would bend and twist to do her every bidding and Rachel would be singing on some cruise ship and she'd make them port on our island, they would find us Blaine. They would find us!"

"Boobs, Kurt. It's all they can talk about! Sam loves Tina's boobs. Tina loves that Sam loves her boobs. I mean, when did Tina suddenly get boobs, Kurt? I don't remember ever seeing them before and certainly no one has talked about them and suddenly it's the only topic of conversation and every time I look at her it's all I can see!"

"It's like no matter how hard I try there's no escape from high school, there's no escape from McKinley, the pettiness and the fights just follow me and haunt me and we're all so used to it we don't even notice how much we're drowning in it until someone who has never been there throws out a raft we didn't even know we needed." Kurt was out of breath when he got to the crowd of people waiting for the walk sign at the corner. And after a minute he realized there was silence on the other end. "Blaine?"

"I'm here," came the quiet voice that Kurt knew all too well.

"Oh come on Blaine, I didn't mean you," Kurt promised him, starting on the move again when the signal lit. "You're the only good thing about high school and McKinley but that's because you're not from Lima like the rest of us. It's like there's something in the water we all drank as babies that made us stubborn and insufferable and willing to put up with crap just for the sake of friendship."

"I'm willing to put up with crap for friendship," Blaine pouted. As if to prove his point Facebook beeped at him and messages from Sam and Tina both suddenly appeared. He turned the computer off.

"But you're not stubborn and insufferable," Kurt reminded him, then hedged. "Well, you're not insufferable," he smirked. "Not like me."

"I'd suffer with you any day, Kurt," Blaine told him. He collapsed on his bed staring at the ceiling. "What am I going to do about Tina and Sam? I had just wanted a night to remember with them, ya know? A story we could tell at every reunion and party and wedding."

"I'm pretty sure it's still a story you can tell," Kurt mused. He reached the door of Elliott's apartment building and settled on a bench inside the lobby. "But now it will only be embarrassing for them and not for you," he teased. But he knew his fiancé needed more than that. "You'll have those memories Blaine, I promise. You have so many already, and honestly I'm not sure what can top the vapo-rape incident of 2013." Blaine rolled his eyes as Kurt continued. "But you still have Nationals and graduation. This year has been filled with a lifetime of memories. You don't need some senior lock-in to make more."

"Becky forced me to play twister and she was staring at me like I was a piece of meat," Blaine pouted.

"Well who can really blame her," Kurt mused. "At least she didn't drag you on stage and put you in the middle of the most ridiculous feud in the history of feuds."

"Oh no," Blaine groaned. "I hope they didn't beat you up too bad."

"Oh it wasn't me," Kurt explained quickly. "It was Elliott. Apparently he's their new wanna-be best gay."

"Excuse me, what?" 

"Yes, it's terribly sad, you and I are being replaced. Sam and Tina are starting to look a little bit better now, aren't they?" Kurt laughed.

Blaine whimpered loudly. He had just forgotten about them and now the image was back in his mind bright as day. "Let's go back to that idea about the deserted island."

* * *

Kurt knocked on the door, hoping Elliott had in fact gone home. What he hadn't expected to find was Dani there as well. Elliott opened the door with an apologetic smile.  "Kurt, come in." Kurt smiled his thanks and looked around. It became quickly apparent that Rachel had taken over the apartment. "Kurt, I'm sorry, I didn't meant to snap at you like that at the diner-"

"No, please, don't apologize," Kurt said, taking a seat besides Dani heavily. "I'm the one that should be apologizing, getting you into this mess in the first place."

"You didn't do anything Kurt," Dani assured him. "This is Santana and Rachel's problem and none of us should be put in the middle of it."

Elliott sat hesitantly in front of Kurt and bit his lip. He didn't want to hurt Kurt's feelings, but he and Dani had agreed. "Which is why-"

"You don't want to be in the band anymore," Kurt finished for him nodding. He was sad but he knew it was coming. After all, why should either one of them have to withstand the torture he'd grown accustom to. "I understand."

"Well, yes, and no," Elliott said and Kurt cocked his head curiously. " _We_ want to be in the band. We just don't want _them_ in it."

"Not forever," Dani added quickly, making sure Kurt understood. "If they can get their shit together then we'd definitely want it to be the five of us again. But…we just want it to be fun. And working with them right now is not fun."

"No," Kurt agreed. "No it's not." He stood up and paced for a bit. It was his decision. It was his band. If they were going to kick Santana and Rachel out, he was the one that had to do it. "I'll talk to them. If they can't put their animosity aside, then they're out."

"What about the gig on Friday?" Dani asked. "We already paid for the space, the flyers are out. Cancelling will ruin our reputation."

Kurt collapsed in the chair again, but Elliott stood up. "I think I have an idea."

* * *

"Are you sure Kurt?" Blaine had stayed in the choir room after rehearsal for Nationals Thursday afternoon, working on some harmonies and runs he would talk to Brad and Mr. Schue about adding. He'd been playing around on the piano when Kurt had called. "I mean, I know what you're trying to do and I don't disagree at all with your motives, but…do you think either of them are really ready to hear that?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Kurt admitted. He sat at his computer scrolling over the lyrics once more. He was dressed and ready to go but he'd been having second thoughts and had hoped talking to Blaine would help him work them out. "But if Finn's the only one who's ever been able to talk sense into Rachel, than this is the only way I know how to do it." His gaze fell on his picture of Finn. He kept it out all the time now that Rachel was gone. And he'd stared at if for a long time trying to figure out what his brother would do. The only thing he could think of was to sing. "Someone needs to remind them Blaine. Life's too short to lose friends over pettiness and fear and wishful thinking."

_Hey life look at me, I can see the reality_   
_Cause when you shook me, took me out of my world_   
_I woke up, suddenly I just woke up to the happening._

Blaine swung around and leaned back against the piano keys. The sound of laughter broke through Kurt's words and he knew the sound of his two best friends in Ohio without even seeing them. Walking down the hallway and out the front door, Sam had his arm around Tina, whispering what Blaine could only guess were impressions in her ear in an effort to make her stop crying again. It was working and Tina was giggling and shaking her head.

_When you find that you left the future behind_   
_Cause when you got a tender love you don't_   
_Take care of, then you better beware of the happening._

"Yeah," Blaine said quietly watching them. It had only been a day. But he missed them already. "It really is."

_One day you-re up, then you turn around_   
_You find your world is tumbling down_   
_It happened to me and it can happen to you.  
_

"I wish I could be there, for your performance tonight." Blaine grabbed his music and his books and put them in his bag, stringing it around his shoulder. He walked out to his car. "I hate missing them. I can't wait until I can always be there for you. And for Santana and Rachel too."

"You have your own fences to mend there," Kurt reminded him gently. "Don't run from them, Blaine, you're past that. Rachel, Santana, you…I guess we all fall back on old habits when the world is tumbling down. But it's time to grow up."

Blaine slipped into the driver's seat and went to put his bag on the chair beside him when a flash of red caught his eye. He pulled out the graduation cap. His let his fingers slip through the silk on the tassel and the charm on the end.

2013.

It was the year that everything fell apart and came back together at the same time. He'd lost Kurt. He'd fought for him. He earned him back and they promised each other forever. He'd lost a brother and gained back his father. The year had felt like forever but now that it was almost over part of him felt like it was gone in a blink of an eye.

Life was one long and windy road. And no one could ever be sure what might happen.

_I was sure, I felt secure, until love took a detour_   
_Yeah, riding high on top of the world_   
_It happened, suddenly it just happened._

_The Happening_

Rachel sat beside Santana, the words playing over in her mind but she refused to dwell on them. This wasn't about Finn, she wouldn't let it be. This was just the same old game that she and Santana had been playing for years, only now they were playing on Rachel's turf and she had the upper hand.

_I saw my dreams fall apart, when love walked away from my heart_   
_And when you lose that precious love you need to guide you_   
_Something happens inside you, the happening._

And suddenly her guide, Finn's words, came rushing back to her all at once, a muddle in her mind but she heard him as if he was sitting beside her:

" _Wait, is this one of those chick things where you're pissed about one thing, but you're just pretending that you're pissed about something else?"_

" _I knew you were a lot of things, Rachel, and I loved you because of and in spite of all of them, but I never thought you were mean."_

" _I am sure you're something special. That this is just the beginning for you. That you're going to do amazing things."_

" _I'm setting you free."_

_Now I see life for what it is_   
_It's not all dreams, it's not all bliss_   
_It happened to me and it can happen to you_   
_Once!_

" _You don't have a choice. I can't come with you."_

_Is it real, is it fake, is this game of life a mistake_   
_Cause when I lost the love I thought was mine_   
_For certain, suddenly I started hurting._

" _You're gonna be a star…without me. That's how much I love you. You know what we're gonna do? Surrender. I know how hard that is for you because of how hard you hold on to stuff…But we're gonna let go and let the universe do its thing…"_

_I saw the light too late, when that fickle finger of fate_   
_Yeah came and broke my pretty balloon_   
_I woke up, suddenly I just walked up to the happening._

" _Relationships are a lot like flowers. If you find the right seed, put it in good soil, give it water and sunlight, bam. Perfect bud. And then comes winter and the flower dies. But if you tend that garden, spring will come along and that flower will bloom again."_

_So sure, I felt secure, until love took a detour_   
_Cause when you got a tender love you don't_   
_Take care of, then you better beware of the happening._

The applause surrounding her woke her up and she glanced to her right. Santana, not Finn, sat beside her. And she wished just for a moment that Santana was the kind of girl she could talk with, cry with, mourn with. Because then maybe she could move on, maybe she could go on, not be terrified of losing the only thing she had left. Maybe she would understand why Fanny meant so much to her.

Maybe Kurt was right. Maybe she could at least give it a try.

* * *

With Mr. Schue giving them the night off from rehearsal, the seniors, Artie included this time, took off Friday night for Breadstix.

"This trip to L.A. is going to be epic!" Sam beamed. "A tour of the city, a tour of Paramount studios! I'm going to find every celebrity I can and do my impressions for them."

Blaine bit his lip and shook his head while Tina and Artie just laughed. "You ain't gonna do shit son," Artie teased.

"It's gonna be fun, but winning Nationals is what it's about," Blaine reminded them. "There'll be important people there who can change our futures, you never know."

"I could use one of those people," Tina frowned. "Right now I am going nowhere very fast."

Blaine's phone rang in his pocket and he glanced at the screen. With a grin he excused himself to the lobby. "Coop! We were just talking about L.A. I can't wait to see you! Did you get the itinerary I sent you?"

"Bad news, little brother," Cooper said. "Well, bad news for you but good news for me. I got a part in a movie. I have to fly out to Vancouver on Wednesday."

Blaine felt his stomach drop. He'd been really looking forward to seeing his brother again after all this time. "For how long," he asked sadly.

"Three months," Cooper said.

"So you're gonna miss graduation too." Of course he was. He wasn't sure why he'd let himself get excited to see Cooper so much anyway, something always went wrong.

"You know I wouldn't miss it for anything but this Squirt, but I can't turn down a role like this."

"I know I get it." And he did, he understood. If he was lucky he'd have those hard choices in life himself someday. "It's okay. Congratulations, I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks Squirt, I'm really proud of you too. Valedictorian! I'll have Mom and Dad send me video. And send me whatever someone takes of Nationals too, okay?" Cooper asked. "I want to see your solo."

"I will Coop. Talk to you soon."

"Bye Blaine."

Blaine took a moment before he headed back to the table. From where he stood he could see his friends. Sam and Tina were feeding each other spaghetti. Artie was pretending to use his breadstick as a microphone. The three of them were laughing and Blaine just soaked in the moment. Kurt had been right. He didn't need the memories of some epic senior lock-in, because these were the memories that mattered. The little moments that were barely a blip on the radar but made their friendship exactly what it was.

Forever.


	32. Glee 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter skips City of Angels, but picks up where that episode left off.

"Hey," Kurt greeted, juggling the phone in one hand and a tray of dirty dishes in the other. He was hungry, he was tired, he was sick of the girls constantly fighting and he just wanted this shift to be over. "How are you guys doing?"

"We've been better," Blaine answered truthfully.

"I know winning Nationals meant a lot to all of you, but what you did for Finn? For Carole?" Kurt smiled, at the tribute his Dad had shared with him and in memory of the words he was about to speak. "Sure beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?"

Blaine smiled too. Kurt always knew the right thing to say. And ordinarily his words would have made him feel a million times better. But looking out at the devastated faces in the choir room, he knew it wasn't enough this time. "It would Kurt, definitely," he agreed, but Marley and Tina were both crying, and the boys were trying to calm them. "But now Glee is over."

"Well of course it's over Blaine, graduation's in a week, but the new kids have a pretty good year under their belt and I'm sure next year they're gonna take the whole thing. We'll all try to go and cheer them on if we can next spring," Kurt reasoned.

"No, Kurt, that's what I mean. It's being disbanded. There are no more chances. Glee is over for good at McKinley High."

* * *

Blaine's hand was on the door a moment before Kurt even knocked. He opened it and immediately pulled Kurt inside, throwing his arms around his fiancé and falling into a kiss. Kurt laughed against his lips, deepening the kiss, until a throat cleared behind them. Blaine groaned and Kurt jumped back, hitting himself against the apartment door.

"Ow, damn it," Kurt swore under his breath, closing the door behind him. He awkwardly rubbed his now throbbing shoulder.

"Dad," Blaine greeted with an overdramatic smile, hoping to give Kurt time to recover. "I didn't realize you were still here, don't you have to work this morning?"

"Yes son, I do, thank you for paying such close attention to my schedule," the Colonel smirked as he went to the kitchen to get his morning coffee. "And don't you have school this morning?" he raised a brow.

"Yeah of course. Burt just dropped Kurt off so I can drive him in with me," Blaine explained. "Kurt doesn't have a car here right now.

"Mmhmm," the Colonel hummed lightly. "It's good to see you Kurt," he said with a teasing smile.

Kurt hoped his face had dulled from a bright red to a dull pink at least. "You too Sir, I um…I mean…Blaine we should be going," he muttered.

"Yeah, sure." Blaine's brow furrowed at Kurt in a mix of confusion and amusement but he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. "Are you coming back tonight Dad?" Blaine asked.

"I'm not sure yet, but probably," the Colonel answered.

"Okay." He looked back and forth between his Dad and Kurt one more time. His Dad just shrugged and Kurt looked like he wanted nothing more than to escape. "Well, Kurt and I are heading to Dalton after school for their graduation, so don't wait up."

"You still have school tomorrow," his Dad reminded him.

Blaine rolled his eyes and grabbed an apple from the basket at the kitchen table before pressing a gentle hand to the small of Kurt's back and steering him out the door. "Bye," he called behind him before the door clicked shut.

"Well that was absolutely mortifying," Kurt muttered crossing his arms protectively across his chest. "Since when is your Dad at your Mom's apartment in the mornings?"

"It's been a few weeks now," Blaine shrugged, slipping his hand into Kurt's. "Guess we're all feeling a bit like life's too short these days." Blaine looked at Kurt as he opened the car door for him and squeezed his hand. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Kurt bit his lip, but then let a smile slip. He may have still been uncomfortable around Blaine's dad, but he also knew he was overacting. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry, your Dad just still freaks me out a bit sometimes. Let's just get to school."

He slid into the car and Blaine closed the door behind him. He came around and got in himself. "My dad still freaks me out sometimes too, but he's better Kurt. He didn't seem bothered by us kissing at all."

"I'd still be more comfortable not giving him a show," Kurt said, and Blaine nodded his agreement. He could understand that. He still felt weird kissing in front of Burt and he'd been accepting all along.

"How was your flight?" Blaine asked, changing the subject.

"Mercifully quiet thanks to Rachel and Santana's last minute rehearsal," Kurt said. "Prayer circle for LaGuardia that it survived the two of them in the building at the same time."

"Things are still that bad?" Blaine frowned.

Bad was understatement. "They wouldn't even go on the same plane." Kurt's voice was laced with frustration. "I have hopes that being back will show them just how immature they're acting, but honestly it's likely to do the opposite."

Blaine shook his head. Kurt absentmindedly traced lazy circles against Blaine's palm. Their friends were insufferable, but at least they would soon be able to suffer them together.

* * *

The flowers were in full bloom, the gardens bursting with vegetation. The grass was perfectly manicured and the Dalton campus was bursting with activity after the graduation ceremony of 2013. Families were milling about. Somewhere in the crowd his friends were in their black gowns, showing their parents around one last time before loading their suitcases into cars. There would be one last party, then friends would spread across the world, pursuing dreams beyond the insulated walls of Dalton Academy.

But to Kurt and Blaine there was no one else in the world. They walked hand in hand throughout the campus, a place that was no longer the refuge it once was but still held for both of them beautiful memories.

"I knew Dalton loved their pomp and circumstance, but I think that ceremony outdid any graduation this side of the Pond," Kurt mused, caught between amused and impressed.

"Well they do fashion it off of Eton," Blaine explained with a twinkle in his eye. "Only what's good enough for the Princes of Wales is good enough for Dalton men."

Kurt smiled secretively, keeping his thoughts to himself, but Blaine saw right through his attempt at decorum and squeezed his hand teasingly. Kurt's love of the royal family was far from his best kept secret. Kurt let a light laugh slip and looked over to Blaine, squinting slightly in the bright sunlight. "Do you wish that you had been there? Graduating with your friends?"

"I am graduating with my friends," Blaine assured him. "In a few days I'll stand in a cheap polyester red cap and gown beside Sam and Tina and Artie and I'll look out on the crowd. Your dad will be there, Santana, Britt, Rachel, Mercedes…" He looked across the way at the campus he and the Warblers had crossed hundreds of times during his two years there. "I love that we were able to be here to see Nick and Jeff and Trent and Sebastian graduate. But I love even more that I'm graduating where I am."

Kurt looked at him adoringly and bumped his shoulder. "Me too," he grinned.

Blaine smiled and pulled his hand, leading him past the koi pond and the recessed lighting beside the stone walkways, up the white stairway and into the Dalton chapel. He was pleased to find it empty and he let go of Kurt's hand, walking to the front.

He turned to Kurt with a sparkling smile. "I, Blaine Anderson, take thee, Kurt Hummel-"

" _The_ Kurt Hummel," Kurt repeated with a smirk, drawing closer to his fiancé. "I think I like the sound of that."

"You would," Blaine rolled his eyes fondly, then continued, capturing Kurt's hand in his. "To be my lawfully wedded husband-"

Kurt arched a cynical brow. "Not here in this chapel in Ohio," he scoffed.

"But would you want to if we could?" Blaine asked and he couldn't hide the tiny bit of hope in his voice.

Kurt closed his eyes. He let out a small sigh and brushed his thumb gently over Blaine's knuckles. "I don't want to fight about this now," he answered softly.

Blaine offered a reassuring smile. "I don't want to fight about this at all," he promised.

Kurt took a step closer and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck. "All I need is you, and me, and our family and friends-"

"And the best flowers, tuxedos, food and New York venue that money can buy," Blaine finished for him with a wink.

Kurt shrugged with an impish grin. "Well I have been planning my wedding since I was three."

"And who exactly were you planning to marry when you were three?" Blaine teased.

"Prince Charming," Kurt answered. He brought his hand up to Blaine's face, cupping it softly and running a thumb along his lips. He leaned in slowly so that their brows touched and whispered, "I think I got pretty close."

Blaine closed his eyes, falling into the depths of Kurt's breath, of his love, into the words that he would never ever grow tired of hearing. His stomach fluttered, and his heart beat quickly in his chest, when Kurt's lips grazed across his own and heat crept up his spine. He wondered if in twenty years when they were older and grayer if the scent of Kurt's skin and the taste of Kurt's lips would still make him feel this way, or if familiarity would breed contentment and it would only be a quiet hum in the background of their busy lives. He wondered if he really had a preference.

"We should get back," Kurt whispered against Blaine's lips when he pulled away just slightly. "The Warbler's graduation party will be starting any minute and I'm pretty sure if they heard about April Rhodes doing Raise Your Glass back at McKinley you're gonna find yourself leading it one last time."

"The Warblers can wait." Blaine muttered, lost in the moment. "I'd rather kiss you"

Not wanting to disappoint, Kurt smiled and offered him one more loving kiss before caressing down Blaine's arm to link their hands together once more to lead him back. "Don't worry. We have a lifetime for that."

* * *

"So Boston's not that far from New York," Nick said, the festivities coming to a close. The night had been a raucous one. They all had sung, somehow Kurt and Sebastian had even danced together, and Trent finally got himself a kiss on the lips from Blaine, with Kurt's permission of course. But the time had come that the now Warbler alums needed to head home with their families. And as his father had so politely reminded him, Blaine had school in the morning. "I hope we'll see each other more than just once every few years at reunions."

"There's a very special table with your name on it at our wedding," Blaine told him, but he knew it wasn't enough when Nick wiped a tear away. "But I'm sure we'll see each other before that. After all, you and Jeff have to come down from Harvard and BU for a few Broadway shows. I mean, A.R.T is good and all, but they don't have Rachel Berry," he grinned.

Nick laughed. "Well you just let me know when Quinn's coming to see the show and I'll be on the next Acela."

"Will do," Blaine promised and took Nick in his arms. "No matter what's happened, you're one my best friends Nick," he said quietly. "You and Kurt, you saved my life. Nothing can ever change that."

"You saved yourself Blaine," Nick said, pulling back to look Blaine in the eye. "We just gave you a little push."

Blaine's throat tightened and his eyes welled up, his chest bursting with feelings he'd allowed himself to forget. But as if he could sense it from across the room, Kurt was by his side in an instant, a steadying arm slipped around his waist. "You about ready to go?" Kurt asked, squeezing him gently.

"Yeah," Blaine's voice cracked. "Ready to go," he said softly then smiled at Nick. "Ready to fly."

* * *

_Here me when I say, when I say I believe_   
_Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny_   
_Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly._

The words of the song played over in Rachel's head as she sang them. The first time she'd sung them, her hand on Finn's heart, wrapped in Finn's arms, she thought she'd known what her destiny was. Now she wasn't sure she even believed in it anymore.

_Keep holding on_   
_Because we'll make it through, we'll make it through._

She'd tried to hold the tears back, but the words, the dance, looking over for him and him not being there, it was too much. She covered her mouth and started off the stage, but Kurt was right there to catch her.

"I thought this would be easier," she choked, forgetting completely that she was mad at him, that he hadn't been on her side, that he wasn't supposed to be her best gay anymore.

And he let it all be forgotten, because he'd never let go of her in the first place. Family never let go. "No you didn't," he said gently, leading her to sit on the risers.

"Well then, I thought I'd be stronger," she admitted softly.

"It's okay," Kurt told her, hoping his warmth would be enough to ease her pain because he could not give her the one thing she truly needed. "It's okay for moments and songs to remind you of him. It's how he lives on inside you. Inside of us. I know I can't listen to Bad Romance without thinking of him," Kurt smirked.

Rachel laughed wetly, wiping away her tears. "I don't know if he'd be happy or appalled by that."

Kurt laughed quietly too and shrugged. "I don't know either."

They fell silent for a moment. They never talked about him for too long. Maybe someday they'd be able to, but it was still too soon, for both of them. "How's Carole doing?" Rachel asked. She'd tried to stay in touch with her. But that too could hurt too much.

Kurt sighed. There were moments where Carole would be fine, just like her old self, but then there were times he'd see her watching him, her eyes dark and distant, and he knew how much pain she was still trying to hide away. "She's ok," he answered honestly. "I think it's harder for her with me at home."

Rachel nodded, understanding. She loved him with all her heart but there was no closer she could get to Finn than Kurt. Sometimes, like now, it was exactly what she needed. Sometimes it wasn't. She hoped Kurt understood that. She imagined he did. "Gives you an excuse to stay at Blaine's, right?" she said lightly.

Kurt's eyes flitted across the stage to his fiancé before turning back to the ring on his finger he twisted absentmindedly. "No. The Colonel is apparently there almost all the time now. He caught us kissing yesterday morning and I nearly had a heart attack."

Rachel frowned, reaching a hand to his. He stopped twirling and looked up at her. "You know he's going to be your father-in-law Kurt."

"Plenty of marriages survive perfectly fine without getting along with their in-laws," he answered wryly.

"Yes, but I bet they do even better when they do get along," she said. "Besides, I thought you forgave him. At the proposal."

"I did." And he had. But forgiveness and wanting to be around him all the time, especially when it came to sleeping arrangements, were two entirely different things. "Doesn't mean I want to live with him."

"Live with who?" Blaine sat next to Rachel, a smile on his face having caught only the last bit of the conversation. "I promise I don't snore, I'm a neat freak as you know, and I'll only take over your side of the bed if you want me to," he teased Kurt.

"Well, with an offer like that," Kurt grinned, "how can I refuse?"

* * *

Listening to Santana go at Rachel in the choir room made Blaine's blood boil. He thought he'd understood how bad it had been, but clearly he'd had absolutely no idea what Kurt had been dealing with the past few weeks.

"I can't even…" he trailed off, shaking his head, and grabbed his bag from beneath his seat. "I need to go for a walk."

"You want me to come?" Kurt asked gently.

"No, if you come I'll just rant at you and you've been dealing with this enough," he muttered. "Spend some time with Britt, I know you've barely gotten a chance."

"Okay," Kurt agreed reluctantly. "Text me if you need me."

"Of course." He gave Kurt a quick kiss on the cheek and headed out to the track. He made it only to the empty hallway outside the locker rooms before she caught up with him, but he kept walking and slammed out the doors.

"Hey Anderson," Santana yelled, pacing herself next to him. "You, me and the jazz club after school today."

"No," he refused. He didn't stop walking and he didn't turn to look at her.

"Oh come on, you can't possibly be on Berry's side," Santana sneered.

Blaine stopped, swiveling sharply, trying but failing to contain his temper. "She lost her soulmate Santana!" he yelled.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Oh please, boyfriend, this fight has nothing to do with Finn," she said.

"This fight has everything to do with Finn and if you two can't see that it's just because you don't want to!" Blaine yelled. He took a step away. He had to before he said or did something he'd regret. He ran his hands tiredly over his face and exhaled. Finally he met her eyes again, dark orbs that he could not read. "I have no problem with you going after your dreams, Santana. With auditioning to be her understudy. I think you had every right to do that and yes, she overreacted. But this is _her_ dream Santana, not yours. Broadway, _that_ role, this is all she has left of a future she and Finn planned together, and I promise you, they did plan this. And standing on that stage, knowing that wherever he is in the universe that he is applauding for her? _That's_ the last moment she will have with him. _That's_ where their destiny ends. So the moment that you even thought about trying to take that away from her Santana?" He looked at her and it broke his heart because he loved Santana, but this time he couldn't stand by her. "That's when I took her side."

Santana's chest filled with a pain she couldn't name and she bowed her head against the tears in her own eyes and the awful look of disappointment in Blaine's. "Okay," she whispered, her voice caught in her throat. She swallowed hard, burying the pain, burying the betrayal, burying the fact that Rachel Berry could steal away everything from her including her best friend. Anger replaced the pain and with her gaze hardened she raised her chin high and looked at Blaine. "Okay," she repeated, this time with the strength of a girl who needed no one to love her but herself. "I hope you're happy with your choice."

Blaine sighed and took a step toward her but she turned and walked away and all he could do was stare after her. It didn't have to be like this. He didn't even truly understand how it had gotten this bad. He wondered just how exactly he'd managed to surround himself with some of the most stubborn people on the planet.

They were just lucky he loved them all so much.

* * *

Only a moment after Santana left, Brittany's phone buzzed. She sighed and walked out of the choir room without a word. Kurt followed her to the library where she immediately sat down at a computer and pulled up an MIT website, logging in. He took a seat beside her. He'd realized something was wrong when he called her from New York but watching her go through the hallways like a ghost of her formal self was heartbreaking. Everything that made her who she was seemed to be gone except when she was dancing.

"Do you like doing math Britt?" he asked gently.

She startled a minute, not even realizing he'd been sitting there watching her, then went back to her equations with a shrug. "Sometimes. I like that people think I'm smart. I mean, I always knew I was but other people acknowledging that feels good. You know what I mean," she said with a soft smile.

"We all live for the applause," Kurt quipped.

"What's Dani like?" Brittany blurted out quickly, and Kurt sputtered, not expecting the question at all.

"Oh, I don't-"

"Please." She bit her lip but kept her eyes on the screen. "I need to know."

"Ok," Kurt sighed and sat back. He liked Dani a lot, she was a great addition to the band and her vocals were insanely good. And she was always there when Santana needed her. He chose his words very carefully. "Well, she's nice. And talented. And she treats Santana well. But she's down to earth and not at all innocent. She's seen the world and she's street smart." Brittany's hands slid from the keyboard into her lap and her eyes dropped, following them. Kurt believed seeing Brittany frown was one of the most tragic sights in the world. "She's not a unicorn Britt. She's just an escape."

Brittany nodded, taking it all in. "I'd forgotten, at MIT. The way she makes me feel."

Kurt took her hand. He understood, maybe better than anyone. "Distance is hard. Santana knew that, she could see it with Blaine and me. She got scared and she ran. But she never stopped loving you. Just like I never stopped loving him."

"But you and Blaine are okay now," Brittany said, raising her eyes in hope. "Engaged."

"Yeah," he smiled gently. "We are."

"And you're okay with that?" she asked, her voice laced with concern. "You used to want to wait."

She was right, he _had_ wanted to wait. He'd told Blaine over and over he wanted to graduate college and have a career before they got married. But things change. "Life's too short to ask too many questions. If I didn't know that before Finn, I sure do now."

Brittany's gaze was full of love as she pressed his hand between hers. "I just don't want to see you make a mistake."

He shook his head. "It's not a mistake Britt. Sure he drives me nuts at times and do I think it will be perfect? Not a chance. But he makes me feel everything I've always wanted to feel." His eyes twinkled and his lips curled up in a smirk. "And what would Kurt Hummel's life be without a little bit of drama now and then?"

Brittany's phone rang and with a sigh of regret she remembered the screen in front of her. "It would be like this," she said bleakly, returning to her calculations.

Kurt wanted to pull her away, to make her dance like Santana, to make her laugh and play and forget that she had any cares in the world. "You're not gonna come back for the vote?"

"I have to finish this." She turned and kissed him on the cheek, offering him a sly smile. "I would just vote for you anyway."

* * *

"I do not understand why everything is _always_ a tie," Blaine complained while they walked to his locker. "I mean, it's great when you're little for everyone to win, but that's not the real world. In the real world someone wins and someone loses."

"I'm not sure we've really fully established that McKinley is the real world Blaine," Kurt smirked. "And you can only blame yourself. If you hadn't voted for me you could have broken the tie."

"Well, asking me to choose between Rachel and Mercedes is just cruel." He unlocked the door and opened it, grabbing his homework for the night. "Besides, you're always the winner in my book," he grinned.

"Good save there Mr. Anderson," Kurt teased.

Blaine laughed when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and leaned back against the lockers to read it.

_From Santana to Blaine [3:45]: Brittany wants to get back together._

Kurt raised a brow.

"It's Santana," Blaine explained.

"Alrighty then," Kurt smiled. "I'll catch you after Mr. Schue's meeting."

Blaine watched him go before returning to his phone.

_From Blaine to Santana [3:47]: And what do you want?_

_From Santana to Blaine [3:48]: For everything to just be easy._

_From Blaine to Santana [3:49]: Well, does it get any easier than Brittany?_

_From Santana to Blaine [3:50]: What about Dani?_

_From Blaine to Santana [3:50]: You said she knows you're not over Britt._

_From Santana to Blaine [3:51]: I know, but Dani doesn't deserve to be hurt. I'm not heartless, boyfriend._

Blaine sighed. He grabbed his bag. He tried not to say what he desperately wanted to say. But in the end he couldn't really stop himself.

_From Blaine to Santana [3:52]: Maybe you should think about that the next time you talk to Rachel._

* * *

Blaine stared down at them in the darkness backstage from the top step leading up to the spot tower. Below were his friends, his family; Kurt, Rachel, Santana. Finn. He watched Rachel cling to Kurt, wiping her tears from her eyes. They didn't cry for Glee, not really, but for all it had stood for. For the family it had created. For the soulmates it had brought together, and cruelly ripped apart. He hoped Puck and Quinn could find their way. He hoped Santana and Brittany could find their courage. He hoped Rachel would find the destiny that Finn had left behind for her. And Kurt...

Kurt felt a pull as he walked off with Rachel and he looked up. His Prince Charming stared down at him and he reached a hand for Mercedes. "Take care of Rachel, okay?" he whispered. Mercedes glanced up to Blaine and back to Kurt and nodded. He stayed behind as the crowd dispersed, climbing the steps that were now empty, Blaine having slipped around the corner. Kurt followed and quickly found himself in the warmth and comfort of Blaine's arms, a feeling that sometimes was better than any other in the world.

"You okay?" Blaine whispered, holding him as close as he could.

Kurt nodded against him, then pulled away, settling himself on the floor. He leaned back against the wall as he'd done so many times and pulled his knees up. It was likely this would be their last time up here and it held so many memories. Memories of picnics and stolen kisses and making love. Memories that he hoped would last forever.

"What will you miss most?" Kurt asked as Blaine snuggled into his chest.

Blaine closed his eyes and listened to the hum of the electrics in the theater and the sound of Kurt's heart beating. He felt the warm gaze of Kurt's eyes on him and the rise and fall of his chest and he smiled softly. "Feeling safe." Blaine let out a timid chuckle. "I know it sounds crazy after everything I've been through here, but I feel like things are just starting to be comfortable here. And New York feels scary. Like starting all over again."

"Well, it is starting over again," Kurt agreed, trailing his fingers soothingly up and down Blaine's arm. "But at least this time we get to do it together. And you're always safe with me."

Blaine turned, his lids heavy with want. He licked his lips and his eyes flitted to Kurt's before being drawn back to a swirling blue gaze that never strayed. "I've been looking for you forever," Blaine whispered, his hand slowly rising to cup Kurt's face.

"Well you found me." Kurt's voice was thick with need. "And I am never letting you go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter in this story and then we begin anew with Spreading My Wings!


	33. New Directions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter of Ready to Fly.
> 
> It's been a long and windy rocky road but I love where we've ended and I can't wait to begin the next part of this story.
> 
> As always I do not own Glee but I would like to thank them for everything they have given me over the past 4 years. It's been an incredible ride and I'm so glad it's not over yet!

The feel of Kurt's knee pressing expertly between his legs would have been perfect except for the racing thoughts in his head. Thoughts that were so overwhelming that he was apparently forgetting to even kiss Kurt back which, of course, was very much unappreciated. With a not quite contained huff, Kurt pressed up on his hands, his face inches from Blaine's and stared down at him. "Is there a problem?" he asked with mock irritation. "Because I'm pretty sure this is the last time that you and I will have this apartment to ourselves and I think your exact words were _one last hurrah_. And this is not making me go hurrah."

"I'm sorry." The last thing Blaine wanted was to ruin this evening and he reached a reassuring hand to Kurt's chest. "I swear you're not doing anything wrong, I guess I'm just distracted."

Kurt heaved an exaggerated sigh and swung a leg over to curl up beside Blaine instead. His lips curled into a playful smile. "What is it this time? Can't decide whether to take or leave your purple bowtie?" he teased, running a finger beneath Blaine's shirt to tickle gently at his skin. "Or is it your Valedictorian speech that you've written and rewritten ten times?" He frowned a little more seriously when Blaine didn't answer. "Is it your Mom giving up the apartment and moving back to Westerville after you leave?"

"No, it's none of that. It's just college," Blaine said with that sound of defeat that Kurt hated hearing in his voice. "The NYADA blogs were blowing up this morning with people getting their acceptance letters and my mailbox was empty and I'm just so afraid I won't get in."

Kurt sat up, grabbing Blaine's hand to guide him up as well. "Sweetheart, we talked about this. It's not like Columbia is far if you don't get into NYADA. Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly, right?" he grinned, trying and succeeding to coax a smile out of Blaine.

Blaine nodded and laughed softly. "Right."

"Good," Kurt said. "Now kiss me."

Blaine couldn't help but laugh again and he cupped Kurt's face, their lips meeting halfway. This time Blaine melted into it and got lost in it, savoring the closeness and the love that he adored.

They didn't hear the door close, but they did hear Blaine's father calling. "Blaine!"

Both boys groaned in frustration, pulling apart with enormous reluctance. Kurt sprung from the bed, making it as far as the wall before the Colonel hesitantly peeked his head in. "Hey guys, um…sorry to interrupt," the Colonel said awkwardly, knowing without a doubt exactly what he'd interrupted.

"I thought you and Mom were going out to eat tonight," Blaine frowned.

"Oh we are, she's in the car," he said pointing toward the door with an envelope in his hand. "But this came in the mail and we both thought you might want it sooner rather than later. I guess you'd put my address on the application instead of your Mom's."

Blaine jumped off the bed to grab it and his heart immediately started racing. "Oh my god, Kurt it's NYADA. It's thick too," he said, pacing the room. "What do I do?"

"Well, I might start with opening it," Kurt said with a cockeyed grin.

"Right," Blaine said pausing his step. "Okay." He slipped his finger in and gently ripped open the envelope pulling the letter out to read. His eyes raked over the page, up and down again, as if to make sure he hadn't read it wrong. But the print was pretty clear. "I got in," he whispered at first, his eyes slowly lifting to Kurt's. Kurt's eyes danced, his whole face lighting up and that adorable smile Blaine loved so much just grew and grew. "I got in!" he screeched.

Kurt flew to him, grabbing him in a hug that left Blaine gasping for breath. They pulled apart just slightly, their eyes never leaving one another.

"Okay. Well, congratulations Blaine." The Colonel would have said the boys had even forgotten he was in the room except they were clearly just waiting for him to leave. He shook his head fondly. "I'll just, um, leave you two alone to celebrate," he said before walking out. This time they listened for the front door to click shut.

Kurt flashed a stupid grin. "He left us alone to celebrate," he said.

"Well the last thing we'd ever want to do is disobey the Colonel," Blaine smirked.

Kurt surged forward and kissed Blaine with all the pride and love he had always felt for him. "Congratulations Blaine," he hummed lowly. "I always knew you would do it."

* * *

"I think Ms. Holiday is right, it's a great idea to try and get music into other clubs," Blaine grinned, his arm linked with Kurt walking down the hallway. "I mean, music isn't just for the choir room or a stage, it's in everything."

"NYADA has no idea what they've gotten into accepting you," Kurt teased, turning the corner near the girls' bathroom.

"I think-" but Blaine stopped when Rachel came fuming out the door of the girl's room, her arms folded angrily across her chest. As soon as she saw them she stormed over.

"I offered her ten shows," she shouted, pointing down the hallway. "Ten shows! And that witch just said she wanted them all. She couldn't just be happy being my understudy, she said she wouldn't be happy until she took the part from me!"

Blaine's vision and hearing tunneled. He didn't hear Kurt calling after him, he didn't see either of them trying to reach for his hand to stop him or feel them running after him. He barreled forward, searching for Santana amongst the crowd of McKinley students going to their classes and he didn't stop until he found her outside the computer lab.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her sharply around to see her face. Her eyes narrowed on him but his own were blazing. "How could you do that?" Blaine seethed. "After everything we talked about! She offers an olive branch and you-"

"Back off Benedict Arnold before one of us does something we regret," Santana snapped, pulling her hand back.

"You've already done something you'll regret, Santana," Blaine hissed, and the only thing that stopped him from lashing out further was Kurt's gentle hand on his shoulder. Tears of anger welled in his eyes and he swallowed hard against the vicious words on the tip of his tongue. _Love her anyway,_ he heard his father's voice echo in his head.

"Come on," Kurt whispered gently in his ear, slipping his hand down Blaine's arm, threading their fingers together, grounding him.

"I love you Santana," Blaine said softly, his eyes on her full of disappointment. "But I don't like you very much right now."

He felt Kurt pull his hand and he turned away letting himself be led away. Rachel stayed by their side.

None of them saw the tear that slid down Santana's cheek. But tucked away behind a computer full of algorithms, Brittany did. And she knew what she had to do.

* * *

The lights in the building were out. Brittany had left after their talk with a promise that they'd meet later that night. Now the hallways were empty and silent, only the steady hum of the school's heartbeat could be heard and though it might have been eerie, Santana found it peaceful. She found it perfect.

She slipped in the side door backstage, one of the white calla lilies Brittany had filled the choir room with held tightly in her hand. The blue gelled safety lights illuminated the space softly. Illuminated _him_ softly. Santana grabbed a stool and placed it across from his picture and she watched him, feeling her breath flowing in and out, something she was far more conscious of right now in this moment. She knew it was only her guilt-fueled imagination but his eyes began to look like they did whenever Santana would step over the line and she couldn't look anymore. Her head dipped to the floor.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to your pygmy soulmate." Her voice was soft, like a whisper on the wind to heaven, but her defensive bite was never truly gone. "Blaine and Brittany see me as this nice person who can be a bitch, but you always knew me as I was. You always knew I truly was a bitch at heart, but sometimes you believed there was good in me."

She lifted her eyes, meeting his and wishing they would turn and look back at her. "I've always been jealous of her you know. She's just so goddamn talented and hardworking and _marketable_ and she got everything that she ever wanted in this Glee club and now she has everything she wants in this business."

She sighed, looking away, off into the blackness. "Brittany's right. I never wanted to be a Broadway star. I just wanted to beat her for once instead of having to work my ass off just to come in second."

"And it sucks you're not here to yell at me," she said, her tear-glistened eyes darting back accusingly. "You're up there watching all this go down but I have no way of knowing if you'd forgive me if I fixed it." She blinked but the tears fell anyway and she closed her eyes, her head dropping once again. "It hurts. You being gone. It shouldn't, but it does." She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "You never know how much someone matters to you until they're gone." She looked at the lily in her hand and met his eyes one last time. "I can't make that mistake again."

Santana got up and put the stool back. She placed the flower carefully on the table beneath his picture. She knew exactly what she had to do. "We'll take care of her you know," she told him. "I promise you she'll be okay." She started to leave but then turned back for a moment, her eyes sparkling. "And Finn, when you find her in the next life please tell her to calm her ass down a bit. She doesn't need to be a star to be loved."

* * *

_Right from the start_   
_You were a thief_   
_You stole my heart_   
_And I your willing victim_

The moment Quinn started singing, Blaine's heart clenched, as it always did since he'd first heard the song a few weeks after Valentine 's Day. It had spoken to him then and it still did, helping him always believe that he and Kurt were meant to be together, that Kurt would always love him, that what he had done wouldn't change that.

He couldn't help but glance over to Kurt now, the boy who had stolen his heart from their very first glance.

_I let you see the parts of me_   
_That weren't all that pretty_   
_And with every touch you fixed them_

The boy who had seen him in his worst moments, the boy that had held him when his father kicked him out, when he'd thought he'd lost everyone and everything, and sang _nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around._ The boy who that night traced every scar and healed them, and every night since had slowly kissed away all the pain and heartache and made him strong enough to over and over again piece his broken heart back together. The boy who fixed him.

_Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh_   
_Things you never say to me, oh, oh_   
_Tell me that you've had enough_   
_Of our love, our love_

Kurt glanced over at Blaine and offered him a small smile. They'd never talked about it but he knew what this song meant to Blaine because it meant the same thing to him. It meant forgiveness. It meant understanding. It meant that no matter what life would send their way that they could overcome. Blaine believed they were soulmates and though Kurt didn't believe in such things, who he was he to deny Blaine that. Their love certainly was written in the scars on their hearts.

_Just give me a reason_   
_Just a little bit's enough_   
_Just a second we're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again_   
_It's in the stars_   
_It's been written in the scars on our hearts_   
_We're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again_

Santana felt his eyes on her before she turned and looked. Her hand in Brittany's, she risked a glance in Blaine's direction. He was staring right at her as Puck sang.

_I'm sorry I don't understand_   
_Where all of this is coming from_   
_I thought that we were fine  
_

They hadn't spoken since their fight, since she and Rachel had reconciled. She knew he was happy, she'd seen him while they'd sung _Be Okay_. He was hesitant at first but then he relaxed. But she also knew he was mad at her for the decisions she'd made, and when she didn't even fully understand her reasons herself, she couldn't truly expect him to.

_Just give me a reason_   
_Just a little bit's enough_   
_Just a second we're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again_   
_I never stopped_   
_You're still written in the scars on my heart_   
_You're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again_

But now he watched her and smiled softly and she smiled back, knowing all was forgiven. They were hot-headed and stubborn but their friendship wasn't broken, just bent, and it could be fixed.

_Oh, tear ducts and rust_   
_I'll fix it for us_   
_We're collecting dust_   
_But our love's enough_   
_You're holding it in_   
_You're pouring a drink_   
_No nothing is as bad as it seems_   
_We'll come clean_

Glee might be over but now began a new chapter, a new story in all of their lives. New friendships would emerge, new relationships would grow, but the loves they developed in these halls of McKinley High School, in this choir room that witnessed their laughter and pain, tears and triumphs, between these walls where the songs in their hearts still lived on, these loves were written in the stars. They might bend but they would never break.

_Just give me a reason_   
_Just a little bit's enough_   
_Just a second we're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again_   
_It's in the stars_   
_It's been written in the scars on our hearts_   
_That we're not broken just bent_   
_And we can learn to love again  
_

Rachel watched them sing and she saw it in them. The things that could have been. The things that should have been. Glee club was officially over. Ending in such a nice, neat package and yet she knew it would never be that easy. Someday she would learn to love again.

But the love she had found in this room would live on forever.

* * *

She declined an invitation to join Kurt and Blaine and some of the others at Breadstix. She needed to be alone for a bit.

Well, not really alone.

Slipping in the door backstage, Rachel closed her eyes, breathing him in, hearing his voice. When she opened them her eyes first fell on his, then on the lone calla lily lying lonely beneath his picture. It made her smile and she picked it up, twirling the flower she knew Santana had left behind delicately in her fingers.

"Of course you're still looking out for me." Her voice was soft with affection, her smile timid. She lowered her eyes, the words of the song coming back to her, the strange disoriented feeling she sometimes felt when she remembered she was being forced to take the wrong road in life. ""I thought someday you and I would come back and sing that song. _I never stopped. You're still written in the scars of my heart._ But I know we wouldn't have had to learn to love again. Because we never stopped loving one another in the first place."

She walked over to the curtain, clinging to it, the soft velvet brushing against her cheek like a caress. She stared off onto the stage that had made her who she was today. "Mr. Schue says Glee club is officially over, but you know what?" she mused. "I don't believe it. After all if you could bring Santana and me together you can surely bring back Glee club." She turned around, chuckling softly, then stared earnestly back into his eyes. "It's endgame."

She drew close, gently placing Santana's flower back down for him, then kissed her fingers. She pressed them gently to his lips. She wouldn't let herself cry, not this time. "I love you," she whispered. "I'll see you on Broadway."

* * *

Santana drove around for a while before going home. The plane tickets sat on her front seat. She knew what she wanted, she just needed some time to process everything, to truly make sure she was making the right decision. But she knew she was. So she knew what she had to do.

Santana pulled into the driveway of her parents' house as the sun set in the sky. It seemed only fitting that what began with the sunrise would end with the sunset. She dialed her number and her heart clenched at the sound of Dani's voice when she answered.

"Hey babe," Dani said, her voice eager. "I'm so glad you called."

"Hi," Santana greeted softly. Guilt turned her stomach and made her throat dry. "Do you have a minute? I was hoping we could talk."

"Sure, yeah, I was hoping we could talk too," Dani answered. "How's Ohio?"

"Oh, um, it's good, I guess. Everyone's all broken up about the end of Glee club, which is both annoying and oddly heartbreaking at the same time," she muttered with an eye roll. "I quit Funny Girl and Rachel and I have made up for however long it lasts. It's-"

"How's Brittany?" Dani interrupted.

Santana paused, taken aback slightly. But she supposed they both knew there was no need to beat around the bush. "She's good," she said carefully. "She's really hating MIT, so I think she's going to move to New York in a few weeks. Listen-"

"I'm going to Chicago," Dani blurted out.

Santana's eyes opened wide with surprise. "What?"

"Yeah," Dani said. "I didn't want to tell you in case I didn't get the gig, but I answered an ad for a band out there that's opening for some big acts. It could be my big break."

"Wow," Santana sputtered her mind racing. "That's amazing."

"I'm sorry. To leave Pamela Lansbury in the lurch. And that I won't get to see you everyday anymore." Dani's voice was tight, almost strangled, but Santana could barely hear it through the noise in her own head. "But I'm glad Brittany's gonna be there for you. Really glad."

Suddenly sadness and regret washed over Santana. "When do you leave?" she asked softly.

"Day after tomorrow," Dani said. "They want me to start rehearsing right away."

"I won't get to see you before you go then." Santana's heart ached. Maybe she and Brittany were meant to be together, but Dani had been good to her. A great girlfriend when she really needed one. She would miss her dearly.

"Maybe it's better that way," Dani said softly. "You're going to be amazing, Santana. Just…don't run from fear. Don't fight things that aren't foes. Love with all your heart."

"I do love you Dani," Santana whispered. "I hope you find everything you're looking for."

"I love you too babe. But you already have everything you're looking for. I hope you and Britt go the distance. I really do."

They said goodbye and hung up. Dani wiped away her tears and turned to her computer. The email sat open, her reply blank, but she'd known what going back to Ohio had meant this time. She'd learned exactly what McKinley meant to the New Directions. For better or for worse, those loves were forever.

With a sigh, her fingers typed her answer. She read it over once more before pressing send.

_Thank you very much for your offer and I would love to accept the job. I'll see you in two days._

She'd known when she had said goodbye to Santana the morning of her flight that it would be the last time she'd see her for a long time. She'd known that Santana and Brittany were meant for each other, and that nothing would get in the way.

* * *

Blaine knocked on Mr. Schue's door softly, just to get his attention. "Mr. Schue, do you have a minute?"

Will looked up from where he was cleaning out his desk, packing his things up in boxes as he did every year. Only this year it was far more bittersweet than in the past. There really wasn't anything to look forward to coming back to next year. "Of course, come on in." He waved Blaine and held a hand out to the chair at the desk. "You want a seat?"

But Blaine just tucked his hands in the pocket of his jeans. "No thank you, I just…" he hesitated. He didn't know why he was finding it so hard to say what he wanted to. He hadn't been able to express himself in the video Artie shot, but hearing how important Mr. Schue was to everyone, hearing Kurt again from backstage, he knew he had to say the words that had been playing over and over in his mind. "I just wanted to say thank you," he said, soft but sure. "For everything."

"I didn't do anything," Will told him fondly. "You were a star before you even came into our choir room."

"No," Blaine shook his head. "You saved Kurt's life, and so you saved mine too. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you." He eyes dipped. He knew the way things would have played out for him without Kurt in his life and he hated that future. "I never would have been safe. My father would have never stopped hurting me. Sebastian would have destroyed me." He looked up, his eyes a soft golden glow. "Before I ever even knew you, you saved me. It's those ripples that I hope your kids can know about."

Tears were in Will's eyes and his emotions were so strong he couldn't even find the words. So instead he gathered Blaine in his arms and whispered the only thing you could say. "Thank you."

* * *

"So make sure you don't trip up the stairs or over your gown or forget your speech right in the middle of it," Cooper was telling him over the phone and Blaine both rolled his eyes and took mental notes because those were most definitely things he wanted to avoid. "Oh I wish I could be there, Squirt."

"I wish you could be here too Coop, but I know you can't just pick up from set and fly to Ohio, and I'm really proud of you," Blaine told him. His parents were already in the auditorium as were most of his friends but he'd been caught on the phone with his brother for the last ten minutes. He and Kurt were the last ones in the classroom set aside for them to get ready. "This could be the start of really big things for you."

"Graduation is the start of really big things for _you_ , and I'm proud of _you."_ Blaine smiled at Cooper and Kurt reached a hand in to fix his bowtie and for a moment it was nice for everyone to just be futzing over him. "Now Mom and Dad are recording the ceremony so if you do pull a Jennifer Lawrence I can show all of the cast and crew on set."

"Nice Coop, I love you too," Blaine smirked. Kurt raised a brow at Blaine and he winked back. Kurt smiled and draped his gown over Blaine's shoulders. The three of them were all looking forward to hopefully being able to spend more time together once Blaine was in New York for good.

"Hey, I'm comparing you to the biggest star in Hollywood today, I think you'd be happy by the comparison," Cooper complained.

Kurt zipped him up and kissed him quickly on the lips. Tina rushed in to urge them along. "I need to go Coop, I'll talk to you soon."

They said their goodbyes and Kurt and Blaine walked hand in hand to the back of the auditorium where the graduates were lining up. "Save me a seat," Blaine whispered.

"Always," Kurt smiled.

* * *

His mother fussed and his father fretted and how was it that two people who had spent most of their lives not paying any attention to his needs now felt a need to smother him just as he was about to leave?

"Why don't you go get me some books for the plane Mom," Blaine asked, kissing her gently on the cheek. "I think I forgot to pack anything and you always know what I like."

It wasn't true but he needed to talk to his father alone before he left and his Mom needed to feel like she was doing something. She quickly agreed and headed to one of the nearby bookstands.

But now that they were alone, Blaine's heart beat a little wildly in his chest. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his coat and shuffled on the floor. His carry-on was beside him, his bags were checked. Most of his things had been shipped ahead of him or had already been brought back to Westerville.

"Don't hurt her," Blaine whispered, but it was strong, commanding. His parents weren't the only ones that could fret and fuss and worry now that he would be apart from them.  He had his own fears about his mother moving back in with his father and he looked the man clear in his eyes, searching for any hint that he would not heed his warning.

But there was none. "I promise you I won't," the Colonel vowed. He placed a hand on his son's shoulder. He'd held on for so long, so tightly that letting go was maybe the toughest thing he'd ever had to do. Because no one would blame Blaine if he chose never to return. And that terrified him. "Don't be a stranger, okay? Burt and I need you two."

"We won't Dad," Blaine assured him. "You both are too important to us."

John smiled softly. Those words were like music to his ears now. "You nervous?"

Blaine shook his head. "Nah. I've got everyone there and NYADA doesn't scare me."

"Don't think you're going to be the best there Blaine, because you're not. You may have led Dalton and McKinley but every other person at NYADA was a leader in their school and every single one of them is as talented as you, maybe even more so. You're going to have to work hard." Blaine bit his lip at his father's stern gaze. He'd known the lecture had been coming. "Just because it's a performing arts school doesn't mean I won't insist you do well. This was your choice and I'm accepting that but it doesn't change my expectations. Don't let me hear of you drinking or using drugs, or partying because I don't care what anyone else is doing, you're an Anderson and you'll treat your education with the respect it deserves. And if I hear differently you can be certain I will be on the first plane to New York to straighten you out, is that understood?"

Blaine's skin bristled and his heart jumped and he hated how his father could still manage to put the fear of God in him even though he knew perfectly well he was safe. "Yes Sir," Blaine answered and the Colonel smiled.

"Good."

"Your father thinks he's Polonius," Amy teased, handing Blaine a stack of books to put in his bag. "Just do your best Blaine, that's all that matters."

"Thank you Mom," he said sweetly, zipping them up inside. "I need to go or I'm going to miss my flight."

He hugged his Mom, who was completely unsuccessful at holding back her tears. He tried hard not to let himself get choked up by her. He wasn't leaving them, he was following his dreams, and there was nothing to be sad about. His father held out a hand, but Blaine took it and pulled him into his arms. So much had changed over the last two years, but his father would always be his father and he really loved the man he had become. "I'll make you proud," Blaine whispered in his ear.

The Colonel gave him a quick pat on the back. "You already have."

Blaine pulled away and grabbed his things. With one last look behind him, one last wave, he made his way through security and onto the plane. He sat in the window seat, gazing out.

This was it. He wasn't coming back this time, not to live. This was the start of his brand new life.

And he was more than ready to fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...in Spreading My Wings.


End file.
